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Stubborn Love- A Modern/AU Walking Dead Story	By : ImagineLayla131 Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 2907 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NOR HAVE ANY AFFILIATIONS WITH TWD FRANCHISE NO MONEY/PROFIT IS BEING MADE!

Chapter List
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- 2
Hi everybody! Sorry I've been M.I.A. for the past week, a lot has happened! MY San Francisco Giants won the World Series for the 3rd time in 5 seasons! Woo-Hoo! My niece Penelope Sava was born on October 28th at 8:21 pm, 8 pounds, 2 ounces, and I am absolutely in love with this little munchkin, she's precious! So lots of good things to happen! I WILL be updating Forever Rising Phoenix hopefully this week, as well as another chapter of this story!
As many of you can agree with me, the whole Gareth/Terminus storyline ended too abruptly and wasn't properly executed, it felt rushed, but this is still the best season yet. Gareth was a character that although incredibly sinister also had such an underlining allure, I just felt like both back stories could have been more in depth. This story will be my next original work outside of FanFiction with my own characters, a lot of this is based off of actual events (like the whole Tony Robbins bit) but since there aren't a lot of stories with Gareth in it, I figured that this would be perfect and I've wanted to do a modern/AU Walking Dead story for a while. I wanted to expand on the supposed hipster aspect lol, I also agreed with Mary Lynn Rajskub on Talking Dead when she said he looked like a Portlandian, but in my story it's San Francisco hipster. I'm really excited to further delve into this! :) Gareth won't be appearing in this story until about the second or third chapter, but be sure to follow it! Lots of other Walking Dead characters will be popping up as well. He will also be appearing in Forever Rising Phoenix in a few chapters. I'm not sure if Melody will pop up in that story, but most likely Delilah will be making a cameo appearance in this one.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NOR HAVE ANY AFFILIATIONS WITH STUBBORN LOVE OR THE WALKING DEAD FRANCHISE. ALL PROPERTIES OWNED BY THE LUMINEERS, FRANK DARABONT AND AMC (TELEVISION SERIES), ROBERT KIRKMAN AND TONY MOORE (COMIC BOOK SERIES), RESPECTIVELY. I ONLY OWN MY OWN ORIGINAL IDEAS AND CHARACTERS.
Chapter One: Broken Hearts Are Always Pure
Deerhill Park, Oak Park, California, June 21st, 2012, 3:00 pm.
The first day of summer was notorious for being not only the longest day of the year, but also the hottest, today it was close to hundred degrees outside. Eighteen year old Melody Silverstone wiped the perspiration off her forehead with her pink Buckcherry "Crazy Bitch" sweatband as she neared her destination, Deerhill Park. It was down the street from her house and she needed the walk. Melody had recently lost close to forty pounds, but still had about fifteen more to go before reaching her goal weight, or at least the goal weight for Hollywood's standards. Once she got there, she knew that she'd break into the entertainment industry and be as outstanding of a makeup artist as the legendary Ve Neil. Melody already had the talent and drive to go the distance, except even with something behind the camera, looks still mattered. All of the competition and heat of the masses inspired her to kick it into high gear not only to look good, but to feel good as well. She was starting to wear the skimpy outfits and bikinis like the other girls her age, but once the rest of the weight was gone, she could really go all out.
Melody looked around the park once she arrived, searching for interesting subjects to photograph as she took her Canon Rebel xsi SLR camera out of her mini pack and placed it around her neck. In addition to makeup, she also dabbled in photography, but she didn't always want to be behind the scenes, she was quite the actress as well.
With hard work both physically and career wise, I can be in front of the cameras.
The wild flowers were in full bloom and their colors popped in the sunlight, small children were gallivanting in glee on the playground as their parents watched, a group of teenage boys dominated the basketball court. She decided to focus on the flowers first when she looked over at the baseball field and saw a boy her age practicing hits with a little boy around six or seven. Melody smiled as she strolled over.
"Aiden? Hey, Aiden!"
The older boy turned around and smiled at her. He was about six foot one with light brown hair, amber eyes, and a few light freckles, the silver basketball shorts and black T-shirt he was wearing complimented his muscular body. "Hey, Melody! I almost didn't recognize you." Aiden Auerbach and Melody had known each other since their first day of freshman year at Oak Park High School. They would have deep conversations whenever he had a moment away from his overbearing and clingy girlfriend Kendall, who was a cheerleader on the varsity squad, but they were usually sporadic. One day during sophomore year, Kendall made it very clear to Melody that Aiden was hers and that she best be knowing that. Ever since then, Melody steered clear of the couple and their group, which had been the clique of the most popular students, she didn't belong with them, and they all knew it. She only saw Aiden in class or when she photographed his baseball games for the school yearbook and paper, but Kendall had been spot on with her jealousy: Melody had fallen in love with Aiden and never told him, even though her paranoid senses were sure that everybody already knew. Aiden was everything she ever wanted in a boyfriend, but because they were so close, she never felt comfortable revealing her true feelings out of fear of losing the friendship. She smiled as he walked away from the little boy and over to the dugout to meet Melody. "Wow, you look beautiful!"
She giggled, praying she wasn't blushing. "Aww, thanks. How are you doing? I haven't seen you since Grad Nite last year!" Melody wrapped her arms around Aiden's neck in a tight hug and noticed he let it linger a bit.
"I'm great, how are you? How's your family?"
"They're fantastic as always, how about yours? How's Kendall?"
Aiden kind of grimaced. "They're good, but Kendall and I don't really talk much anymore, she dumped me last year."
Melody raised an eyebrow in shock. "What? She did? No way! You guys were, like, the dream couple, and you're pretty much perfect, Aiden." She smiled up at him, which he returned.
"Ha, thanks. Unfortunately, not everything is how it seems on the outside. I'm glad, you're doing well. Have you been working out?"
"Yes, yes I have been. I'm pretty close to my goal weight, too." Melody noticed he was checking out her body in the white tank top, pink cropped zip up hoodie, pink sweatpants, and white sneakers that she was wearing.
"It's definitely been paying off, you look fantastic. Keep up the great work."
"Thanks."
As the conversation went into a bit of an awkward silence, the little boy called out to him. "Aiden!"
Aiden glanced over at the kid. "I'll be right there, Sammy!" He glanced back at Melody. "I'm sorry, but I gotta get back to this lesson. I'm a Little League coach for the time being, until I go to LMU in the fall."
"That's awesome! It was really great running into you. Do you want to maybe go to Starbies or something sometime?" Melody couldn't believe she asked that, but she figured now it wasn't a big deal since he was single and they were so close. Aiden knew a lot of her secrets, but there were some she couldn't bear to tell him, like how she and her mom were close to losing their house due to a scam, but maybe now they would actually get together and she could open up to him.
He nodded. "Yeah, for sure. I'll definitely hit you up. I'm glad to see you, and I'll be seeing you soon, k?"
"Sounds good. Bye, Aiden."
"Bye, Lyric." Aiden gave her a quick hug before running back to Sammy, leaving Melody with a huge smile on her face.
Maybe things will work out in my favor after all. After all those prayers to Aphrodite, Goddess of Love and Beauty, I knew it would pay off! Kendall's loss is my gain.
Melody turned around and walked off, humming a tune to herself before singing "You Can't Hurry Love" by The Supremes.
KiK Instant Messenger, Friday, March 14th, 2014, Two Years Later
12:04 AM UnChAiNeD Melody1212: Hi Aiden! Happy Birthday! Hope your day is marvelous and that all your birthday wishes come true : ) 3
9:56 AM Baseballs to the Walls: Hi Melody! Thank you very much! Appreciate the text! Hope all is well
1:37 PM UnChAiNeD Melody1212: Of course! Things are going fantastic, thanks, Aiden! I've just been busy, almost done with makeup school. Idk if I ever told you, but you're one of my best friends and I value our friendship.
3:07 PM Baseballs to the Walls: That's excellent, you were always so talented. Thank you, that means a lot, I feel the same :)
3:10 PM Baseballs to the Walls: Hey, are you free on the 30th?
6:20 PM UnChAiNeD Melody1212: Thanks, hopefully Hollywood thinks the same way you do lol. The thirtieth? I can't think of anything I'd be doing, I'm free. Why, what's up?
6:21 PM Baseballs to the Walls: Of course they will, you're a force to be reckoned with. I was wondering if we could hang out, watch a movie like we always wanted but never got to? I want us to discuss some important things. Nothing bad, it's actually something really wonderful.
6:22 PM UnChAiNeD Melody1212: Yes, that sounds great! I want to discuss some things with you as well. Shall we say around 5?
6:23 PM Baseballs to the Walls: Awesome! Can't wait to see you, Elle. Let's chat soon :)
6:24 PM UnChAiNeD Melody1212: Can't wait to see you, too, Aiden! Xoxo
Brentwood, CA, Wednesday, March 26rd, 2014, Twelve Days Later
Melody let out a loud yawn as she mindlessly watched Chicago P.D. on the black leather couch in her father's family room, contemplating turning it off and just going to sleep. She had had a very long day with her stepmother Lilly, helping her at her hair salon, then they got a mani-pedi, and after that they came home to have dinner with Melody's father Phillip, where a massive side of tension was served with the main course. He had to go on and on about how she needed to get a job or get married, because he was tired of supporting her by paying for her cell phone, insurance, along with her tuition, books, and supplies for makeup school, which she was completing in two months.
Phillip had been a shitty father, leaving her and her mother Charlotte for Lilly, whom Charlotte had suspicions that she was his mistress for almost five years despite Phillip denying it. He married Lilly and shortly afterwards they had two daughters, Penny and Meghan. Phillip and his whole family accepted Lilly and the girls immediately, completely isolating themselves from Melody. She was still hurt over it, especially when she called her grandmother and aunt, begging them to please store some of her valuables or if she could sleep on their couches since she and Charlotte lost the house, with both of them making up grandiose excuses before abruptly saying good bye. Even before her parent's divorce, they wanted nothing to do with her. This weekend was the second time she had seen her father all year. They used to go to dinner twice a week until she turned eighteen, but now she only saw him on her birthday and Christmas unless something else came up. Charlotte had tried everything to bring the two together, but because Melody was a square peg that couldn't be forced into a round hole, Phillip gave up on her.
He'll never accept me, why am I trying so hard to fit in when I was born to stand out? I shouldn't even be going tomorrow.
The reason why Melody was staying at her father's was because the three of them were leaving in the morning to go to a Tony Robbins' four-day seminar in Los Angeles while her little sisters stayed with Lilly's dad David. Phillip, an avid follower, had lured her with promises of celebrities being there, dropping such names as Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga, but Melody's curiosity got the better of her, and she agreed to go despite her mother's protests that it was a cult. She was really going for the mini vacation, they were staying in a suite at the five star Ritz-Carlton hotel, but she figured she could learn something valuable at the seminar as well.
With a final yawn, deciding she'd finish the episode over the weekend on Hulu, Melody grabbed the remote control and was about to turn the television off when an image on the screen caught her eye.
Hey, that guy looks familiar. Where do I know him from? He kind of looks like Aiden… Wait, it is Aiden!
Her eyes widened as she read the byline on the bottom of the screen.
LMU Student Stabbed to Death
Melody felt her eyes tearing up as she saw Aiden. At first, she thought it was some kind of sick joke, but that thought was quickly forced out of her mind when the surreal panic took over. She couldn't even hear the television anymore or feel her trembling body, she felt like somebody had punched her in the heart, she couldn't breathe or think straight. All she could do was shake her head.
"No… no… no… NNNNOOOO!"
Melody collapsed from the couch to her knees, hysterically sobbing as she buried her face in her hands to drown out the loudness, but it hadn't worked.
"Melody? Melody, what's the matter?!" Lilly called out to her from upstairs, but Melody ignored her as she grabbed her iPhone, knowing there was one other person who was also watching Chicago P.D. at the same time.
"Hello?"
She tried her best to speak clearly, but she couldn't. "M-mom, M-mommy, he's gone, he's gone!"
"Honey, slow down I can't hear you! What are you trying to say?"
With one gut wrenching wail, Melody spat out the words she thought she'd never say. "Mommy, that was Aiden! He's dead! He's gone!" She dropped the phone and continued crying, trembling uncontrollably to the point where she didn't even feel Lilly's hands on her shoulder.
"Melody, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
Melody didn't answer, all she did was point at the TV as the news began. She was actually hyperventilating and was inconsolable despite Lilly's attempts.
"An LMU student was killed at around 11:15 pm last night leaving a frat party when an unidentified man came up and stabbed the victim twice in the chest and stomach. The victim has now been identified as twenty one year old psychology major Aiden Auerbach from Oak Park, California. Paramedics did everything they could but Auerbach was pronounced D.O.A. upon arriving at UCLA Hospital. The suspect has been identified as Jon Negen, a supposed Krypt member, but has yet to be taken into custody. Loyola Marymount University plans to hold a memorial service…"
She couldn't hear anything else after that, she couldn't watch a girl from their high school English class being interviewed or one of his fraternity brothers tearing up in front of the camera. All Melody knew was that it was over. The one boy that she had wanted to be with more than anything, that she wanted a future with, was gone forever. All her dreams of what their life could have been like together flashed before her eyes and her heart sank like an Acme anvil falling from the top of a building to land on a Looney Tunes character. Melody knew right then and there that she would never find anybody to love as much as she had loved Aiden…
ALMOST SIX MONTHS LATER…
"HHHUUUU!"
I shot up from where I was laying down on the floor, gasping for air, the events that swirled in my mind just now felt too real. The last times I ever saw or spoke to Aiden, and then the night when I found out about his unfortunate death. Even the way I found out, seeing it on the news, has left me traumatized. Why didn't anybody tell me? We have mutual friends, people knew we were close… or did they? Maybe I wasn't as important to him as I thought, maybe it was all in my head, I don't even know. It's been six months and I still can't figure out how and why this all had to happen, why the life of such a wonderful person had to be tragically cut short. Why couldn't it have been one of the bastards or bitches that made my high school experience a living hell? Why did it have to be anybody at all?
The hysterical sobs were followed by half an hour of throwing up, I was so distraught I had to take one of Lilly's Xanax. She tried really hard to comfort me, but I was just too desolate. The first thing I said to my mom when I calmed down was that I never got to tell Aiden my true feelings, and I could hear the sadness in her voice when she told me she knew. All I wanted to do was go home and crawl under the covers, but I forced myself to go through with that Tony Robbins seminar. In the end, being out of the house was the best thing for me. I tried my hardest to focus and absorb everything in the lecture, but all I could think about was Aiden. How we had the same taste in music, that he would laugh at my stupid impersonations, he even called me by my nicknames which were only reserved for my family and closest friends. I was in limbo between wanting to believe it was false and knowing it was real.
My dad, being the controlling and heartless asshole that he is, was less than pleased with my emotional state of mind. Instead of offering soothing words like Lilly had tried, it was "He's still going to be dead when you go home on Sunday, so there's no point in crying about it. You should just focus on everything Tony has to say." And "When was the last time Aiden came over or took you out to dinner? If you had been the one who died, he wouldn't be as upset as you are." Great words to say to your grieving daughter, huh? It got worse from there. When I refused to do the glorified "Fire Walk", he acted like I was starting World War III. While I respect anybody's decision whether or not they want to do it, I'm not going to burn the bottom of my feet walking barefoot across boiling hot coals to prove I can conquer my fears. It only got worse from then on…
On the third day of the seminar, there was an activity called "The Dickens Effect", where you imagine what your life will be like in five, ten, and twenty years if you continue to do all the bad things that you are currently doing. The image on the jumbo screens was a typical starry galaxy while this creepy, ominous music played alongside Tony's pre-recorded lecture. It really had a tremendous effect on the audience, people were wailing and crying hysterically, screaming, and the reactions were just too much for me, making me terrified of the realization that Aiden was dead and my dream of him was over. Lilly had gone back to the hotel earlier with a migraine and my dad was too absorbed with the exercise that he didn't even notice when I grabbed my backpack and walked sideways out of the row before running down the aisle. The seminar was at the Los Angeles Convention Center, and of course, my dad had to have front row seats to be in on the action. I'm not an avid runner, I prefer to powerwalk/jog due to my large breast size, but in this instance, I ran like I never have before, like Katniss in The Hunger Games, pushing past people to get to the exit. I was finally there when one of the volunteers grabbed my arm before I could make it to the stairs. He was a bald, portly man with round spectacles, and an angered expression on his face.

"Where do you think you're going? You're not allowed to leave, it's against the rules."
I squirmed, trying to run off, but his grip tightened. "Let me go! I have to get out of here, this is too much for me! My friend just died, I can't be in there right now!" I tried everything to hold back the tears that were threatening to escape from my eyes. I'm a strong girl, I've been through a lot of bullshit in my little life, but in that moment, I just wanted to let go, to give in to my pain and cry.
The man's facial expression softened slightly, but not his hold. "Your son died? Don't you have any other children?"
I shot him a confused look, for he had obviously misheard me. The music and the wails were so loud we were having to shout back and forth. I shook my head. "What? No! I'm only twenty years old, I don't have any kids yet! My friend died, his name was Aiden and he was stabbed to death three days ago."
He got a nasty look on his face. "Don't you have any other friends? Are you going to cry over your one friend for the rest of your life?"
Hearing his spiteful words ignited something within me, making my rage increase. I was already being held against my will, and now this total stranger was going to be an absolute asshole to me? No way. I shot him a nasty glare before shouting "YES, I AM!" as I raised my arm up, finally breaking free. Unfortunately, I had yanked a little too hard from the adrenaline rush and he stumbled backwards, but I didn't care, he deserved it. I took off running down the stairs when I heard the jerk commanding two other volunteers to go after me, and I picked up the pace as I heard their footsteps coming closer. As I sprinted down every other step, I tried to come up with a plan of action. The hotel was only a five minute walk, but I didn't want to be running from these freaks the whole way, I needed something now. At the bottom level of the convention center, there was a big black and red banner that hung over one of the rooms.
The World-Famous AdultCon, #1 Adult Star Expo In The World
Yes! This is the perfect place to hide, they won't come after me in here! I ran in to find that it was exactly as I expected it to be. Rows and rows of booths selling sex toys, techno music playing, scantily clad models of both genders walking around, fans gawking over porn stars. I bent over to catch my breath, only to look over my shoulder to see the two volunteers. "Damn it!" I said a little too loudly, attracting the attention of an older gentleman who had been watching me since I walked in, as well as a male porn star surrounded by a group of bleached blonde silicone bimbos.
"Everything alright, darlin'?" A husky Southern accent called out.
I looked over to see the man approaching me. He was about six feet tall and in good shape with his head shaved in the back and thinning grey and white hair on top, along with grey and white facial hair to match, dark blue eyes, a wide nose, and a square jaw, he looked like he had been a nice looking guy when he was my age, and he dressed well in a loose black suit and a white Hanes tanktop. I assumed he was probably in his late forties to early fifties, and there was something about him that seemed so familiar, and he looked genuinely concerned. I shook my head and pointed outwards. "No, I left the Tony Robbins convention upstairs and these freaks are trying to force me back. Please, you have to help me!"
The two volunteers walked in, an African American woman named Jacqui and a gangly guy named Jim.
"Sweetie, you have to come back with us, we just want to love you." Jacqui said, smiling with a glassy eyed stare.
I shook my head. "No, I don't want to! This is a cult and I don't want any part of it! Just leave me alone!"
Jim spoke up next. "If you don't come back, we'll have to tell your father."
Hearing those words sent me into a panic, knowing if I didn't listen to them, I'd end up being ultimately cut off by my father.
What am I going to do? My mom is jobless, we live with Grandma, I'm screwed.
"I believe the kid said she doesn't want to, so why don't y'all head back to the "Kumbaya" bullshit that you have up there." The older man stood by my side.
"No, sir, we have specific instructions to bring her back, this doesn't concern you. Her father is a very powerful man."
"Merle, what the hell is going on over here?" The other man that saw me when I arrived walked over, also having a husky Southern accent. He was taller than the man now identified as Merle, with short brown hair, the bangs covering his blue eyes, facial stubble, a more pointed jaw and was incredibly toned, his arms alone had me drooling. I recognized who he was right away, Daryl "Dix On" Dixon, one of the top porn stars in the adult entertainment industry. Everybody knew who he was, whether they watched pornos or not. Daryl was considered to play the male lead in Fifty Shades of Grey and dated Amanda Bynes, they had just wrapped filming on a Darren Aronofsky movie that they had done together.
Merle looked over at him. "This nice young gal comes racing in here and these two freaks tell me if I don't give her back, I'm gonna be in trouble because her father is a very powerful man. Can you believe that shit, baby brother?" He cackled before turning back to the volunteers. "The girl is staying, she doesn't want to go back. I think it's best you leave now, or we're gonna have a real problem."
Daryl stood next to him, both folded their arms across their chests and shot them menacing glares as Daryl's posse of bleached blonde bimbos got in front of me in protection mode. The volunteers took off in fear, making the brothers throw their head back and laugh. "What a bunch of pansy ass muthafuckers, they can dish it out, but they can't take it." Daryl said.
I was in awe over what had just happened, it was pretty bad ass on their parts. "Wow, thanks so much. Seriously, that was awesome."
Merle smiled over at me, giving me the creeps just a little bit, but he seemed cool. "It's no problem, young lady. Now, why don't you tell your new best friend Merle why they were chasing you?"

Merle really did save me that day, I don't know what would have happened if I didn't run in the expo, and it's not something I'd like to think about. After the volunteers left, Merle got me a Green Apple Rockstar and Daryl took a break from his fans, they both sat with me and listened to my story. My life story about my parent's divorce and my dad's new family, how because of my emotional issues my mom couldn't get a normal job, leading to her finally getting one in real estate loans that unbeknownst to her turned out to be a Ponzi scheme by her business partner, who was the cause of us losing our house and life savings, how our lawyers screwed the case up and the asshole that ruined our lives pretty much walked away without paying the less than desired settlement we received, that we now live with my crazy grandma, and how Aiden died. It was so overwhelming that I couldn't help crying a little, but the Dixon brothers were very compassionate. Merle even called my mom for me and filled her in on everything that happened, and as life would have it, it turned out they knew each other. Before meeting my dad, my mom was a production assistant and casting director for Vivid Entertainment, one of the most prestigious pornographic production companies in the industry. Since Merle was a well known producer, they had worked together several times, it was rumored that Merle was going to buy out Playboy Magazine one day. My mom felt better, albeit still freaked out over what happened to me, except Merle assured her I was fine. In fact, he even offered both of us jobs: her old job behind the scenes and a makeup job for me after seeing pictures of all my SFX makeup projects from school. Things definitely turned around for us, but not with my dad.
I told him and Lilly that I thought Tony Robbins was nothing but a cult and they flipped a switch, even going as far as my dad siding with the volunteer that assaulted me, which was so typical of him. No matter what, my father would never accept me for who I was, and why should he? His new wife has given him not one, but two perfect daughters, he doesn't need to have anything to do with me. Besides, I'm sure his political status would plummet, it's why I was M.I.A. during the election.
Four years ago, my father, Phillip David Blake, was elected The Governor of California. He retired Woodbury Communications, his printing and graphic design business, which my brother-in-law now runs. My birth name is Melody Jasmine Blake, but I switched to my mother's maiden name of Silverstone to avoid my father's position at all costs. It's worked for the most part, but you can't pick your family and you can't help who you fall in love with.
It's been six months since his passing and I'm still a nervous wreck, losing Aiden really shook me to the core. I almost didn't wish him a "Happy Birthday", I had seen a picture of him on Facebook with a girl and got jealous. Looking back, I'm glad I did, I just didn't know it would be the last time we would ever speak to each other, and whatever he wanted to tell me when we hung out would forever remain a mystery, which only intensified my agony.
I heavily sighed and looked over at one of the mirrored panels inside the pyramid I was laying down in. My dad had sent me this healing pyramid a month after the seminar to sit in and focus on the positive, therefore curing all my worries and whatever else was problematic. A magical pyramid healing everything? The CDC should seriously look into this shit! If he thinks sitting under a pyramid will make me normal, he's crazier than I thought.
I studied myself in the mirror. I hate to sound full of myself, but I don't think I'm considered an ugly girl by any means, except right now I look like the walking dead. My incredibly thick and usually shiny honey brown hair that went down to my waist was oily at the top and scraggly at the bottom. The blonde highlights had grown out to right below my shoulder blades, giving me a trashy ombre look almost as bad as Gabrielle Anwar's character Fiona Glenanne on the last season of Burn Notice. My once luminous almond shaped light green-grey eyes now had dark circles underneath, they were puffy and red from over crying, along with my face because I can't stop picking the shit out of it. Skin picking is an equivalent to cutting, and I'd rather have pox marks than lines, the former was starting to become visible to my naked eye. Luckily, they were pretty small and I was hoping they would fade after a microdermabrasion facial or two. Thanks to the damn psychotropics that Dr. Milton Mamet put me on, my teeth were discolored and my lips were also chapped. Cutting to the chase, I look like I was demolished by a tornado, this depression was consuming me. I know I'm strong enough to pull myself out of it, but I just feel so lost and empty inside.
All of a sudden, I heard footsteps softly sinking into the living room carpet. I gazed back up at the ceiling, not even having to look to see it was my older sister. "Hey, Melo. How are you doing?" Lori asked.
My three sisters are another story. Lori is my older half sister, we have the same mother. Her father and my mother got divorced when she was eight years old, Mom remarried Phillip, and then when Lori was twelve I was born. Even though we're twelve years apart, we're actually pretty close. Penny and Meghan are my half sisters, Penny just turned twelve in August and Meghan turned seven in May. Honestly, I absolutely adore my little sisters, it's not their fault that my dad favors them over me. It's his fault, and it's also his fault why we aren't closer. Dad says all my issues are a bad influence on them, which is totally not true. I know better than to have an "episode" with the girls around, but he doesn't believe me. I honestly think my love life and my overall psyche would dramatically improve if my dad would just embrace my unique quirks and help me improve myself instead of trying to mold me into his view of perfection. According to my father, any emotions other than happiness are weak. You're weak if you're sad, weak if you're angry, and you're absolutely useless if you're sick. Nobody- not my mom or Lori or the few friends I have or any of the guys I've dated before- understands why I so desperately seek his approval, and some days I'm not even sure either.
After that whole Tony Robbins fiasco and Aiden's death, I had a bit of a nervous breakdown. My depression hit an all time high, I was close to suicide, but I'm too much of a chicken to slit my wrists, which I know seems like a contradiction since I would have no problem getting a tattoo. The timing couldn't have been worse, I was two projects away from graduating makeup school. My professor was more than understanding and allowed me to present my finals via Skype, but I did force myself to attend the graduation ceremony. Other than that, I barely left the house or my room except to go to the bathroom down the hall or when my best friends Maggie, Glenn, Beth, Tara, or Stefon would drag me to a rave or a club or the movies, anything for me to get out of my funk. I spent most of my days in bed crying, the only time I would actually smile was whenever I watched The Big Bang Theory. I moved out of my grandma's house in Simi Valley (where my insane uncle lives and I was sick of sharing a bed with my mom at twenty years old) and moved in with Lori, my brother in law Rick, and my fourteen year old nephew Carl at their house in Calabasas back in May. They offered to help my mom with money, but she was both too proud and too embarrassed, especially since she was unable to pay back the $25,000 of mine she had to use to pay the mortgage, which lasted for a year until we lost the house. It wasn't her fault, the guy was a crook, but I am still so angry at her. I had big plans for that money, and because of some asshole stealing it, they're on the backburner. I'm grateful that my dad at least kept his promise and put me through school so I could pursue my passion for makeup. Now, I can't do anything with it until my overall mental health improved, other than the work for Vivid, which was only on an as needed basis, but the pay was pretty good so it almost didn't matter.
Merle definitely helped get us back on our feet though. My mom was able to rent a modestly priced three-bedroom apartment in Woodland Hills and move all our belongings out of storage, but I still wanted to stay with Lori. Since Mom's malpractice suit against our lawyers was still pending, I didn't want to be around having to hear the same story over and over again about how that bastard stole our money and how our lawyers screwed things up so badly. Even though she has a job, it's just too traumatizing and gives me a large amount of anxiety. When all this happened, people told me to leave, but I couldn't because it would have been selfish. Now that I actually left, I didn't want to go back, maybe this was the push I needed to grow. My mom and I are still close. We talk all the time and go to lunch, I see her at Vivid every once in a while when I'm called in to do makeup, but it was just time for us to live our own lives. People used to say that we were too attached, except when you go through the hell we did, losing everything and sinking to lower than low, you have to stick together.
"Hi, Lori. I'm depressed and deranged."
She heavily sighed, walking closer to the pyramid. "No, you're not. It's only temporary, I know you can pull yourself out of it."
I scoffed. "Yeah, that's yet to be seen. You should tell my dad and Dr. Mamet, maybe they'll take your word for it." My dad even liked Lori better than me, and sometimes that hurt despite the fact that she wanted nothing to do with him. There were moments when I was really jealous of her for having it all: Married to a fantastic guy, a wonderful child, a lovely house in the suburbs. Everything I dreamed of having with Aiden, she already had with Rick, and there were times where I couldn't help but think that she took it all for granted. Lori sat down in the pyramid, leaning against one of the slanted beams as she stretched her long legs out. We were so different, some times it was hard to believe we actually shared the same DNA. Lori is positive and upbeat, I have a tendency to get a bit too cynical and negative despite my best efforts not to be. Lori is 5"9, only an inch shorter than her husband, and I'm barely 5"4. She is naturally slim while I'm curvier. Little things that make a big difference, yet we still manage to hear how much we look alike.
"I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your dad is an asshole." We looked over at each other and just burst into laughter. It felt so good to laugh, it should be moments like this that pull me out of my depression, but I guess I have to make them happen, they won't just present themselves all the time.
"Yes, tell me something I don't already know. I need a makeover, I look like shit. Seriously, it's hard to believe I was ever beautiful. How can I face the world when I can't even face myself?"
Lori rolled her eyes and put her bare feet up against my striped sock clad ones. "Hey, that's my baby sister you're insulting, so you best be stopping." We simultaneously lifted our feet up, creating a pyramid. It was something she did with me when I was younger, and even now it still made me smile.
"Your sister is a depressed and crazy loser."
I watched her smile fade away and sadness appear on her face. "I know you're in a lot of pain right now, but I do believe you will get better. We all know how much Aiden meant to you, we feel your pain and we're here for you. You're not alone, Melody, you're surrounded by so much love. Me, Mom, Rick, Carl, your friends, your little sisters, even your dad." I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off. "I know, I know. I just said he's an asshole, but he does love you. One day, you two will fix the relationship, I'm confident about that, like I'm confident that you'll overcome this dark period."
I nodded, knowing she was right, but why couldn't I believe it? Maybe I have Munchusen Syndrome and I'm getting some kind of thrill off of the pity, that I like it. There's no way I like being depressed, it's just taking longer than I'd like to pull through. "Hopefully sooner rather than later. At this rate with all the crying I've done, I'm going to have to start getting Botox injections now, and I'll be able to pay for it with the money I've made purifying my tears into water for third world countries."
Lori smirked, even I laughed at that one. "See, you've already got that sense of humor back. Are you up for dinner tonight?"
"Yeah, sure. Whose all coming again besides Mom and Grams?"
"Shane and Andrea, they'll be here in an hour or so."
"Oh, joy. Two couples, me, Mom, our crazy grandma, and Carl. Lovely." I looked over at her and shrugged. "Just kidding. How are things between Shane and Andrea? I haven't seen her in so long." Andrea was a civil rights attorney and one of Lori's best friends, she was pretty much family, she even gave me my first job out of high school as a receptionist at the law firm she's a partner for.
"Pretty good. They've only been dating for almost a month, but it feels like longer. I'm glad that Shane finally decided to get serious with somebody."
Just hearing his name made my skin crawl. Shane Walsh, Rick's best friend since they were in preschool, is a womanizing, conceited, asshole. He wasn't like it all the time, it only seemed like it. "Yeah, I'm glad, too." It's crazy how people get something they don't want while people that want something so badly get it taken away before there's even a chance to get it.
Can't keep thinking like that, Melody, or you'll never get better.
"I'm gonna take a shower, I'll be ready by the time everybody gets here." I got up, reaching my hand out to Lori to help her to her feet, who gave me a tight hug before I left.
"I love you, Melody. Please, come back to us."
I hugged her back, feeling my eyes well up again. "I love you, too, Lori. I'm trying." I turned around on the ball of my foot, walking out of the room and to the stairs, allowing my tears to fall when I was in the safety of the shower, drowned out by the flowing water . It seemed like all I ever did was cry. I was swallowed whole by an abyss, running around in the dark looking for the exit of light, but whenever I was close, something else would pull me back in. I needed some kind of an epiphany at this point, a miracle of sorts, but it seemed like I had to be the one making things happen, not anybody else. All I could do was take it one day at a time.
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