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Reviews for Boss Takes the Farm

By : Snow
  • From Danyealle on March 11, 2012
    Alright, first of all, there is some promise in the story with the plot. However, there are a myriad of issues that negate what is there and make it quite hard to read.

    First of all, the whole thing resembles a giant WALLOTEXT. This comes from the fact that you are not dividing up the dialogue in the way you should. Each time a different being speaks, you need to start a new paragraph, not chuck them all in together.

    Second, there is the way you seem to start the majority of sentences in it. They all seem to start with a name, either the same one or one of another character. This makes for some chopping reading that gives you a headache. A slight rewording of things would make this read a lot more smoothly than it is now.

    Third, you seriously need a beta to help handle not only spelling problems but that of punctuation and flow. All three are lacking badly in this story and making something that is, overall, quite difficult to read even worse. A beta can help you smooth out some of it and make the flow much better thus easier to read.

    Forth, there is the issue of what is normal penis size and what you use. What you are talking about is NOT normal or average but well beyond into the realm of what would cause pain. A little research can point you to something that is more realistic thus making the story more believable.

    Overall, despite a plot that has some possibility, the delivery is something that needs work. But thanks for putting out the effort!

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