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Home Unknown	By : katecooley Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 15190 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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WOO! I�m on a big ol� roll! Same junk as before. See part one for all the jargon. We�re getting there. But I can�t just clomp them together. This takes finesse. This takes planning. This takes� some more chapters. But I�ll make it worth your while. The first part takes place simultaneously with the last chapter � the reason Dite didn�t come on in. After that, the rest follows on regularly.

As always you guys rock! Thanks for reading! And to W: don�t worry. I already was going somewhere with it and it wasn�t the Peace thing. That�s been done to death and back again.

Part XI � A Scream, A Dream and At Last, A Scheme

Hephaestus, the steady, even tempered, well-liked God of Fire, almost lost it.

It took him forever to limp back to the main room of the home temple he shared with Aphrodite instead of just flashing in. He�d learned quickly enough when they�d first been married that redecorating was one of her passions and that furniture wasn�t always going to be where you last remembered it. So, it was always easier to appear outside and then walk in. Easy if you weren�t the lame god of the forge, that was. Every step seemed to take twice as long as it should have and he made a note to change those stairs to a gentle incline. At least it was a good scream coming from inside. Had there been anything else, he�d have just popped in, fru-fru sofas be damned.

"OOOH HEPHIE!" He wasn�t even through the door when he had armloads of wife. It�s a good thing I�m strong. Her ass is like lead when she does this. Heph chuckled to himself, only barely noticing the scolding swat he caught on the shoulder. "Heph, he does! He said so! And I know Ares does, so they both do! I mean, I knew anyway, right? Goddess of Love, how could I not know? But now HE knows and I could just slap Ares for making me stay out of this!"

"He probably had a good reason, Love," Hephaestus grunted and shifted her in his arms until he could hold her more comfortably. His wife snorted and pouted, crossing her arms over her ample and nearly uncovered chest.

"Fine. Take his side." She wriggled once and slipped out of his grasp, though to be fair he was about to set her down anyway. She often forgot that, although she was lithe and lovely, she wasn�t six years old. If he wasn�t ready for it, she�d been known to knock him flat on his bum with that little leap-maneuver.

"I�m not taking anyone�s side," Heph rolled his eyes and followed her as she stomped over to the pink satin settee that served as her main piece of furniture in her outer chamber. "I just know Ares. And I should hope you do too, after having how many kids with him? Ten? Twenty?"

"Just the five, thanks," but Aphrodite couldn�t help smiling. Ten kids. Really! "And I do know him. I know he�s gonna sit on his leather-clad duff and not do one single thing about this because he doesn�t wanna screw it up. He wants it to happen �naturally�. HA!"

"Well, it might. You yourself told me that you don�t control every match that gets made." At his own less frantic pace, Heph joined his wife in sitting, conjuring up his own favorite leather high-backed chair with a snap of his fingers.

"I know, but�"

"And tossing a spell out wouldn�t be fair for either Ares or�" Heph paused, raising his eyebrows to prompt his bride.

"Joxer. And you KNOW he�ll never do anything. I mean, look how long he sniffed after that wench and didn�t do anything. And this is ARES, for gods� sake. You can�t blame the guy for being a little shy�"

"Joxer?" the fire god scrunched his brows in thought. "Not that little fellow who�s been over in the hall? The one who�s been running errands for Strife?"

"Yah. You�d think they�d get a clue being in the same house together, but noooo."

"Love, they�re not in the same house. Ares is off in Polyphystos. I visited him there two days ago. He wants me to make a sword for Joxer with some pretty particular specifications." Hephaestus couldn�t help but smile. "I think it�s supposed to be a thank-you present for something. Probably straightening up the temple. Joxer�s been busting a nut around there."

"House of War is SO weird." Blue eyes rolled, but she had to grin along with her husband. "Sweet, but weird." She clacked her teeth together a few times, a nervous habit she�d picked up as a child when she needed to stop and think. "We really need to get them together. It would be a great match."

"It will be an even better match if you don�t give them one of your special nudges, sweetness." Heph cautioned her, knowing that look when he saw it.

"Oh, I know that, but� I can�t just sit here and let them �guy� all over this!" A soft-slippered foot stomped petulantly. "Damn Ares. �Keep your nose out of this, �Dite. I don�t need you or Cupid messing this up for me.� As if! Like we�re totally incompetent! UGH!" Distressed, she flopped back on the settee, letting her hair dangle off the edge. "This stinks."

"Well, if I were you," Hephaestus reached over and ran a forge-callused finger along her outstretched calf, chuckling at the dead-on impression of their brother, "I would listen to Ares. Things on Olympus are hectic enough without Love and War lobbing fireballs at each other. And you don�t need to wreck anything between him and Cupid either."

"You�re right," she sighed, enjoying the fond caress from her mate. "I just wish�" With a start, she sat up, a wicked and happy look on her face. "Me and Cupid. Oh. OH! HEPH! You�re absolutely right! Me and Cupid need to stay as far away from this as possible!"

"Dit-ee," he warned her with the tone of his voice.

"Me and Cupid, Heph. Just like you said. Just like Ares said." Deftly, the Senior Deity of the House of Love slid into her husband�s lap, straddling his legs with her thighs. "Me. And. Cupid."

Hephaestus was about to protest � really, he was � when his golden bride sat up straight as a board, a squeal and a gasp on her lips. "Ooooh!" Her hands grabbed her husband by the leather straps of his blacksmith gear that crossed his broadly muscled chest with a strength that only surprised him a little. That look in her eye was pure sex now, fueled by the energy twinkling around her. A quick wiggle and grind before they both disappeared for a place of greater comfort, the goddess�s voice only an echo left wafting around the room. "Ooh! Joxie, you bad boy!"

***back in the bath***

"Gods, Unc, you shoulda been there, it was perfect! I don�t think Crabrielle will ever be the same!" A high-pitched laugh jerked Joxer out of his post-self-love reverie, but he wasn�t in any way ready for the pair of hands that hit his shoulders and pushed off. At least he was still sitting on the ledge, otherwise the force of someone using him as a pommel horse would have dunked him under for sure.

A pale, nude form vaulted over the spent warrior, pushing off to leapfrog over him and land with a splash into the pool. For a few seconds, a white blur darted under the surface, resurfacing with a geyser of water. Dark locks shook, spraying droplets everywhere as their owner made his way to the ledge seat next to the mortal man.

"Youda been proud of me, Unc. I don�t think she�s gonna be able to look at seafood for a long time," Strife chuckled, lathering up with the soap and scrubbing himself studiously.

Joxer sat, frozen. Mostly because the room reeked of arousal and his hard-on was still deflating. Slowly. His eyes darted to the door a few times as he wondered if he could get out of there before�

"Uhh. Jox?"

"Yeah?" Too late. Those sharp blue eyes were on him and the look of mild confusion was almost comic. Strife stopped scrubbing for a second.

"You ain�t Unc."

"No kidding."

A few more seconds of scrutiny before the perplexed expression relaxed and a fonder look replaced it. "Ohh yeeaah, I forgot. Unc�s got you watchin� the joint while he and Ma play. So, whattaya think of the vaunted an� celebrated Hall of War?" He made those last three words echo with otherworldly awe and fanfare, neither of which held up to the giggle that followed it.

"It�s nice. Big. But comfortable." Joxer began praying fervently to� well, to anyone who would listen. He needed a distraction, something to get Strife�s attention off of him before he figured out what was what and freaked. Actually, Joxer was in more danger of losing it than the god probably was, but he didn�t want a public forum on his Ares-obsession.

"Yeah, that�s Unc all over. Big but comfortable." Strife smirked, wondering if the mortal followed. Probably not. He was too busy trying to look like he hadn�t just been jerking off, something Strife himself had spent some time doing in this very pool - both petting the python and then trying to look innocent about it. Though, he�d been ogling the Cupid-mirror instead of the Ares-mirror at the time. He loved this bathroom himself and if he ever got his act together and moved out, he was going to build one just like it. Of course, he�d do like Cupid and get Ares to spell it just the right way. And he�d want this, too, the Unc-setting that they all used when they thought no one was paying attention. It was a way to relax, to connect with the God of War, even on a simple level. The smell reminded them all of being bathed by loving hands� and then dunked under and splashed until you got the hiccups from giggling.

A white flash appeared at the door of the chamber, making both Joxer and Strife scramble for cover, the mortal pressing up against the wall to hide anything incriminating and the godling slipping below the surface, as if no one would notice him hanging out under there.

"Pops have you seen�" Cupid was halfway to the pool when the obvious struck him. No Ares. "Jox? Is�"

"Huh? Oh, NO! I�m� that is, I was� and then Strife came in�" Joxer struggled to lean up and reach the towel waiting for him, trying to keep the persistent half-arousal that didn�t want to leave from showing in front of everyone and their pet fish. The sharp look on Cupid�s face at that last admission made him stammer out the rest. "H-he thought I was A-A-Ares."

As quickly as it had shown, the green unearthly glow in Cupid�s eyes faded and he smirked. "Yeah, well, this is Pops� favorite bath-thing. Easy mistake, I guess." He could see the pale form under the water, trying to look inconspicuous. "You, uh, doin� OK here?"

Joxer took advantage of Cupid�s attention now being focused on his naked, submerged cousin, to zip out of the tub and head for the door. "Yeah, I�m fine. Just� relaxing. You know how it is."

"Vividly," Cupid spared a grin for the lean-muscled moral making his escape with all due haste. "Don�t run. The floor�s slippery if you don�t watch out."

Even as he bolted, Joxer had to smile and stifle a �yes Dad�.

Cupid sat down at the edge of the pool and waited. Strife could hold his breath a long time, which only turned him on even more as he imagine all kinds of things that would be useful for. Eventually, though he�d have to come up. As a god, Strife wouldn�t need to breathe, but as the God of Mischief, he wouldn�t be able to tamp out that spark of curiosity as to what was happening above the surface. Cupid could almost count down until�

Slowly, almost cautiously, the pale god peeked up out of the water, only to find an amused smirk waiting on his cousin�s face. "Cupe."

"Strife. You, uh, done in there?" As his cousin stood up in the pool, Cupid could feel his mouth starting to water. Strife always played off that whole �scrawny but menacing punk� vibe he gave off, but out of uniform, Cupid reveled in the lie exposed. While certainly not brawny by any means, Strife�s body was delightful, all long muscle and sinew, smooth and creamy like a moonbeam. Cupid could watch him all day. Had done so a few times, conjuring his image in pools and mirrors so he could gaze to his heart�s content. Which was a funny way to put it, since content never really got there. Sadness always barged in ahead of it, rotten bastard that it was. Couldn�t even let one decent fantasy finish in peace.

Mischief shook his head like a dog, spraying the area around him with water droplets. His hair was a riot of dark curls when he stopped, which didn�t help Cupid any at all. Gods, he�s somethin�, ain�t he?

The same thought was charging through Strife�s head as the colors from the ceiling and the candles conspired against him. Cupid looked golden in the dim light, and sparkling with some kind of magic he�d kill to get his hands on. Never mind that he was gorgeous anyway. Right now� positively angelic in a �grab me and do me� kind of way.

"Just about. Somethin� up?" Strife stepped up onto the bench, instantly drying and dressing himself once he left the water�s surface.

"Kinda, I think. Ma wants us to snag all the rugrats and meet back up in her sitting room. Something about helping Pops on something. She said she�d explain when we got there." Cupid almost pouted. He�d been looking forward to Strife�s exit and had gotten denied big time.

"Howdja know I�d be here?"

"Didn�t. Ma just got finished telling me to pick up the sibs and next thing I know, here I am." Cupid scratched his chin briefly. "That�s why I thought Jox was Pops. That�s his shtick, the forced transport thing. I figured he needed me for something, but�" broad shoulders shrugged.

"Weird." Strife mused. "Last I checked, everyone but Harm was in the playroom. You want me to nab �em?"

"Yeah. If we need her, we�ll drop down and visit. For now, stick to who�s on the mountain. Ma�ll join up when she gets back. She had to check something with your Ma."

"Kewl. See ya there." Strife nodded as his cousin sparkled out and he stepped away from the bathing pool, about to do the same when his foot bumped something that tipped over and clanged. He looked down to see a goblet spinning in a small circle on its side. Scooping it up quickly, Strife gave it the once over and ran his finger along the inside of the cup�s bowl before popping it into his mouth and making the �yick� face he�d perfected in childhood. He smacked his lips, as if that would make the foul taste go away. But even the flavor that lingered couldn�t keep the smirk away. "Jeez, Jox, you do step in it, don�tcha?"

Laughing to himself, Strife flashed away, heading for the batch of cousins he�d left not too long ago, chalice still clutched in his hand. The twins were gonna love this.

-tbc-
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