BY : modeac

  • From Sparrow on April 11, 2020

    First of all, thanks for fixing the formatting problem, this story was much easier to read as a result. As for the actual story itself, have to agree with the Sailor (again), feel like some preggo sex would have been due here.

    You mention you had trouble coming up with ideas for how to make a pregnancy sexy, a lot of the time in this line of work I find that you don't really need to try and make something sexy, if it's the reader's fetish then just describing it in sufficient detail will get them off.

    Here you could've maybe done something with the scientists examining Max, doing ultrasounds on her while she feebly squirms and writhes in her restraints, or describe her feeling the fetuses kicking and moving around inside her as they develop. Furthermore, you could have perhaps described how things changed over the seven months it takes, how she adapts to the various support systems, how she slowly feels her body changing and how this makes doing the excercises more difficult (heck, I'm getting a semi just imagining her being made to do them while nearly full-term, sweating and struggling but helpless to resist what the machine is making her do), feeling her breasts slowly swelling with her milk until it's almost painful, and then the shame and relief she feels as they're attached to the machine.

    I could keep going. My point is, that after the entire first chapter was building up to this, it feels a bit like a let-down for the second to just drift over the topic without going into much detail. What's there is good, don't get me wrong, I like what you have, I just wish there was more of it. I like how you've actually come up with a way to have Max keep from completely breaking despite all of this, so she can continue to function in future, and the description of her giving birth was tremendously visceral, a really neat way of describing the labour.

    I don't really know what you have planned for the rest of the story (or if you intend to do any more of this story), but I think I'd like to see something like what I've suggested in it. Just a suggestion.

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  • From SailorNemesis on April 01, 2020

    Good to see chap2, though lots of preggo sex would be nice.  Hopefully in chap 3 one of Max's hermaphrodite spawn will be used to knock her up.  While another is breeding Original Cindy beside her.

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  • From Sparrow on February 22, 2020

    First and foremost, what the Sailor said; please, for the love of god, fix the formatting, I had to c/p this story into a notepad to be able to read it.

    With that in mind, I liked it, despite knowing next to nothing about the actual show this is from (bit before my time, you know). Max seems as resilient as you'd expect at first, still trying to fight her way out initially despite being in such poor condition, and moreover actually tries to reason with the first X5, something I didn't expect.

    While I was at first unsure about the way the story cuts back and forth between Max and the scientists observing her, in practice it's not as bad as I'd feared, it doesn't break up the narrative or slow down the pacing too much. Though, I don't think the reminder of where Max is when the second X5 comes in is really neccesary.

    If I had to make some criticisms, then they'd first be that you don't really describe Max's appearence in anything other than the most general terms. I feel as though you could do more there when she's looking over herself in the mirror. Granted this is a problem with a lot of stuff based on existing settings, and admittedly one I've been guilty of myself before now. Next I think would be the onomatopoeia of the sounds made by the rape, it's alright when it's just one word, but when it's just a solid line of "SMACKSMACKSMACK" it gets kind of silly.

    Aside from those two minor niggles, like I said earlier, I liked it. I do hope you do the follow-up chapter, I'm very keen to see what Max's pregnancy looks like in-depth.

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  • From nitchgut on January 16, 2020

    Damn aint this just a blast from the past. Haven't thought of this show in ages. Great fic! 

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  • From SailorNemesis on January 09, 2020

    Sexy concept, glad someone remembered this show.  For some reason the text formatting was messed up, running off side of page.

    Anyway, I think Original Cindy needs to be captured and used to carry Max's offspring.  And clean her up each day after Max's breeding.

    Hope to read more

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