Just on the Lexx, traveling through the Light universe and searching for a home, 790 happens to be the only one on the bridge and sitting on the pedestal when the Lexx picks up a signal and displays it on the screen. It happens to be a video from the planet Orgasmos. As soon as the video disappears, Stan comes from a passage way to check on 790.
Stanley: Anything interesting on the screen, robot?
790: Not a thing, captain.
790 replies with a grin.
Stanley: Oh, okay.
And then Stan walks back into the passageway. He heads into Xev’s room to state some terms, cause he’s desperate. Xev, was of course, filing her finger nails with a bone and looks up at Stan as he approaches the bed.
Stanley: Okay Xev, what’s it gonna take? To get you into bed, state your terms. I’ll do anything.
Xev: Stanley, you’re so forward.
Stan leans forward, desperately.
Stanley: It’s called desperate. I’m going out of my mind and jumping out of my skin. Don’t tell you’re not either.
Xev: Oh, I am. Believe it.
Stanley: So?
Stan asks with a grin on his face. Hoping Xev would just give in, but it doesn’t work.
Xev: So? No.
Xev replies without hesitating. Stan pouts, but isn’t willing to give up.
Stanley: Look, pretend I’m Kai. I don’t care. We’ve been out here forever and I need some love.
Xev: I know. If I could, I would. But just one look at you and I can’t.
Stanley: Okay, look. We don’t have to touch unless we have to touch. Give me something Xev, please.
Xev: I’m not getting what I want either. Life’s not fair.
Stanley: Okay, okay.
Stan leaves, unsatisfied. Guess he’ll have to try something else for satisfaction. Xev is unsatisfied too, but goes back to filing her nails. He goes to the bridge, steps onto the platform and broadcasts a signal. A signal that may help him find some love.
Stanley: Ladies of the universe. This is Stan, your man, Tweedle. I am a superior example of the male human species. The guy who knows how to provide, shall we say, the ultimate in sexual ecstacy.
790: You mean supreme idiocy.
790 remarks. That doesn’t stop Stan from continuing his broadcast and jumps down from the platform.
Stanley: Ladies, the word is love and I am the word. Whisper it soft, shout it strong. Say it ladies, all night long “Stanley, yes.”
Xev goes into the cryochamber and wakes up Kai from cryostasis. He gazes on her as she approaches him.
Xev: I wanna do it.
Kai: Do what?
Xev: It. I wanna do it with you.
Kai: By “it”, I suspect that you mean “sex.”
Xev: Exactly.
Kai: My sex organ hasn’t been functioned in 2,000 years.
Xev climbs on top of him anyways and responds.
Xev: My sex organ is never functioned, so we have a lot of catching up to do.
Kai undestands, but can’t do anything about it and tries to explain it to Xev.
Kai: Xev, you are clearly desirable and beautiful, but now sex to me is nothing but an intellectual concept.
Xev: I don’t care if you’re dead. I don’t care if can appreciate this in your mind. I have a hyper-active libido and I need you now.
And tries to kiss him. Kai doesn’t respond, which disappoints Xev.
Xev: I can’t do this alone.
Kai: I can’t do it at all.
Xev is disappointed. She runs out of the cryochamber shouting back “I HATE YOU!” Back on the bridge, Stan is laid back on the pedestal and surprised that no one has picked up his broadcast.
Stanley: Respond, please respond. I’m sure you all had far worst than me. Probably not that hot yourself. So come on, respond.
Stanley, then, gives his attention to the Lexx.
Stanley: Lexx, I want you to listen for anything that comes through. I wanna hear everything that might sound intelligent.
Stan requests as he nods off, standing up on the platform. 790 makes a remark.
790: So, he can learn what intelligence is.
Stanley: Understand Lexx?
Lexx: Yes I do, Stan.
And completely nods off. The Lexx wakes up Stan for the signal it came upon.
Lexx: I came upon an intelligent signal, Stan.
The Lexx repeats until Stan is woken up.
Stanley: Okay, lets hear it.
Stan becomes surprised. It’s a distress signal from a planet called Orgasmos. A signal demanding the need for men. As the directions were given, Stan takes this opportunity to tell the Lexx to follow the signal.
Stanley: Lexx, can you tell which direction that signal came from?
Lexx: Yes I can, Stan.
Stanley: Well, head straight for it.
Lexx: As you command, Stan.
Stanley: As fast as you can. Faster than you can.
Stan, giddy as could be, couldn’t wait to get there. He couldn’t wait to have a good time.
790: Joy can be found in the little things of life.
And sighs. After a few minutes, Stan checks the Lexx’s progress on finding his destination.
Stanley: Lexx, are we close to finding that signal?
Lexx: I think so.
Stan goes over the directions in his mind, but can’t remember everything, except for the fact that the planet he’s looking for only has two moons.
790: I can’t wait.
A couple of minutes go by and Xev enters the bridge. She is curious and sees Stan pacing back and forth.
Xev: Hey, what’s up with you?
Stanley replies to her question by going about the different types of women that’s out there and what he’s interested in. Xev responds by saying “I think you finally lost your mind.” Just then, Lexx loses the signal. It appears to have eaten it.
Stanley: Are we any close to that signal, Lexx, we gotta find that planet.
Xev: What planet?
Stanley: A planet that I found. I’m gonna go there and have an extremely good time. But, I can find a necrophilic planet for you and drop you off.
Xev took that as an insult and bites back.
Xev: I oughta drop you on the floor.
And walks off angry, but stops in her tracks when Lexx mentions that it has lost the signal.
Lexx: The signal is no longer being transmitted, Stan.
Stanley: Well, you gotta relocate it.
And tries to make another transmission.
Stanley: Orgasmos, this is Stanley Tweedle. I’m a functioning man and I got what you need.
Then Xev proceeds off the bridge and into a passageway and back to her room. Later, she is sitting up in her bad and examining her naked body. She is also thinking about her alternatives. On the bridge, Stan has pretty much given up on the hope of retrieving the Orgasmos signal. Xev comes back onto the bridge, this time with nothing to lose, but her virginity to Stan.
Xev: Stan?
Stanley: What?
Xev: I’m ready.
Stan gives her his attention. 790 is shocked.
790: Xev, what are you saying?
Xev: 790, off.
790‘s eye screens flicker off. Xev’s attention is back at Stan.
Xev: Look, I can’t hold out any longer. Take me before I change my mind.
Stan rises to his feet and faces Xev. He is hard, and Xev could see the bulge growing between his legs.
Stanley: Don’t toy with me, Xev. I can’t take it.
Xev, in the mood, grabs Stan’s hands and guides them toward her breasts.
Xev: Can you take this?
Stanley: Yeah.
Stan notices the heat from her eyes and responds in an erotic tone.
Stanley: Oh Xev. We’re gonna rock the heavens, you won’t regret this.
Xev: I already do, so shut up and kiss me.
As Xev leans in for the kiss, they both end up falling to the floor. Xev, straddles him and tries to help Stan unzip his uniform. Stan moves his hands down and grabs her ass, to help her grind against his hardness, as she starts kissing down his neck. He nibbles on her left arms before she uses it to unbuckle his belt and get his zipper down passed his crotch.
Xev rises a little bit above Stan, just long enough for him to free his long and hard shaft from the impending fabric of his boxer briefs. Xev sat up and beside him to take a look at Stan’s penis, which was longer than she expected. It was thirteen inches long, not as thick, and it curved downward. The first thing Xev wanted to do with it, was play with it. She’s a clusterlizard with a curious mind.
Stan just spreads his legs and places his arms behind his head and watches Xev do her thing. She reaches for the tip of his shaft and stroke her hand down to the base and back up again. She leans her head forward and down at his long penis. She starts licking from the base of his shaft and guiding he tongue to the tip and back down again. She does this a couple of times before grabbing his penis, with both hands. Her tongue was fingering the peehole as her mouth went around his cockhead. Stan moaned, as he enjoyed this.
Stanley: Oh, Xev. This feels so good.
After a few sucking motions, Xev looked up at Stan, with one hand still around his cock. Her Clusterlizard side was about to kick in. Stan looked at her, but had no idea if she was finished pleasing him or not. He wasn’t expecting her to start purring at him. His first thought was that she was gonna eat him.
She quickly pounced on top of him. Once his cock penetrated her tight and swollen pussy, she let out a screeching, ear-splitting growl. She had know idea that her first time was gonna hurt this much. Maybe it’s because Stan is so well-endowed. Stan only had to cover his ears for a few seconds before placing his hands around her hips. He grinded his teeth, in pain, as her pussy muscles clenched tightly around his cock.
Xev, then, began moving up and down his cock. Starting out slowly at first, then faster as her pussy began to like the feeling of rubbing against him as she rode him faster and harder. They were breathing so hard, that he couldn’t stand this any longer. He wanted to fuck her so hard. He wanted to fuck her so hard, she’d be tired tomorrow. So he propped himself up, but took her off his cock, so that they could switch positions. He turned her around, so that her back was facing him. She was still on top of him. He placed his cock back at her entrance and thrusted inside.
Xev: Oh, Stan!
She screamed aloud. Both their legs spread apart to give Stan easy access into Xev’s pussy. He held her stomach with his right hand and kept himself propped up on his left. He kept thrusting into her until she screamed for more.
Xev: Give me more, Stan. I want more.
She screamed again as he hit her g-spot with each strong, manly thrust. Stan was sweating by this point. He pounded away inside her harder, faster, and deeper until both of them felt themselves coming.
Stanley: Oh Xev. You’re so beautiful.
He grunted as he came deep inside of her. She climaxed, with him at the same time. She was in love with this feeling. She quivered as he pulled out of her and collapsed beside him. They were so out of breath, they could hardly speak. He had never experienced that type of passion with anyone. He ran his hand across her forehead and through her red hair as he looked at her. She was gorgeous. And her mouth slightly open to breath. Her sweat glistening on her face she opened her eyes.
Xev: Oh Stan. Why didn’t I do this a long time ago?
Stanley: Yeah right. That was the best sex I ever had in the two universes. That was way beyond perfection.
Xev: Stan, tell anyone about this, I will have to eat you.
Stanley: You don’t have to worry about that.
Then as they closed their eyes to rest, little did they know that Kai was standing in the passageway. He had seen the whole thing. He left to go back into cryostasis.
~The End