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November 3, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Hi! Thanks for writing!
I liked the concept of Damon and Bonnie however in the first chapter there wasn't enough scene-setting, everything felt a little bare and it was disorientating. The second chapter improved this, told from Bonnie's point of view made it easier to get into the scenes but I feel a little spoon-fed by Bonnie thinking explanations to herself.
This could be part of my own journey in wrapping my brain around 'show, don't tell' as its something that I am struggling with as a writer but I feel that it would have offered more mystery into Bonnie's motivations if, as a reader, I am left wondering WHY she does or says the things.
I hope this helps and feel free to look me up on the forum. :)
I liked the concept of Damon and Bonnie however in the first chapter there wasn't enough scene-setting, everything felt a little bare and it was disorientating. The second chapter improved this, told from Bonnie's point of view made it easier to get into the scenes but I feel a little spoon-fed by Bonnie thinking explanations to herself.
This could be part of my own journey in wrapping my brain around 'show, don't tell' as its something that I am struggling with as a writer but I feel that it would have offered more mystery into Bonnie's motivations if, as a reader, I am left wondering WHY she does or says the things.
I hope this helps and feel free to look me up on the forum. :)