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Reviews for 69

By : drake718
  • From InfamousDX on June 29, 2009
    Excellent! This is definitely one of the hottest and most creative stories on this site! Also I was wondering, would it be alright if I used the game of of 69 in one of my stories? Cause I was planning on writing a One Tree Hill fic were the feamle characters play that game.
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  • From ANON - Mia on March 15, 2009
    Blimey, that was completely and utterly hot. I demand you to please, begging you, continue and quickly. I really love the Bree/Lynette pairing you have here, you have me hooked on it. I do hope you continue with it so they, somehow, end up together and have sex without playing the game. Although, the game is genius as well. I was wondering though, if you intend to actually keep to the Bree/Lynette pairing, wouldn't Bree get jealous every time Lynette had to do something with the other two? (Jealous!sex is hot, by the way) Keep writing, I hope to see more of you in the future. (:
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  • From ANON - Crow on September 15, 2008
    Hey! I just found this fic and could not stop reading it!!! I hope you update soon, I gotta find out what happens next.

    ~Crow~
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  • From Oric13 on December 22, 2007
    Christmas chapter: Hey Drake, it's good to see another chapter of this. And still an abundance of blue pills, I see :P

    I liked this chapter, but it was also in some ways disappointing. For instance, the effect of the white pill (one of the few pills that no one had taken yet) was kinda lame. After coming up with a funny & fascinating effect for the Black/White pill, I was expecting something better for this. Also, the dares are mostly the same and kinda boring (the 1st chapter actually had more interesting and varied dares than this one!). I you plan to continue this story then I strongly urge you come up with something to make the next game a lot more surprising and erotic.

    For example, here's a good dare you could use:

    Give Player 4
    a lapdance.

    Black/White


    But the story will needs more than a couple of good dare cards to remain interesting.


    Some other observations:
    Bree "magically" went from wearing a red skirt to wearing jeans in this latest chapter:
    Gabby was surprised to see Bree standing there dressed as Ms. Clause, With a bright red skirt that went down just pass her knees, and a bright red long sleeve shirt hat was cut low enough to show off allot of cleavage.
    Standing in front of Bree, Gabby reached around her friend as if she were hugging Bree, except that her hands went like missiles straight to Bree's firm yet perfectly smooth rear, hidden by her jeans.

    No offence, but hearing you comment again and again that you pick those pills at random (which you also did in the previous chapter), kinda takes me out off the story. What first attracted me to this story was the slightly sinister "Halloween" vibe of these close female friends playing an erotic tinted magical game in the middle of the night in their magically sealed house. But these "writer notes" (as well as too much use of "&" instead of "and") ruins this vibe.

    Susan rolled the dice, getting a 4. As she got close to the end of the game, she picked up her card, and read...

    Let Player 1
    Spank you

    Purple

    Not wanting to take a turn off, she stood up, and stood next to Lynette.
    I'm assuming you mean that if Susan decides to take the Purple pill instead of doing the dare she has to skip a turn, and I remember you mentioning this a couple of times before (in earlier chapters). Unfortunately, you never really implemented this "turn skipping" rule into the game, because the girls have taken plenty of pills and never once skipped a turn.


    I hope you don't take these minor criticisms the wrong way, because I certainly don't want to discourage you from writing (I'm just trying to help you improve). And the story also had stuff that I liked, like a top-heavy silver-coloured Susan Mayer playing naked, and Gabby who just can't get enough of those blue pills. And I also liked that Lynette at least got some use out of her temporary dick.

    Still, I really hope the next chapter will be more exciting and surprising.
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  • From Oric13 on October 28, 2007
    Halloween Edition: Good to see a new chapter of this. And the effect of that Black/White pill was fun, although I was kinda disappointed that Bree didn't get much use out of her new cock. I get that having Bree fuck one of the others wouldn't have really fit into your story, but it would've been nice if she at least got a blow job out of it (one of the other three housewives could've gotten a card that said: "Go down on Player 4" - White Pill). Also didn't understand why the effect of the Black/White only lasted three turns (and how Gabby knew this).

    That cheaters/liars punishment card was a very nice touch, and having Bree be the one who lied (about fantasizing about other women) made perfect sense for her character. Also, having this card show up gave an extra dimension to the story. I definitely recommend "expanding" the game with some more special cards to keep things from becoming boring.
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  • From Oric13 on October 20, 2007
    Strangely fascinating story... I'm curious to see how the next chapter will turn out. Perhaps next time they play, the cards will have become a lot kinkier because the four women are now "advanced" players (like a strap-on dildo magically appears on the board - to be used on the housewife who's turn it is, or by her on another player). Or a vibrator which the player whose turn it is will have to keep inside her till its her turn again.

    Or perhaps Bree will have exchanged 69 for another erotic board game.

    One minor note about your spelling; you keep mixing up these words:
    couch is the furniture you sit on.
    cough is what you do when you have a cold.

    see is using your eyes to look at something.
    she is a female.

    P.S. Liked how the second game ended with Bree having to service Susan pussy (and Susan obviously enjoyed making Bree do it) and Susan ending up with a size bigger boobs. Maybe in the next chapter there'll be a scene of people reacting to Susan's new breast size (I'm kinda curious how Julie will react upon catching sight of her mother's bigger breasts).
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  • From AnonymousFreak on September 03, 2007
    Great story, dude! Very original...I look forward to more erotic action in the next chapter.
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