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I surrender ... I survive	By : Eva Category: G through L > JAG Views: 8337 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own JAG, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-I surrender ... I survive
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-Part 5
- 1
- 2
Title: I surrender � I survive (Part 1)
Author: Mary Eve Parker
Feedback: always welcome ;) ms.parker@gmx.net
Category: AU, Harm/Renee, Babyfic,
Harm/Mac?
clasclass=MsoNormal>Spoilers: None
Note: I put it into an alternative universe
because it doesn�t fit into anything else. Anyway it�s my first attempt in JAG Fanfiction
Homepage: www.thesedays.org/stories
Rating: NC-17
Thanks to Mel my dear for the beta.

~*~

I surrender � I survive

~*~

AJ was going to turn five in four months
and Mac couldn�t stop thinking about the arrangement - the deal - she had with
Harm. To be honest with herself, she was waiting for his birthday to arrive . .
. sas was waiting to work on the deal.

More than once she had been looking at the
windows of a baby shop, noticing all the cute tiny overalls, the strollers and
the different types of cribs. She had even given the name thing a thought �
since it was a deal, just to have a baby together, nothing to do with being in
a relationship, she would name the baby Harm. Harmon Raphael McKenzie-Rabb. She
would do it, not thinking about the consequences. She wouldn't give a damn
about it. Yes, Mac felt her biological clock going down. She felt it every time
her menstruation came � one month less.

�Hey sailor,� she said with a smile playing
on her lips as she stepped into Harm�s office. He looked up from a file and
smiled back. �Do you want to go over the Steiner case after dinner tomorrow?�
Since it was Friday and she had no plans
for the weekeshe she wanted to make sure that they would spend some time
together. They would also need to go over the case, but since their friendship
was re-blisblished - Brumby away and Renee gone - things have been different.
Firstly they hadn't been close; there had been miles in between, but now, after
Webb was gone too � killed by a grenade in Chechnya � they had become closer
again, slowly. Everybody she had ever cared for was gone, except for Harm. And
Harm had been a friend when she needed one � the day they had been informed
that Webb had been killed, he had held her, let her cry on his shoulder -
another friend of hers whom she has to stand by at the funeral.
Mac wasn�t sure yet if he had forgotten
about the baby deal or not, but there hadn't been the right moment yet to talk
about it.

�Sure whatever you want. a,� a,� Harm suggested.
�Well I thought about cooking since its
weekend,� she replied, her eyes smiling.
�Oh ��
�I can cook, and I even know some meatless
dishes.�
�Really �?�
�Sure, but if you don�t want, I can also
order some Chinese.�
>

He noticed the hurt look in her eyes, which
had been smiling brightly before. �No go ahead, surprise me Marine.�
�Sure sailor, sure.�

***

Mac spent the whole Saturday morning
shopping for the right groceries she would need for the veggie soup and the
meatless chilli. He loved chilli; especially the one Grandma Sarah had cooked
for him. She remembered the day when he came home from a weekend, the seat next
to him full of Chilli containers from hrandrandma. He didn�t even want to share
it with her at first, but after a long talk, she was allowed to try a spoonful.

In the middle of chopping onions the
telephone rang. Mac quickly wiped her hands on the apron and headed for the
phone.
�Mackenzie.�
�Hey Mac, it�s me.�

�Hello Jarhead, what�s up?�
�I am sorry but I have to cancel tonight,
something came up. Maybe tomorrow?�
�Sure,� she tried to sound normal, but it
didn�t work. He heard the sadness, the disappointment.
�I am really sorry Mac, but it�s
important.�
�Okay, I didn�t say anything. Just go get
your stuff done. See you on Monday.�
That�s all she said before she put the
phone down and returned to the kitchen, threw all theetabetables into the bin,
cleaned the kitchen and sat down in front of her TV.
One night less with him, one possibility
less to speak with him about this deal. This was him, Harmon Rabb Jr., the only
man who was able to disappoint her at the moment.

It was just 2 am, she was sitting at home
on a Saturday � what happened to her life? No men, few friends, nearly no
hobbies. She quickly changed into shorts, a sports bra and a long-sleeved
shirt, grabbed her running shoes, the marine sweater and went for a run.

She ran and ran and ran. She felt exhausted
but she didn�t stop � not yet. She kept running. The bottle of water she had
taken with her was already empty; she was wet, her breathing was rigid. This
woman wasn�t thinking about the fact that she would have to run all the way
back too. She wasn�t thinking about her body, her exhaustion.
At a small kiosk she bought a bottle of
water, and realised where she was. Her legs hurt, her back too. She had left
her cell phone at home.
With the last coins she called the so
familiar number of Harm. But the voice who answered it wasn�t his. It wasn�t
male. But it sound familiar. Renee.
After the third �hello� from the other
side, she hung up and leaned with all her weight against the phone.
Harm had cancelled because of Renee. It was
important for him. Renee.
Now only just her legs and back hurt, but
also her heart. It felt like somebody had ripped it out, not taking any care
anymore.

***

Monday came faster than Mac wanted it to.
She hadn�t finished thinking about all the new things she'd just realised. She
realised that she would never be the number one for Rabb, never, but a baby
would. He would never ever let somebodyse ase a baby without a father. Never.

He wasn�t coming in on Monday; she didn�t
see him on Tuesday either. On Wednesday they were in court all day and had no
time to talk privately. And then, after the too long session, he was away, too
quick for her.

Renee was back � she told herself over and
over again.

***

A week passed, and another one, and they
were not getting closer anymore. Mac tried more than once to talk to him about
a case or what to give AJ for his birthday but Harm . . . Harm wasn�t �Harm�
anymore. He had changed. He seemed to be happy, at least. But she wasn�t.
The fact that Renee was back was torturing
her but she couldn�t change it. Harm hadn't told her yet that they were
together again, officially, but there were rumours.
Had she lost her best friend already to
this blond bimbo? Had she lost the father of her unborn child?

***

It had been two months now since he had
cancelled the dinner. Two months of torture, of sadness, a loss of
self-confidence. She wasn�t feeling well. She wasn�t the same powerful lawyer
and marine she had been all the years before. She didn�t even really care about
all the cases anymore. Mac was doing her job, well as always. She didn�t want
to be talked about behind her back. She won most of her cases because she knew
the drill and there was no case where she had to work with or against Harm.

There was a knocking on her office door
which got her out of her thoughts, made her realise that she hadn�t even read
the second paragraph of the file yet.
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I surrender ... I survive