I think you've got an interesting character here. I would have liked to have seen what you could have done with him as an original character, instead of superimposing this image onto Tom Paris.
Having said that, it would be equally interesting, should you ever choose to pursue it, to read a tale of high adventure from Tom's point of view as a Borg. His would certainly be a different perspective from Seven's, given his time on Earth.
The telepathy is certainly an uncommon idea; it would be interesting to see how the collective would function with respect to that ability, as well as once that facet of their personality was severed, how the Borg collective would react.
Regardless, I do think you have a good start, and should you choose to revisit this piece, I would be interested in seeing it more fully developed.
Happy writing!