A Tale Of Two Idiots | By : TheLabRat Category: G through L > Haven Views: 1281 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: I don't own Haven, it's characters or anything even remotely related. And I make no money in writing this. |
A Tale Of Two Idiots
I awoke just the same way as I did every morning; that day.
There wasn't anything particularly special about it.I remember reaching out and clamping my hand over the alarm clock, to silence the annoying chirping, and then sighing when I realized I'd broken another one.The most minor things depend on my line of sight and perfect muscle control. I can't feel anything, and 'cause and effect' means I sure do have knack for breaking electronics, if I'm not careful. I let off another sigh and stretched. Not because I could feel anything, but because logically, I knew my muscles needed it after sleeping a full eight hours. Showering and dressing, and all the things in between, take no time at all when you have zero preference in water temperature. Sadly, it's one of the things I missed feeling the most.I kept a list…
As depressing as it is, I find it helps… sometimes.And a steamy shower rolling over strained muscles, forcing them to relax; that feeling is number four.Numbers one through three aren't of any consequence at the moment.I'd been driving up through town towards the station, coffee in hand, when I spotted her. She was wearing jeans and a teal green plaid shirt. A mass of curly red hair, just visible from her position under the hood of the old impala, was impossible to miss. I pulled over and parked, making sure to make extra noise so I wouldn't startle her."Good morning, ma'am. Is there any way I can help here?"As I stepped up to her left side, I was frozen in my tracks. Bright sea green, ringed in gold with flecks if Brown in the center. Her eyes were of a sort I'd never seen before. Piercing, yet warm at the same time."Oh yes, if you please? I'm absolute crap at dealing with car issues, but I figured it couldn't hurt to try, right? Unfortunately, I can't tell what's wrong. So the whole point of trying seems pretty dumb now."I laughed lightly.
"Depends on who you ask… Me? I think trying is better than sitting still and doing nothing. Let me take a look."Glancing in, I noticed her fan belt had snapped. I reached down and pulled it lose. "You happen to have an extra pair of panty hose?"As I turned back to face her, I could've snorted with the laughter I was trying to hold in check. The confusion registered strongly in her face and she seemed to be struggling with whether or not to actually answer my question. I took pity on her. "Your belt is broken. But I can fashion you a temporary one out of some hose. It should get you by until you get to the garage about a mile up that-a-way. After that, it should be a quick fix."She was quick to respond, then. "Oh, I do. That's wonderful! Thank you, kindly."She scrambled over to the back of the car, popped the trunk, and returned a few moments later. Hose in hand. I made quick work of it, and she was so grateful she hugged me. It was a downright shame that I couldn't feel it. She seemed like the kind of woman who just emanates warmth. I kept the smile on my face as she thanked me again. I just shrugged and told her that it was all part of the job. That helping out beautiful woman in distress just happened to be a perk. I realized too late how that sounded and stammered out an apology. I never was very good with woman. A fact I could blame Duke for.Duke Crocker.Oh, but the blame for my ineptitude with woman certainly rested squarely upon his shoulders.Him and those fucking tacks…Worse yet, if I thought about it long enough, I could see how the cruel-boy-turned-smuggler had always somehow been a major part of my life.
Even now, I just can't seem to shake him.Now isn't that just the way to kill any happy mood in the morning? I sighed at the thought then blinked and realized I hadn't been paying proper attention to what she'd been saying."...swear you've made my day. Really saved my life! I wish there was something I could do for you. Good deeds should always be rewarded."I smiled and ducked my head, shaking it lightly from side to side. "I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm fine... really. You have a good day now… alright?" I closed the impala's hood with a heavy thud.She turned and moved to return to her seat on the driver’s side.
"Mark my words... Your kindness has been a blessing, and I intend to return the favor. PeopleI stood, shook away the stars in my vision and adjusted the water temperature to as hot as I could stand it before I lifted my face into the oncoming spray.
It was absolutely glorious.I nearly jumped at the vibration that I'd never realized accompanied the buzz of my phone.
"Good morning, Parker."I heard a laugh at the other end of the line. "Well aren't you downright chipper this morning? I'm almost sorry to call you with this. Duke says he needs one of us down there and I'm in the middle of my own situation. Can you go see what's up?"Any other day and I might have sighed, asking whatever deity is up there exactly what it was that I'd done wrong in this life or the last. But since it was the best day I could remember having in a very long time, I just nodded to myself and asked, "Sure thing. So is he on the Rouge or at the Gull?"The drive over was refreshing, with the windows down and the wind blowing my hair around every which way. I couldn't have stopped smiling the entire way if my life had depended upon it.The smile didn't last though.There was a 'Closed' sign up on the doors at the Gull, but the door was left ajar. I stepped out of my truck and pulled my gun out of its holster at my hip. Using my foot to inch the door open wider, I called out.
"Duke? You here?""I'm in here! What took you so long? I've been robbed!" And as I walked in and through the restaurant, into the bar, I could see that was true enough. The place was a mess, though nothing really seemed to be broken, and the register was both open and empty. It was actually the only thing that seemed to be really damaged, as it appeared to have been bashed open.Duke was nowhere in sight, but I could hear him well enough. He seemed to be behind the bar, or rather, crouched beneath it. I sighed and returned my gun to its place on my hip."What happened here?"Duke popped his head up to give me an incredulous look, to which, I sighed. "I mean,His breath, minty fresh, ghosted over my jaw... And his nose grazed the shell of my ear in such a way that it felt, well it felt intimate.
"The thought never crossed my mind." And it was weird how easily I could speak back. As though none of this was throwing my whole world askew… It was almost amusing, in that 'Twilight Zone' sort of way.I wasn't prepared for the rush of cold air as his arm withdrew.
"Where's Audrey?"I also wasn't prepared for the feeling of fingertips gently curling into the short hairs on the back of my neck. He spoke to me just as he always did. In that same devil may care, cavalier tone. To his credit, he didn't even bat an eyelash when I turned my face towards him, to reply. But his fingers were still there. Just out of my eyesight. It was a very curious thing, indeed. One, for the obvious, and two... Two because again, it was amazingly easy to pretend I wasn't feeling it, at least, outwardly. Inside was another matter altogether.I spared myself another moment of confusion thinking it over.…One single moment.It wasn't long... Barely a breath, and in that moment the fingertips were gone. Reappearing in my line of sight, but in his hair this time… pushing the long strands out of his face while I replied.
"She's dealing with something else this morning. Figured I could handle this one on my own... Difficult as it is."He smiled at that, and nodded to himself as he spun and surveyed the area once again. "Fair enough. So what happens now? Fingerprinting? Crime scene photos? An official investigation?" He said the word official while making quotations in the air with his fingers.Typical.I arched a speculative brow and shrugged. "Depends… Are you sure you're okay with me sniffing around here?" I glanced around the room as if I could see the contraband and paraphernalia he certainly had, in all of his hidden coves and compartments.Duke's hands lifted in a sort of welcoming gesture. "Have at it. Though, truth be told... If I did have anything to hide, you'd certainly never find it."And there was something about the way he said that, like he was so sure... Like he meant every word… Like those words were important somehow. Something tugged at my subconscious, but I batted it aside to remain within the present.
"Duke Crocker, offering up his place for search and seizure... Will the wonders never cease?" I laughed lightly to myself, then continued in a more serious tone. "I'll go get my kit. You're not going to be able to open up for a good while, if at all today. Fair warning." He nodded and waved both me and my words off.Haven doesn't have a separate forensics department. Out here cops do everything the old fashioned way, all by themselves. I turned my back to him and began retracing my steps back outside.
I almost stopped dead.It was a supreme effort on my part, the not stopping. Because I'd just about reached my maximum level for strangeness today.
And it was strange.His fingers...Soft and quick.They slid up under the back of my tee shirt. Just a gentle scrape against my lower back. And my breath caught.Because it was the first time I'd felt any sort of touch like that, in such a very long time.Because it was far gentler than I would ever have been able to give him credit for… especially when it came to him touching me.There was something clawing around in the very back of my brain, trying to alert me to... something.And because I liked it.
I ambled over to the truck in a sort of daze, reaching in and pulling out the field kit in an all too familiar movement, while my thoughts raced.I mean... What the hell was that? And why didn't I stop it?And there went my synapses… firing off right on cue. It could be a trouble. In fact, it had to be. There's no way that this was a simple coincidence.Because Duke would never in his right mind touch me like that. Not voluntarily, anyways.And on the day I just so happened to lose my own trouble?This reeked of the usual Haven-style sort of case.Well, I could simply just investigate both, here and now. What was that old saying? Something about two birds and a stone?
Yeah, that's the idea.
It was with a renewed sense of purpose that I stepped back into the Grey Gull.I can honestly say I thought he'd be there every step of the way, trying his best to annoy me into an early grave.And he was there... He just let me do my job.Mostly.I wanted to ask him directly if he'd been feeling strange, or maybe had some weird impulses he'd been acting on, but I honestly couldn't think of a way to do so without having to explain myself.And that was weird, too. Because I didn't want him to know I could feel. And I couldn't pinpoint why.Maybe it was because of the history between us, or maybe it's because whatever trouble is screwing with him might be in some way because of me. The fact remains that I had to get to the bottom of this somehow.It would certainly be awkward beyond belief to say it outright.But strange things happen here all the time.And Duke and I both knew that well, first hand.I was crouched low, fingerprinting an overturned table when his hand slid into my hair. I'd heard him approach, he hadn't been quiet about it... But I hadn't really thought he'd keep on touching me.Or maybe I did?It made sense to be starved for physical attention, so much so that I'd simply take any from anyone who offered today.Especially since number three on my list happened to be the feeling of someone else playing with my hair.Something about it reminds me of days when I was small, and of warmth, and home cooked meals.
"...really think you're going to find out who did all this?" I was surprised at the way he predicted how I'd lift my head to regard him. His hand slid out of my hair and casually to his side. As if nothing at all were happening here.
"I think, if it is kids, then it won't be a stretch to assume I've delt with them before. And if their prints are in the system, yeah, I'll get 'em. The real question is, what would you like me to do about it? After all, Duke Crocker has never been the sort to follow the legal channels for anything. Why start now?""Maybe because I'm not the criminal you want me to be... Not anymore, at least. Who knows? Maybe your influence has inspired me to do better."
Standing, I moved my kit aside, and dropped the lifted prints into it before I bent and grabbed the edge of the table, to set it to rights."Maybe it's gonna take more than a few well placed words for me to believe that. Maybe when hell freezes over, maybe never... "Hands, hidden by the bottom of my tee shirt sagging as I bent, slid around my waist. Palms flat against my abs, sliding up to the bottom of my ribcage, tickled and fluttered over the muscles there. Small circles, drawn lazily with a thumb, were smoothing over my starved skin in what can only be described as an affectionate gesture.
It felt like ages passed, but really... It was such a quick thing.I barely had time for my eyes to slip shut before they were disappearing again, at the very same moment I'd stood up straight. Duke was still close though. His body was flush against my back. And if I kept my face forward, I could pretend not to know."Are you feeling alright?" The words slipped out before I could stop myself. And the warmth at my back disappeared. A half a second later he was three feet away while he responded, and something inside my brain clicked."Me? Fit as a fiddle. Why do you ask?" I frowned to myself as I shrugged outwardly in a silent reply.Duke had no way of knowing I could feel him... And he was making sure to touch me in ways he knew I couldn't see...
"Just curious."He wasn't doing this to fuck with me.He was simply touching me... For what I can only assume to be for his benefit.If this were some sort of trouble, I certainly couldn't see the how or the why of it. Because there's no way he just started doing this today. It was too smooth, his predictions of how I move and when. He's studied me long enough to know. It was enough to give me serious pause.And worst of all, I wanted it. I tried to picture my reaction to this behavior, if it were coming from anyone else in town... But that did nothing. Because Duke wasn't everyone else…He was just... Duke.
The same guy who stood by me and risked his life during one trouble after another, with nothing to gain for himself by doing so… The very same one who came to me and helped me to bury my father on one of the hardest days I could ever remember having.Admittedly it was hard to reconcile the man here with the boy that he was. And I'm certainly the first to hold those old grudges... with both hands.But...The divide between between us has been shrinking, little by little... and something like this could and would definitely damage whatever tentative friendship we've been building here.Do I really want that?The course to follow is obvious, though.If this is a trouble, confrontation is necessary to discern the motive and a possible suspect with an especially odd trouble. But I don't really think losing my trouble and his behavior are connected. Not if he's been doing this for a while, like I'm starting to suspect. And if I were to be totally honest here, I'm afraid. I don't want to lose sensation, lose myself, again.The self disgust I suddenly felt was palpable. I've never been one to put my own needs first, above anyone's. And to start now would be deplorable.It might be time to call Audrey.We'd been moving around, seeing all of the tables back to their original spots, while my brain spun itself in circles. I suppose my internal confusion must have been evident in my expression."What's the matter Wuornos?"I opened my mouth to snap out a reply, but thought better of it. My own mental meanderings were hardly his fault, weird touching aside."Have you pissed someone off recently? More than usual? Is there any reason you can think of that would make someone want to mess with you?"
The look I received was both curious and speculative as he took a moment to think."Nope. I honestly haven't been doing anything new, other than running this place and helping you and Audrey whenever you so happen to call. Haven't had time for much else."He relaxed and leaned against the bar, running long fingers absently over his stomach, as if he were contemplating food. And why that even mattered enough to register, I couldn't say. Shaking my head once to refocus, I forced myself to return to the topic at hand.And right now, that topic was Duke's character. I knew he was apt to bend the truth whenever he saw fit, but he actually seemed totally sincere. For once.And I believed him.Frowning, I drifted around, helping him clean up as best I could.
And every few minutes, his fingers returned. Touches light, gentle, and soft. Sometimes they were quick and barely there. Others were languid and lasted almost a full minute. Caresses, squeezes, presses... Over and over again. My spine, my neck, even my ass at one point.And that one certainly gave me a shock.But it was always in areas of my body that I couldn't rightly see. Always in such a way that I'd be completely oblivious to, were I still troubled. And it was strange, because it almost felt like... like he cared… like there was genuine feeling behind them.Like I was something...Precious.I caught myself staring at him more than once.Flat out. At the way he tucked stray stands of hair behind his ears, it'd finally gotten long enough.... At the way he curled his fingers around a chair leg and lifted. At the way his leg muscles flexed and shifted. It wasn't until I'd caught myself watching the way he chewed on his bottom lip that I'd realized the severity of it.Something is clearly wrong with me.But who knew there was so much to see?Like the way his back curved while he stretched. Or the way his expressions changed while he worked, because Duke never could stop thinking.He couldn't stop moving either.He always had to be doing something. Sitting still had never been his forte. I honestly don't think even sleep could keep him still. He probably tosses and turns and kicks. I could just see it now...I was pulled abruptly from my musings and into pools the color of chocolate... No, the color of coffee with just slightest bit of milk... No. There was gold there... Maybe they were just the color of warm brown earth flecked with something else. My mouth lost all its moisture and my palms were damp. All the while, my heart pounding in my ears made it difficult to hear him speak... But watching his lips move just made things a thousand times worse.".... useful, Nathan?"He was close again, but directly in front of me this time. And it was terrifying… in a way that I couldn't put my finger on. I thought to back away, to run even... But the warm press of his palm on my shoulder turned my feet to stone. Moving them just wasn't an option. I realized belatedly that he'd asked a question, to which I needed to respond."I... Uh... Yeah. Got some prints... Oh, and a shoe print off of the bar. Size 5 in men's. I'm definitely thinking teenagers."He nodded silently and turned away, in favor of cleaning up an overturned trash barrel, while I stared on in horrified fascination.I am such an idiot.It's abundantly clear to me now. Crystal, in fact. I've lost it. There's just no other explanation for the way my stomach keeps fluttering wildly, or the way my fingertips itch with wanting to do something insanely stupid... Like touch him back.
And the urge was growing.With every stolen caress, with every passing glance... this energy... It seemed to fill me up and steal into the space between us.And I'm surely going batty.This doesn't feel like a trouble.It feels like attraction.Intense and raw and... real.My phone chirping and vibrating with a text alert made me jump almost clear out of my skin.'Things are all clear on my end. You need any help with Duke?'My fingers moved to type out a reply.
'Maybe. I think I'm going crazy...'I shook my head and deleted it... then tried again.'I think he's been affected by a trouble... I might be too. 'Scanning it, I sighed and deleted it all again. Warmth, both comforting and unnerving pressed against my back. Still, I didn't move or react. Not once.Not even when cool lips pressed timidly against the back of my neck, just below my hairline. My eyes did fall shut though. Unintentionally magnifying the sensation. His lips didn't pull away when I'd expected. They dragged softly down to just above the collar of my shirt and I thought for sure he could feel my heart racing. It was pretty much impossible not to... What with the way it was beating right out of my chest and all. I bit my lip to stifle a tiny sound my throat practically begged to make, and made a silentHe was blinking wide eyes again, scratching the back of his head in nervousness. It was a habit he'd retained from the old days, and it was strange seeing him use it now. This Duke was always confident and cocky. Always so sure of himself, the world, and his place in it... It was nice to see him acting so young again.
"Y-Yeah, okay. I'm opening up in about an hour or so. Stop in anytime after. I'll let whoever comes in on the bar know you're drinking for free tonight."Still smiling slightly, I shook my head.
"Thanks... won't be necessary, though. Law enforcement doesn't pay much, but I think I can afford a drink or two. Care to join me for one?"And there was the confusion I was expecting. All over his face. I'm sure there was some on mine as well, because I hadn't been intending to ask him that at all. It just sort of popped out. But if the indulgent, albeit awkward, smile that lit his features was any indication, he didn't seem all that opposed to the idea... Which wasn't odd per say. We've sat and had a drink together with Audrey before.Just not by ourselves."Not to sound like a dick... But did you hit your head, Wuornos?"I laughed, shook my head once in the negative and then shrugged lightly. "Suppose I'll just take that as a no, then."I wasn't sure what I expected... But I should have expected that.Clearly, I'm an idiot.I shook my head again in disbelief at my own gall and turned to leave...I felt the hand wrap around my wrist but I didn't stop moving. Not until the pull on my wrist forced me to stop. Turning slowly, I glanced down at his hand. The grip was tight... And his hand flexed around my racing pulse.His skin tone was darker than mine. I didn't tend to leave mine exposed, after all. But I liked the way we looked, side by side. The moment grew a little tense when I realized two things.One, I was still staring at his hand.And two, he still hadn't let go.I cleared my throat, my own nervous habit, and glanced up at him. He was also looking down at where our skin was still touching, where he was still touching me. His mouth opened and closed a few times... And it was almost another full minute before he actually spoke words, and not just awkward non syllables."No... U-uh... Yeah. I mean... Sure. A drink would be fine. Only, I don't really drink with the masses much these days..." And that was true. Duke hadn't been as much of a socialite as of late. Which wasn't like him. Duke always did love to be the life of the party. But things have changed. He doesn't really hang around with anyone in town anymore, and he certainly hasn't had any wild nights that we've heard about.The Helena incident notwithstanding, of course.He really hasn't had much cause to trust many people since then, and I can't say as I blame him.The troubles made everyone uneasy these days, with good reason. His own made him much more so.
Nodding once to myself I shrugged another shoulder.
"How about some poker on the Rouge then? Just us... No innocent bystanders."
I'd only meant it as a joke, a stab at our own animosity towards each other, but something flashed across his face. Something very close to pain. He must have taken it another way. And I wasn't prepared for the rush of guilt and remorse I felt.I added a quick "And I'll even promise not to punch you. But only if you'll promise the same."This seemed to ease the, whatever it was that I'd caused him. He flashed an easy and cocky grin, I never realized how nice those were to see, and crossed his arms over his chest.My wrist felt far too cold at my side."Like you could take me anyways."The return to our usual banter, familiar ground, seemed to comfort him. And who was I to deny him that?His hand returned to the back of his neck, for just a moment, and then he nodded.
"Sure. But no crying to me when you end up broke."I nodded and shrugged."Fair enough."I turned my back to him, and bent to pick up my kit. I couldn't help the smile that floated across my lips when the now almost familiar touch fluttered across my shoulder blades.I didn't even look back at him. I just waved at him over my shoulder and said I'd see him at seven.It was a quick drive back to the station. I submitted the evidence for processing and went to my desk to write it all up. It only took maybe twenty minutes total. But I could only file the initial report anyhow. The rest would have to wait until I actually had a suspect or two.
Audrey was filing a report of her own, it seemed. I arched a curious brow in her direction when IThis wasn't a date, after all.
So instead I stopped by the old pizza place in town and grabbed a large with pepperoni.At 6:54 I was walking onto the Cape Rouge, pizza in hand. But Duke was nowhere in sight. Setting the pizza down on the nearby table I went below deck and called after him, but there wasn't any answer.Music floated to my ears so I followed it. All the way back, into what must have been Duke's bedroom... Seeing as there happened to be a bed and a half naked Duke within it. He hadn't seen me yet. I knew I should call out again... But something held my tongue. Low rise skinny jeans were all he was wearing as he swayed slightly to the beat. I stood all of maybe ten feet away from his place in front of his closet. He moved a few hangers around and seemed to be singing along to the song blasting around us.My mouth went slack.His hair was damp, as though he'd just been in the shower. And there were tiny droplets of water sliding all the way down his body... Unconsciously, I fixated on a single drop that fell from his hair onto his shoulders... And stood there fascinated, while it began inching and twisting over the contours and curves of his skin... until it was lost to my sight, dipping into the waistband of his jeans. Miles of tanned, sculpted and smooth flesh stood bare before me. Muscles unconsciously flexing while he moved...I could barely breathe.Of all the things I'd ever thought about Duke in the past, I can honestly say that 'sexy' had never been in that list. But clearly I had some re-evaluating to do here.
Because sexy barely even begins to do justice to what he is.The way he moves, the way he chews his bottom lip when he's thinking hard about something, the way he sulks, and the way he grins...Damn.Duke Crocker is undeniably, irrefutably hot.And I'm so screwed, I can feel it. I'm letting this go too far, and I'm not even sure I want to stop anymore. I can't even bring myself to care.Fire... Thy name is Duke, and I think I'd like to play.He moved to stand in front of the mirror while I collected myself. Apparently he'd chosen a white tee shirt and a light blue knit cardigan. One of his favorites, if I had to guess… Judging by how often he wore it, anyway. I was almost sad to watch him cover up, and that felt pretty weird to admit... But it was true.He began playing with his hair. Deciding how he was going to wear it, from what I could tell. He left it down and that... that really pleased me, for some reason.
I'd never really thought about it... But maybe I did like it better down, instead of pulled back. Not that he doesn't look good either way… and he knows it. I just don't think it's ever really mattered to me before, and I couldn't figure out why it should now. But it did.I leaned my left side against the door frame and crossed my arms, getting comfortable, while I waited for him to notice me.That actually didn't happen for a bit longer. He put on socks, his favorite necklaces, and oddly enough, one tiny spray of cologne before he decided he was done. It wasn't until he actually went over to his iPod and shut the music off that he realized I was there. And he practically jumped out of his skin when he did."Oh, shit! Jesus Nathan... Warn a guy. Nearly scared me half to death." I shrugged and lifted the corner of my mouth into a half smile."I called out but you couldn't hear me... So I waited." He shook his head and carded a hand through his hair once again."Fine. Sorry, I didn't realize I was running late..." A chirping sound suddenly filed the air, cutting him off. It took me all of a moment to realize it was an alarm coming from his phone, which was currently resting on the bed. He glanced over at it and then back to me."You dick! It wasn't my fault... You're early!" He playfully shoved the shoulder not resting against the wall and shook his head, mumbling as he walked passed me and out into the living room style area behind me. "Leave it to the golden boy to show up five minutes early..."I blinked in surprise and followed.
"Golden boy? What's that supposed to mean, exactly?" My tone was simply casual and curious. But I'd never actually heard him call me that before and I really wanted to know.He moved to the mini bar he had set up on the left side of the room, and grabbed two glasses and a bottle of Scotch."It means that you've always been the prefect son of the sheriff. Always the gentleman. The guy who everyone compares to everyone else who could never measure up. Never steps a toe out of line, much less a foot. Sunshine practically pours off of you... Not everyone can live up to that."I frowned, ducking my head and shifting my weight from foot to foot, suddenly very uncomfortable and more than a little defensive."Yeah, well maybe that's something I've always disliked about myself. I'm not the man people come to for a night on the town. Hell, I'm not the man people invite to anything, much less a party. I'm certainly not the man who had enough stones to take off at eighteen... to get out of this town and actually live a little. Maybe I'm tired of people assuming I'm just plain boring old Nathan Wuornos. Too good and proper to stir up any trouble. Maybe I've always wondered what it's like to be like you... the man who always made his own rules, and lived his own way. Not everyone can live up to that."It was his turn to duck his head, this time. And he half lifted his left hand in his usual nervous gesture but realized at the last second that his hands were still full. Laughing slightly to himself, he motioned towards the bar.
"Grab whatever strikes your fancy."I shook my head once after glancing at the bottle he held. "Glenfiddich is fine by me. I brought pizza by the way... It's topside."And he beamed at me suddenly... My mouth went dry and my heart skipped."Well why didn't you say so? Let's get this thing started."Two hours later I threw my cards down on the table with a sigh. I'd lost yet another game. Duke was laughing as he cleared the money off of the table."Aww... Don't start whining on me now, Wuornos. I did warn you."He shook a finger at me playfully and I chuckled too, because I should have expected this."Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot how well you used to hustle way back when. My fault."He laughed and stood. "Way back? Please. I'm so much better at it now. Be right back. Gotta grab another bottle... We kicked this one." He waved the empty bottle for emphasis and I nodded, waving him off.And he walked behind me... I should have expected it, really... But it was still a surprise, when he carded fingertips through my hair. And I found it frustratingly difficult to stop myself from leaning into it.
But it was gone a moment later anyways.
The thing that was much more disconcerting, though? My body chose to react in an entirely new way this time. I reached down and awkwardly shifted myself to relieve the sudden pressure.The sigh that left me then, was deep and long. I leaned back and let my head drop down against the chair while I rubbed my hands over my face… because I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.I didn't hear him return.But I sure felt it.Nimble fingers slid over my stomach, trailing up to dance over my chest and I closed my eyes even though my hands still hid my face.Because... Dear god.Who knew that alcohol could intensify that fluttering in my stomach tenfold? My skin felt electric... so sensitive I was to his touch. Goose bumps rose along my arms, but I was far from cold.
And then, as quick as the fingers had appeared, they were gone. His footsteps suddenly became heavy, and the sound of his chair scraping against the deck filled the air.I dropped my hands and shifted my glass closer to him in a silent request for a refill. He complied and I took a sip while he leaned back and arched, stretching long arms above him. And I don't know why, but his tattoos were suddenly fascinating."Did they hurt?" He knew what I was talking about and shrugged before holding up his left arm, pointing to the one just under his bicep."This one hurt the most. But it wasn't excruciating or anything." I motioned for him to lean forward so I could get a better look. And surprisingly, he did. I reached out and held it up for closer inspection… making sure to keep my fingers light against his skin."Don't go where the path may lead you, but instead go where there is no path and leave a trail behind you. That's actually kind of... I mean, it doesn't sound like the sort of thing you'd think about. Let alone permanently etch into your skin."It was clear to me by this point that I was at least half in the bag. I had to be. Holding out his arm and staring openly at his tattoo, tracing the edges with my thumb. Like it was the most interesting thing I'd ever seen… because right now, it is. He had several pieces. And I'd only really known that vaguely. Just as an afterthought. And I'd seen this one before. It was one of many, yes.... But this one seemed more important somehow.He leaned back into his chair and I followed, leaning forward in mine, still holding his arm up to study the curved and precise lettering. Duke, for his credit, took a sip of his Scotch and allowed it. But it was another moment or two before he answered. And it seemed he was taking the time to choose his words, like it was a matter of some great importance. And when he did finally speak, I realized.... surprisingly... that they were. Important, I mean."It's to remind me that I'm not my family... I'm not my father or my grandfather. My last name may be Crocker, but I am my own person... and I alone decide who I am, what I'll do, and who I'll be. Not them, or anyone else for that matter. It's my story. And in my story, I refuse to be the bad guy. I'm a good person, and that's the way I'm going to stay. Troubles or no."The intensity of his gaze, when our eyes locked, was not something I could have prepared for. He was entirely focused on me, and there wasn't any rage or accusation on his face. His breathing was slow and steady.…But his eyes.They seemed alight with something... something fierce and challenging, and pleading, all at once.It was with shock that I realized that he was waiting for me, waiting for some sort of an answer or response.
I took another sip, slowly. To buy a moment to formulate some sort of witty retort, but I had none. My mind was a little fuzzy, and my belly was warm with drink... but thankfully, I was calm. I sighed heavily and spoke the truth.Plainly."You'll always be a good man, Duke. You've never been evil... You know? I mean… a complete pain in the ass? Sure. Conniving and calculated? No doubt. Kind of an asshole? Absolutely. But deep down, you've always been a good person… especially when it counts. When you see someone in trouble, you're the first to help. And when a friend really needs you, you're there. Whether they ask you to be or not… You may be a Crocker, but you're Duke first. That's why they call it a first name."Again, the day we laid my father to rest, came to mind. With that day alone, I was absolutely sure that every word I'd spoken was true. And I focused that certainty into my gaze and willed him to see it, to read that in my eyes. I guess he must have, because he smiled.And not a cocky smile or one of those irritating smirks of his... a real smile.
Like he was happy…I leaned back a bit and pulled my hand away from his arm. Letting it fall onto the table in front of me."Why, Nathan... That might actually be the nicest thing you've ever said to me."I laughed and shrugged a shoulder while I lifted my glass to my lips, speaking over the rim."My mom used to say you catch more flies with honey. I figured maybe it was time to put away the vinegar."I think I'd only meant it to mean that I wasn't going to hold old childish grudges against him anymore.That I knew we were different people now.That I was willing to let things settle between us.I hadn't realized until it was too late that it also sounded like I was flirting.But I wasn't.Flirting, that is.I couldn't be.Because, I wouldn't flirt with Duke…Not that he isn't worth flirting with."And just what are you trying to catch?"He was close when I looked back up. Too close. I was leaning over the table, on my left arm. Drink held aloft to my lips with my right, and his face was mere inches from mine... Nearly mimicking my pose, only he held his glass where it rested on the table in front of him. I tried to remember how we got here, but it was like a blur.Something had shifted between us. Something more than just the understanding we've come to...Something big, because it involved giving him the power to sting me, far more viciously than mere tacks ever could. This was way more serious... And scary as fuck, but I didn't know how to back down from it. I swallowed thickly, sliding my eyes back down to my glass and downing is contents, if only to wet my suddenly dry throat. Hoping he'd attribute my cherry red face to the drinking."Uh... I'm... I think it's time for another drink." It wasn't exactly deflecting, but I certainly had no idea how to answer his question. Plus, more booze seemed a wonderful idea.Before I had the chance to stand, his hand, warm and gentle, curled around my own and carefully pulled the glass from my fingers. And it felt almost as if he thought I'd fight him for it. I stared on as he lifted the bottle of Scotch with his free hand and poured me another two fingers worth.Setting the bottle down on the deck, somewhere to his right, he smiled again and held the glass out to me. I reached for it, and him, without thinking. This time, when our hands touched, a shock ran from my fingers all the way up to my chest.I swallowed audibly and looked up into his eyes. Fully aware that my fingers still covered his, I tilted my head curiously to the side.
"What about you, Duke? You, uh... You've put your vinegar away too. What exactly are you trying to catch?"I have no idea what possessed me. To blatantly ask him such a thing... Especially when I was so terrified of his answer. Irrational as that might be. It had to be the booze.His eyes seemed to be glittering in the Moonlight, and his gaze seared, steady and piercing... straight through me."Oh, nothing much. Just a little bit of sunshine... Golden boy."I was so nervous I nearly choked on nothing but air. But then I realized something... Duke's hand.It was trembling.
But that couldn't be right. Because the rest of him seemed so calm and collected. So nonchalant. There was no way he could possibly be as scared as I was.
But that tremble, it was still there, and getting slightly worse with every passing moment. The silence stretched for another moment while we stared at each other.The ball was firmly in my court, I realized.He was waiting to follow my lead.However I choose to respond will dictate anything else that might happen here.I bit my bottom lip and cleared my throat."Yeah? W-well maybe I think it's time I lived a little... Maybe I wanna stir things up."I pulled my drink gently from his grasp and downed it in one go, before seeing the glass back down onto the table.
I didn't look at him after I'd spoken. I was just too nervous. But I did stand up... I needed a moment to myself.
"Gonna hit the head."I guess I wasn't looking where I was going, because my shoulder slammed into the doorway with enough force to send me back a couple of steps."Oww... Fuck!"I'm not even sure what happened or how. But suddenly my back was against the wall next to the doorway, and Duke was pressed up against me, from shoulders to hips. I tried to push him off, but he had my wrists pinned up above my head."What?"Heat flooded me all over, all at once. He was too close. And his cologne... He smelled so good. His face was too close to focus on properly, but his lips... They looked so soft. And were they moving?"...can feel? What the fuck? How long, Nathan?! How long?!"
My eyes widened in fear and my legs started shaking. I would've worried about falling but Duke's body firmly prevented that. I took a slow, deep breath and closed my eyes."Just today. I woke up this morning... And I... I just could."I braced myself. I wasn't sure what he'd do. But it was possible that he'd choose to hit me. Certainly wouldn't be the first time.It might be the first time I deserved it though.But a moment passed and he just pressed himself harder against me."All day... All fucking day. Shit. Why didn't you say something? What is this? Some kind of fucking twisted joke? Were you just messing with me?" His grip on my wrists tightened and his voice dipped into a tone I couldn't recognize, because I'd never heard him use it before. But it somehow... It hurt to hear."That's what I've been wanting to ask you. What is this? What the fuck is going on? I thought it was a trouble at first. You know? But then I realized something... You make sure I can't see it when you touch me. So clearly you know you're doing it, and that you shouldn't be. Which means it can't be a trouble... So why? And why does it feel so fucking good? This is insane... Just... fucked up. And I've been going batshit crazy all day! How long, Duke?"The silence that followed my rant was filled with nothing but our heavy breaths. I slammed my head back against the wall in frustration and it seemed to break whatever was holding his tongue."What did you just say?"My eyes were still closed, because somehow it helped me to speak. If I couldn't see him then everything would be okay. But that was so stupid. And it made no sense. Didn't mean I was about to open them though.All of this was too much, just so overwhelming. I was cornered and drunk and I couldn't help it... My mouth just started running.
"I asked you how long... How long have you been touching me like that? You're too good at it… Too good at keeping quiet until you want me to hear you… Too good at sneaking touches just out of my line of sight. How fucking long have you been having fun at my expense, Duke? Let's fuck with the guy who can't feel, right? Same as you've always done. Well let me tell you something, asshole. Just because I can't feel anything doesn't mean I can't be hurt. So fucking fuck this and fuck you, too!"He took a deep breath. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest against mine. My face was surely red and I was busy trying to catch my own breath so I almost missed it when he spoke again."Not that..."I knocked my head against the wall again.Frustration winning out over common sense... And I was suddenly just so tired of everything.
"Not what?"His grip on my wrists loosened and then I felt him shift until he was holding both of my wrists in his left hand. His right found its way to my cheek... cupping my face in such a way, that I could almost call it tender. My whole body froze... waiting. A small sound escaped the back of my throat, but I refused to name it a whimper. Because that's one sound I don't make, as a general rule."Nathan... Nathan, look at me." I shook my head once and cleared my throat. But he pressed on. "Just open your eyes and look at me... please."My eyes opened on their own, without my consent… because Duke never said please. He wasn't big on manners, and I should know. He spent most of our childhood making fun of me for mine, after all.His hair fell forward to shield half of his face in shadow, but I could still clearly see both of his eyes. And my legs started shaking again. Because the look in them... The only way to describe it was heavy and raw and... Burning. And I couldn't help thinking, wow. It was... I was gonna have dreams about it, I was sure.
"I was talking about what you said before. Do you... You, you like it when I touch you... Don't you? You said it felt good..."
My mouth opened but I couldn't seem to form any words.But I guess I didn't need to, because the hand on my cheek slid up into my hair, curling dexterous fingers into the longer strands. I leaned into the touch, another small sound passing through my lips... And I wanted to hide… to bury my head in the sand and stay there until I died... It was that embarrassing. I made a half-hearted attempt to free my hands but Duke wouldn't have it."How good does it feel, Nathan? Tell me..." My eyes slid shut again as he bent his head to travel the length of my jaw with the tip of his nose. His heated breath ghosting down over my collar bone with every word he uttered."I'll bet it was such a shock, after so long... Going years without feeling anyone's hands or even just their body heat... And you let me. All morning... You let me touch you, however I liked. And you just pretended not to notice? There's only one reason you'd do that... You didn't want me to stop, right? So tell me... Did it just feel that good, hmm? Or was it because I was the one doing it? Did I turn you on?" His hand fell from my hair to my waist and started inching up under my tee shirt, pressing heated fingertips into the flesh beneath it."Do I get you hot, Wuornos?"That last sentence was practically moaned into my ear and a sharp jolt of unrelenting arousal shot from my lower stomach straight into my groin. His leg moved forward, forcing both of mine apart and pressing harshly in between them... and suddenly I was moaning too. And what's worse? My voice wasn't the only thing betraying me. My body surged forward, begging for more heat, more pressure... More Duke.Two fingers appeared under my chin, gently guiding my face up again. But I kept my eyes closed. I could deny him that much at least.
But he was cupping my jaw again, and smoothing circles over my cheek with his thumb.
"It’s okay, Nathan… I'm not gonna hurt you."And I wanted so badly to believe him, even as I shook my head at his words."I'd be an idiot and a fool to believe that just 'cause you say so."My wrists were starting to ache and I was still hard, almost painfully so. And that just made things worse, because as scared as I was… he still felt so fucking good. His chest rumbled and vibrated against mine with every word he spoke in an oddly soothing and pleasant way.He was speaking again. But it wasn't until his words registered that I opened my eyes."I think we've screwed things up between us for far too long now. So I'm going to tell you something. Something very important. And I need you to listen, okay?"I nodded once and furrowed my brows in confusion while he took a slow, deep breath.
"Everyone else in this town can think whatever they want about me. I honestly could care less. Yours is the only opinion I truly give a damn about. No one else ever even gave me a second glance growing up, and that was okay by me. But not you... No. I just couldn't stand that. I wanted... I needed you to see me. And at the time it didn't matter to me how I got you to look, or why. Just so long as you were looking. And never mind what that even meant because up until I came back, that was a complete mystery. I know that I've fucked things up royally over the years, and I've hurt you... Badly. But I'm not that confused kid or that awkward teenager anymore. I'm a man now. And as a man, I'd like to try and set the record straight. This isn't a game, and I'm not fucking around. So I'm going to kiss you now..."His hand, the one holding my wrists, suddenly let go and fell to his side as he took a single step back. His right hand stayed on my cheek though... Thumb still drawing soothing circles into the skin beneath it. I let my own hands fall to my sides, too stunned to speak. He studied me for a moment, looking for something I guess. I've no idea what, but another moment later he took yet another deep breath and continued."I'm going to kiss you, and if you don't want me to... Just, just push me away. One tiny push and I'll back off. I'll leave you alone, and never bother you again. Alright?"He waited until I nodded once, to show I understood, before he moved closer again... But this time was the total antithesis of the last. So slow and careful, like he was approaching some cornered wild beast. His eyes moving rapidly this way and that, watching my face, my hands and my feet all at once. But I wasn't moving at all. Rooted to the spot as I was, that would've been impossible. My brain was racing just as fast as my heart though, thoughts streaming around at a thousand miles per second.He needed me to see him?I don't know why but I thought back to softball, and all of the times he'd taunted me. Of when IHe needed me to see him, did he?
What a fucking joke.Blinking back into the present, I focused on his eyes, which were now so very close and still searching mine. He was pressed up against me again, but timidly this time. And his hand on my jaw was shaking so terribly, I thought my teeth might start chattering. His other hand, which had landed low on my hip, wasn't fairing any better.I lifted my hands and he froze instantly. Even his quaking hands stilled... mostly. And I blinked in slight shock, but pushed it aside and locked my gaze back onto chocolate brown eyes... focusing on the tiny flecks of gold hidden within them. It was so very strange, seeing them enhanced by the fear I never imagined I'd actually see within their depths. Duke was definitely a pirate at heart, and he'd done a lot of dangerous and stupid things, but fear had never even been a word in his vocabulary. It was utterly fascinating to see.He waited… so still and quiet that my own breathing was harsh and ridiculously loud in my ears.My right hand slid into the mass of hair covering his face and carefully held it back. I needed to see his face, all of it. But his hair surprised me into stillness again, just for a breath or two... It was just so much softer than I'd ever expected.My left hand moved to cup his jaw, a near perfect mirror of his pose, but I brushed my thumb along his bottom lip, instead of his cheek. And I was fascinated by the softness, the texture, and heavy breath he suddenly sucked in."You idiot... Trust a Crocker to get it all backwards." His muscles tensed in preparation for something, maybe? But I shook my head at him fondly and brushed the tip of his nose with mine.His brows furrowed, clearly confused but I just leaned back again to watch him. Waiting to see if he'd work it out on his own… After almost a full minute though, I sighed. Clearly, he needed that extra push."I guess we're both idiots. No matter how hard I tried... Oh, and I did try. I've never been able to look anywhere else."
I breathed the last word onto his lips, leaving just the slightest bit of space between us...And all at once, he came to life.
No more shaking, no more hesitating, no more stalling…His lips found mine and I groaned inwardly in satisfaction. His lips felt even better against my own than they ever could have against just the back of my neck.Though I wasn't opposed to a repeat... You know, just to check.Slow, starving, searing kisses... Open mouthed, just lips... Not even any tongue yet, and I couldn't remember receiving any better. His hands were hot and insistent in their exploration of my stomach. He'd slipped them up under my tee shirt, and trailed his fingertips over every inch he could find.Not that I was complaining, mind you.
My own were busy, too.I discovered he liked it when I touched him just as much as I did when he touched me, maybe even more so.His hair, his chest, his back, his perfectly round ass... Everywhere I touched was nothing short of amazing.He was shaking again, but in a totally different way this time. And it was just so wild. Knowing that he was so excited, because of me, that he really couldn't contain it. Me... Plain old boring Nathan Wuornos. It was the hottest thing ever.
My engine was thoroughly revved.He was rubbing his whole body up against mine in such a ridiculously erotic way that I thought I really might lose it, and embarrass myself so badly that I'd literally die of mortification.And that was before he started talking.Words started tumbling over his lips the second he pulled them away from mine."You really have no idea... Do you? The things you do to me. It's been years... years. Jesus, Nathan... If this is because of some stupid trouble I might just shoot myself. I wanna make you feel... And I wanna make you feel good, okay? Tell me its okay..."His voice was low, rumbling, husky and full of promise. I pulled him against me, but the full feel and pressure of him was impeded by our clothing. I felt like whimpering in frustration. But as previously mentioned, that just isn't a sound I make."Then hurry up already. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold off. It's been years since I've felt anything at all... and this? I'm on fucking overload already."He laughed and pushed my lips apart with his own to steal my breath, for just a moment. And when he pulled back again his eyes practically shined with mischief.
"Fucking overload, huh? I definitely like the sound of that."He was backing away suddenly, and I reached for him, inexplicably scared. But he just caught my hand with his and tugged me away from the wall."I've been thinking about this for far too long to have the first time end out here up against a wall. You... You definitely deserve a bed..."With that he gave my hand a squeeze and a gentle pull as he led me inside. I went blindly, my eyes focused solely on the lines of his back. The first time? That's what he'd said...For the second time today I admired the way he moved. But this time I did it openly.It was weird, stepping back into Duke's bedroom again. For one thing, I was invited this time. For another... This was entirely unprecedented.My throat went dry all over again when he turned and pulled me flush against him once more. Eyes dancing with delight, he let them roll over my body like I was a gift he couldn't wait to open. And staring at his sweater and tee shirt, I couldn't help but think that maybe the same was true in reverse. My hands gently tugged and pulled until he was bare chested before me once again. And I stood, openly taking him in.He was doing some tugging and pulling of his own but it wasn't until the cotton tee I was wearing slid over my face to obscure my vision that I realized he was even trying to get it off of me. He laughed and I just smiled sheepishly."I hardly even know where to start." The confession slipped from my lips without permission, but it was true. I could count the number of sexual encounters I'd ever had on two hands, and none of them had ever included a man. The odd fantasy here and there certainly didn't count.I was so caught up in thought that it took a second to realize that he was pushing me backwards. And it wasn't until I was falling that I understood his goal. When I landed with a bounce, I laughed and turned my gaze up to him. He was standing there above the bed, taking me in all over again.
"Christ, Nathan... You look so good tangled up in my sheets."I was laughing all over again, even as heat burned through my cheeks."Well I hope you plan on doing more than just looking..."One moment he was rubbing the back of his head and then the next he was sliding his opened jeans down slender hips. I swallowed harshly, suddenly unable to catch my breath.He really was tan all over.Apparently underwear wasn't something he always wore, and it was weirdly exciting to
He repeated the process slowly, to every other digit before nipping my wrist playfully, then soothed the sting with a quick flick of his tongue. I should be embarrassed by the litany of sounds he drew from me, just from that, but I didn't have the will to even try. He was smiling at me again, devilishly this time.
"How long has it been since you've touched yourself?" I really hadn't even thought about it in quite some time."I-uh... I don't know. It hasn't really been a priority, you know? My other senses... I can get to a certain point... But it's never enough. So... Touching myself never really matters anymore."That smile grew even wider."Show me? I wanna watch you... Wanna see how you like it..." When he saw my hesitation, he added a quick "Please?". And I really didn't like how he seemed to instinctively know that asking politely made me far less inclined to object. Three times he's said please now, and each time he'd gotten his way...I licked my palm, sliding my eyes shut once again. He was suddenly eerily quiet, and oh so still.It was so easy to pretend he wasn't there, at first. To pretend I was at home, all alone, in my own bed.Thinking about Duke, how he pressed me against the wall, with my arms above my head, with his knee pushing both of mine apart... Grinding against me. And that fucking voice, dripping sweet filth into my ear, asking if he got me hot.
I was moaning... And my hand worked, slow rhythmic strokes, twisting slightly at the tip. And fuck, but I could just imagine what his lips would feel like there. And that tongue...I almost came when warm wet heat surrounded my nipple, and my eyes shot open.
His hair tickled my chest as his slid his tongue over the captured pebbled nub in circles. His hands were on me again, one sliding into my hair, the other moving to otherwise unoccupied peak."What are you thinking about?" Hot words breathed into the sensitive skin trapped under his amazing lips."Ah-ha... Ah... You. Outside... Grinding me into the fucking wall a-and... Your mouth. Oh god... Your mouth..."He hummed in satisfaction and moved his lips away, dragging them up my chest, over my collar bone to latch on to the skin of my neck."What about my mouth, Nathan?"
A whine crawled out of my throat as we locked eyes. His were practically glittering in delight. I could only imagine how mine seemed to him."It's so good... Ah, incredible. Was thinking about how it'd feel around my... Around me."
He was kissing me again and it was deep this time… so deep that my toes curled. And when he pulled back I tried to reach for him, but he shook his head and let his lips and tongue dance down my chest and stomach. All the way to my hip, and my breath hitched. He wasn't...Gently, carefully, he slowed my hand, until he stilled it completely... and removed my fingers one by one.His tongue lapped at the dip in the line of my hip bone twice before smiled up at me once again.
"I bet it feels so much better than you imagine... Why don't we find out, huh? What do you think?"Puffs of heated breath fueled the fire burning between my legs, almost to the point of pain. Until finally... Finally, he wrapped his lips around me and sucked.
My whole body rose to meet him, and he had to use an arm to pin down my hips. My eyes slipped shut.I could barely think. The short words cycling through my brain on repeat were about the full function I could muster.
'Wet...''More...''Soft...''Please...''Duke!'I was too close already, and he knew it. I could tell when he pulled off suddenly."Don't you dare, Nathan. Don't you dare float away on me. You look at me, okay? I'm the one doing this to you... So stay here. Stay with me."He held my gaze, even after that sinfully delicious heat returned, and it was so muchIt was the most powerful thing I'd ever felt.
I reached for him again, guiding him up, and into my arms. His lips were still fucking perfect and the moan I pulled from him was satisfying on several levels.I snaked a clever hand between us and he hissed in surprise. Tan arms enveloped me, clutching me to him fiercely. But I was so distracted by this discovery that I had to voice it...He was spent already."When did you...?"My voice trailed off but I squeezed as hip gently and he understood. Ducking his head into my neck, he sighed."When I was... You were calling my name over and over, and your eyes were so fucking... And then your hand was in my hair. I didn't even mean to... It just happened."I chuckled and he stiffened but allowed me to drop a kiss onto his temple anyways.
"God that's hot. You're so fucking hot. I mean... You have no.... Do you even? Because... Jesus Christ, Duke!"Babbling was an inevitable after effect of orgasms for me. Half the time I don't make a whole lot of sense, but I made sure he understood this time. And he laughed too, right into my neck.It was amazing, the contentment that settled into me. Like I was finally... A whole person.
And that's just... It's the most terrifying thing about all of this.If he decided tomorrow that all of this was a mistake? I think... I'd never be the same again.No.I know I wouldn't.My eyes drifted to the clock on the bedside table and I groaned.
"It's two am... Fuck. Gotta be up in five hours."I'm not sure why, but the laughter faded, and he became so still I was worried he'd fallen asleep on me.But then he spoke."So is this the part where we have the awkward after sex I-don't-know-what-happened talk? Where you get dressed and leave? I mean, it's getting pretty late after all..."The way he said that... It sounded so casual… like it didn't matter… like he could care less.And that... well that hurt.I cleared my throat."I didn't... I mean... No. Is that what you, what you want? Because I can... I. Shit. Yeah, I guess... I'll just..." I'd already sat up, hands scrubbing over my face, my throat tight.And fuck this.
"It wasn't a mistake." Because it wasn't... It couldn't be. Nothing that makes me feel like that could ever be a mistake."I wanted it. But maybe it's too much... Maybe we're too..." The bed shifted, and a warm palm settled on to my back, but I flinched away from it and stood instead. I kept my gaze down... It'd just be so much worse if I looked at him.The warm palm returned, to my shoulder this time, halting my movements."Wait... Nathan. Just wait. I didn't mean it like that. Sorry. Just come back, okay? Come back to bed..."I tried to breathe slowly, evenly... to calm down.
"Tell me what it is you want here... I'm too old and too tired to play stupid games. If you know anything about me, you know that I mean the things I say and do. You know that much for sure. "He was pulling me back towards the bed, and I let him.
"I do know... I'm sorry. Look I'm a colossal moron. And to top it off, I killed the afterglow of amazing sex. It's almost unforgivable..." I cut him off before he had the chance to really get going."Then why did you?"We fell back into bed, me on my back and him curled up to my side. I tugged a pillow under my head and pulled him closer. Propping his chin up on my chest, he sighed heavily."Because it's too surreal... I know the other shoe is gonna drop... It's really just a matter of when. You're too good for someone like me, Nathan... You shine. I'll only stain you if you get too close... I'm too dirty. I've done too much. And then you'll leave me anyway."I laughed, but not in a condescending or hurtful way."I'm not the one who left, Duke. I've always been here." He went completely still, and his breathing picked up. He knew exactly what I was talking about.
Good."And I know who you are Duke Crocker. I've always known. Hell, I know you better than anyone else in this whole town."He nodded once and sighed again, scrubbing a hand through his hair."I left because I had to… because it hurt. Being near you, and being so confused all the time... I tried everything I could think of to get you outta my head. I drank, I slept with anyone who'd touch me, I fought random people and even tried to just keep my distance... to stay away from you... But I just couldn't leave you alone. I tried to ask you, if there was any reason why I should bother sticking around. 'Who'd even care', right? Do you remember? But you just called me a dick and told me to go off and rot. So I left."He buried his face in my belly and breathed in deeply before lifting his head again.
"And that worked... for a while. I even thought I fell in love with someone… someone just as dirty as me. But Evi and I? We were too different... And she was willing to go much farther into the seedy underworld than I ever cared to tread. It got too heavy for me. We split, in the end. And right after, do you know what I did? I came home. I couldn't get here fast enough, you know? And it wasn't until I saw your face again that I realized why. I mean why couldn't I get away from you? Half the world away... Why couldn't I stop wondering what you might be doing, or who you might have married? It was like a kick to the face when our eyes met the day I docked. And I knew. When I asked you to go fishing, it really was just to spend time with you. I got too nervous and didn't want you to figure anything out before I was ready to tell you, if ever. The opportunity to cover it presented itself and... I took it. Because I was weak. Because I could barely admit how I felt to myself, let alone to you. I'm not gonna lie... When it comes to you, I get stupid and I lose my head. It's how it's always been."I smiled and nodded while I laced our fingers together. I know the feeling. Well, since we're sharing... I cleared my throat and took a deep breath."I knew you were gone pretty quick... Two days after you left, I went looking for you... I thought. Well, I dunno what I thought. But I knew something was wrong. I sat on your bedroom floor for four hours, just staring at the empty walls. It was like you'd never even existed. And I hated you. God I hated you. I promised myself if I ever found you again I'd kick your sorry ass all the way up and down Main Street. But I couldn't figure out why it hurt so much. Why I felt betrayed. And it pissed me off, endlessly. Because no one else cared. No one else even noticed. And I thought, 'How can no one notice? Why doesn't anyone else see that Duke's supposed to be here? Why isn't their whole world all wrong, too?' But it was just me. I was the only one who felt that way. And I'd felt... Abandoned. But I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I kept telling myself that I should've been glad. That it should've been a relief. But the hole in my chest... The dull ache wouldn't quit. Not until the day I woke up and couldn't feel anything. Then a month later... You were back. And suddenly kicking your ass didn't matter so much anymore."I was startled to feel lips brushing mine, and a clever tongue asking to be invited between my own pair. My eyes had fallen shut halfway through my own explanation of events. It was hard looking him in the eyes while I confessed things I hadn't even thought about in years before tonight. In fact, I was fairly certain that this whole evening had pulled more words from my throat than any other day in my memory. I wasn't exactly a big talker to begin with, but this... All of these things, they needed to be said. I'd go so far as to wager that if we'd taken the time to talk things over properly ten years ago, we wouldn't have gone through half of what we'd endured because of it. But it was our way. And sometimes it's best to take the long way around anyhow.I wouldn't trade this night for anything in the world.When he pulled away, there was a question in his eyes. I partially ignored it and asked a question of my own."Can you set an alarm for seven? Gotta be at the station by eight..."He beamed at me and complied while I got a little more comfortable. Then he curled back up against me and I drifted off to sleep.Duke's alarm had to be the most annoying thing in the whole fucking universe, didn't it? l awoke to the dreadful clamor with a start and blindly reached out to turn it off. The sleepy chuckle in my ear was soft, as he burrowed closer to me. I so didn't want to get up.This was number two on that list I kept.Just being so close to someone you liked, sharing body heat. I'd missed the small comfort of it more than I liked to admit. And because of this, I allowed myself an extra few minutes to enjoy it.But I did have to rise. And two short minutes later I pulled away and stretched, sighing heavily. Then I rolled back over and sought out Duke's lips."I have to shower and get to the station. But I'll stop by later, if you want."A tanned hand reached out from the tangles of sheets and blankets and curled around the back of my neck. A gentle tug pulled me into another short kiss."You don't have to ask, Wuornos. I want you here... and anywhere else I can have you." His voice, thick with sleep, was warm against my cheek.I brushed wavy black stands away from his sleepy smile and nodded."Good to know." I stole one more quick kiss before I stood and ambled over to the doorway that led to his fairly small bathroom. No tub, but there was a sink, a toilet, a towel cubby and a shower.For the second day in a row, I was grinning like an idiot underneath a hot spray.
Twenty Minutes later I was claiming one last sleepy kiss from his lips before making my way off of the Rouge and into my truck.Audrey knew right away that something was up. Really, it shouldn't have been a surprise that she was so observant. It wasn't new or anything. She's a former FBI agent after all. But I still wasn't expecting the third degree two minutes after giving her the coffee I'd brought her and sitting down at my desk."Something up with you, Nathan? You've been really happy over the last two days. Like... Really happy... Not that I'm complaining or anything."I stared down into my coffee and debated what to tell her. But really, who was I kidding? It wasn't my place to mention Duke without asking him, but I was gonna tell her about my trouble suddenly leaving.That was a given.Duke...
It's so weird how one day changed everything I thought I knew about him..."Okay that's kind of creepy... Why are you smiling like that? Did you kill Duke and dump the body?"I couldn't help the laugh that that pulled from me. It was just too funny.
"No, no. Nothing like that. My trouble... It's been gone since I woke up yesterday."I lifted a hand to my own face and relished in the feel of it against my cheek, still utterly amazed. It really is the little things that you miss, when you lose your sense of touch."Nathan, that's... That's incredible! How?"Her eyes lit up, and her smile was genuine, practically shining at me. She was just that happy for me. I smiled."I honestly have no idea. I just woke up and I could feel..."
A knock at the door startled us out of the conversation as Stan leaned into the doorway."Just got word back on those fingerprint results..."I'd been wrong. It was fifteen year old kids… two of them. Jimmy Forde and Mike De Marco, both in the system… And Mike happened to be a size five shoe.It wasn't hard to find them; they hung out near the docks most days. I'd dealt with them more than a few times for various things. Never anything like this though. Jimmy's dad tended to drink too much and start fights every now and again. Jimmy was in the system through the kidnapping prevention kit his mom had submitted some seven years back. About a year before she'd died. Mike on the other hand had busted a window or two and broken a mailbox here and there. His prints were on file through an incident at the school. He'd been involved in a break in at the gym last summer. But really, the door had just been left unlocked and the alarm was triggered when he walked right on in. By nine thirty, they were both in our office waiting for their parents to arrive.I checked my watch and smiled. He should be awake by now. My cell phone was to my ear a moment later, and my feet began moving once he answered."Just couldn't stay away, huh?"I laughed. He sounded plenty awake alright. I could hear water running."Something like that. When you're done in the shower you should head over here... Got a couple of kids who you might want to talk to, picked them up a little bit ago. We need to know if you're pressing charges."He hummed and the sound of running water faded."I'll be there in ten."I smiled and nodded even though he couldn't see it.
"Can't wait."I was just about to pull the phone away from my ear when he spoke again."I feel like I'm dreaming... I'm scared I'm gonna wake up with the worst hangover ever, all alone..."My feet, which had carried me around the station twice already, suddenly stopped."That's... that's never gonna happen. You started this, so now you’re stuck with it..."Stuck with me.But I didn't need to say that. He already knew. Duke's always been good at reading between the lines anyway.He took a sharp breath and my smile grew. I could get used to surprising him."You know, that sounds an awful lot like a promise... And I'm gonna hold you to that."
I was laughing before I realized. And people were starting to stare. I shrugged for their benefit while I spoke for Duke's."Looking forward to it... See you soon."I hung up without waiting for a response. I didn't need one. Plus he'd be here soon enough. With that done, I let my feet carry me back into the office.Audrey was at her desk trying to start some conversation but neither Jimmy nor Mark were speaking."Duke will be here shortly."The look of relief in her soft features was sharp.It was a long and awkward ten minutes.But when he did arrive, it was like the whole room lit up. I never realized just how much space his presence took up. He greeted both Audrey and I before leaning against her desk, folding his arms and facing the two teens on the couch in front of him."So Jimmy how's your Pop?" There was no response but he did have the decency to duck his head.Good."Listen, I know things are tough, for both of you. Seems like it's always been that way... And you're angry. I get that. More than you'll ever know. Ask anyone in this stupid town about my dad...You'll see what I mean. And then, ask anyone in this station about me. I've done some stupid shit in my day. When I was your age, it was because life sucked and it seemed like it'd always be that way. But it gets better. When you turn eighteen, everything is gonna be so much... So much more than this. But pulling this crap? It doesn't help anything, or anyone. Including you. All it does is give you a record and make life that much harder on you later. So me, being such a nice guy... I'm gonna cut you boys a break. If you return the money, I'll let it slide. But if this happens again, I'm not gonna pull any punches. Got it?"He leaned forward to catch their eyes and waited for each of them to nod, then held out his hand.Surprisingly, both boys had the money on them. I don't know how he knew they would, but they handed it over silently. Audrey asked the boys to wait outside of the office with Stan before turning back to Duke, who'd made his way over to my desk, and to me. He was standing almost too close, his warmth... I could feel it all the way down my side. But...He wasn't close enough."Duke that was very kind of you. I mean, it was pretty... Pretty awesome, in fact." The sound of her voice jarred me back into reality. And I had to suppress a smile, because she was right. And because Duke was just surprising me all over again.He moved an arm behind me, as if to lean back on my desk. But instead of actually putting any weight on it, he used it to cup my ass. It was again, surprisingly easy, to pretend not to notice or show any sign of what was happening. Duke, the asshole, had probably been counting on that. I casually shifted my weight to my right foot, to better hide his arm while he spoke."I've been there before. I was young and angry and hated the whole world. And I gotta say, sometimes all kids like that need is someone to show a little compassion and understanding. I was lucky enough to have someone in my life like that… someone who still had hope for me, even though I kept on hurting them. It made me want to be a better person... for their sake… because I wasn't strong enough to do it for my own."His hand was on my back now. Gently kneading the muscles there and I was startled into silence this time. My eyes were drawn to his, but he was watching Audrey.There's no way he was talking about me. No way...But...
There's no way he wasn't."Well it sounds like this person must be amazing... I hope I get to meet them someday."He laughed while she checked her watch. His hand disappeared as he lifted his arms to stretch. And then he was in front of me... pausing to scratch the back of his head. My body was totally blocked by his… which made me frown. Even though Audrey could see it, she's probably just chalk it up to my usual annoyance with Duke's antics."Maybe you will."His other hand appeared just behind his back and reached for me... catching my stomach. Then he trailed it down, over the fly of my jeans blindly, and I almost gasped. It was pretty insane. I mean who does this? Who in the entire world would have the nerve to start feeling someone up like this in the middle of a police station?Duke fucking Crocker, apparently.
What's worse is that I found myself getting excited, even though Audrey was maybe fifteen feet away. I couldn't push his hand away or she'd notice... And I certainly didn't want to have that conversation so early in the morning. But luckily, I didn't have to. His hand pulled away and he moved to my left, making a real attempt at stealth. I stepped forward a couple of paces and nodded towards the kids waiting just outside."Can you bring them home for me while I finish up the paperwork here?"She beamed at me."You got it!" It was no secret how much she hated paperwork. Duke's body heat was at my back again, but not terribly close this time. I could just barely feel it. But his hand dipping into my back pocket was another matter entirely."Just do me a favor? If you drive Jimmy home, try not to mention this to his dad? He's not theThe door finally, finally slid shut behind her with a resounding click, and I found I could breathe again. Duke was still close though. And he was teasing me, on purpose. Poking the bear yet again. That couldn't go unchecked. Truth be told, I didn't have the will to stop myself, and I didn't want to anyways. I turned and crowded him back against the edge of my desk, and then... I pounced.
It was surprising how little effort it took to lift him up by his ass, and then throw him down onto his back over my desk... pinning beneath me. And the fierce urge to claim him again and again raged wildly through my veins.His expression was a study in surprise, and full of heavy desire... which did absolutely nothing to quell my libido."If you're going to keep on flapping your mouth anyway, then I'm going to put it to better use." I spoke the words into his lips, nipping and licking at them before capturing them into a heady kiss. His long legs wrapped around my waist as I lined him up beneath me with my body, and ground down hard against him.The whimper I received for my efforts was pure sin, and satisfying beyond measure. His hand settled in my hair and pulled my face to the side so he could curl his tongue around the shell of my ear. Well now...Two could play at that game.Sliding my lips over his jaw and under his earlobe, I gently caught the flesh of his neck with just the tips of my teeth before pulling back ever so slightly to grind against him harder and to whisper harshly into his ear."If you keep this up I'm gonna keep going until you come all over yourself... Right here, in the middle of the station… where anyone could just walk right on in, yeah… just because I can. You want that, huh?"All at once his hands were everywhere, rubbing, touching, grinding up against me and fucking moaning... Moaning in my ear… which was just totally turning me on in the worst way… And then, he was speaking too."Yes! Fuck, Nathan... That's so fucking hot. Who knew you were a talker? That's just... Fuck. Might make me come anyways... Oh god." He was pulsing against me. I could feel him through our jeans, and I was just as ready to finish this here and now. I slid a hand down in between us and palmed him, squeezing gently."You always gotta start something, huh? Well I think it's time you realized something about me..."
I pulled back and stood to my full height, grinning down at him as I undid the button and fly of his jeans."I've never once backed down when it comes to you. Not ever. What on earth makes you think I'd start now?"His breathing was erratic already, but it hitched when I began pulling both jeans and the blue briefs he was wearing down passed his hips.And it stopped altogether when I dropped to my knees.
He certainly was quite the sight to see. Hair all askew, eyes wild and bright, propped up on his elbows and on display... Just for me.And this moment was absolutely surreal... Two days ago I'd have sooner punched him than even look at him. But now... It's like I can't control myself. I've had a taste, and suddenly I'm starving...I wanted to devour him.
So I did.His reaction was immediate. He surged into me, and the noises he made were positively sinful. I had to throw an arm over his hips while I worked, to keep them still. The faces he made, god, but those alone were worth the trouble.It was an odd feeling, indeed. I'd never really imagined doing something like this before. Oh I'd imagined being on the receiving end more times than I can count... But this, this was so much better than I'd expected. I felt powerful, like a king, even as I worshiped him.He was at my mercy.Every flick of my tongue or pull of my lips had him gasping for breath, as if he feared he'd never pull in another.The feeling was heady, and I was becoming addicted... Fast.I held his eyes with mine, in an echo of last night's exploration, and I gotta say... It just made things so much better. I myself was almost painfully aroused just from this alone. Watching him become lost in this connection, in me... I've never felt this sort of connection with anyone else before. The appeal he found in maintaining eye contact was not lost on me.And he was beautiful.The litany of garbled words with my name mixed in was rising in volume and pitch, and then heHe squeezed my hand once more before turning and leaving, tossing me a wave over his shoulder as he went. I won't deny that my gaze drifted down to his ass. That swagger of his sure did draw the eye... I turned and picked up all the things that had fallen during our interlude, then sat down at my desk and got started on the paperwork.
"You're humming..."I nearly jumped about a foot at the sound of her voice. Audrey was leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over her chest with a big knowing smile lifting her lips."Is that code for something? Or is a man just not allowed to hum when he feels like it?" She laughed which made me smile, because that's just her way."Something else is going on with you... And it's not just being able to feel again. This is a whole different level of happy..." She paused to step into the office, plop down into her chair, and prop her elbows up on her desk. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that's the sign of a man in love. I mean, no one same enjoys paperwork, and you've never been one to hum happily like... ever. So..."Her eyes had a glint in them I honestly want expecting, and I knew right then, that I wasn’t leaving this office without giving her something. I leaned back in my chair and sighed as I dropped my pen onto the desk."There have been some developments... Yeah. But it's still too new to really mention. I'd like to let the dust settle before saying much more on the subject..."I let the last word hang while she nodded."I get it... I'm happy for you though. No one deserves happiness more than you, Nathan."I smiled and cleared my throat as I glanced at my watch."I dunno about that... But here's hoping. The paperwork is done, just needs to be filed. CanNow coincidences happen from time to time, but this is no coincidence. I may not know the mathematics behind it, but I know that much.
"Well what information did they have on the woman? Is she from Haven?"She arched an amused brow in my direction but pulled a file from the drawer to her left and began skimming it.
"Not a resident, no... She was just passing through. Curly red hair, five foot three... That's all I've got."I frowned and let my eyes drift to the floor. That certainly sounded like the girl I'd met two days ago... but a genie? No way.
"That's certainly peculiar. If I see her, I'll let you know."She nodded and set the file back into her desk drawer while I said my goodbyes once more.Haven sure is a strange place.And strange things have always been a part of this town. Who knows? Maybe she was the one who took away my trouble... I hadn't said anything out loud, no. But I'd been thinking it. And who knows? Maybe some wishes do come true.I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed an all too familiar number."Hey... So I'm thinking we should have dinner in... Take the Cape Rouge out for some delicious wine, food and stargazing. What do you say?"I smiled as I started my car and began the short drive, speaking the first words that came to mind."Your wish is my command."It didn't matter that he didn't get the joke, and the words were true enough either way.The end
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