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Reviews for Happy Trails

By : STVBorg
  • From RogueMudblood on June 21, 2012

    I did thoroughly enjoy the details of the encounter. You did well depicting Kathryn's reservations.

    The use of multiple holograms in order for Chakotay to be able to change his position and ultimately be the object of her actions was an excellent idea!

    However, I have a few technical issues I'd like to bring to your attention.

    I'm going to suggest obtaining a beta. While sentence fragments can sometimes be a writing tool, they are also often distracting to the reader. Also, repetition, such as

    Kathryn rose from the water and waded to the rock where she first stepped in. She lifted herself out of the water

    can disturb the suspension of disbelief, detracting from the enjoyment of your story.

    Additionally, typos can cause the reader to lose interest, as well as completely changing your intended meaning. Yes, this is defiantly what I needed, for example. While this is likely a Word auto-correct issue, a beta's read through before posting would catch that, as well as these:

    should of

    both of them was

    she smile in

    nipples were taught

    her taught pink nipples

    incredible abbs

    think this though

    that I’m was hard.

    lent over

    His muscles ripping

    envelope him

    two bodies ridding the waves

    ridding his cock

    Those were just the ones that jumped out at me, because they changed the meaning you were trying to convey.

    Even with the technical bits, I am quite glad to have stumbled across your tale. Overall, I found the story enjoyable! Thank you for sharing, and happy writing.
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