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Reviews for A - Helping Hand

By : MTL

From Oric13 on January 29, 2016
Chapter 23: Pretty good chapter. I do enjoy a good lesbian gangbang. But it was strange that there was no reaction from Aria & Spencer at Hanna's mom & Jenna being part of the A-Team. Especially the bit of news that Ashley likes to fuck her daughter should've gotten more of a response. That seems a lot more shocking than Mona being part of the A-Team.
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From Oric13 on June 20, 2015
Chapter 22: A wonderfully depraved sex romp.
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From Oric13 on December 16, 2014
Chapter 21: It's touching to read how nicely Aria and Spencer share each other's slut. :P Hot chapter.
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From Oric13 on July 08, 2014
Good to see Ashley finally making her spoiled gorgeous daughter her bitch.
A bit too focussed on extreme anal perhaps, but still a very hot read.

It would be wise to beta read more carefully before posting the chapter.
Here you posted the same paragraph twice.
"I have enough friends, thank you." Ashley said dismissively, opening her mouth to transition the conversation back to what was important.

Unfortunately she was rudely interrupted by Mona, "Really? Because according to the cameras I set up around your home you don't have that many, especially not close friends. That's one of the things we have in common. I have a lot of people I call friends, but I don't even trust the ones closest to me with all my secrets. In fact they're probably the least trustworthy, but they are a means to an end. An end I have now finally achieved, more or less. I just need to take care of any lingering complications, like Spencer and Aria. And you."

There was a pause in the conversation, allowing Ashley to digest this information, the redhead becoming pale and gulping, "Cameras?"

Unfortunately she was rudely interrupted by Mona, "Really? Because according to the cameras I set up around your home you don't have that many, especially not close friends. That's one of the things we have in common. I have a lot of people I call friends, but I don't even trust the ones closest to me with all my secrets. In fact they're probably the least trustworthy, but they are a means to an end. An end I have now finally achieved, more or less. I just need to take care of any lingering complications, like Spencer and Aria. And you."

Ashley blinked a few times, too shocked to be angry, and then murmured, "You bitch."

I'm enjoying this series quite a lot. Interesting development to have Ashley join the A team. Not sure I liked her being somewhat submissive to Mona, but thinking about it, it's probably in character for her. Ashley has never been particularly domineering.
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From Oric13 on February 28, 2014
Chapter 17: I personally prefer Hanna submitting to her mom, but this was still a very enjoyable chapter.
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From Oric13 on January 24, 2014
Chapter 16: Heh. This chapter seemed just tailor-made for me. Loved Ashley discipling Emily and Hanna. She was strict with the two pretty little lesbians but not overly harsh, and they even ended up enjoying their spankings! Very hot. Alison & Mona seemed to think so as well. ;)
Don't think it'll take Ashley very long to turn her beloved daughter and her daughter's BFF into her submissive bitches.
Good work, MTL.

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From Oric13 on January 11, 2014
Chapter 14: That was a pleasant surprise! Ashley Marin punishing her naughty daughter, much in the way I suggested.
chapter 15: A little disappointed there wasn't more Ashley/Hanna, but still a good idea to check in on everyone. And Spencer taking her big sister's anal cherry was pretty damn hot.
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From ANON - WyldCard4 on August 28, 2013
Well, this was certainly a very nice series of chapters for those of us who like general depravity. I'm actually curious where the story is headed, and if you plan on giving it a main ending. We definitely seem to be in a solid middle, as all the relationships have actually developed into their own rhythm. I could see it ending in some kind of orgy or with A somehow gaining long term sexual control over all of them, or really any number of things.

The quality has been top notch for the most part, though the Aria/Ella bits are still a bit weak. I completely love the Spencer/Melissa stuff, though it seems that you're less interested in it than I am given it takes up a comparatively small part of the story.

I am kind of curious what Mona's endgame is. She wants to "marry" Hanna, but doesn't mind having sex with other people or mind when Hanna has sex with other people. I wonder if she actually loves and trusts Mistress A or if she plans on double crossing her in some way.

Presumably it is Alison who is behind all of this. There's some kind of weird, I don't know, psychic ability to know exactly how to press the right people into these depraved sex acts. Even with A's competence it doesn't seem likely that A could have just figured this out naturally. The complete lack of missteps on A's part is one of the few problems IMO. It might be nice (hilarious) to have a chapter where it is revealed that, say, Mike and Byron called the damn cops after A threatened them to try and force them to suck each others dicks. Really at this point we'd need actual magic for any of this to make sense.

Keep up the good work. All of that was extremely enjoyable.
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From ANON - Natasha on August 10, 2013
this is hot, more Ella and Aria scenes.
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From Oric13 on August 03, 2013
Haven't checked out this story for a while, but I liked these last 3 chapters. Especially chapter 10 with the kinky Spencer and Melissa action.
And chapter 12 ended on a promising note with Ashley fantasizing about sexually dominating Hanna, which brought back some fond memories of the 2nd chapter of yours and LL's newest PLL story.
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From ANON - WyldCard4 on July 24, 2013
Um...

Just explaining something, I couldn't find this story for a while earlier, leading me to think you took it down for some reason. Um, my apologies. My other review probably looks strange because of that.
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From ANON - WyldCard4 on October 13, 2012
A chapter from A's point of view?

Unexpected.

Oh, so is this A as a lone agent/Mona's personalities or A as a cabal? This seems a bit ambiguous. I wonder if that's intentional or not. Mistress A having a pussy does imply that Mistress A is a person, while the mentioning of Mona'a alter ego implies she might not be real.

So, Mona's in love with Hanna. That takes no imagination what so ever to be honest. Also makes Mona's relationship with Mistress A a bit stranger.

Hm, the ending felt like a cliffhanger to me. I REALLY want to see a more collective "aftermath" chapter. Or possibly a full length fic exploring their new lives.

Overall, the fic was a B. Terrible first chapter, perfect second chapter, and the last three chapters were all quite solid. I was honored to read your story and I hope to read more great stuff from you in the future. Good luck, MTL.
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From ANON - WyldCard4 on October 13, 2012
Okay, that's interesting. Mona is A. Perhaps not all of A, but still A. Does Mona want to fuck Hanna, is A not Mona, are there forces at work involving Mona, or what?

Hm, honestly the third "I'll harm your boyfriend" threat could have been done better. It's perfectly functional, but you'd think A would be more creative.

"Besides, she's totally a bottom."

I giggled. Yeah, she probably is. She certainly seemed that way with Ashley. Maya was clearly on top, same with that blond girl. Paige is mixed, but definitely more butch.

Hm, if I could criticize your writing generally for a moment, I'd say you could use more actual LBGT culture in your fics. There's a lot of pornography lesbians, but bringing in humor or details from the culture would be a nice touch, especially with your longer fics.

Hm, I wonder where in time these stories are taking place. If I had to guess they seem to be working backwards, though conceivably they could all be at once or on the same night or something.

Yep, Mona DOES seem to be involved with A this time. She just initiates this way too easily. At least that's my reading of the fic.

"And she did. She didn't really have much choice, but this was the first thing A had told her to do which she actually wanted to do, and Hanna was doing her best to focus on that and nothing else."

This is quite interesting. I see Hanna as the straighest member of the group, but Mona knows her better than I would, and Mona wanting to get control of Hannah through a relationship would fit her motivation.

"It tasted ok. Not horrible or amazing, just ok." Oh fuck YES! You have no idea how annoying the "pussy tastes like candy" but you've pulled in every fic has been. Sure, I believe some taste better than others and some like the taste better than others, but the idea that every girl loves the act off cunnilingus is just so...

"At first."

*sighs*

I love Alison showing up in flashback. It sounds just like her.

Ooh, I love Crazy!Mona. Interesting bits of double meaning here. I totally buy all of this from Mona's perspective.

Hm. Honestly, I might have liked it if Hanna HADN'T liked having sex with Mona. Just a thought. Not been horrified or disgusted or anything, but just not gotten anything out of it. Maybe came, maybe not. That would have been interesting, especially with Crazy!Mona involved. Probably not what you were looking for given you're writing pornography, but A flat out failing at the "make them all lesbians" plan would have been interesting. Hm, ARGUABLY that happened with Spencer though, come to think of it.

Okay, so Mona's A is Mistress A. Now that's an interesting twist. A is almost certainly not controlling Mona sexually in canon, but the A-Team being a harem (counting Toby and anyone else) would actually explain their dynamics.

My favorite chapter is still the second, but that's a decent chapter. I was glad I read it.
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From ANON - WyldCard4 on October 13, 2012
Huh?

Okay, perhaps other text messages from A explain it, or a picture message, or something, but from the initial texts, putting yourself into her bed, naked, is a pretty big leap. Um, where does Emily get the impression that Ashley wants Emily in her bed naked?

I do like that Emily wanted to do this anyway. That does make it a bit more plausible. I also believe that Emily wouldn't want to piss A off. This is also MUCH less threatening. With the first two chapters A seemed crazy enough that pretty much anything would be better than giving into this sociopath's demands, while here there's a lot less risk and a lot more choice involved. Here, Emily could just be disregarded as a crazy teen who needed to understand boundaries. Given how nice Ashley is I doubt more than counseling could come from it.

Hm. Now I'm curious if A caused their relationship or not. For that matter, is "all" that A is after Emily taking it up the butt? Compared to "incest" that's rather tame. Simply being invasive and creepy and MAYBE a bit rapey instead of "leave the country before A asks you to kill someone" creepy.

I do find it interesting that Emily claims not to love Ashley. That honestly surprised me. I'd think that Emily wouldn't have a sexual affair with someone she didn't love, based on her past relationships. Mostly because she is very capable of having incredibly hot girlfriends with more sexual experience than her. You do cover it, but Emily has had more love interests than anyone else on the show. I think. Needing her best friend's mom for a sexual partner seems very slightly OOC.

Hm, really not much to say about this chapter. It was mostly a long sex scene. A hot one, but I generally don't like reviewing scenes like that. Overall it was nice. It felt fairly soft and pleasant. A nice change of pace from the very intense first two scenes.
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From ANON - WyldCard4 on October 13, 2012
So, the first chapter was a failure. Now for chapter II!

The opening is pure awesome. I am dead serious. It sets up the conflict right away. Things are happening NOW and we can be carried through with it. Spencer is also just the type of person to do this. Full stop this is the best opening you could have given.

Ooh...:

Toby was pretty lucky to survive that fall, don't you think? If you want him to stay lucky you better do everything your sister says tonight.

- A

That's just NASTY! I say that in the best possible way. We know already that this is an incest fic, so that builds tension in a very nice way. I am quite happy.

This opening is golden. It gives lots of information, maintains Spencer and Mellisa's characters, and is full of energy as the two fight and argue.

"Immediately Melissa looked away. Why wouldn't she? She wasn't some sick pervert like this A person. But something drew her eyes to her younger sister. Maybe it was curiosity, maybe her own sister stripping naked in her room was to weird to ignore, especially under the circumstances, but Melissa found her brain turning off as she watched, mesmerised by this... unique sight."

Holy shit that's better than anything in the last chapter. Just, perfect. I really want to keep gushing here. This is so much more realistic and well developed than the first chapter. I'm full of joy at this improvement. There's SO little great Pretty Little Liars fanfic out there, and this is shaping up to qualify.

Given certain reveals, I'm guessing that Toby is the A behind this. I'm guessing he just REALLY wanted to see Spencer and her sister have sex.

Spencer is so beautiful here. She's my favorite Liar, and you've captured her, my beautiful knight, powering through her pain and humiliation, eager for revenge on A. Mellisa is quite nice as well. I believe her enjoying this a bit, especially as she has no choice about it. Spanking her brat of a sister (Spencer can be a brat, as wonderfully awesome as she is) could be quite fun.

"But what choice did Spencer have?"

Hm, a 17 year old with wealthy parents and a half-brother sympathetic to her plight and a young adult man who is capable of supporting himself financially. Why, it would be RIDICULOUS to tell the Hastings parents or Jason that you were being harassed by an escalating stalker who is effectively ordering their family members to rape each other. A plane trip to a tropical island (perhaps one with questionable extradition considering A's evidence on them) would be absolutely not ever be an option.

Admittedly, they haven't done that in the show, but as in the last chapter, this is honestly an escalation that the well written show hasn't approached.

I think A really, seriously needs something more to hold over the girls here. Both Aria's chapter and this one are absolutely terrifying to any sane person. Even assuming all the Liars end up REALLY enjoying what A does to them (plausible) they've got absolutely no way of knowing that A meant for this. As far as they can tell A's just decided to rape them and their family members. Sure, A presumably has video, but all of them could point to A's being a serial killer and Mrs. Hastings could probably protect them pretty well. This is an escalation of total war. Honestly even of they COULDN'T be protected from various rape charges and A could convict them of Alison's murder this is scary enough that going to prison might not be the worst thing they could do.

Mellisa is pregnant, or Spencer thinks she is, in this fic? Hm, that's a whole new fetish, yay! Also mixed the timeline up a bit, which could be a good or a bad thing.

"After reminding herself why she was doing this Spencer shut her eyes tight and got on with this latest act of humiliation. Although this went beyond humiliation. This was incest."

And rape. Don't forget rape. Hm, perhaps there are legal issues with calling it that, but from a moral sense threatening the life of someone you love unless you penetrate your sister is absolutely rape.

Wow! That was incredible! Definitely one of your best chapters, actually. Up there with Elle's Pain Slut. Just, DAMN! That was as good as I could have hoped. I loved chapter two!
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