schedule
February 23, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Though the story was very good the formatting you used, grouping smaller chunks of dialogue one after another into paragraph like forms then giving a big space between that and the next chunk, was murder on my eyes and confusing to read. Visually, you would be better off doing double spaces between everything and it would make it easier to read. Beyond that, there were other issues with punctuation and how things were worded that would be greatly improved with the use of a beta. Keep up the good work.