Reviews for Happy TrailsBy : STVBorg |
I did thoroughly enjoy the details of the encounter. You did well depicting Kathryn's reservations.
The use of multiple holograms in order for Chakotay to be able to change his position and ultimately be the object of her actions was an excellent idea!
However, I have a few technical issues I'd like to bring to your attention.
I'm going to suggest obtaining a beta. While sentence fragments can sometimes be a writing tool, they are also often distracting to the reader. Also, repetition, such as
Kathryn rose from the water and waded to the rock where she first stepped in. She lifted herself out of the water
can disturb the suspension of disbelief, detracting from the enjoyment of your story.
Additionally, typos can cause the reader to lose interest, as well as completely changing your intended meaning. Yes, this is defiantly what I needed, for example. While this is likely a Word auto-correct issue, a beta's read through before posting would catch that, as well as these:
should of
both of them was
she smile in
nipples were taught
her taught pink nipples
incredible abbs
think this though
that I’m was hard.
lent over
His muscles ripping
envelope him
two bodies ridding the waves
ridding his cock
Those were just the ones that jumped out at me, because they changed the meaning you were trying to convey.
Even with the technical bits, I am quite glad to have stumbled across your tale. Overall, I found the story enjoyable! Thank you for sharing, and happy writing.
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