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Reviews for Just Dinner

By : Peaches79
  • From ANON - JC on July 23, 2006
    This is very very, good! Rather refreshing to see het other than sam/jack and daniel/janet. I like!
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  • From keithcompany on November 08, 2005
    Nice. I like how you adapted my suggestions, made them your own, added stuff that made me say 'i should ahve thought of...'. And that 'young apprentice' remark is perfect Master B.
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  • From keithcompany on November 06, 2005
    When they saw it Becca’s knees automatically gave out,

    Automatically? What a wimp. Why would she be selected for offworld operations?

    As a suggestion, since you asked for Beta:

    They get to the room, Becca excitedly wishing to start setting up lights and read. Sam wants to establish security first. Becca about to argue, but a nod from Daniel reminds her that they're offworld, not in a library. When she's finally allowed, she's sure the anticipation is built up so far that the reality would be a let down.
    To her amazement, though, it's even more than she could have imagined. Add some description. The elegance of the presentation, while still retaining clarity, a cross between the Rosetta stone, the ten commandments, Cleopatra's stela and Mount Rushmore. Though she thought she was prepared, Becca's knees gave out. Before she could fall, though, Daniel's ready grip steadied her. He was expecting her reaction and caught her under the arms lowering her gently to sit Indian style in front of it. “Never fails does it Bec?”
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  • From keithcompany on November 06, 2005
    Interesting story so far. As a suggestion:

    “Very well, Ryak and myself recently completed a survey of a planet still under the control of the Goa’uld. Or, to be more precise we went in search of those who would be sympathetic to our cause. We came upon a temple that seemed out of place and decided it warranted further study. Upon entering the temple and going to the furthest accessible chamber, we discovered a wall, divided into four sections each with carvings in a different language. These languages included Goa’uld, Ancient, Askard and what we believe may be an ancient dialect of the Tauri. We were able to decipher parts but it appears to be some kind of riddle or code. We bow to your expertise in such matters.”

    Brey'Tak doesn't talk like this. This seems, IMHO, too much of a role playing gamer's summary. Breytak is more of a pragmatic mystic, if that makes any sense.

    "Very well." Brey'tak leaned forward on the conference room table. "We have been trying to recruit more Jaffa to our cause. Rayek and I have been assigned a number of worlds held, loosely, by Goa'uld. Their presence is felt, but their grip is not tight. We have found more than a few individuals sympathetic to our cause. We avoid confrontation with the larger groups or authorities and stick to less traveled roads. This is how we came across an abandoned temple." The old warrior noticed Daniel's reaction to his news. "Yes, Doctor Jackson. As we examined the temple, I thougth of you. It was not sacred to any system lord I recognized, and the wrting was not solely Goa'Uld. There was some i recognized as Asgardian, and some that Young Rayek here thinks might be ancient Tauree."

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  • From keithcompany on November 06, 2005
    "The Petty Officer on duty checked their ID’s;"

    While Stargate Command has naval personnel attached, the base is Air Force. No petty officers on Duty.

    Airmen would be the better term. Or Staff Sergeant.

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