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Reviews for Something Unexpected

By : HarmJenShipper
  • From JonathanRL on January 04, 2012
    I have always liked the Pairing Harm/Jen, but the keyword to any fanfiction is execution, and belive me, when I finished reading this, that was a very tempting offer.

    First of all, you got your spelling down to a T, but you seem to lack the ability to connect the different words you are able to spell. The story is shockingly brief, and sounds more like a fangirls exalted screams over how she would want something to happen then an actual story. To say I cringed at several places is a bloody understatement, the entire car accident thing had be burst out laughing (What kind of parents apologize after having their kid almost ran over?) and the ending with the admiral wanted me to simply erase the story from my memory banks altogether.

    As such a thing cannot be done, I wish to stress upon you the importance of learning to stretching out your story. Everything cannot happen at once, there must be suspense, there must be doubt. A story can and should have a happy ending, but not if you can see it coming for a mile away.

    Also, Harm took 9 seasons to declare his love for Mac and refused to admit it even after she was almost murdered. Do you honestly think such a man would declare it just over a car accident?
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