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Love Without Restraint	By : cowgirl65 Category: 1 through F > The Big Valley Views: 1007 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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“…the ideal should be to be capable of loving a woman or a man; either, a human being, without feeling fear, restraint or obligation.” ~ Simone de Beauvoir

Jarrod looked at his watch and swore under his breath. If he didn’t move quickly, he was going to be late and he didn’t want to incur his mother or brother’s wrath if that happened. Stuffing the papers into his case to work on later, he snagged his hat and gunbelt and barely took the time to lock the door behind him.
Hurrying down the street, he didn’t look where he was going and ran into someone as he rounded a corner. But it was impossible for him to mistake the scent of the one he collided with and Jarrod’s heartbeat quickened as they extricated themselves.
“And where are you going in such a hurry, counsellor?” Stockton’s sheriff drawled. His blue eyes twinkled and Jarrod repressed an urge to kiss those sexy lips.
“Home. Nick’s fiancée is coming out for dinner and I’m late.”
“Well, I won’t keep you then. Have a good night, Jarrod.”
“Goodnight, Dave.” Jarrod turned to watch his lover walk away, letting himself regret for a moment that they couldn’t go home together and say their goodnights in bed as they turned down the lamp. Then he straightened his shoulders and hurried to the livery for his horse.
*
“That was wonderful. You wouldn’t mind showing me your recipe, would you, Silas?’
Silas smiled at Nick’s fiancée. “Of course not, Miss Emily. I’d be pleased to.” He finished pouring the coffee. “Will there be anything else, Mrs. Barkley?”
“No thank you, Silas. Everything was excellent as always.”
Victoria smiled as the conversation continued around the table. Finally, all her children had found someone to make them happy. She looked fondly at Heath and Sharon, who was dandling their six-month-old son on her lap. Something had sparked between them all those years ago during the Kilkenny Farms incident, but Heath had still been finding his way as a Barkley, Sharon was caught up in building a new life for her family and it took them almost ten years to find each other again.
She then turned her attention to Nick and the vivacious blonde seated beside him. So many heartaches over the years for her big-hearted son, but finally the right woman had fallen into his lap. Literally. Victoria’s smile grew wider as she remembered the expression on both their faces when Emily fell off the fence she was perched on to land squarely on Nick. They were both smitten and now, three months later, another wedding was being planned.
Victoria sent a thought of good wishes to her daughter, married to a Boston doctor she’d met on her travels through Europe. She’d been out to visit only last month and made a promise to herself to visit again soon before the babies had grown too much.
Then she caught a movement out of the corner of her eye and she watched Jarrod lean back and light a cigar. She knew he was happy in his relationship with Dave Barrett, but couldn’t help herself from wishing he could share his happiness with the family like his brothers did. She wondered if there was ever a chance that Jarrod might have a family the same as the rest of her children, but quickly banished that thought. Jarrod and Dave had been together for over six years and even though their relationship was something rarely discussed, she considered Dave a valued family friend and knowing what she did, it wasn’t hard for Victoria to see how much in love they were.
Then her attention was caught when Emily said, “Now we just have to find someone for you, Jarrod.”
Jarrod must have inhaled the wrong way and he started coughing into the momentary silence around the table. He took a sip of his coffee. “I think I’m a bit too set in my ways to be thinking of that,” he said lightly.
“Nonsense,” Emily scoffed. “I’m sure Victoria would like to see you with a wife and children of your own, isn’t that right?” She turned to her future mother-in-law expectantly.
Victoria was at a loss for what to say. Of course she wanted that, but she’d never ask it of her son. She would never want Jarrod to go against his heart and she knew his heart belonged solely to Stockton’s dark-haired sheriff. But she couldn’t very well tell Emily that, so she just said, “As long as Jarrod’s happy, I’m happy.” Which was nothing less than the truth.
Jarrod smiled at her gratefully. “Thank you, Mother.”
Then Nick spoke up. “Besides, Jarrod’s too busy with causes and cases to look for a wife, ain’t that right, counsellor?”
Before Jarrod could answer, Emily smiled brightly. “Oh, well, that’s no problem. I’m a very good matchmaker.” Jarrod tried to protest, but Emily didn’t let him get a word in as she went on about the virtues of several unmarried young women she knew. Victoria saw him look to his brothers for help, but Nick just kept his head down, shoulders shaking slightly with mirth and she noticed Heath’s amused grin when Sharon started conspiring with Emily.
“You’re doomed, big brother,” Heath teased and Jarrod just sighed in exasperation.
*
Jarrod looked up at the soft swish of fabric. “What are you still doing up?” he asked of his mother when she sat in the chair across the desk.
“I was coming to ask you the same question.”
Jarrod just quirked an eyebrow. “I didn’t want to be late for dinner,” he explained, “so I brought the rest of my work home with me.”
Victoria looked at him sternly. “Jarrod, you need to finish up and get your rest,” she scolded.
Chuckling, Jarrod acquiesced. “Yes, Mother, I was almost done anyway.” He made a few more notes as she watched.
“Jarrod, why don’t you have Dave over for dinner more often? You know he’s always welcome.”
Jarrod looked up in surprise and saw only curiosity on his mother’s face. His relationship with Dave was never discussed around the family; since they’d found out, the only person he’d talked to about it was Heath and that was rarely. “We don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable,” he explained slowly. “Dave and I talked about it and we thought it would be better if we kept things as quiet as possible.” He wondered at the hint of sadness in her smile.
“I just…” Victoria looked him in the eye and this time all he saw was determination. “You love him,” she stated, “and you have just as much right to share that love with your family as your brothers do.”
Jarrod was a bit taken aback by her forthrightness, but her acceptance meant a lot to him. “Thank-you, Mother, but even though I know you and Heath accept it, the fact that Dave and I are together still makes Nick uncomfortable. And besides, there’s also Sharon and Emily to consider.” He shook his head. “Much as I would love to, I still think it’s for the best that we don’t.”
Victoria sighed. “Could I at least get to enjoy my son’s happiness sometimes? Maybe when no one else is home?”
“Of course you can, lovely lady.” Jarrod came around to desk and kissed her cheek, trying to contain the surge of emotion at the love he felt for the woman who had borne him. “I promise I’ll invite Dave out more often if that’s what you want. It’s not like it’s a secret that we’re good friends.”
Victoria smiled as she stood. “I’d like that. I meant what I said at dinner, all I want is for you to be happy.”
“I hope you’re the only one who meant what she said,” Jarrod told her with a wry chuckle.
Victoria patted his hand. “I don’t think you have to worry, dear. If Nick can’t talk Emily out of her scheme, the fact that you won’t go along with it will stop it dead in its tracks.”
*
Nick shared a warm goodnight kiss with Emily after they pulled up in front of her house.
“Good night, Nick.”
“Night, Emily.” He walked her to the door. “Emily?” he asked as her hand touched the latch. “Don’t push too hard with Jarrod, okay?”
Emily turned to him with a puzzled expression. “Don’t you want your brother to find someone to spend his life with, like we have?”
“Of course I do, it’s just…” Nick paused. He couldn’t very well tell her that it seemed Jarrod had found someone in the form of Sheriff Barrett. “He lost his wife tragically a number of years ago,” he offered as an explanation.
Emily’s face filled with sympathy. “Oh, the poor man. I had no idea.” She leaned in and gave Nick a quick kiss. “He still deserves to have someone, Nick. See you in church on Sunday?”
“Yeah.” Nick made sure she latched the door behind her before getting back in the buggy and flicking the reins to send the horse home.
He’d certainly be more comfortable if Jarrod had a relationship with one of Emily’s friends. But if he looked past the distaste he felt when he thought about his brother being intimate with another man, he had to admit that Dave and Jarrod were well suited to one another and the sheriff certainly seemed to make his brother happy. Nick’s mind inadvertently went back to the time he’d caught them together and he wondered if Jarrod always took it up the ass or if they took turns. Then he shook his head to clear the disturbing image. Dave cared for his brother and Nick suddenly realized that was all that counted. It didn’t matter what they did when they were alone and it wasn’t something he had to think about. Dave made Jarrod happy and Nick experienced a surge of respect for his brother that he could stay true to someone he loved despite all that was against them and guilt that he was one of those who had condemned them. He found he could be truly happy for his brother and resolved to make sure Jarrod knew it.
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Love Without Restraint