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Reviews for A - Helping Hand

By : MTL
  • From ANON - WyldCard4 on October 13, 2012
    Hm...

    Just read my way through Elle's Pain Slut, Dawn's Wish, and Disney Girls Don't Have Sex. Generally, the first was great, the second was quite good, and the third had good bits but needed work. So, going to give a serious review of one of your stories. As Pretty Little Liars is probably my favorite series on TV right now this seems like the right one.

    Opening works, though I question the phrasing of Aria's "little body." Not terrible, but I generally associate phrases like that with children when applied from an in character perspective.

    The flashback cut was hilarious. That struck me as a nice parody of how Pretty Little Liars does exactly that. It looks much sillier in print.

    Hm...

    So, A's basically tied up Aria's mother and ordered Aria to rape her? Add in Alison knowing that Aria had the hots for her mother...

    If we're taking this seriously (which I kind of am) there are problems with this.

    First:

    "Aria licked her lips. She knew the consequences could be horrible, but she would do just about anything to save her boyfriend, and if that meant Aria had to fulfil one of her biggest fantasies then so be it."

    Um...

    If Aria does this she's MUCH more screwed than Ezra would be for anything he's done to her. She's fucking raping her own mother! Honestly, threatening to reveal Ezra is not enough for this, even if Aria is hot for her mother.

    Second, A isn't really superhuman. Usually. A knowing this much requires more evidence. Now, something much more low key (French kiss, say) could be justified, but going straight to anally violating your mother? That's pretty big, even for A.

    Third, if Ella does anything REMOTELY sensible, Aria's going to be in a mental hospital or worse ASAP. Her phone, and the picture of Ezra and Aria, is almost certain to come out anyway.

    Overall this just doesn't feel as plausible as any of your previous works. I could definitely believe Claire being a masochist 100%, a lesbian 80%, and attracted to Elle 90%. That all felt quite natural. Buffy/Dawn was justified beautifully, and Miley's seduction was careful enough that I kind of bought it. This just, um, doesn't make sense.

    You know, I think it might work of Ella didn't KNOW it was Aria. If that was the case it might be plausible for Aria to take the plunge with this situation and setup. But the consequences are just too dire and heavy to fit here.

    Now, back to the fic.

    Honestly, Aria probably DOESN'T have the ovaries to do this. It's her mother squirming on the bed. Aria's never really been one for hurting people. She's acting seriously evil here, which just doesn't fit. She can do nasty things, but mostly at a distance. A distance that's not present in this scenario.

    Seriously, this isn't like Aria. She doesn't act this well, mature, honestly. She's more cautious and immature. Even with incestuous and dominant feelings I see her doing this very differently. I see her moving to reassure her mother, being gentle, lying her pretty little ass off in justifications, that kind of thing. Aria's honestly making this even harder than it has to be for her mother, which is really pretty sick.

    Compared to Dawn (as of Dawn's Wish), Aria is quite a bit less sympathetic. Dawn had some pretty have psychological baggage, proof that Faith and Buffy were at least kind of into it, some serious grievances with her sister, and a reasonable reason to blame Buffy. Aria's just being taken over by this role without any solid reasons.

    To be honest, Ella's reaction of stunned silence sounds a lot like shock, rather than any secret willingness or anything. She just seems numb and horrified. Now, maybe you're just writing a rape fic (which I have few problems with) but it doesn't really seem to fit.

    "Make me believe it!" Aria demanded, smacking her Mom's butt as she continued fucking it, "Tell me you want to cum like an anal slut!"

    Where on Earth is this coming from?

    Aria and Ella almost seem like they're reading from a script. When dirty talk came up in Disney Girls Don't Have Sex it WAS a script, with Demi and Selena having rehearsed their lines and Miley falling in line for various reasons. The two seem far too close in what they recite. There isn't a feel that these are two people coming up with dirty talk that suits them.

    Honestly, the lack of either one seeming disgusted by this is weird. The coincidence of them both being psychologically able to enjoy it is bizarre. I just don't buy A being able to set this up. Some of A's best scenes are when A loses to the girls. A frequently miscalculates and fails to accomplish schemes. A is a character with capabilities and limits, not really appropriate for figuring something like Aria lusting after her mother and Ella secretly being a submissive slut. Or whatever you're doing with Ella. Um, Ella's bits confuse me.

    I know to an extent I should just be enjoying a hot mother daughter sex scene. And I am, but really, you can do much better than this. One of the reasons I'm reviewing this is the very nice character work you did on Dawn and Claire. This just isn't interesting outside of smut.

    Aria's thoughts on making Ella her bitch ARE interesting. A bit of longing is nice, but the really interesting bit is that Aria now actively wants something. Aria has a goal, and she uses what she has to put it into action. This is something I like in any story.

    Honestly, WTF? Ella and Aria being so sexually compatible just makes no sense. Sure, they might be, but how does A anticipate this? Ella never had anal sex before in her life, and many people just don't care for it, much less have powerful orgasms purely from anal sex. Faith had always had it as a sexual fantasy, Demi and Selena were experienced soulmates, and Miley was just lucky. Elle and Claire were both quite sexually experienced before they event tried it and were also lucky. This is just ridiculous.

    Honestly, this was not terrible. I liked a lot of little moments here and there with Aria's thought processes. The whole mother being dominated by her daughter thing is really freaking hot. Just, this had problems, and you've done much better.
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  • From Oric13 on July 22, 2012
    Though the first part was outrageously unrealistic, this story is gradually starting to grow on me.
    And aside from that first chapter (which I'd either erase or completely rewrite if I were you), you do a pretty good job of writing the PLL's characters voices & personalities.
    For example, in this latest chapter I really liked the "cherry chapstick" line--very A.

    Anyhow, keep up the good work, MTL.

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