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The Trade Off	By : LotornoMiko Category: M through R > Once Upon A Time Views: 5409 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Once Upon A Time fandom. Nor do I make any money off of it or this story.

Chapter List
- 1-The Trade Off
- 2-Two
- 3-Three
- 4-Four
- 5-Five
- 6-Six
- 7-Seven
- 8-Eight
- 9-Nine
- 10-Ten
- 11-Trade 11
- 12-Twelve
- 13-Thirteen
- 14-Fourteen
- 15-Fifteen
- 16-Sixteen
- 17-Seventeen
- 18-Eighteen
- 19-Nineteen
- 20-Twenty
- 21-Twenty One
- 22-Twenty Two
- 23-Twenty Three
- 24-Twenty Four
- 25-Twenty Five
- 26-Twenty Six
- 9
- 10
- 11
Watching Ruby and the Charming family drive off, had proved difficult. Not as difficult as the decision she had made that had led her to Hook's bed, or the losses she had suffered because of it. But seeing her friends go, the last of her support system abruptly gone, left Belle shaking. It made her aware of how vulnerable she felt, how alone and lost she now was. It made her feel frightened, Belle scared of how else her life would spiral out of control.
Most of all, it made the tears she was near constantly battling, fall faster, Belle not managing to stifle her sob. Her pain and heart sickness, her grief all came bubbling forward, Belle making a fist and biting down on it to keep from screaming.
She was rapidly approaching a state of hysteria as it hit her just how awful things now were. She had no home, little money, and few real relationships left to her. Her dependency on Rumplestiltskin had seen to that, the man taking care of everything, even as his continued presence in her life assured that almost no one dared risk form a friendship with Belle. Most simply refused to look past the Dark One's reputation for evil, and that had included her father.
Belle felt another pang of despair, things clenching inside her in pain. Her father had NEVER accepted Rumplestiltskin, or Belle's desire to be with him. To the point he had gone to great lengths, having Belle kidnapped and even trying to send her over the cursed boundary of the town, in order to strip Belle of her true self and the love she had for Rumplestiltskin.
He had failed, in no small part thanks to Rumplestiltskin's own magic. In the months that followed, Belle's father had cut her off, treating it like his daughter had died that day. And though it had been a painful parting, Belle had accepted his decision, choosing Rumplestiltskin over her own father.
Now she had neither, Belle not even sure if her father would welcome her back. Not even if she came crawling, begging for a chance at a reconcile. The not knowing was painful, scary, but even more terrifying was finding out for sure that her father would still continue to abandon her.
Frightened and hurting, Belle did not know how long she stood there at the edge of the sidewalk. She might have stood there frozen forever, if not for an impatient car's honk, the driver wanting the space the Charmings' car had previously occupied.
Snapping out of her daze but not her tears, Belle scrambled out of the way. Through blurry eyes, she saw the strange looks she was given, but was otherwise unbothered. No one wanted to get involved, no one dared, remembering just who Belle was associated with. The word had not yet spread, many of the people who passed her by, not yet knowing her relationship with Rumplestiltskin was at an end.
Belle wondered how long it would take before the whole town knew. Before they did more than just whisper about her. She didn't wonder about the opportunity to have friends, knowing that most people weren't worth bothering with, if they hadn't been able to look past the reputation of the man she had loved.
The man she still loved, Belle eye's darting to the pawn shop across the street. To her surprise, Rumplestiltskin was standing before it's window, actually looking at Belle. Looking until he realized she had seen him, and then the man violently pulled the curtains closed. That rejection was like another knife in her heart, Belle choking on her sobs. And then she was running, her shoes' heels clicking loud on the pavement as Belle ran from the pawn shop, from Rumplestiltskin, from the people around her.
She was in fact, trying to run from her problems. But they were a persistent hound to shake, shadowing her every step. Even as she tried blindly to not think about her heart break, about what she had done, and what was happening to her life, the bad feelings remained.
Those bad feelings, that horrible gut clenching panic, kept her running for what felt like hours. In truth it was nowhere near that amount, but Belle had lost track of time, of distance, even of where she had ended up. Panting with every breath, Belle ran past parts of Storybrooke she had no business in, not recognizing any of the houses, nor noticing when the streets became less maintained.
She kept right on running, until her left heel caught in the deep gash in the sidewalk, her ankle twisting as she fell hard to the ground. Belle cried out harder, hearing the distant rumble of thunder in the sky. She didn't care that a storm was coming, kneeling there on the sidewalk, her ankle throbbing, her knees cut up and bleeding. Not knowing where she was, or if anyone would come to offer her assistance in this oddly empty part of town.
And then she saw it, her eyes focusing on something a few feet away. On the warnings signs posted, the danger that had condemned this area. The curse's boundary, a red line spray painted across the dead end street, across the scraggly looking lawn. Belle knew of the curse, knew it encircled the entire town of Storybrooke. Knew the citizens had taken care to mark every inch that consisted of the boundary, and had abandoned parts of the town where the curse was too near to their homes.
It was fear that had driven the people to do this. The fear of losing themselves, of losing their memories and being replaced by the ordinary people the curse would have them be. It was the curse's only way to keep everyone trapped inside Storybrooke, and it was this curse that Rumplestiltskin had needed Baelfire's scarf to use as a combatant force.
The knowledge of what she had done, of why she had done it and with who, had never left her. It had stayed in the back of her mind, guiding her panicked flight across town. Belle remembered everything in startling detail, from the betrayed and hurt look in Rumplestiltskin's eyes, to his complete rejection of her, to the humiliation of revealing to Ruby and the Charmings what she had done.
Belle even remembered the pirate, and the acts done on his ship. The mortifying time spent in his bed, and the way she hadn't been able to control her reactions to his expert touch. All this was flashing in Belle's mind, the events of the last twenty four hours replaying endlessly. Until she reached a decision, Belle struggling, staggering to her feet as best she could. She wasn't able to put weight on her left foot, but she limped forward all the same. Moved with determination, as Belle stared at the curse's boundary which seemed to both mock and invite her.
Once Belle had feared the curse as much as everyone else in Storybrooke did. Once Belle would have run from it not to it. But now in her moment of utter despair, all Belle could think of was the chance it offered her. The promise of a different life, of being a new person. A person who wouldn't remember anything, wouldn't feel any of the pain and loss that Belle had endured.
In that moment, she didn't hesitate, just wanting an end to her pain. It was a drastic, desperate decision, one not made with a clear thinking head. Belle closed her eyes, and started to let herself drop, intending to fall over the line.
Belle was unprepared for what happened next. For the body crashing into hers. The wind was literally knocked out of her, a man tackling her to the side before she could actually fall over the line. They hit the ground together, and rolled, going further away from the boundary line. Until they came to a stop in the middle of the empty street, the man breathing just as hard as Belle was.
Stunned, Belle lay on her side, her back to her would be savior. She couldn't even cry in the moment, too shocked by what had happened. And then the man began cursing, and Belle recognized his voice. Recognized it so much that it sent her shooting upright with a jolt, her blue eyes wide with shock.
"Bloody hell." The pirate, Hook, lay on his back, his face scrunched up in pain as his good hand felt up his side. "That wasn't good for my ribs..."
Vaguely, Belle recalled Rumplestiltskin had hit Hook with his expensive cane in that area. Hook's ribs had taken a beating, and while not broken, weren't exactly up to being slammed against the ground.
It almost made her flinch, to imagine that kind of pain. A physical pain Belle would have taken over the pain of her broken heart. Somehow, she managed not to crumple, Belle trying to glare at the pirate.
"What...how...." She shook her head. "What are you doing?!"
"I should bloody well be asking you that!" Hook snapped, and Belle found herself the focus of his glare. The pirate looked absolutely furious with her, and Belle almost flinched in response. "Just what were you thinking?!" The pirate continued. "You know what would happen if you went over that line."
"I know." She confirmed, watching Hook frown. "But...it doesn't matter."
"Doesn't matter?" He practically exploded with anger. "What does that mean?!"
Belle gave a listless shrug of her shoulders. Hook exhaled slowly, clearly struggling with his patience. "You have friends, don't you? Family who loves you?" Belle flinched at that last one, thinking of her angry and oh so disappointed father. "Why would you want to do this? To yourself, and to them?"
Still she said nothing, her gaze shifting to stare not at Hook but at some far off speck in the distance. Out the corner of her eye, she saw his movements, Hook running a hand over the back of his neck.
"Look, I know it hurts...." He began, awkwardly. "You've just had your heart handed to you by that....by Rumplestiltskin."
"Because of you." She muttered, and now Hook sighed.
"I know I'm not blameless in all of this. But don't expect me to feel bad for giving you that choice. I've spent YEARS waiting for my chance, and with or without you, I wasn't going to stop until I had the crocodile right where it hurt the most."
"So I'm just a casualty of your feud with him." Belle grimaced. "That hardly makes me feel better."
"I suppose it wasn't meant to." mused Hook. "But look at this way. If Rumplestiltskin really loved you, wouldn't he have been able to look past what you did with me?" He started to touch her arm, Belle shrugging free. "Love is supposed to overcome anything, especially if it's true..."
"Some things even love can't salvage." Belle retorted.
"And sometimes love is the cause of the fiercest hurt known to man." Hook countered. "And yet where would we be without it?"
Belle said nothing at first, than slowly turned to look at him. "Would you still have wanted Rumplestiltskin's wife, knowing what the love you two shared would ultimately cause?"
"I love---loved Mila." Hook plainly stated. "I wouldn't trade a second away of what we had together."
"But...."
"I'm a pirate remember? Selfish and used to getting what I want. Even knowing how it all played out, I wouldn't, couldn't give her up. Even to spare her and myself a lot of pain and misery." Hook gave a bitter smile to Belle. "Would you have not loved Rumplestiltskin if you had known what would happen, how he would react to the choice you made for his benefit?"
"I...." She lowered her eyes, and that seemed answer enough.
"The heart wants what it wants, even if it's not always good for us." Hook said. "We have to take the good with the bad, and though it hurts most of the time, an easy way out is not for the likes of us."
"Or..." He arched a dark brow at her. "Have I misjudged you on that?"
Belle started to color, a guilty warmth filling her. It had been so tempting, almost undeniable the urge to cross the boundary and lose herself and her memories in the process. Even as Belle knew Hook was right, that it was the easy way, the coward's way, it still held an appeal to her.
But then she remembered her friends, few that they were, and even her father. The pain they would feel to have lost Belle, to see a stranger in her place. Belle knew then she couldn't truly do it, that she hadn't been thinking clearly earlier. Because Belle couldn't cause pain to her loved ones, even if it meant she herself would be spared all her current hurt.
"What do you care?" Belle finally asked. "It wouldn't matter one way or another, might even make it easier on you, if I were to forget everything."
"I made a deal with you, not the woman you'd become once cursed." Hook answered. Belle began frowning, not finding the answer at all adequate. "And...well, though I'm not sorry for what we did together, I am sorry you're hurting so badly."
She couldn't bring herself to accept his feeble apology. Belle looked away from the pirate, and for the first time truly saw their surroundings. "How far are we from the main street." She wondered out loud, then thought of something else. "And what are you doing here?!"
"I..." Was it her imagination, or was Hook turning flustered. "I went looking for you."
"Why?" She asked, and he just shrugged. Belle narrowed her eyes at Hook, then asked another question. "How did you even find me here?"
"I didn't." He hastened to explain. "I found you just about the time you started to run."
"So you followed me?!"
"And a good thing too!" Hook exclaimed. "Or else you'd be a whole other person now."
Belle leaned back, not quite mollified by Hooks' words. Nor could she bring herself to show any proper gratitude, when Hook himself was hugely at fault for her pain and situation.
"So what was it?" Belle looked blankly at Hook. "What was the proverbial final straw that nearly sent you over the boundary?"
"It...it was a combination of things." Belle said. "It just felt too much to deal with. No home, nearly no money, and not many friends to count on." Not to mention Rumplestiltskin having turned his back on her.
"So in other words, he made you dependant on him, isolated you so you'd have little to no other people to rely on, and then kicked you out." Hook tsked. "And he says I'm the beast."
"You say it like he did all those things on purpose!" Belle exclaimed.
"Didn't he, love?" Hook demanded.
"It's...It's just so many are scared of him, of the man he used to be..."
"Still is." Hook muttered, which Belle tried to ignore.
"They don't see the good in him. They just see the Dark One. It's made them scared to have anything to do with him, and that includes a friendship with me."
"He's well earned the reputation for depravity and cruelty that he has." Hook retorted. "They have a right to be scared, and you should have had more sense than to get involved with him."
"It's not like I started out with any real choice." protested Belle. "My kingdom NEEDED his help. Besides...." She paused. "He isn't anywhere as bad as everyone thinks he is."
"Tell that to the countless number who suffered because of him." He had struck her speechless, Belle opening and closing her mouth with a snap. "Or have you not the nerve to look them in the eye, and speak about Rumplestiltskin's supposed goodness?"
"You....you are hateful man." Belle finally hissed, her face red with her upset.
"It only upsets you so, because a part of you knows I am right about him."
"This conversation is over with!" Belle said, struggling to stand. Hook rose at the same time she did, never taking his eyes off of her. She gave him a fierce, angry glare, then attempted to take a step forward, completely forgetting not to put weight on her left foot.
"Ah!" With a pained cry, Belle starting to stumble. Hook was suddenly there, his arms around her as he caught her. She let out a startled gasp, staring at how close he was, Hook's own expression unreadable.
"You're not getting anywhere on your own, love." He said. "Not with that hurt ankle."
"I'll be fine." Belle insisted, though she had doubts about that. "Really..."
"Sure you will." He said in a knowing tone. "With me to help you."
"I don't want your kind of help!" protested Belle, trying to push her way free of his arms.
"You're getting it all the same." Hook retorted, and shifted her closer. "Consider it part of the deal."
"You mean the part where I am supposed to be your woman?"
"That very one." Hook agreed with a smirk. "It's not all about sex and revenge. I do take care of my own...even when they are too stubborn to accept it."
Again she frowned, though her squirming struggles had lessened in intensity. "That stubbornness has served me well in the past." Belle said, thinking of how she had stubbornly clung to the decision to find the goodness in Rumplestiltskin, not to mention the decision to try and break his curse with her love.
Then to a lesser extent, was the time she had persisted in tracking down the cursed form of Prince Phillipe. Even as the hunting party she had traveld with, had done their best to torment and ditch her. That same stubbornness had allowed her to show mercy to the monster, breaking Philippe's curse in the process.
Her stubbornness didn't always pay off the way Belle wanted it too. It had been stubbornness that had led her to defy Rumplestiltskin, to seek out the pirate's ship. Her stubbornness had led her to Hook's bed, and Belle didn't see how stubbornness would get her out of it any time soon.
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To Be Continued...
Okay I don't hate my ending paragraph per se, but I just wonder if I could have figured out a way to add more to it then what it is. But I'm feeling kinda blah about this chapter, at least the second half once Belle and Hook start talking.
So....the first half ended up going through a rewrite. The first attempt was pretty sucky, and rambling on and on.....I was able to rewrite it in a much better way. Also the first draft a few times started to go off on tangents I didn't want in the story. *face palm.*
Originally I had planned to have a chapter end with Belle getting tackled by Hook to stop her from being cursed. And then start the chapter after in a Hook POV for the confrontation that follows. But it didn't happen that way. I think a major part of my annoyance is...the fear the conversation was stupid. Or that Hook was weird in this. It did feel weird to me, cause for once he was being very serious about something other than revenge or sex. I feel I would have liked him to be more flirty, but it was hard to when he is trying to soothe/comfort her in his own way.
I want next chapter to be a Hook POV, but not sure if it can be. Just cause there's something Belle is gonna do/know that he won't know her reasons for. (But of course the readers will know!)
So....any feedback about this chapter would be appreciated. Extra appreciated as I'm worrying big time over weirdness. Not sure how to fix it to make myself feel better about it. Might go fiddle with the next chapter of Broken Hearted Comfort for now...it and this one are both competing in my head with scenes to write for them at the moment. Though I also have a few new Hook Belle ideas trying to distract me too...too many ideas, not enough of me to go around. X_X
----Michelle
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The Trade Off