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September 27, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Good writing, just too short. Needs a more thorough intro and body, and I tend to like some adult themes from my adultfanfiction.net, but I like the tone and feel and central idea here. You should expand upon it!
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February 12, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I thought that this story was well-written. It was a great one-shot.