I Blame the TARDIS for This One | By : ChibiAyane Category: 1 through F > Doctor Who Views: 2513 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I in no way own Doctor Who or it's characters, they belong solely to the BBC. This fanfic work is for fun, not profit. |
A few months after the Master's paradox was broken and the Year That Never Was, the Doctor tried to take the Master to someplace interesting. A planet that he couldn't cause trouble on but still kind of enjoy himself at the same time. They didn't go there. The TARDIS had other plans and the Doctor will always blame the TARDIS for this little misadventure.
"Oof!" the Doctor grunted as he landed on the grated floor, when the TARDIS landed rather roughly. "I. Hate. Your. TARDIS!" the Master yelled angrily from the floor. "Yeah, well," the Doctor started. "She hates you too." The Doctor jumped up from the floor, like landing hard on his bum was nothing new. He looked at the data screen to check where they were. "What!? I wanted to go Aborigine II, why are we on Hitomebore?" The Master stood up and cleared his throat. "I'll say it again...I ha-" "Oh, shut up!" the Doctor grouched. The Master smirked. The Doctor went around the console and grabbed up his long coat. "Why are we on a planet called 'Love at first sight'?" The Master grimaced when he translated the name. "I don't know," the Doctor answered, while the Master followed him to the door and they had a look outside. They stepped out and found that they had landed in the middle of a festival. Except one thing stood out about this festival, making it very different from any other they had been to; they were surrounded by couples. Couples holding hands. Couples holding hands or kissing. Couples of all shapes and sizes and orientations. They both turned around slowly and tried to open the TARDIS door, to escape the sickening atmosphere... but it was locked. The Doctor turned the key over and over again, snapped his fingers and banged on the door but it wouldn't budge. He smacked his head on the blue painted wood, defeated and the Master gave him a genuine death glare. "I hate you and your TARDIS!" the Master hissed. "Yes. I hate myself at the moment," the Doctor mumbled, his face pressed to the wood. "I hate the TARDIS right now too. Why, old girl? Why do you always do this to me?" the Doctor asked as he stroked the wooden door. "'Always'?" the Master asked, exasperated by the Doctor and his moody TARDIS. "Well, not 'always'..." The Doctor shrugged. "Just... 'often'." The Master widened his eyes and glared daggers at the Doctor. "What? She never does it without a reason. It means there's something I need to do here." The Doctor smiled and turned back around to survey the crowd. "I am not walking through this crowd with you." The Master inched away from the Doctor with a look of disgust etched into his features. "Fine, stay here then." The Doctor shrugged again. "But this is the fifty-first century and you might have noticed that this crowd isn't all couples, there are some people here looking for a companion to be a couple with." The Doctor nodded at a group of men across the way, who obviously swung in every way, as they were watching the men and women of every species walk by and were also glancing repeatedly at the Doctor and the Master. "We separate and you're most likely to be hit on at least once." The Doctor looked the Master up and down, appraising his appeal. "Maybe more than once, if not molested," the Doctor muttered, tilting his head. He turned back to the crowd to decide which way to go. The Master cursed under his breath almost inaudibly. "Come on," the Doctor sang and wandered off, hands in his pockets. The Master hesitated a few moments, before sighing heavily and following with his arms crossed and grumbling, looking very much like a grumpy little kid. "Like they'd get a chance to molest me before I rip their limbs off," the Master growled to himself. They meandered through the bustling crowd, each having their bum groped only a handful of times, thankfully without the Master ever being able to discern who had touched him in the large crowd. One person even got gutsy, grabbing and squeezing the Master's crotch, making him yelp in surprise. He missed killing that person too, before the Doctor turned to see why he had yelled. The Master was steadily getting more and more unhinged, closer and closer to murdering everyone in the immediate vicinity. Hitomebore was apparently known for it's lack of laws against public displays of affection because even nudity and voyeurism was legal. They saw several people going at it right in the middle of the crowd as they walked through what they learned was the "Daisuki Festival", a festival to celebrate and enhance one's love for another. Or several others, they witnessed in some cases. There were many different kinds of music playing, people dancing together and there were many different kinds of food, games and other attractions, almost all of them sex related. The Dango might have been more enjoyable if they hadn't been phallus shaped. But there were still plenty of simple and innocent things for couples to do to make a few pleasant non-carnal memories. The Doctor even stopped to play Kingyo Sukui, a game to catch goldfish with a paper net. He caught a cute little orange betta goldfish with handsome black spots. They put the little fish into a clear plastic bag filled with water for the Doctor to keep as his prize. He kept the fish, even though the Master warned him that he would probably just end up killing the poor thing after a few days. The goldfish escaped it's fate of death-by-Doctor-neglect, when a young woman ran into the Doctor crying her eyes out. The Doctor asked her why she was crying and when she told him in almost unintelligible sobs that her boyfriend had dumped her, he gave her the goldfish to make her feel better and told her that he was giving it to her as a present so she could take her mind off of painful things by caring for their little golden friend. The Master sneered at the Doctor's sickening and excessive kindness, he was sure the woman would just walk away thinking him to be a nosy creep but she didn't. The woman bestowed the Doctor with a teary smile and a quick peck on the cheek before disappearing into the crowd with her new pet fish in hand. They would later find out that this was the real reason the TARDIS had brought them here. To cheer up a young woman, who would later become a very important and powerful politician, fighting for marriage rights for all species and genders in the entire galaxy. The little fish became a friend and high point in this part of her life, allowing her the ability to continue caring for others. The memory of the kind man who gave it to her became the driving force of her motivation to make other people happy as well, the best way she could; by helping them to love whomever they wanted, no restrictions. She forever had a crush on the man who's name she never learned and who's smile she fell in love with, even after she married her future wife and later adopted their daughter. Without the Doctor's kindness and his little goldfish, she would have been so broken hearted and depressed about her break up that she would have committed suicide, ending her bright future before it could even start. The rest of the happenings on this trip were just the TARDIS having a little fun with her Time Lords. The Doctor and the Master continued their stroll through the crowd, eating fried foods (a lot of them were curiously shaped) and taking in the sights while trying to ignore the eye-burning pornographic displays being put on by the festival patrons. They tried to avoid running into the couples who were copulating but there were many nooks and crannies for people to hide in to make love. There were sexing couples everywhere, if you bothered to look for them. The Doctor and the Master couldn't help noticing everything they saw with how their Time Lord brains worked, so they caught sight of just about every sex scene there was in their path. "Humans are so disgusting," the Master grumbled behind the Doctor's back after they had edged around a couple of men having sex against a drink stall. One of the men moaned and winked at the Master with lusty eyes as he passed them. The Doctor didn't say anything to that, just gave the Master a forced smile with raised eyebrows and continued walking. After walking through the heavy crowd of people for another hour and being hit on a few times in the process (The Doctor having to hold the Master back from killing one man who had used a rather explicit pick-up line), they came across a long, narrow wooden building with a particularly long line at the entrance. There was an advert beside the door for "Hana's Love Rooms" and their world famous "Koi Ni Ochimasu" aphrodisiac. There was a young woman dressed in a white cat outfit with short pink hair at the door shouting catchphrases and selling tickets to eager couples. "Novelty rooms! Free Koi Ni Ochimasu with purchase of two hour rental!" she yelled over and over in her thick Japanese accent between other phrases. The girl saw the two of them and smiled at them, then winked. The Master scoffed but the Doctor had a quizzical look. "I bet she likes you," the Master snickered. "Or you," the Doctor argued. "Of course she does, everyone likes me," the Master said, smiling brightly. "No hypnotism," the Doctor told him, giving him firm glare. "Why the hell would I want to hypnotize anyone on this primitive planet?" the Master asked the Doctor incredulously. "Just making sure," the Doctor answered, smiling. "Would you like a novelty room?" someone asked, getting their attention. They turned to find that the pink haired girl had come over to them. "I'm Hana!" she told them brightly. "Oh, hi! No, we don't need a room. We're not a couple," the Doctor answered a little too quickly. "Nani?" Hana said. The Doctor became confused and looked it too. "We're not a couple!" the Doctor almost yelled, gesturing at himself and the Master. "Nani wo iimashita ka?" Hana asked. The Doctor raised his eyebrow questioningly. "What is your TARDIS up to now?" the Master growled. "I'm not sure. Apparently, the TARDIS isn't translating what we're saying," the Doctor mumbled. "No shit," the Master said, glowering. "Try speaking in Japanese." "Fuufu desu?" Hana asked them. "Um," the Doctor had a thinking face. "Watashitachi wa fuufu ja nai!" Apparently Hana heard something completely different from what the Doctor was really saying because she suddenly smiled and turned to another older woman who had taken Hana's place at the entrance and shouted something to her. "Watashitachi wa niai no kappuru! Kekkon seikatsu no atarashi!" "What?!" the Doctor asked, looking every bit as scared as he felt. The Doctor and the Master understood perfectly well what Hana was saying and what they themselves were saying, but for some reason the TARDIS was translating to Hana something completely different from what they were actually saying. And she wasn't translating anything to the two of them at all! The older woman smiled brightly and waved to a couple of attendants, who then ushered the Master and the Doctor into the building ahead of everyone else in line. The people in line were cheering the two of them on, for some reason. The two Time Lords weakly protesting in Japanese and English and getting nowhere, were almost carried through the crowd of people. The Master only just stopped himself from murdering them all over a miscommunication. After all, the TARDIS was who he was angry with at that moment. "You have won today's grand prize!" Hana said, in English they noticed. So, the TARDIS was translating to them, now that they were in the building. What are you up to, old girl? The Doctor thought to himself. They were shoved into the most expensive room Hana had to offer, completely confused about what just happened. They looked around to find themselves in a room that was decorated as a traditional Japanese bridal suite, except the futon wasn't on the floor like it normally would have been. It was on a large raised bed, the bedding topped with several throw pillows and the blanket was covered in excessive amounts of red rose petals. There were no windows and there were red lanterns bathing the room in a pleasant red glow. They turned and tried to open the door to leave, but again they came across a door that would not budge, just like the TARDIS had done when they first arrived. The Doctor sighed in defeat, the Master stood there clenching his fists. "This is ridiculous!" the Master growled at the Doctor. "You have this kind of crap happen to you all the time?" He had to ask because the Doctor just sighed, tossed his coat aside, brushed the petals out of the way and laid on the bed lazily. Stuffing a pillow under his head, he sighed again. It looked like the Doctor was used to being thrown into random places for no reason and locked inside. "No, not all the time," the Doctor said lightly, crossing his ankles and resting his hands on his belly. "How long do we have sit in here before they let us out?" the Master grumbled, coming to stand next to the bed and glaring at the Doctor. The Doctor just shrugged, by way of answering. The Master growled in his throat and sat on the other side of the bed, leaning against the headboard with his arms crossed and looking thoroughly pissed. "Only you would be this nonchalant about being imprisoned somewhere against your will." "I'm used to it. And we're not being imprisoned," the Doctor said, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. "I'm pretty sure they just think that we are another couple like the rest of the people at this festival, a married couple whom they apparently think need a love room." The Doctor shrugged again. "When we get back to the TARDIS, I am going to fix every broken circuit so she can't pull this shit anymore!" the Master told the Doctor, angrily. "Oi! Keep your hands off my TARDIS!" "I'm curious as to why you haven't put her back in her place by now? She's supposed to serve her pilot unquestioningly and follow his instructions to the letter. Not skip about wherever at her own whimsy, dropping you into random places and leave you wondering why you're there." "I've tried fixing her but whatever I manage to fix properly just busts again as soon as I head off." The Doctor shrugged. "I could fix everything that needed fixing while I'm on Earth and as soon as I try to go somewhere else, everything just reverts back to what it was like before, as though I hadn't even touched it! You really think I haven't tried to fix her Chameleon Circuit a million times already?" The Doctor was almost glaring at the Master like he was stupid. "Well, obviously you've done a crap job of it. Don't worry, I'll make sure it's done right." The Master smiled sardonically at him. "If you think I'm going to let you touch any of her circuits even with my supervision, you are sadly mistaken!" The Doctor gave a look that said the Master was being an utter fool. "If you think I'm going to travel around in a moody TARDIS with faulty circuits, then you are sadly mistaken." The Master glared at him. "Like you have a choice in the matter," the Doctor said, chuckling. "I should have just killed you when I took over the Earth," the Master grumbled. "Would've made my life so much easier." "You should have," the Doctor agreed, looking from an objective view of the Master's actions. "Why didn't you?" The Master didn't answer, just crossed his arms tighter and looked away. "You don't know why you didn't do it?" the Doctor asked, really just trying to make conversation. The Doctor smiled then and asked, "What's the matter? Don't want to tell me that you only kept me alive so you could gloat?" The Master looked at the Doctor, his expression saying that was exactly what he didn't want to say or admit to. The Doctor smiled wider and giggled. "Oh, I know you too well." "Do you now?" the Master asked rhetorically. "Yes, far too well," the Doctor answered anyway and smiled again. "You don't know a damn thing!" the Master burst out. "I'm sorry?" the Doctor asked incredulously. "What don't I know?" "How to fix a TARDIS for starters!" "Oi! When did this become my fault?" "The moment you turned into a glowing angel back on the Valiant and spoiled all of my plans!" "Why are you getting so angry about it now?" "It's been simmering in my brain since!" the Master shouted, sitting forward. "And this was just enough to make it boil over! You are a sad excuse for a Time Lord, yet you win the biggest war in history, single-handed. You get everything I strive for or could possibly want without even trying and whenever I get close to getting what I want, you snatch it right out from under me!" "I didn't win anything!" the Doctor spat, sitting up. "I lost everything I cared about and I try everyday to get some of it back or find something to replace it!" the Doctor said, venomously. "I don't want anything other than to travel the universe and have a good companion who won't die on me! I was kind of hoping that would be you but apparently I'm kidding myself, again!" The Doctor laid back down and turned away from the Master. "You are such a self-righteous bastard! Why the hell would I want to travel with you?!" the Master jabbed. The Doctor ignored him, his mind was racing with all of his painful memories and also wondering why things had suddenly gotten so emotional, so out of hand. Then he noticed something that changed his mood entirely. "What's that smell?" the Doctor asked. "What?!" the Master spluttered, confounded by the Doctor's sudden change of topic.Hitomebore - Love at first sight
Daisuki - Love/Like you a lot Dango - Rice dumpling (usually served on a stick) Kingyo Sukui - Goldfish Rescue Hana - Flower Koi Ni Ochimasu - Fall in love Nani? - What? Nani wo iimashita ka? - What did you say? Fuufu desu? - Are you married? Watashitachi wa fuufu ja nai! - We are not a married couple! Watashitachi wa niai no kappuru! Kekkon seikatsu no atarashi! - We have a perfect couple! Newly weds!While AFF and its agents attempt to remove all illegal works from the site as quickly and thoroughly as possible, there is always the possibility that some submissions may be overlooked or dismissed in error. The AFF system includes a rigorous and complex abuse control system in order to prevent improper use of the AFF service, and we hope that its deployment indicates a good-faith effort to eliminate any illegal material on the site in a fair and unbiased manner. This abuse control system is run in accordance with the strict guidelines specified above.
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