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What matters...	By : darktoy Category: Supernatural > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1567 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-What matters...
- 1
Disclaimer:
Not mine, never mine. The brothers belong to WC and Kripcke. Only the Plot
belongs to me...

After the
all is said and done; Sam can�t remember much.

He vaguely
recalls sitting lost surrounded by his brother�s flesh and blood as he cried.
Eyes wide open, staring at the face of the one person he loves (loved) most in the world.

Bobby came,
offering support, but that did not matter.
The Medics
came, but again, it didn�t matter.
Dean was
ripped from his arms, but that action held no meaning. He was long gone; Sam
knew as much.

�No deals� Bobby had said. And Sam only nodded. Knowing
that if Dean was to be brought back that way; it would only lead to another
deal. To another quest that held no answer to his prayers.

�I�m sorry� came the voices of the people he knew. Empty
words that had no importance for him.
No more
friends for him. Never friends. His only friend had died.

�Don�t do anything stupid� �He kept quite. There was nothing he could do.
All the research he had done had been fruitless. So no matter how much he
wanted to do something; there wasn�t a real solution.

He was
trapped in a void. There was no relief, no happiness, no joy...
No music,
no black coffee, no two queens, no nothing...

Dean was
gone.
And Sam
left with him.

This was a
twisted version of himself. That he could reckon. Devoid of emotion. Varely
holding himself. Only the memory of the person that had sacrificed himself for
him was what kept him going.
He would
not spit on that sacrifice.

Dean was
his humanity; his love and respect for life. He was the only thing that kept
him from falling from the edge.

Now Dean
was gone. And so; Sam lost the last thread that made him human.

He lived to
hunt. Lived for the war; for the blood of his brother.
Lilith was
his goal. The only creature he would without any doubt rip apart with pleasure.
He had never felt anything like this. There was no emotion. But hate... Hatred;
Rage; Betrayal... that he could understand.

Justice...
Vengeance...

And so HIS
war began. His army born out of blood and tears.

---

Years
passed. Sam did not know how long nor did he care. People came and went; hunts
were easy enough.
Rest for
the damned. That was something he could deliver. Something that made him� a little more useful.

Bobby was
there. Ellen as well. Even Missouri. He knew they were worried about him. But
that was not of his concern.

His army
wanted blood. And so; he always made sure to guide them in the Winchester
fashion.

�Kill the evil
�Protect
the Innocent
�We do
this for the ones we love
�We do
this for those who died fighting�

Those were
his words. This was no longer the family business. This had grown, it had
become something much more big.

People came
everyday. He welcomed them; trained them; taught them. Little by little the
word spread.

There�s a
safe heaven.
There�s a
place were you can be protected by the monsters of the night.
There�s
someone who cares.
HE knows... HE
cares...

But those
who go seeking for help; are surprised by the image of a young man.
A boy
actually, someone that has seen far too much in his short life.
They ask
for protection. They ask for guidance.

He smiles
coldly, huffs and looks over his shoulder.
�There are beds, and there are teachers. This
is a war. Once you enter, you will never be able to go�
He doesn�t
sweat talk. He doesn�t offer comfort.
He is cold
and rough. He is silent. He is harsh when he speaks.
But
everyone understands.
Those who
cross that door, become soldiers. Willing members of the army he has created.
Willing pawns in the chess that life has become for them.
They
understand.
They
accept.
They become
family...

�Would you be proud?� He asks to himself sometimes. His
eyes watched sadly the dawn as he sits in the hood of his brother�s girl.

She would
never be his. She belongs to Dean.
But he
takes care of her, just like he would have liked it.

Sometimes
the children would try to wake up early to be with him.
He is
amazed at this.
Why would
anyone want to be with him?
With the
shell of the person he had become?

A little
girl turns around and smiles at him.
�It�s beautiful! Now I know why big brother
likes to wake up early!�
Her name is
Jesse. She�s an orphan.

She doesn�t
understand why he cries after those words...

---

Six years
pass by. He can�t say he really cares.
Many hunters
had died; some under his care; others alone...
Jo Harvelle
was one of them.

He stared
at Ellen�s weeping form and offered no comfort. Only silent company. They
understand each other.

Every
hunter; every warrior understands. They are all tied by sadness and grief. No
one enters this life willingly. No one wants praise or glory.

This is
war.

He meets
Joshua Anderson four years after Dean�s death.
A year
later; they become lovers.

Joshua has
a light in him that reminds him of Dean. Often he wonders if this makes him a
twisted fuck.... He doesn�t really care.

Josh is the
kind of person you would want when cornered, when you are about to die. His
hair is black as night; a little bit longer than Dean�s. His eyes have the same
color of Dean�s. And his smile is often the only thing that keeps Sam going.

On Dean�s
birthday; six years after his death; Sam finds a way to bring him back.
He looks
concentrated and more dettached afterwards.
The other
hunters respect his decision; and there are a few that approve.

He needs
Dean�s remains. It�s lucky that he never buried Dean�s ashes. He has them on
safe keep in the Safe heaven he has created.

This Church
is more like a Citadel. It was build in the center of a Devil�s trap. Nothing
gets in; and no one goes out unless it is for hunting.

Sam
dissapears for three days.
When he
returns; he carries a sleeping Dean in the passenger of the Impala.

Bobby
rambles and rages; fearing the worst.
�WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?� he screams.
Sam smiles.
For the first time; he truly smiles.
�I did what I had to. He is here; and none of
us is going to hell�
he says. He is certain the made the right choice.

He sits
beside Dean for the longest time; just waiting for him to wake up.
Joshua
brings coffee and pats him on the shoulder.

�I hope you are happy� he says. There is no spat in his
words. He is truly happy for Sam. �I know
you�ll need to be together more time from now. I understand� With that, he
kisses him long and hard and deep.

Joshua
never returns to that room.
He
understands; and hopes Sam is able to become the man he once was. The man he
hopes to meet.

---

Dean feels like he has run far to many miles. His body
aches; his fingers are heavy to move. His throat is dry; and he has the
ridiculous need to curl into a ball and never wake up.

After a few moments; minutes or hours do not matter;
his other senses start to return. He can smell leather; gun powder; coffee and
something else that is so familiar that he doesn�t understand why it makes him
want to cry.

Next; came the memories. Childhood; his teenage years;
his adulthood...
And with that comes the memories of his family, his
friends, the people he respected, his fears, his love, his death...
�Sammy...�
he thinks.

His eyes open slowly; and he is thankful there is no
light to burn his vision. He tries to move, but he knows he shouldn�t. He was
suppossed to be in hell. He was suppossed to be dead...

He knew he had died. His last memory being Sam�s
screams and the terrible pain of himself being teared apart.

There is the need to scream. The need to demand
answers to the questions in his distorted memories.
But then he recognizes the smell...
Sam...
Sammy....

He groans, pushing himself into the waking world.

His eyes flutter open; and there is only a glimpse of
light. The shine of the moon coming from a window to the far end of the room.
He barely discerns the shape of a man sitting in a
chair near him. Watching him.

�S-Sa...� he crooks; unable to finish the name. His
throat feels like he had been breathing fire for years.
He thinks that perhaps he has.

�Shhh...� soothes a voice. Familiar but at the same
time deeper. Almost rough. Like this person had forgotten what it was like to
be gentle. �Rest now; there�s time...� he says. A hand comes down to caress his
face and neck.

Dean closes his eyes and smiles to himself.
�Bitch...� he calls affectionally; unable to go back
to asleep without calling Sam.

Sam�s breath hitch. And for a few seconds it�s like he
doesn�t know how to breath.
�Jerk...� he calls back; long after Dean falls asleep.

---

The next time Dean wakes up, he can hear the sound of
children laughter. Ever so slowly, he opens his eyes; trying to adjust to the
light coming from the window.

The room; for the most part looks barren. Completely
impersonal. No pictures, no frames, no nothing...

But what drags his attention, is the sleeping form on
the chair near him.

He takes his time, memorizing the face of the man.
It�s Sam.
Sammy, looking far more older than he had expected.
His skin was a little gray, and there was a scar on his left cheek. He looked
far more like John Wichester than he could have ever imagined.

It takes sometime, but he manages to sit up. The bed
creaks; and he almost falls off in surprise when Sam shots up from his chair
looking around the room; one hand around the knife he gave him so long ago.

�Dean?� he calls after a few seconds. He chuckles and
puts the knife away; back to his jacket. �You scared the crap out of me� he
states.
�
A sense of deja-vu kicks both of them. It feels like
going backwards and onwards at the same time. Like they are back to that first
night at Standford so long ago. But the changes are there; and this leaves them
both confused.

Sam seems unsure of what to do; at least for a moment.
But then he moves and grabs a glass of water handing it down to Dean.

�You�ll need some time to readjust� he says.

Dean takes the water; and feels like this is heaven
and hell at the same time. He is back... But at what cost?

He drinks the water slowly, his hands trembling a
little. He feels tired; but energized. He has the ridiculous urge to jump on
the bed and start singing. He was free, but the idea of what Sam might have
done to bring him back...

The youngest brother (but now probably the oldest as
well) takes the glass once Dean finishes. For a few moments they stay quite.
Sam sitting at the edge of the bed, simply contenting himself with watching his
long lost brother.

�What did you do?� Dean demands, perhaps a little
harsher than intended, but that�s reasonable.

�I brought you back� Sam replies simply, shrugging a
little. �I made no deal. I�m not going to lose my soul, nor am I going to hell�
he adds knowing that�s the reason for Dean�s reaction.

After that; Dean�s let himself relax. There are so
many things he wants to asks. But he has no strength yet.

Sam smiles softly and reaches for his neck; tacking of
the amulet that belongs to Dean. He returns it to it�s rightfull place, in
Dean�s neck. Next, he takes of the ring that belongs to his brother, and
reaches for Dean�s hand.

�I�ve waited for so long... to be able to return this
to you...� he says in a shacky voice. His eyes water, and finally tears run
freely.
He all but glomps his brother. Clinging to him as if
afraid that he might lose him again. His arms snacking around Dean�s shoulders;
right hand lost in his brother�s hair.
Sam cries, and Dean does what he has always done. He
holds him and lets his own tears run free.

The brothers finally reach home.

---

It takes a while; but slowly Dean builds the strength
necessary to move on his own accord. He feels a little strange in his own skin.
But he doesn�t complain. Well... maybe a little.

When he meets the others; he is surprised by the
amount of tears of joy he sees. Bobby hugs him like he never had before. Tears
run free as the old man curses and grumbles and laughs.

Missouri, threathens him with her spoon if he ever
makes such a harsh and foolish decision ever again. But still; she smiles and
hugs him and offers him an applepie.

Ellen Harvelle; she looks grim and far older than he
remembers her. She hugs him and wishes him the happiness of the world.
He asks for Jo; but he only gets a sad smile and a pat
on the shoulder.

When he meets the orphans; Dean feels like he was
suddenly thrown into neverland. Sam; is apparently Peter Pan. The kids love
him; calling him �big brother�; and
clinging to his body. Dean feels satisfaction at knowing that Sam has been able
to become a hope for more than just one person.
But he loves more the fact that these children see
Dean in wonder. They sit around him as he tells stories from when he and Sam
were younger. Their eyes shine in wonder. And often times he has heard the children
call him an Angel.

Sammy�s angel.

�Big brother was always lost... But now he found you.
So everything is fine again� A little girl once tells him. And he knows how
right she is; he can feel it in his bones.

The other hunters merely nod in his direction. Some of
them act wearily; like they are expectig for Dean to jump on them. He
understands this behaviour, he would have probably done the same.

Sam smiles; laughs; and grins almost all the time. He
is still the fierce leader to this people. That Dean understands and makes him
proud.

What bothers him... It�s the guy named Joshua...

It�s not like he dislikes him. It�s more like... he
can�t stand the way he touches; talks and simply watches Sam...

One afternoon; Bobby has to drags him away from his
brother to explain him.

�Things changed Dean... And when you died; Joshua was
the one that picked your brother�s pieces... They are lovers...� the old man
explains; his hands fumbling clearly showing the discomfort of the discussion.

�What?� Not the smartest thing to say... But what
could he possibly say to that? He�s not disgusted; not at all. He has seen far
to many things in his life (and death) to not understand his brother�s needs.

But this...
This is overwhelming. And for the first time since he
is back; Dean realizes he doesn�t know his brother. He doesn�t know the man Sam
has become...

So he watches, he learns, he re-discovers.

There are things that show more than others.
The way Sam grows quite; deep in thought.� That�s usual; but now there�s an edge to it.
Like he is planning things far beyond his reach.
The way he would sit with the children and help them
in their lessons. The way he becomes a teacher and father figure to these new
hunters.
How he sits with other hunters; pin pointing mistakes
and flaws in their huntings. Making them sharper, better.

Soon, he realizes that Sam Winchester is more than
just a hope and a hero. He�s become a legend, a teacher and a master; a hunter
that knows far too much at the age of thirty. A man that can deal with demons
with such ease that leaves bluffed even the most experienced.

And Dean...
Dean doesn�t know if he belongs in this world Sam has
created.

Sam doesn�t hunt. At least not activately. He prepares,
researches, gives advice and shelter. He is more like an scholar.
And this guy... Joshua, he is probably the only other
person for who Sam smiles and relaxes with.

He knows he is jealous; that he is lost. But he also
knows that he won�t leave. Not unless he leaves with Sammy at his side.

But it�s not until he watches Sam fuck Josh that he
realizes how deep the changes are... In both of them.

His knuckles turn white with the pressure of his
feelings. He bits his lower lip as he sees Sam kiss this other man. He can feel
his eyes sting as Sam treats Joshua like he is the most precious possesion he
ever had. The way he carefully lays him on the bed; how his mouth trails kisses
along his chest; how his hands massage the other man�s neck. How he prepares
him with tongue and teeth; how he slids in...

He leaves, unable to see the rest. Knowing that he is
more fucked up than he could ever imagine. He wonders if hell did this to him;
but he knows deep down that this was something he had always been aiming to.
Something that was always there but that he never acknowledged... Until now...

The next day; he�s on edge. The image of his naked
brother fucking that guy burns in his Mind�s eye.

Sam, on the other hand, knows something�s up with
Dean. But he can�t really say what. So he just sits in silence beside him. The
night before, had been his last time with Joshua. Because now that Dean�s back;
he knows he would not be able to hold them both.

He chooses to lose a lover and gain a friend. He would
never do anything that might hurt Dean, and he knows that his relationship with
Joshua had an unsettling weight on Dean�s mind.

�A penny for your thoughts...� he calls; smiling a
tired smiled at Dean.

Dean doesn�t answer. He doesn�t move. He doesn�t know
where he stands, not anymore at least.

�Even if I�m a psychic wonder, I�m not a mind
reader.... Tell me what�s wrong Dean� he pleads softly.

Neither of the boys were prepared for Dean�s reaction.

The oldest pushes Sam unto the floor; his hands
holding Sam�s shoulders down. He is straddling Sam, and for a moment he looks
just as confused and surprised as Sammy is.
His hands are shacking; and he doesn�t know what to
to.
His mind shuts off; and his body; his needs take over.

Sam doesn�t even have the time to blink; and the next
thing he knows is that Dean�s mouth is on his own.
All teeth and tongue; panting breaths; iron grips and
pain-pleasure .
And Sam has never been happier.

The walls come crashing down. And the passion; the
need takes over. Finally; they are home. Finally; they are complete.

It�s messy; hard and fast. But this was them. This was
the Winchester way.
And they wouldn�t have it any other way.

So yes, time passes by. People change; things and ways
change.
But what is really important; what the heart holds
dear... That never changes...
- 1
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What matters...