Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Jake Unplugged

By : MKearney
  • From ANON - CCCarioca on March 02, 2004
    Hmmm. First, I have to say I wasn't that in love with Jake 2.0 and that the actor who plays Kyle reminds me scarily of Homer Simpson so the lack of love for the fandom means I'm not the best person to review your fic. I apologize in advance if the review comes off as a bit merciless and clinically detached because of that. The fic overall is good, there is nothing in there that'd make me want to claw my eyes out which already puts it ahead of 95% of the fanfic out there. =) That said, there are a few things that could use tweaking.

    First, lose the first and last parts. They are a common mistake. There's nothing wrong with either per se, but you need to consider your audience. By the time your average fanfic reader finishes reading them, she'll likely be thinking: "Thank you exposition fairy, but I watch the shows too. Why do you think I read the fanfic?" If you are worried about Nikita fans being lost due to crossover, just give them a link to a Jake 2.0 page in the author's notes. And vice-versa.

    Um, "University of Pa"? T"? There's about twenty public ones alone, then there are the private institutions. Either pick a specific one or be more vague.

    Also, avoid stuff like "lining his dark waves with gold". Any random flowery description of the central character's hair makes the seasoned fanfic reader tremble in fear of a potential Gary-Stu.

    And last, he wouldn't know Nikita as Nikita. There is no Nikita anymore. She's "Operations" now to everyone except maybe Walter, Jason and some bigwigs working at Oversight. I'd play up the dehumanizing angle if I were you. The Average Section agent is so cold-blooded, he'd make a lizard cry for his mommy. Jake, even if he eventually became a "NSA whore", still wouldn't even come close to the Section 1 mindset so use anecdotic situations to make him experience culture shock. Have him sit in a briefing where the guy sitting next to him is told he won't be coming back alive from the next assignment and notice in horror that no one seems to be surprised or care, not even the guy himself.

    I don't quite get what the NSA wants with Michael in the first place but you have me curious about where this is going and that is good. Keep up the good work.

    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!