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The Lies we Tell Ourselves	By : ihatethesnow Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 2354 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead or any characters. I will not be making any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 9
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After dinner Carol pulled Daryl aside and said she heard through the grapevine that he wants to date Beth. Not knowing how much Carol knew, he nodded and didn't say much. She said that he needs a haircut and to look decent before he talks to Hershel. She and Maggie wanted to give him a makeover. They took him into the barber room, which was near the infirmary but wasn't cleared. Daryl took out one walker, Maggie took out another, and they secured the area. Carol told Daryl to sit in the chair, and she turned him around, away from the mirror. Maggie, who had gotten clothes from Rick, helped Carol cut his hair short, and gave him a fresh shave. Carol delicately asked him when the last time he took a shower was, and he said just the other night. Yep. Just the other night I had Beth in the shower fucking her brains out. Gonna do it again soon.
Maggie shaved Daryl's face and neck, and they had him put on one of Rick's jeans and a clean tee shirt. They stood back and looked at what they did. He looked like a new man. Carol told him to look in the mirror, and Daryl couldn't believe what he saw. "Shit...I look like a white Urkle."
"You look fantastic." Maggie corrected him. "Listen, I know you and Beth have a thing going on. Daddy really likes you. You've really protected me and Beth, and for that he already accepts you. Please understand something. Beth is his baby. She's the baby of the family, and Daddy has always been protective of her. You look great. We've know you for years and he sees how good of a guy you are. Just talk to him. You'll be fine."
"Thanks Maggie." He said, before escorting the two women back to the cellblock. Carol took note of the shampoo they had, thinking that they should add that to their supply, when possible.
Daryl knew that Merle would give him shit about the way he looked, so he went to talk to Rick. He looked in Rick's cell, and saw him sitting on a chair, and Lori sitting on the bunk, both with their arms folded. He could sense the tension in the air.
"What's up Daryl?" Rick asked.
"If this isn't a good time..."
"Yeah, maybe later." he snapped back, without looking at him.
"Shit." he thought to himself. The only person he knew as well as he knew Rick was Merle.
He went to his own cell, and almost walked out when he heard the immediate laughter from Merle. "Well, looky you...GQ Magazine is calling."
"Fuck you Merle."
"Fuck you too, little brother."
"Shit, Merle. Me and Beth...we have a thing going on. She's pregnant. I want to ask you about...him. What did he do to you?"
Merle was silent for a while. "You sure you wanna open that door? Lots of shit happened. Bad shit."
"I'm gonna be a father...don't wanna be him."
Merle looked at his brother, and saw tears in his eyes.
"You're not him."
"What if grab a belt?"
"You won't."
"How do you know?"
"Because I know you. He was sick. You're not him."
"Fuck, Merle."
"Talk to her. That'd be better than us sitting around like a couple of chicks. You're not him."
Daryl nodded and before he left Merle gave him a hug. The Dixon brothers we known for a lot of things, but affection was not one. The hug was over before it started. Merle watched as Daryl walked to the stairs, looking for Hershel.
"Carol told me you clean up nice." Hershel joked, as Daryl walked into his cell.
He smiled, and asked the older man if he had a moment to talk.
Hershel grinned, knowing what was about to happen, and let Daryl talk.
The speech Daryl had prepared was jumbled in his mind. He knew Hershel for almost three years now, but now he was terrified.
"I...uh...um...I'd...uh...I'd like to...um...date Beth."
The three seconds of silence that followed felt like an eternity. He thought Hershel was going to kill him at best. Hershel smiled, and said that Daryl has helped protect his girls, who are his world. He sees how she looks at him, and he knows Daryl's a good man. Daryl has his blessing to date Beth. Daryl looked relieved, and hugged both Carol and Hershel before walking to the next cell to see Beth.
"Whoa" Beth said, as Daryl walked into her cell. "You look...oh my God, Daryl!"
She jumped up and gave him a big hug. He whispered that they need to be quiet, and she nodded her head, very quietly giving him a kiss, slipping her tongue in his mouth. He kissed her, and asked if he could talk to her...there's a huge weight on his shoulders.
Mostly everyone was settling down for the night. Ty and Abe went to the guard tower, and Bob and Sasha were taking a shower together. The only place that left any privacy was the infirmary. Daryl, who never let go of Beth's hand, led her there and shut the door. Their only light source was a flashlight, but Daryl wanted to conserve the battery. They had a thin sliver of moonlight coming through the window, which had to suffice.
Beth hopped up on the bed and immediately started to remove her shirt and bra. As much as he hated to, Daryl had to stop her, saying he wants...he needs to talk to her. She put her shirt back on, and was sitting on the bed, watching as her man was pacing back and forth.
"I love you Beth. I want to make a life with you. I want to be a dad, but I'm fucking scared."
"What's wrong, honey?" She knew that sounded weird. She never used the word "honey" towards anyone before.
"You're dad's cool. My dad was a violent drunk. Mom was high or always at some dive bar, trying to find someone to keep her warm that night. Merle was usually in lockup, so it was just me most of the time, until the jackass came home from whatever bender he was on. He was always angry. He would throw things at me...knives, plates, anything he knew would hurt. He beat me with a belt more times than I could count. He one time made me sit near the stove and heated up a pan of cookin oil. I remember it was almost boiling it was so hot. He told me to stand up and take my pants down. I said no, so he got me out of the chair by my hair and threw me on the floor. He put a metal spatula in the oil, then when it was hot enough he started beating me with it. It hurt cuz the hot oil stuck to my skin. I was a kid, maybe nine years old. He took the pan and tried to throw the oil on me, but I got away." Daryl didn't realize he was crying until he felt the angry tears run down his face. Beth put her arm around him, trying to comfort him as best as she could.
"I was a kid. Just a kid. Some kids know how to make coffee in the morning for their parents, I was making Jack and coke at six am for him. If I didn't get it just right or get it to him just in time, he'd beat me until I'd pass out. Then he'd be gone for another week or two, and I'd take care of myself. I'd go to school in the same clothes cuz we didn't have a washer and I didn't have anything else. One kid teased me once. I laid him out, and he never said nothing again. I'd be alone for days, with nothing to eat at home. Merle would come home and take care of me for a couple months, until he fucked up and was locked up again. When I turned ten there was no party. I rode my bike down the road, and later there were fire trucks goin to my house. My mom fell asleep with a cigarette. Burned so bad they used her teeth to tell who she was. I never heard from my dad again. I was in foster care, which was worse. I'd take clothes and money, and be gone for months, ten and on my own. I never had a family. Not a real one. But I'm scared Beth. I'm fuckin scared. I want to have a life with you. But I'm scared that I'll be like my dad when we have kids." He was mad at himself for crying, and furious at himself when he started sobbing.
"You won't be. I can tell. You're not him. I saw how you were when you looked for Sophia. I saw how sad you were when Carl died. You're not your father. And I know that."
Beth leaned over and kissed him and said "I love you."
He kissed her on the mouth, and said "I love you too."
The long, painful stretch of silence between Rick and Lori finally ended when Lori suggested that they talk to Carol. Someone to listen to what both has to say.
It all started when Rick walked into the cell after Beth left. He saw Lori looking at the floor, and they both held each other for a while. He felt so much guilt over how he treated her. She forgave him, but deep down, he knew she resented him. Maybe their reunion was rushed. It went from one night not saying a word to each other and sleeping in separate cells, to just twenty four hours later fucking each other hard. While they were hugging each other, Lori said she needed time to herself. He made the mistake of asking why. She asked him that after he heard that she fell down a flight of stairs, forcing early labor, and breaking her wrist and nose, why wasn't he more attentive. When she collapsed at the gravesite, calling his name, why didn't he come down from the tower? Why did it take him to see Abe pay attention to her to get him to make a move to reconcile? Two years is a long time. Two years without saying a word to each other. She was so hurt.
Rick said "But the way you reacted when I told you I killed Shane..."
"Let's think about that for a second. You didn't like the way I looked at you when I heard Hershel might kick us off the farm. You were pissed, but got over it. When I wasn't sure that I wanted to continue with a high risk pregnancy and bring a baby into this world, you reacted with shock and horror on your face. But we got over it. I reacted the same way when you said you killed Shane...I was shocked and scared. And you've treated me like shit for years."
Although they both had endless things to say to each other, they were physically and emotionally exhausted. They decided to sit down and talk it out tomorrow, and maybe get Carol involved. Someone who knows the entire situation. Rick asked Lori if she wants him to sleep in another cell, and Lori said no. He asked her if she wants him to sleep on the top bunk, and she said no. She said that as much as she was hurt and angry, they've wasted two years already. In this world anyone could die at anytime. She slid over, and welcomed him into her bunk. She wrapped her arms around him, and he pulled her into a hug. He was so ashamed and embarrassed. They need each other. The past will always be with them, but they should leave it in the past. They held each other tightly, both emotional. They kissed each other deeply, and lay together throughout the night.
- 9
- 10
- 11
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The Lies we Tell Ourselves