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Cupid's Little Helper	By : Scribe Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 3620 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
ATTENTION: I ACCIDENTALLY LEFT OUT THE ACTUAL CHAPTER FIVE, AND HAVE NOW INSERTED IT--CALLED 'Babysittin'. SORRY FOR THE MIX UP.
Cupid's Little Helper
Chapter Eleven
Silent Declaration

cough

I... uh, I apologize for tha soppy poetic stuff at tha
end of tha last message. I know ya aren't interested
in stuff like that, an' it ain't my style an' all.
clears throat I guess hangin with Cupe was startin
ta rub off on me. Rub off on me... long pause and
dreamy expression Huh? Sorry.

"Okay, what now, Feathahs?"

He smiled at me. "I think you're ready to get down to
the real mission now, but it's a little late. Damara
has moved back into the temple she serves, and Hera
does not approve of men on her home turf at odd
hours."

"No kiddin. Tha last guy I heard of sneakin in for a
try at some priestess nookie is pullin an ox cart." I
shuddered. "An' he's gelded."

"So we'll check on Anieli."

"Great. Where is he?"

Cupid pointed. At first I didn't see what he was
indicatin. There was one cornah of tha tavern that
wasn't full of wenches, barbarians, or mercenaries.
That was because nobody wanted ta get too close ta tha
spilled beer an' spew. Yeh, ya heard me right. Beer,
half-digested stew, an' stomach bile are not a
pleasingly aromatic combination. sniff Erk. Ya
can add ta that some heavy duty B.O. Anieli must not
have been near a wash basin since the proposed weddin
day.

Anieli was at a teeny excuse for a table, just big
enough for him ta lay across. He was at present usin
it for a prop an' bed. He was face down, an' his hand
was still wrapped loosely around a half full tankard.
I walked ovah an looked down at him, then back at
Cupe. "He's a wreck."

"Losing the one you love will do that to you," he said
quietly.

I eyed him. "Well, I s'pose he'll clean up all right,
but I gotta tell ya, I don't think he could win back
tha affections of a love starved nymphomaniac in tha
state he's in right now."

"You'd be surprised. Sometimes pathetic will do it, but right now I think we should just get him out of
here and cleaned up, then into bed. We need to start
tomorrow, and he's going to be fighting a worse
headache than Zeus had just before his skull split and
he gave birth to Athena."

"Oo, Cupe, ya mean I gotta touch him? Smelly mortal,
ick!"

"Get over it." Cupe grabbed tha back of Anieli's
shirt an' peeled him up off tha table. His eyes
drifted open, an' he blinked stupidly, starin around.
"I suppose we ought to let him see us, or he may freak
out."

"Is he capable of thinkin enough ta be freaked out?"
I was really interested. I'd nevah seen anyone that
drunk an' still able ta manage semi-conscious.

"Maybe, maybe not, but we can't take chances. Do you
really want him panicking in the middle of this crowd?"

I thought about tha tendency barbarians have ta gut
vomit drenched, smelly drunks when theumblumble ovah
'em. "Nah, guess not."

Cupe eased up undah one of his arms. "Then take the
other side."

I did, grumblin, "It's a damn good thing I can make
new leathahs any time I wanna, cause these are gonna
be a total loss. Tha smell will nevah come out."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch."

I got tha feelin that when they saw Anieli stumblin
along with his arms thrown out ta his sides at
shouldah level, lookin back an forth, that some of tha
patrons prob'ly thought they were drunker than they
actually were. We staggahed toward tha stairs. I
hadda kick a couple of mercineries outta tha way, an'
that started a minor fight, cause there was a
misunderstandin about whose boot had done tha damage.
I say minor cause only a few juicy bruises, a coupla
split lips, an' one broken nose came outta it. Small,
but it gave me a nice energy boost, an' I needed it,
contemplatin what was still ahead.

We got him up tha stairs an' started lookin for his
room. Stumbled in on a coupla of real inttin tin
situations. I woulda hung around an' did the
spectator bit, but I had work ta do. Luckily tha
participants were too preoccupied ta worry about a
drunk, so we managed ta ease back out without any
altercation starting. We finally located his room an'
dropped him on the bed.

I wrinkled my nose. "Cupe, can't we just leave him ta
marinate an' come back tomorrah?"

"No, we cannot. Get a tub ready for him, and I'll get
rid of the rags."

"Whatevah." I thought up a good sized tub of hot
watah. I looked at Anieli, an' added a little more
steam. Cupe blinked away tha guy's clothes, but ya'd
be amazed at how clingy vomit can be. I took anothah
sniff an' added about a pint of rose essence ta tha
tub. I knew from bein around Aphrodite that aroma
could covah almost anythin if ya used enough of it.
"Um, Cupe, ya think ya could get 'im inta tha bath on
your own?" I put a hand against tha small of my back
an tried ta look pained. "Haulin him up here, I think
I strained somethin in my back."

"Right. Get over here." I sighed. That was one
problem about havin someone know ya: it's hard ta put
somethin ovah on 'em. Ya know, it's hard ta handle a
semi-conscious man when you're tryin ta touch him only
with your fingertips.

low lowered him inta tha tub, an' luckily it was small
enough so he couldn't slide undah an' drown. I looked
down, an' tha leathahs were a total loss. "Son of
Cerebus! I liked this outfit."

"You can always whip up one just like it."

"It's tha principle of tha thing, Cupe." I sighed an'
thought away tha top part of tha outfit, materian
an
a bar of soap an' a cleaning cloth. "Guess ya expect
me ta wash his behind, too, huh?"

Cupid smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Well, since you're ready to do it, go ahead."

Oh, crap. I've been around War long enough, I
shoulda remembahed: nevah volunteer for anythin. I
knelt beside tha tub, dipped tha soap an' rag, and
worked up a good lather. "Shit, Cupe, I don't know
where ta start. There's so much that needs ta be
done."

"Start at the top and work your way down."

"All right, but I ain't washin his hair. I'll rinse
tha puke outta tha ends, but that's as far as I'm
goin." I got ta work. He had nice hair: it was
really thick, honey colored, an' it woulda been shiny if
he'd washed it aftah Damara rolled him in tha dust.
I was curious, so I grumbled, but I went ahead an' washed his
hair. He woke up a little when tha watah trickled ovah his face, but he still wasn't payin attention.

"Close yer eyes, ya idiot, or you'll get soap in 'em."
He did, an' I washed his face. When I rinsed it off he
blinked again an' looked at me for tha first time. I
kept washin, cleanin off his arms an' shouldahs.

"Dammy?"

He was lookin at me with a bleary, soppy expression.
"Huh?"

"Dammy, I knew you couldn't shtay mad at me."

I looked at Cupid. "Fuck, Cupe, he thinks I'm his
girl?" Cupid shrugged. "But I'm not even usin a
glamour on him, an' I don't look anythin' like tha
broad. Boy, he's really fogged."

Anieli reached ovah an' put his arms around my neck.
"I'm shorry, schweetheart. Tha' bitch din' mean
anythin' to me."

I couldn't help it. "Yah? Looked ta me like she
meant at least a double handful."

"Strife!" Cupid's voice was scolding. "Do you want
him going right out and getting drunk again?"

"Got news for ya, cuz. He'd hafta sober up before he
could get drunk again. Personally, I don't think he
can manage ta stand on his own." Just as I finished
talkin, Anieli hooked me closah by tha arm around my
neck, then kissed me.

ZEUS!

Oh, man, talk about breath! Ugh. An' taste, cause he
stuck his tongue in my mouth, too. Lemme tell ya,
second hand stew an' brew is not wunna my favorite
flavahs. While I was chokin, he grabbed my hand an'
pulled it undah tha watah.

I jerked my head back. "Whoa! Uh, Cupe? Maybe he
ain't as drunk as I thought. An' as ta not being able
ta stand up by himself..." I looked down, then looked
up at Cupid. "It all depends on what ya mean by
that."

Cupe didn't trasport, but he moved so fast he might as
well have. Half a blink an' he was next ta tha tub,
pryin' Anieli's arm from around my neck. "Strife,
you're not holding on, are you?"

"No."

He jerked Anieli's grip offa my wrist. "Anieli, this
isn't Damara, and you have to stop groping."

He blinked at Cupid. "Not Dammy?"

I sat back. "No, dammit, not Dammy."

I reached for tha soap an cloth floatin in tha watah,
an Cupid said, "Go sit on the bed, Strife. I'll
finish this."

"I could..."

His eyes narrowed. "You're not putting your hands on
anyone but me."

My mouth fell open. "I'm not?"

His gaze didn't waver. "No, you're not."

I went an' sat on tha bed, proppin my elbows on my
knees an' puttin my chin in my hands, an' watched him
finish bathin Anieli. He did it quickly an'
efficiently, like someone scrubbin down a table. Then
he managed ta get Anieli ta stand up. He blinked him
outta tha tub an' inta a huge, fluffy towel. "Okay,
off the bed, Strife." I scooted ovah. "I said off."

"G'wan, e'se's plenty of room."

He said firmly, "Do you think I'm going to put a a
naked, horny drunk on the same bed with you? Up!" I
got up, an' he tumbled Anieli onta tha bed. Tha guy
was snorin before he landed.

I watched him. He still looked pathetic: clean, but
pathetic. "Cupe, is he gonna remember any of this?"

"Not much. He's going to think he dreamed it."

"Just as well. It might traumatize him if he realized
he'd gotten me ta grope "
- 10
- 11
- 12
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Cupid's Little Helper