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Reviews for Lana's Foot Massage

By : DCForever
  • From ANON - Viper on December 12, 2003
    Here's a little constructive criticism for you- but if you're under 15, disregard. Or more, don't disregard, just hope you grow into these things. Put commas where they are supposed to go. Try going to one of the many websites that give advice in this matter- if not, just keep sentences short! Never put capitals after speech- 'I love you.' She said- is wrong. 'I love you,' she said, is right. Try not to over do a character trait- we all know Chloe likes coffee. Starting a sentence with- 'short blonde haired Chloe Sullivan quickly' is a stylistic no no. Just 'Chloe ran up the stairs' is enough- we already know she has blonde hair. Using one word three timn a n a single paragraph is off putting, and I've no idea what 'her oral juices in waiting' means. And though foot fucking may indeed be possible- nay, even enjoyable- unless you are certain of this, don't put it it just to be different. And okay, I realise you didn't get this beta-ed, and that it's just for fun or whatever, but remember- hundreds of people are going to read this story, and quite frankly, I'm tired of those people not pointing out glaring errors in fanion.ion. Otherwise, this is a pretty good effort, it's just spoilt by simple mistakes that could have been easily corrected. And please, don't take this as a flame- I just want to see all the thousands of fanfiction writers out there achieve some sort of potential.
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