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October 23, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I'm glad I finally read this. I saw it over on FFN but had been avoiding it because... okay, this is dumb, but the rhyming title turned me off a little. Anyway, I got over that and read it and first, let me say excellent work on giving all of this some emotional depth. I like to see Hotch struggle with his sexuality. I buy him as bi/gay but not without some major baggage. I think you captured Blackwolf's speech patterns well, I could hear his voice in my head, which is pretty impressive considering he's in exactly one episode.
A couple of of areas for improvement, now these are small so don't worry about it, but as a writer I also like to know where I need to improve. Blackwolf is pretty one dimensional, which, fair enough, this is a one shot. But were you to ever do anything else with these two as a pairing, he would need some fleshing out to be an actual character not just The Indian, you know? I also found the premiss needing something a little more, the vision quest type of thing undertaken sort of at random and whatnot. But again, since this is a one shot, I know its not meant to have a lot of depth and detail. Again more just a recommendation were you to ever write anything else about these two.
For a one shot, you wrote a lengthy story, which is great. All too often people wuss out and just write a couple pages. I think you could have justified breaking this into a couple of chapters actually. I always appreciate when people take the time to do good work. I didn't notice any issues with grammar, spelling or punctuation, so if there were any errors they weren't enough to detract from the story. Excellent work, thank you for sharing.
A couple of of areas for improvement, now these are small so don't worry about it, but as a writer I also like to know where I need to improve. Blackwolf is pretty one dimensional, which, fair enough, this is a one shot. But were you to ever do anything else with these two as a pairing, he would need some fleshing out to be an actual character not just The Indian, you know? I also found the premiss needing something a little more, the vision quest type of thing undertaken sort of at random and whatnot. But again, since this is a one shot, I know its not meant to have a lot of depth and detail. Again more just a recommendation were you to ever write anything else about these two.
For a one shot, you wrote a lengthy story, which is great. All too often people wuss out and just write a couple pages. I think you could have justified breaking this into a couple of chapters actually. I always appreciate when people take the time to do good work. I didn't notice any issues with grammar, spelling or punctuation, so if there were any errors they weren't enough to detract from the story. Excellent work, thank you for sharing.