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What Smegging Luck	By : melusinesara Category: M through R > Red Dwarf Views: 2133 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Red Dwarf, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
Title: What Smegging Luck
Author: Melusinesara
Rating: PG to NC-17. depends
on the chapter
Summary: Takes
place between series 6 and 7.
Disclaimer: I don�t own them, etc. I only own the
horribly obvious Mary-Sue in the story.
A/N: Alright, I tore this one up big-time. Lots of
little things I made up for the hell of it. Starbug can now support two
hard-light holograms (shut up) and the structure of the sleeping quarters has
suddenly changed (in my fic there are two instead of one. Just
cos I say so.)
Pairing is M/F but it gets slashy later on. Either
way, pairing in general is just yummy.
Yes, I know Kiera is a blatant Mary-Sue. Shoot me.
And finally, my knowledge on the technical terms is
pretty slim, so ignore all those pesky details and just enjoy the fic for all it�s smutty fluff! ^_^

Chapter 1

*crunch*
*munch munch munch*
*slurp*
"Lister!" Rimmer looked up from the navicomp,
eying Lister with a look of complete and total disgust.
�What?� Lister asked through a mouthful of his sugar
puff sandwich.
�Could
you please not eat in the cockpit?� It was more of a command than a question.
Rimmer said everything as if it were of the utmost authority. Lister swivelled
his chair around, sandwich in hand.
�Why?
What�s wrong with eating in the cockpit? The Cat does it, why can�t I?� Lister questioned, immediately dismissing any
authority in which Rimmer thought he had.
�Yes,
well, at least the Cat can keep the contents of his sandwich in his mouth while
doing so.� Rimmer sneered. Lister shoved the rest of his sandwich into his
mouth and chewed loudly, just to spite his crewmate.

It was another usual, boring day aboard Starbug.

�Hey,
I�m back. Did you miss me?� The Cat strode in casually and took his seat next
to Lister.
�You
were only gone 3 minutes, man. What�d you mean �did we miss you�?� Lister
smirked.
�Well
I figured things were getting pretty dull in here without me, so I decided to
cut my afternoon mini-snooze a little short. Just for you.�
The Cat turned around to Rimmer, giving him a toothy grin. Rimmer grinned back
sarcastically.
�Yes,
aren�t we lucky, Listy?� Rimmer looked at Lister, the sarcastic grin still
plastered on his face. The three of them sat in silence for a while, the Cat
already bored and preoccupied with giving himself a manicure. It was the same
routine they went through every day and every night. Of course, in space, day
and night blend together into one long boring period of time. There wasn�t even
a point to keeping track of the days and weeks anymore. The only calendar they
had was outdated by three million years. Well, three million and four years, to
be exact. Not that it mattered. They were in deep space, living on board the
cramped, tiny Starbug- just a cat, a hologram, a mechanoid, and the last human
alive. At this point, details really weren�t that important.
�Hey...check
the scanners. I see something up ahead.� Lister looked out front, then studied his screen, searching for some sign of
movement. There was nothing at all.
�You
sure, buddy? I don�t smell anything..� The Cat looked
at the blank radar in front of him.
�That�s
weird. Nothing�s showing up on the scanner. Rimmer, you were watching the
navicomp, did you see anything there earlier?� Lister turned to the hologram.
�There
was nothing there! Where did it come from?�
�I
dunno, but I don�t like the look of it..� The Cat
frowned, his hands on the controls.
�I�ll
get Kryten, maybe he knows what�s up.� Lister jumped from his seat, headed for
Starbug�s mid-section. But before he could get there, the object they were
approaching connected with them, then slid right
through the ship like a ghost. Lister stopped in his tracks.
�What
was that?� He looked around, noticing the others were equally confused. Kryten
staggered into the cockpit, a feather duster in his hand.
�I
was just doing a bit of tidying up in the galley, when I felt something pass
through me. It was the most unusual sensation. Just to clear things up, did a
light-vessel happen to pass through Starbug just now?� Kryten glanced around
the tiny room.
�That�s
what we were hoping you�d know.� Lister said, sitting back down in the pilot
seat. Kryten walked over to the scanner and studied it.
�Hmm. Well, it seems that we passed through something. Or,
to be exact, something passed through us. It never showed up on the scanner,
and there was no physical evidence to ever explain it�s
existence. Correct?�
�Yeah,
it was weird. I could see it right there in front of me, but I couldn�t smell
it. And then it was just gone.� The Cat said.
�Ah, just as I thought. It was a light-vessel. Strange, seeing one out here in deep space.� Kryten
continued to study the screen.
�Light-vessel? What�s that?� Lister asked.
�Remember
the holoship we encountered several months ago- a ship of no mass or volume,
composed entirely of tachyons? This vessel, whatever it is, must have
originated from a holoship at one point. It�s
structure is almost exactly the same.�
�Almost?� Rimmer questioned.
�The
only difference is, it appears this vessel can
alternate between light and mass.� Kryten explained.
�How
can you tell?� Lister asked, still turned to Kryten.
�Well,
sirs, if you�ll take a look at the screens, you�ll see that it�s now showing up
on the scanner.� Sure enough, the small vessel that had once passed through
Starbug was back, this time showing up as a distinct solid presence.
�Weird.
And it�s right there in front of us!� The four crewmembers watched as the tiny
vessel flew back and forth in front of them, as if it were trying to get their
attention.
�What
does it want? Kryten, are we able to make contact with it?� Rimmer spoke. Just
then, an image appeared on the screen.
�I
need your help. I�m low on supplies. My light-energy is nearly exhausted. I�ve
been out here for smeg-knows how long.� The image of a young woman with an �H�
on her forehead fizzled in and out, and finally cut off. Lister and Rimmer
looked at each other.
�Well,
you heard her, she needs our help!� Rimmer shouted. The other two looked to Kryten
quizzically.
�Since
she has the ability to switch from hard-light to soft, we can transfer her
inside easily.� Kryten turned back to the screen to transmit a message to the
young hologram. �Switch to soft-light, we�ll transfer you to Starbug.� The message
ended, and they waited. A moment later, there was a flash of light and the
hologrammatic image of a young blonde woman appeared in the galley. Lister set
the controls to auto-pilot, and the four occupants met her in the mid-section.
They stood at the opposite end of the room, watching her. She stood nervously,
studying each of them before finally speaking.
�A hologram!� She gasped. Rimmer stepped forward, a rare
smile upon his face.
�And
so are you.� He said dumbly. The other three exchanged glances and looked back
at her.
�I�m
Kiera. 27^th century hologram. I�m not sure
how I ended up here, exactly.� She spoke softly, studying the other four with
large green eyes.
�You
flew through our ship! That�s how you got here.� The Cat answered. Kiera frowned,
then understood.
�You
misunderstand me. I meant, I�m not sure how I ended up
out here in deep space. I�ve been asleep so long...my soft-light drive was
strong enough to keep me stabilized while I was in stasis. But now that I�ve
woken, I�m not sure how long I have. At least, up until now.� Her image
flickered, fading in and out. �It�s a comfort seeing that you have a hologram
on board. Perhaps you have supplies I could use?� The look in her eyes was
pleading.
�I
hate to say this, but we only have enough energy to support one hologram on
Starbug. If we supplied you with another light-drive, we wouldn�t have enough
energy to support Rimmer, here.� Lister clapped his hand on Rimmer�s shoulder,
causing him to jump. Kiera�s eyes widened.
�A hard-light hologram. Do you have enough energy to support
two hard-light holograms?� Lister, Rimmer, and the Cat all turned to Kryten for
the answer.
�Well..we don�t really know. We�ve never had two hard-light
holograms on board at one time.� Kryten saw the pleading look upon the young
woman�s face. �Although, it wouldn�t hurt to try.�

Two
hours later, Starbug, with the help of Kiera�s remaining hard-light energy, was
supporting two holograms at the same time. Once everything was settled, the
boys introduced themselves to Kiera, who was so glad to be around other people,
decided any company was pleasant company. Lister explained to her the story of
how the four of them ended up on Starbug in deep space, how they had lost sight
of Red Dwarf but were tracking it every day, and how Rimmer acquired his
hard-light bee. Kiera then explained as much as she could remember about what
had happened before she awoke in deep space. She told them about how she joined
the Space Corps at the age of 18, and her years there training as an
environmental biologist. She never became an officer, but took on a special
assignment two years after joining. Her mission was to study the terrain of
previously unexplored S3 planets, and determine what life signs, if any,
existed there.
�You mean, you searched for aliens?� Rimmer perked up. Kiera
laughed.
�Well,
I suppose so.� She answered, and continued her story. She had been studying a
small, earth-like planet for 13 months, with no evidence of any intelligent
life. The small ship she traveled with was also her home on the planet, and
where she conducted most of her research. The planet appeared to be stable, as
most planets with an S3 atmosphere were, but in case any complications should
arrive, the ship was able to support her as a hologram.
�Basically,
what they told me was: This is a very important mission. It also comes with
risks. One of those being death.� She explained. �I
wasn�t an officer yet, so I didn�t quite understand why they were telling me
about the light-bee which would be supplied to me in case of any problems. At
that time, the Corps only allowed officers the option of life after death. Then
they told me I�d be on my own for two years. They couldn�t risk losing any
research, so to save effort and money, they supplied
my ship with a hologram capability.�
As
it turned out, she needed it.
�I
was just finishing up research on the little earth-like planet, and was headed
back to the Corps research center. I brought back with me, samples I had taken
from the planet. Everything was going fine, until precipitation from one
hemisphere of the planet and a sample of rock from another hemisphere mixed
together in one of the supply crates I was carrying onboard the ship. I didn�t
realize anything had happened. I heard the glass beakers containing the two
separate samples fall and collide inside the crate, but I didn�t think anything
of it. That is, until two hours later when I awoke with my face down on the
control panel.
�The
ship�s computer reassured me that I was alright, but I felt weird..to be honest, I didn�t feel anything. The air, the ground,
everything I touched I didn�t really touch. Suddenly I realized I was no longer
amongst the living. I cried for three days straight.� A look of sadness washed
over Kiera�s face as she recalled her Death Day. The others sat around her,
listening intently to her story. Rimmer, who had been sitting next to Kiera at
the table in the galley, did something very unusual and out-of-character. He
placed his hand on hers, which had been resting on the table. Then he looked at
her.
�I
know how it feels..to be dead.� His sullen expression
surprised the three crewmates who normally never saw that side of him. Kiera
smiled at Rimmer, a knowing smile that said she understood. She then grasped
his hand in hers, and held it until she finished her tale.
�3
months later, I returned to the research center. They no longer needed my
efforts. Apparently, while I was gone, exploration of S3 planets was no longer
top priority, and it seemed my research was all done in vain. Regretfully, I
was told I would be switched off, now that I was back on board. I begged them
not to. I told them I had lost my life serving the Space Corps, and that they
couldn�t just turn me off like that, after all I had done for them. They made
my situation a special case. I went before a board of officers who then gave me
two choices. One, I could remain on board the research center and work to keep
my hologrammatic status by becoming an officer. The other option was to be sent
along with other holograms like myself to live on board a holoship, where I
could continue to live and do research. Of course, the second option sounded
ideal, until they explained to me I would have to challenge an existing crew
member to ensure my spot on the holoship. I had no other option. I knew the
board would never let me become an officer, no matter how hard I studied. I
made my decision with the holoship.
�They
sent me out in a soft-light vessel that was equipped with hard-light
capability, should I need it. They also provided me with a hard-light bee,
which I was to use sparingly. I left exactly one month after the conclusion of
my case. And now I�m here.� She finished. They all sat in silence for a while,
taking in everything Kiera had said.
�So,
you never reached the holoship?� Lister asked. Kiera shook her head.
�No.
And no one knows why, either. Even if they did know, there�s no way of finding
out. I�m millions of years out into deep space. The year I left was so long
ago, it�s pointless to even try.� She stated with a slight shrug. Lister looked
over at the Cat next to him, asleep on the table. Kryten had gone to offline
several hours ago.
�Well...looks
like it�s just the three of us now.� Lister spoke. Rimmer and Kiera exchanged
glances. �This might sound like a stupid question, but do you sleep, Kiera? I
know being a hologram and all, you don�t necessarily need to. But Rimmer does,
and I was wondering if you do too.� Lister asked shyly. Kiera smiled.
�Yes,
I find comfort in doing most of the things I used to when I was alive. Even
though I�ve basically been asleep for the last several million years, it
feels like it was only yesterday that I was alive and researching the planet.�
The smile never faded from her face, but a hint of sadness could be seen behind
it.

�Well...we�ve
got two sleeping quarters. There�s two bunks in one, a
single in the other. If you want, you can take the single, and I�ll share a
bunk with Cat or Rimmer...� Lister suggested, looking up at Rimmer for
approval. Surprisingly, the hologram didn�t protest. He seemed very taken with Kiera. In fact, he hadn�t taken his eyes off
of her the entire evening.
�Oh
there�s no need for that! Just toss me some blankets and a pillow, I�ll sleep
on the floor. It�s only a temporary arrangement.� Kiera argued, trying to be a
considerate guest.
�We
aren�t gonna let you sleep on the floor, Kiera. Now either I bunk with someone,
or you bunk with one of us.� Lister didn�t plan on getting the reply Kiera had
for him. Otherwise, he would have never suggested she bunk with one of them in
the first place.
�Alright, Lister. If you insist. I
suppose I�ll have to sleep with Arnie, if it�s alright with him.� She glanced
over at Rimmer, who wore the same shocked expression as Lister.
�Good. Then that�s settled.� Kiera
stated, satisfied with the sleeping arrangement she
had decided upon.

____________________________________________________________________________________

As
Kiera prepared for bed in Lister and Rimmer�s sleeping quarters, the two
remained outside, quietly discussing what was happening.
�Suppose
she stays on board with us, Rimmer. We don�t have enough room.� Lister argued.
�She
can sleep in my bed with me. After all she seems perfectly fine with the idea.
She even went so far as to suggest it!� Rimmer hissed.
�Look,
just cos she�s a hologram and just cos she�s sharing your bunk doesn�t mean
she�s suddenly yours or anything. She could very well be interested in any one
of us.� Lister whispered. Rimmer looked incredulous.
�I
can�t believe you! Talking about her as if she was an object to be owned!
Mine?� He forced a laugh, then as an afterthought, �Who said I was even
interested?�
�Well
its kind of obvious, isn�t it? You couldn�t take your eyes off of her the
entire night! And what was that, holding her hand earlier?�
�I
was just offering my sympathy. She�s different from anyone else. She�s a
hologram, like me. And so obviously we can relate to each other on certain
issues.� Rimmer folded his arms in front of him. Lister shook his head and
headed into their sleeping quarters, ending the argument for the time being.
Rimmer followed him in, and nearly had to do a double-take at the image before
him. Kiera was lying in *his* normally empty bed, fast asleep, wearing nothing
but a thin white t-shirt and matching panties. Slowly, he crept over her and
into the bunk, covering them both up with the blanket while trying not to wake
her. Lister climbed into his bunk above, trying his best to not think about the
deliciously attractive female sleeping next to Rimmer.
�What
smegging luck.� He mumbled sarcastically to himself before drifting into a
dreamless sleep.
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What Smegging Luck