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Reviews for Safe and Secure

By : Tyjord
  • From Tyjord on June 13, 2009
    X_Bishop_21x - I just posted another story to the site and noticed your new posting. Again, I thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts about my story. You have given me some very interesting things to consider about the structure and possible feelings readers may have about the story.
    While I do not doubt the validity of your points, I feel, in terms of the story saying what I wanted to convey, that everything was accomplished. If bypassing John's perspective made the story seem incomplete, or just out-of-whack, it was unavoidable in terms of what I wanted to say with the story.
    Don't forget, the story begins at a point that fans are familiar with, then moves into unexplored territory. That new realm remains unknown, even to me. I would imagine, that if I continued it, John's feelings and perspective would play a much more significant role. After all, it would seem completely unrealistic to believe they could keep him like that forever. Upon release, it only seems logical that his perspective would then become the driving force of the events that would follow.
    I guess what I'm saying is that the story is not whole, and the pieces you found to be missing, are what I considered to be left up to the reader's imagination.
    My thanks for the extremely well thought out critique, as well as the complements on my writing.
    I had debated for some time attempting to post this on a more mainstream fan fiction site, but, after being turned down by Literotica due to John's age (despite there not being any sort of sexual behavior), I felt it was best to just stick with this site. Besides, I didn't have much luck finding any Sarah Connor fan fiction sites that seemed appropriate.
    Thanks again!
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  • From XBishop21x on June 13, 2009
    I understand the end justifies the means. And I agree with it in the situation. I have no problem with that or with what was done to John. Also, I saw the indicators that John benefits from this and doesn't have any long term problems. It wasn't an issue of being too subtle, I got them. If John is more focused, a better leader, but feels unloved it would justify their actions. I'm not bothered by their actions, which might not say the best things about me.

    My problem was that John's perspective is ignored almost completely. That makes it look like an all a perfect solution. If John learned to accept that he is a tool against Skynet first and a person second, that would have changed it. My concern wasn't that John suffered. It was that the relationship dynamics are forever changed and it felt like that was glossed over. They are willing to imprison him (again, justified). John is Sarah's prisoner as much as he is her son. I think acknowledging the other perspective would have sealed the piece very nicely. But it seemed like this one had a blindspot.

    Your response has a good example. John suffers no damage, otherwise why would Cameron allow it? Cameron's approval is not a justification. Future John’s approval isn’t a justification, neither is Sarah’s emotional pain. And they definitely don’t offer absolution. But b/c the solution seems perfect, everything works out great on all fronts, it felt like you were giving them absolution. It is still immoral but it's justified by the result not by personal conflicts/approval.

    You did not imply that such actions should be applied to anyone in the real world. I apologize, I was speaking (er…typing) figuratively. I’ve seen much lesser works that have a similar feel. I think it stuck out in yours b/c you examined everything else so well that it felt you veered off course at the end. That aside, it is solid writing. It doesn’t have any smut it in, so you should consider moving it to a general fanfiction site. Mature rating of course, but I don’t see why you’d be banned.

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  • From Tyjord on May 23, 2009
    Hello X_Bishop_21x. My thanks for the review. I certainly appreciate your taking the time to provide me with feedback on the story. Unfortunately, my subject matter doesn't usually appeal to the majority, so the lack of reviews is not surprising.
    I'm sorry the lack of perspective from John's point of view didn't sit well with you. I had decided early on that this story would not really be about John. I wanted to focus on the other characters and their impossible situation, rather on what could have just turned into a character's detailed description of suffering. Basically, I kind of objectified him to the point where, if you read carefully, his future self is actually more of a plot driver than the present version.
    The characters fell into an end justifies the means situation that has no good answers. If you had to do something bad to ensure the greater good, would you do it? Do present John's needs outweigh those of his future self and the entire human population of the planet? These are the questions the characters had to deal with. As far as causing John irrevocable damage, again, if you read closely, you may pick up hints that something very different from damage actually happened.
    I certainly did not mean to imply this as a cure for errant kids. First and foremost the story is fictional. Actual behavior like this is dangerous and morally reprehensible. However, so are kidnappings, murders, assaults, and all other crimes that are portrayed in fictional mediums. As for whether the actions taken were justifiable, it would be impossible to judge that with real world values. He is the future savior of mankind. Without him everyone dies. That, in my opinion, justifies it for Derek, and makes Sarah more open to the need to do it. Of course, since Cameron knows John in the future, her going along with the plan made it seem even more acceptable. Obviously John survives with no damage from what they did, or else why would his guardian allow it? Of course, Cameron's real motivation, while hinted at, remains a mystery.
    I hope this provides you with more insight into what was going on. I suggest you read it a few more times, as some more subtle details might surface.
    Thank you again for the review, I appreciate your time and thoughts.
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  • From XBishop21x on April 27, 2009
    I’m surprised you haven’t gotten any reviews. B/c it is a well written fanfic and it doesn’t feel like you rushed any of the set-up. You took the time to look at Sarah and Derek’s perspectives and the toll the ordeal took on them. Unfortunately, you didn’t look at John’s perspective. That felt like an imbalance and kind of ruined it for me.

    I was intrigued by the idea of them going to such lengths because the fate of the world is at stake. The idea that they need a leader to fight Skynet so badly that Sarah will do irrevocable damage to her son was fine with me. But you didn’t show any of John’s suffering from his perspective. You even showed how Derek was hurt that John picked Cameron to clean him up at the end.

    It makes that type of torture look like a miracle cure for misbehaving children. Doing that to someone would mess them up. I’m NOT saying they were wrong. But you went to such detail to set it up and the ending seemed too convenient. It gave me the impression that they were still a happy family. And the line at the end, about Future John planning it, adds a nice symmetry to it. But it reinforces the idea that any pain and suffering inflicted on John is justifiable and less significant.

    I don’t want to discourage you at all. I like your writing style. If hope you continue to write for this fandom. You had a great premise here. If you ever expand on it, maybe an alternate ending where John turns suicidal, I’ll be sure to read it.

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