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After the End	By : Bloodyrose82 Category: M through R > Queer As Folk Views: 2114 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Queer As Folk, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-After the End
- 2-515
- 3-516
- 4-517
- 5-518
- 6-519
- 7-520
- 8-521
- 9-522
- 10-523
- 11-524
- 12-525
- 13-526
- 11
- 12
- 13
Prologue

Some people like to say that they�re romantic, that they like to make their partners happy in any way they can, with elaborate gestures like trips to Paris and a proposal on top of the Eiffel Tower. If you ask them what they like their loved ones to do in turn, they cite trite examples of spoon-fed romance such as a bunch of roses and dinner by candlelight.

But isn�t it more romantic to use the personal touch, putting something together that would mean something to only the two of you? An unwritten secret lover�s code that nobody else can work out, placing you both in an isolated bubble where eyes exist for no one else.

And what about the little daily things that get forgotten, cast by the side of the road in favour of the chocolates delivered to the office just so everyone else can see and coo and get jealous, saying how very lucky you are?

The tiny details that can only be known through understanding a person as much as you understand yourself. The right amount of milk in the bottom of a coffee cup, folding the laundry just so; even though it takes ten times longer than how you would normally do it, just to make him happy, make it one less thing to stress about. Putting up with his mother when she comes around �to see how he is�, giving you resentful glances out of the corner of her eye because you stole her baby.

And then knowing instinctively when it�s time to give up, when to let him go, setting him free to spread his wings, soaring into the world like a newborn hatchling on its first flight.

And when to ignore the voices vying for attention in your head, and giving it another go anyway.

-*-

I. Brian

You groaned and rolled over, waking up when the answering-machine kicked in.

"Brian, where the fuck are you? This is the third time I�ve called today. Ted said you haven�t gone in to the office and I even called the boy wonder, who of course had no idea where you were! I�m coming over."

You jumped out of bed and raced towards the phone, grabbing it and sticking it to your ear.

"Mikey?"

You were greeted by the dial tone. You swore under your breath and slammed the phone back down in its cradle.

You didn�t want to see Mikey; you didn�t want to see anyone. All you wanted to do was lay in bed with your head under the covers until your clock read �6:01PM� tomorrow, and when you were sure Justin had gone you could breathe again, albeit it rather shallowly.

You padded over to the kitchen, raking one hand through your hair, causing it to stick up in a dozen different directions, and started making coffee. You felt like you had the biggest hangover in the world, but knew that most of it wasn�t caused by the amount you had drank the night before.

You slumped down on a stool at the counter and put your head in your hands. You didn�t know what to feel. The predominant emotion seemed a little like guilt, but you couldn�t quite recognize it, unused to that feeling.

You knew you were a hypocrite for trying to punish him the previous evening when you found him in the alley next to Woody�s with that kid�s hand down his pants. You had no right to make him feel as if he was obligated to you when just a few days ago he had found you with your own trick.

�But it�s what I do� wasn�t going to cut it this time.

Justin hadn�t made you any promises, his intention of getting on his return flight made quite clear.

But you couldn�t help but feel an uncomfortable clenching in your stomach anyway, that things had degenerated so quickly, in a space of less than two weeks, and you had both slipped so easily back into old habits of tugging the other towards yourselves and then trying to run away.

It was stupid really, to even let yourself get involved with him in that way again, emotionally investing yourself when there was no hope of it being resolved in a way that was at all satisfactory.

It wasn�t like it had been intentional though, you thought as you got up to the check the coffee, pouring yourself a cup. It was just a natural reaction to being around him, his pull as unavoidable as a gravitational force.

Worse than that, he couldn�t escape it either, and you didn�t envy his position, torn between the two places of New York and Pittsburgh, and what he emotionally saw as two people; himself and you.

For you it was clear-cut - you wanted him and you had let him go.

But you wondered if any of it was as simple as that: two people who loved each other, but for a myriad of reasons couldn�t bring themselves to make it work. You wondered if perhaps you had let him bury himself so deep inside your skin, and vice versa, that you had become universally connected, as if there was almost a visible fleshy bond that stretched between you.

No wonder it ached so much when he pulled away.

Someone pounded at the door and you looked up, wondering if you could get away with pretending to be out if you kept quiet enough.

"Brian! I know you�re in there. If you don�t answer the door I will kick it down!"

Apparently not.

-*-

II. Justin

You pushed open the door of the clothing store and went out onto the sidewalk, your suit in its bag under your arm.

You hated trying on suits now, the last one before this being your wedding outfit. You remembered it clearly as if it was yesterday, the way Brian turned around looking at you, and told you that you were beautiful. You had always known what he had thought about you, but to hear it from his lips, in his voice, that was something else.

You had stood next to him, admiring your reflections in the mirror, and had never felt more grown up in your entire life.

There were multiple mirrors in the spacious changing area, hung to allow customers to examine themselves from every possible angle, but it was disconcerting seeing multiple pairs of you stretching back into a seemingly infinity, many men all looking the same, with face-stretching smiles. There was so much love in that room, cloned looking-glass images that stood as visible proof of the vows you were about to make to each other.

But like the reflections, the vows amounted to nothing, just a wistful dream image that shattered like glass, falling apart when examined too closely.

You put your suit in the trunk of your mother�s car and got in the front, pulling out into the heaving traffic. You drove back to her house in silence, contemplating the events of the previous night.

You hadn�t been particularly attracted to Josh, but it had seemed almost a fitting step in the fucked up foxtrot Brian and you had learned to choreograph during the years you had spent together.

He had always lead, and you had always followed, and if nothing else, your unoriginal copying of his moment with the trick proved that you still had the capacity to hurt him as much as he could hurt you.

You wondered when everything had collapsed into a playground fistfight of �you push me and I�ll push you back�, and thought that perhaps it had always been that way.

But there was a time when you would have let Brian mess you around, throwing you from wall to wall across the room, kicking you out and then taking you back. Those games had gotten old quickly and you had changed your tactics from submissive compliance to steady, forceful love, reminding him that no matter how hard he tried, you were sticking around.

That didn�t give you the desired result either, and you grew tired waiting around for a man who you thought didn�t love you -or perhaps himself- enough.

So you started pushing back, showing him that other people wanted you too, that it wasn�t a given that you would always be there no matter what he did.

That you had feelings to deal with too.

For a while it seemed to work, and he showed a raging jealous side that eventually amounted to little more than him wanting you by his side but at the same time refusing to give you what you needed back.

By the end you had all but given up. After all, there was only so much one person could take. You went on loving him completely with everything that you had, but all the while knowing that he could never take that final step and give himself over to the inevitable, what everyone else had been telling him almost from the start, that you had firmly planted yourself down as one of the most important people in his life.

You cut those ties, the parts of yourself that felt they needed him. And you survived.

Now the tables were reversed and you were the one dealing out the cards, presenting him with your poker face as you played your hand. But you had never been good at bluffing and he had always captured all of your hearts.

You pulled up in the drive and got out of the car, pulling your suit from the trunk and going inside the house. Everything was still and quiet, your mother and Molly nowhere to be seen, and you set about making yourself some lunch before it was time to leave for the Gay and Lesbian Center to help set up.

It felt like you were on a timer and the sand was running out.

You tried not to allow yourself to think that you wanted to turn it upside down and start again.

-*-

III. Brian

You pulled open the door and glared at Mikey, your gaze flitting to Debb behind him, standing with a lunch bag in her hand.

"What the fuck do you want?" You turned around, walking back into the loft, leaving the door open.

"Put some clothes on!" Mikey exclaimed, followed quickly by "Ma, don�t look!"

Debb snorted as you walked into the bedroom and found some jeans, pulling them on. "Michael, it�s not like I haven�t seen it before."

You hid a smile as you heard him spluttering. "When the hell have you seen him naked?"

You descended the steps and went back over to the counter, pouring yourself some coffee, not bothering to ask if they wanted any. "Only every time she's barged in here when I�m fucking someone," you said, taking a sip from your cup and pulling a face when the hot liquid scalded your tongue.

"Thought I�d bring you some lunch," Debb said cheerily, and started pulling food out of the bag. "Turkey sandwich, no mayo."

You glanced at it, suddenly realizing how hungry you were, and took a seat opposite them.

"I tried to tell her not to come," Mikey said, looking at you apologetically, "but she insisted."

"Am I not allowed to visit one of my boys?" Debb replied, unwrapping her sandwich and taking a bite.

"You only ever come and see me when you want to lecture me on something," you pointed out.

"That�s not true!" she protested, swallowing her mouthful of food. "I come over for other things too, but this time you just happen to be right. What the fuck are you doing?"

You rolled your eyes. "What have I done this time?"

"Ma!" Mikey glared at her. "You promised you wouldn�t start."

"I�m not starting anything," she said. "I�m just here to tell him to stop fucking messing around, since he obviously doesn�t know how to figure that out by himself."

Mikey sighed and looked down at his lunch, knowing it was useless to stop Debb once she was on a roll; she was like a god damn freight train.

"What mess would that be?" you asked. "I don�t see any problem here."

"That�s because your problem is sitting in his mother�s house pining away for you."

You scoffed, giving her a look. "Oh, you mean Sunshine? How silly of me. I�m so glad you're here to clear things up for me, Debb."

"Don�t you get smart with me," she warned, pointing a finger at you topped with scarlet nail polish.

You held her gaze for a second and then glanced back down at your sandwich, trying to look suitably chastised.

"I know what you�re going through, honey," she said, her voice softening.

"Sure you do."

"You think I don�t know a thing or two about love, being around all these years?" she stared at you. "I�ve seen more people get themselves in and out of fucked up relationships that you�ve had blowjobs in the backroom at Babylon."

Mikey laughed. "I doubt that very much."

"Shut up and eat your sandwich, I haven�t finished."

He raised an eyebrow in your direction and you shrugged.

"I�ve seen enough to know that you�re hurting and you�re trying to cover it up. Not that you�re doing a particularly good job of it because anyone who knows you can tell." She snorted and you narrowed your eyes at her.

"Debb, I don�t need a recap of my current faults."

"No," she continued. "But what you do need is a kick up the god damn ass!"

You rolled your eyes again. She could change tactics quicker than you could blink, managing to pull off �good cop, bad cop� all by herself. It was probably best to say as little as possible and let her get on with it.

"What you don�t realize, while you�ve been caught up in your own feelings, is that Sunshine is hurting too. It may be a different kind of hurt from yours but it still stings just as much."

You knew all that, she wasn�t saying anything new, but it was Mikey�s turn to scoff. "That�s bullshit, Ma! Brian is the one he left behind. The selfish little shit pushed him into falling in love with him, got him to propose, and then skipped off to New York to play at being the painter."

You wanted to defend Justin against that, just like you always did, but you couldn�t quite bring yourself to. No matter how much you tried to tell yourself he had his own set of reasons, and that you were far from blameless, leaving it far too late to work up the courage to tell him you loved him, Mikey managed to hit the underlying reasons for the way you had been feeling right on the head.

He must have been having a very good day.

Debb turned on Mikey and you bit into your sandwich, glad to have the focus away from you for a moment.

"Don�t you dare let me hear you talking that way about Sunshine again!" she said, her voice going cold. "I would have thought you of all people would be able to understand considering what happened with Ben."

"Don�t bring him into it!" Mikey cried back.

"You just don�t get it, do you? Either of you." Debb sighed, glancing between you.

You both shook your heads.

"Michael," she said, breaking off part of her sandwich and sticking it into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "What would you have done if Ben had continued acting the way he was when you were offered the movie deal for Rage?"

You had a horrible feeling that you knew where she was going with this.

"I don�t know," he replied. "It�s not the same thing. I didn�t have to move to a different state to get it made."

"And if they had asked you to move?" she replied with the patience of a woman who knew she was on her way to proving a point.

"I would have stayed with Ben of course, unlike Justin who has always looked out for himself first."

Debb raised her eyebrow. "I�m sure it would have torn you apart to make that choice, since you�ve always wanted to be involved in something like that since the day you stole your first comic." She paused to take another bite of her sandwich. "Wouldn�t you have resented him for having to make that choice? It wouldn�t have driven a wedge between you?"

Mikey stalled for a second before muttering a very unsure �no�.

Debb looked smug and turned back to you, staring at you intently. You held her gaze.

"I know it�s tough as hell seeing him here and knowing he�s going back," she said. "But you�re not making it any easier on either of you by acting the way you have been."

"But Brian hasn�t done anything!" Mikey piped up again. "Yesterday Justin took a trick and he�s been seducing Brian and--"

Debb held up one hand, silencing him immediately. You were almost impressed.

"You know I love you, honey," She told him, "but you�re so fucking blind when it comes to Brian that you practically think the sun shines out of his ass."

She started laughing at her words and you hid a smile. You�d never minded talking about Sunshine when the word �ass� was used in the same sentence.

"Can you tell me you haven�t done anything to confuse this more than it already was?" She asked you, recovering herself and getting back on track. "I know how you feel about him. What�s more I know how you act when you�re scared shitless you�re going to lose someone you love."

You blinked and drained your cup. "I wasn�t going to tell you."

She smiled. "Good boy. Now, you can surely remember what it was like to be his age? Christ, you still act it often enough." She barked out a short laugh. "Sunshine is trying to work out who he is and find out what makes him happy for himself. That bit hasn�t got anything to do with you."

You opened your mouth to say something, but she continued before you got the chance.

"But it just so happens the kid has been in love with you for so long he can�t remember what it felt like before you came along. So, if he�s fucking up and getting you confused, try imagining how he must feel."

You didn�t think you wanted to. It made your head spin.

"He�s still fucking selfish," Mikey mumbled under his breath, and Debb cuffed him around the head.

"Ow! What was that for?!"

"For being an ungrateful shit!" she replied. "You don�t know how lucky you have it. You�ve never had to sacrifice for loving Ben."

"Justin isn�t sacrificing for Brian either!" Mikey replied. "He�s given up on him."

Debb shook her head, looking a little sad. "Haven�t I taught you anything? Sunshine knows that if he stays it will be the biggest mistake of his life. He loves Brian with everything he is, but he can never give himself fully if he doesn�t become the man he is supposed to be."

You both looked at her as if she was completely crazy, and she sighed, exasperated.

"Don�t you see that he�s trying to leave the love that you share intact?" she said, looking at you with such a fierce expression in her eyes that you had to clutch the side of the counter for fear of falling off your stool.

"If he stayed then he would remain half-grown," she said quietly. "He would resent you for the rest of his life, not because you made him stay, but because you would be the reason. And what room would be left for love?"

You pulled your gaze away from her and fell silent, eating your sandwich methodically without really tasting it.

You felt like the biggest asshole in the world.

-*-

IV. Justin

You arrived at the Gay and Lesbian Center early in the afternoon, to find half of the decorations already put up, a large number of people milling around with banners and streamers in their hands, another few arranging seats on the stage for the live band.

You found Mel and Linds over in the back blowing up balloons, and waved to Daphne as you made your way further into the room, laughing as she started arguing with one of the men standing next to her about where her banner should be placed.

"Justin!" Mel called you over and shoved a pile of balloons towards you. "Blowing seems to be more your thing. It�s going to take Linds and I all afternoon to do these alone."

You laughed and picked one up, placing it against your lips.

The three of you worked in silence for a while until you felt a pair of eyes on you and looked up to see Lindsay watching you carefully.

You caught her eye and tilted your head to one side. "What is it?"

She shrugged, tying a ribbon around the bottom of the balloon she was holding. "Nothing. I was just thinking about how much you have changed from when we first met you."

"Isn�t that the truth?" Mel said, snorting. "We thought Brian had really gotten himself into trouble when we saw you. You barely looked old enough to be eating solid food."

"Mel!" Linds laughed and shoved her playfully. "Don�t be so cruel."

You grinned and picked up another balloon. "It�s true though; I was really young. And I was horribly obsessed with Brian. It�s so embarrassing."

Linds sighed, looking at you again. "And now here you are all grown up. You should be proud of yourself. Not many people your age could go through everything you have gone through and come out of the other side as a success."

You ducked your head, trying to hide your grin. "I�d hardly call myself that. I�ve only had a handful of shows."

"I�m sure you will have many more." Mel leaned across and plucked the balloon from your hand once you had tied a ribbon to it, and took the dozen or so you had already finished over to one of the people standing on a ladder, stretching to attach the ones he already had to the ceiling.

"How are things with you and Brian?" Linds asked once Mel was out of earshot.

"Okay, I guess."

You supposed you didn�t sound particularly convincing because Linds put down the balloon she was tying and took your arm, steering you outside.

You stood against the wall and dug into your pockets for a pack of cigarettes you knew you had left there, and took one out, lighting it.

"Has something happened?" Linda said, and wrapped her arms about her waist. "Did Brian do something?"

"No." You shook your head. "Brian hasn�t done anything wrong." You paused and took a drag on your cigarette, watching as the smoke caught on the wind and blew away. "It just�seeing him again like this is hard, you know?"

Linds gave you a tight smile. "I know. It�s not the same, but for what it�s worth, I miss him too."

You nodded and glanced at her. "Do you ever regret moving away from him, to Canada?"

"Not for a single moment," she replied, not missing a beat, and then let out a breath. "I miss seeing him, and it�s hard hearing Gus ask after him, but I know that what we did was the right thing. I have my own family now and Canada is where we should be."

You frowned slightly. "Do you feel guilty for taking Gus so far away?"

She let out a short laugh and looked down towards the street where a couple of women were walking along the sidewalk with their kids.

"Sometimes I do," she admitted. "I know how he feels about Gus. But you can�t put your life on hold for someone else. One thing you should know about Brian is that however he acts, whatever he says, deep down inside he would do anything for the people he loves."

"Even letting them go."

"Exactly." She moved closer and put her hand on your arm. "Justin, don�t waste your time feeling sorry for him because you feel you�ve left him behind."

You sucked in a shaky breath and let it out slowly. "It just seems such a waste, that he comes out and admits he wants to spend his life with me and then I leave. What was it all for?"

Linds gave you a sad look and a tiny smile. "It�s never a waste to love someone, and he has become a far better man for it in the end. Not just because he learned to allow himself to love you, but because he learned to love Gus too."

"It�s a cruel ending," you replied. "Isn�t life supposed to be about sharing yourself with the people you love?"

"Of course," she said. "But you�re so young. I know you�re probably sick of hearing it, and without a doubt you are more mature than Brian, but as far as life experiences go�"

"I know. I�m running a little short." You smiled at her and took another drag on your cigarette.

She grinned back. "You�ll have them yet, and then you can find your happy ending. But in the meantime, don�t be too hard on Brian, okay?"

She reached across and plucked the cigarette out of your hand, taking a drag before grinding it out under her boot.

"I didn�t know you smoked!" you exclaimed.

"I don�t." She winked at you. "I tried it a few times in college. But don�t forget that even the most unexpected people can be full of surprises."

She slung an arm around your shoulders and herded you back inside. "Just don�t tell Mel."

Like you would ever do that.

-*-

V. Brian

You killed the engine of your car and unbuckled your belt, leaning back in your seat and looking out of the window.

After Debbie and Mikey had left you spent most of the afternoon trying to get some work done and failing miserably. Your thoughts kept on drifting back to Justin, no matter how hard you tried to keep your mind on something else.

You found yourself unable to blame him for leaving anymore than you could blame Mel and Linds for taking Gus to Canada, or Mikey for getting over you and settling down with Ben, or even Ted for shacking up with Blake despite the hell he had put him through.

The only person you really blamed was yourself. You knew that you weren�t to blame for him leaving, but you were to blame for not making it easier on him, for making more out of it that you had needed to, for thinking it was all about you rather than the truth: that it was all about him.

You�d been so wrapped up in thinking he would stay with you for the duration of those five years because he idolized you, at the same time expecting him to leave, that you never truly realized that you had things the wrong way round. You were too busy thinking about what could happen -what you thought would happen- that you didn�t take the time to stop and look at what you already had.

If having cancer had taught you anything it was that life could be over in a heartbeat. You had experienced the threat of death before but it had never been your own. You were always the one left sitting on the sidelines watching it happening to everyone else, pacing the hospital corridors when Justin was in his coma, again after the bombing when you kept a vigil outside of Mikey�s room. It had been different that second time, and you knew that it was because you had experienced first hand what it was like to feel your own death looming on the horizon in the time in-between.

It had been so fucking hard to reconcile your new knowledge with the messages you had always held to be true, that it was a bad idea to let someone get close to you because they all would go away in the end.

Eventually you had realized that it was the same for everyone the world over, that with or without the past of uncaring, alcoholic parents, they all had the same threat.

Everyone went away in the end because everyone had to die.

It was fucked up, but you only realized that when there was a chance that you would be going away yourself, and you didn�t want anyone else to see you like that. Not just because you wanted to maintain the appearance of Brian Kinney the immortal stud, but also because you wanted to save them from the pain of worrying about you.

Sometime around late afternoon you had pulled yourself up from the couch, downing a last measure of Beam, and went and took a shower, preparing to go out.

You couldn�t allow yourself to fill up with self-pity, it was never your style, but you couldn�t help quietly thinking to yourself that you had wasted so much of your life being afraid, of the future, of the past, that your minute-by-minute lifestyle that so many people admired you for was just a farce. You had been running away for your entire life, but worse than that you had been running from yourself, which had to be the most ridiculous thing you could possibly think of.

If you weren�t who you were you would call yourself pathetic.

You pulled yourself out of your musings and opened the car door. You may have wasted so much time but there were still no regrets, no apologies. All you wanted to do was claim your life back.

-*-

VI. Justin

You finished helping out at the GLC just before dinner, so you decided to head over to the diner for something to eat before going back to your mother�s house and getting changed for the dance.

Emmett was sitting in a booth when you arrived, so you made your way over to him and slipped into the seat opposite.

"And how�s my gorgeous date today?" he asked, grinning at you. "You look a little sweaty. Already getting excited about those slow dances are you?" He batted his eyelashes dramatically at you.

You laughed. "Nothing like that, sadly. I was helping to decorate the center."

"Really?" he leaned forward, one eyebrow raised. "What does it look like? Is it gorgeous?"

"It�s nice," you replied, nodding. "Quite simple. They didn�t want to go overboard and stick pink plastic hearts up everywhere."

"No? Well, I suppose not," Emmett replied, looking a little sad. "All the dykes would complain."

You grinned at him and looked up when Debb came over. "What can I get you, Sunshine?"

"I�m not too fussy tonight. Whatever the special is." You paused, eyeing her suspiciously. "Debb, why are you working? You haven�t let someone talk you into taking on their shift so they can go to the dance have you?"

Debb laughed and snapped her gum. "Of course not, Sunshine! I wouldn�t miss it for the world. I�m just covering the last couple of hours of Kiki�s shift so she can run out and find a dress."

"Aww, that�s nice of you, Debb!" Emmett beamed up at her, obviously in a really good mood.

"Yeah well, we all want to look our best. I can�t wait to see all my boys dressed up."

"Apart from Brian," Emmett said, picking at a slice of cucumber on his plate. "It would take an offer of multiple blowjobs to get him to even think about coming along."

"I�m sure Brian has better things to do," you told him, frowning slightly as you remembered the way he looked at you before he stalked off the previous night.

He had told you earlier in the day that he would be at the loft by the time the dance had finished. You wondered if the implied invitation was still open. Then again, it didn�t really matter if it wasn�t. You wanted to see him again before you left anyway, and if your mother had her way you would be spending the following morning with her and Molly before you could manage to get away for a couple of hours in the afternoon to meet everyone at Woody�s for a goodbye drink.

"Still with us, Justin?" Emmett waved a hand in front of your face and you blinked, looking up to find Debb had bustled off to file your order.

You glanced back at Emmett, looking a bit sheepish. "Sorry, what did you say? I was miles away."

"I don�t know about miles," he said, nibbling daintily on the tip of a french-fry. "More like just up the road."

"What?" You gave him a puzzled look.

"At the loft," he explained. "You were thinking about Brian, weren�t you?"

You made a face. "Am I that obvious?"

"Sweetie, let me put it this way, unless you have some other guy you�re hiding from us, yes, it is obvious you were thinking about Brian. I�ve never seen you look so confused and yet so in love all at once over anyone other than Brian."

You ducked your head, groaning, and busied yourself with your napkin, grateful for the distraction when Debb came back over with your food.

"Justin is moping over Brian," Emmett informed her solemnly before she barely had a chance to stick your plate down on the table.

"Tell me something I don�t know," she said, snorting.

You rolled your eyes and shoved half a tomato into your mouth.

"I went to see him with Michael earlier," Debb said, and you almost choked.

You took a sip of your water, making sure your mouth was empty before you spoke. "You did? Was he okay?"

"He will be," she said, and leant over, ruffling your hair. "Don�t you worry that adorable little head of yours over him. When are you planning on seeing him next?"

"I was going to go over to the loft after the dance but I don�t know if it�s such a good idea after�last night."

"You mean you�re not coming home with me?!" Emm pouted. "Some date you are."

Debb laughed and glanced at you. "Oh yeah, your trick. I wouldn�t worry about that."

"What?!" You almost choked again. "How do you know about that?"

"A mother knows everything," Debb said, smiling secretively.

Fucking Michael.

"Oooh, you got fucked last night?" Emmett looked wistful. "I can�t remember the last time I bought a guy home."

"Thirteen days ago. You kept me awake half the night."

Emmett blinked at Debb and she smiled before turning back to you. "Brian can�t fucking complain about anyone you sleep with, he's had enough tricks himself. Go see him, it will be fine."

"And you know that because?"

"A mother knows everything!" Emmett finished, and stood up, kissing Debb on the cheek. "I�m off to make myself look fabulous. You�d better hurry up and do the same." He pointed a finger at you and waggled it. "I don�t want a scruffy date."

Debb laughed and Emm waltzed out of the door, leaving you to wolf down your food in record time.

-*-

VII. Brian

You got out of the car eventually, after giving yourself a good talking to, and walked up the drive, pausing for a second and taking a deep breath, and finally lifted your hand and rung the door bell.

You heard a kid�s voice from inside squealing �he�s here!� and a moment later the door was flung open.

"Brian?"

You offered Jennifer the biggest smile you could muster and shifted your weight onto your other foot. "Is Justin in?"

"Ah, well�" she looked a little flustered. "Yes, he is, but he�s upstairs getting ready for the dance and Emmett is supposed to be picking him up any minute now, so�" She blinked as she looked at your properly and took in your suit.

You smiled, quirking your eyebrow at her. "There�s been a slight change of plans."

"So I can see." Her gaze travelled over you and back up to your face. "You look nice," she said, finally.

"I know I do." You grinned and craned your neck, trying to see round her. "Is he nearly ready?"

She looked like she was going to answer you for a second and then changed her mind, asking a question of her own instead. "Brian, does he know you�re coming?"

"Not exactly." You stared at her with wide eyes.

"I didn�t think so." She pursed her lips and then sighed, holding up her hands. "Look, I�m not going to tell you to go away; Justin is old enough to do what he wants. But I wouldn�t be surprised if he slams the door in your face."

"He won�t." You were completely sure of that.

Before she had time to answer you heard Justin bounding down the stairs. "Why didn�t you let Emm in, Mom? I was only fixing my hair. Molly mused it up when she tried to jump on my back and--"

He stepped around her and drew up short, freezing, his mouth falling open when he saw you.

And all you could do was stare back.

You had forgotten how he looked when he dressed up. It still amazed you how someone who usually slouched around in jeans and a multitude of too-tight tees could scrub up to look so utterly stunning, and comfortable, in a suit.

You swallowed, looking him over as waves of memories crashed through you, taking you back first to the day you went together to buy your suits for your wedding, and then back further still, to the night of the prom where his pristine outfit was turned into something that wouldn�t look out of place on a gore-filled horror set.

You forced yourself to move and stepped forward in case you were wrong and he tried to shut the door in your face, or worse still, that your body betrayed you and made you walk away. You weren�t even at the dance and it was already hard enough to deal with, without the addition of sloppy music and having to take him in your arms looking like that.

But then you looked back at his face and saw a slow smile breaking out across his lips.

"Brian," he said, only it was more like an exhale, as if he hadn�t been able to breathe for a really long time and had only just been given oxygen.

You didn�t think you were ever more grateful to hear somebody say your name.

-*-

VIII. Justin

You couldn�t really do anything else but stand there and look at him. It felt familiar seeing him standing there like that, but you couldn�t quite grasp the memory and it drifted away from you like smoke.

Brian recovered first and offered you a small smile. "Ready to go then?"

You tilted your head, wondering what had changed his mind. "What about Emmett? He�s supposed to be coming here to pick me up."

"I�ve already called him," he said. "He was a little put out but he couldn�t exactly say no."

Well, you supposed he could have to someone other than Brian.

You leant over and kissed your mother on the cheek. "I�ll see you later."

She nodded, looking a little unsure, giving Brian wary glances as if he had a white van parked around the corner and as soon as her back was turned he was going to throw you over his shoulder and kidnap you.

"I�ll be fine, Mom," you said, trying to reassure her, and she nodded again. "I know."

"Don�t worry, I�ll take care of him, Jennifer!" Brian said brightly and grabbed your arm, pulling you down the drive towards his car.

You could have sworn she whispered �that�s what I�m afraid of� under her breath before she closed the front door.

You got in the car and bucked your seatbelt, tossing him tiny glances all the while. You shook your head and laughed, looking out of the window as he pulled into the street.

"You�re going to ask it at some point, Sunshine, so you may as well get it over with now." He quirked his eyebrow at you.

"Ask what?"

"You know very well what I mean. You�re wondering why I decided to go to the dance after all."

"Brian Kinney, the mind reader. I�m impressed."

He snorted and glanced over at you. "I don�t mind if you don�t want to know."

"Of course I want to know," you replied. "I�m guessing it was to do with someone else though. You would never have changed your mind on your own."

He leant forward and fiddled with the dial on the radio, turning it on low. "Now who�s the mind reader?"

"I don�t have to be a mind reader to know that, Brian," you told him. "I just have to know you. So what did whoever-it-was say to you?"

"Oh, nothing special. I just realized it was sort of stupid not to come. Even if it�s going to the most pathetically sappy event I have ever attended in my entire life."

"Even more so than the prom?" You looked across at him and he stiffened slightly.

"Do we have to talk about that?" he asked, and parked the car across the street from the Center.

You unbuckled your belt and turned towards him, grabbing one of his hands when he didn�t look at you.

"This isn�t going to be like that night," you told him once he had turned around.

He let out a breath and glanced out of his window again. "I know, but there are going to be fucking loads of reminders."

You frowned. You had always been annoyed that you didn�t remember anything from that night. Daphne had told you how wonderful you both had looked, how completely in love, and it was so frustrating seeing the looks on everyone else�s faces when they recalled it all, not knowing what it was like for yourself.

But you thought that perhaps it was worse for Brian because he could remember. He had to walk around with those images in his head of the moment the bat had connected with your skull.

You squeezed his hand. "It will be good, I promise. Thank you for deciding to come."

He nodded, tight lipped, his eyes still averted, and reached for the handle of the door.

-*-

IX. Brian

He took your hand again once you were out of the car, and you looked down at him. He looked so excited, a bit like how he was on the night of his prom when you walked into the room and he had caught sight of you for the first time.

He bounced on the balls of his feet and you couldn�t help but grin, all the while reminding yourself over and over again that it was safe to bring him here, and that you would both leave intact. Together.

You pulled him across the street and into the building, glancing around at the streamers and banners hanging from the ceiling, balloons bobbing in the corners. The lights were low and you could only just make out the bar that had been erected across the other side of the room. Very few people were dancing, most of them milling around catching up with each other as the band played a light melody in the background.

"I don�t know about you, Sunshine," you said, "But I could really do with a drink."

He nodded in your direction, letting you pull him across the floor towards the bar, distracted as he looked around trying to spot people he knew.

"Mikey!" You slung an arm around his shoulders as you reached the bar. "I should have guessed I�d find you over here by the drinks." You raised one eyebrow and let your eyes travel over him. "My, my, don�t you look hot?"

"Fuck you!" He glared at you and shoved you away lightly.

You laughed. He had never been comfortable in suits, and he stood awkwardly, sipping from his glass. You caught sight of Ben talking with Ted and Blake a few feet away.

You ordered a drink for yourself and Justin, and propped your elbows up on the bar.

"You said you weren�t coming," Mikey said moodily, almost as if he had hoped you wouldn�t, and then he caught sight of Justin and shook his head. "You let him drag you here?!" he asked in disbelief.

"Actually, Mikey, I was the one who dragged him here." You glanced at Justin, snorting as Debb, a vision in sequinned fuchsia, spotted him and rushed over, enveloping him in her arms and giving him a huge kiss on the cheek.

Christ, you�d never be able to get rid of her.

Mikey drained his drink, a vicious, neon looking concoction, and shook his head at you. "Please tell me you didn�t."

"I could, but then I�d be lying and you know how I feel about that."

"Fuck, Brian, why would you go out of your way to bring him here? Why cause yourself more pain? You may as well have stayed at home and stuck pins under your fingernails!"

You raised one eyebrow at him and took a sip from your glass, rolling your eyes as Daphne joined Debb in pinching Justin�s cheeks. "I would have," you told Mikey, sounding bored, "only I was less likely to get laid that way."

"You only came so you could fuck him at the end of the night?" Mikey looked even more distraught, if such a thing was possible.

"Lighten up, Mikey, you�ll burst something you need if you�re not careful. Of course I didn�t just bring him for that reason."

"Then why? Explain it to me then because I�m just not getting it."

"You never will, Mikey," you replied, and patted him on the shoulder, plonking your empty glass down on the bar. "Now, if you will excuse me, I think this is called a dance for a very good reason, and I�m going to go and do just that."

You straightened your tie as if you were preparing for battle, and stepped over to Justin, who in the seconds since you had last looked at him had managed to get himself surrounded by Mel and Linds as well.

"Excuse me, ladies." You slipped in next to him and pulled him a step backwards, rubbing a lipstick mark off his cheek, which could only belong to Debb if the color was any indication.

"Brian!" All four of them cried in unison, as if they were a god damn chorus line.

You rolled your eyes. "Yes, yes, I know I�m in high demand, and so is Sunshine by the look of it." You raised your eyebrow at him and he shrugged in return.

"I can�t believe you came!" Linds exclaimed.

"I couldn�t stand thinking of your tortured faces without me. We all know a party isn�t a party until I arrive."

"How very selfless of you," Mel retorted dryly.

"I know, I�m the Good Samaritan of the year, but if I recall correctly, charity always starts at home, so I�m stealing Justin from you now."

You smirked at them all, grabbing his arm, and pulled him onto the dance floor, which by that time was starting to fill up.

You were glad it was a fairly fast song, feeling altogether far too sober for dancing cheek to cheek, and watched with amusement at Justin�s toned-down suitable-for-family-viewing version of his bump and grind.

"I�m onto you," he said, laughing when he caught your eye. He danced a little closer and bumped his hip against yours.

"Are you really?"

"Yep! You actually like being here. You�re having fun."

You snorted. "Oh, please, like I really enjoy being cooed over and stroked by a bunch of dykes and their breeder friends."

"Actually, I think you will find it was me that was getting the attention." He bit his lip, trying to hide a smile, and you had to force yourself not to grab his face and kiss him.

"That�s because they think you�re sweet and cute and they can�t resist that sort of thing."

"And what do you think?" he asked, raising one eyebrow suggestively.

"I think I need another drink."

-*-

X. Justin

You watched Brian making his way back over to the bar and sighed. You had to remember to be patient with him, however frustrating it was, and besides, you didn�t feel you had the right to make demands on him anymore.

"Well, if it isn�t the man who broke my heart!"

You pulled your gaze away from Brian and turned around, finding Emmett standing behind you in a coral-pink suit and a bright red shirt, clutching his heart.

You blinked a couple of times, supposing it was understated for him. "Hey, Emm."

"Hi, sweetie, don�t you look ravishing?! I�m insanely jealous that you�re here with Brian instead of me. Now come and dance with me before I sob all over your suit!"

You laughed as he stepped up to you and assumed a formal dancing position, wrapping one arm around your waist and taking your hand.

You placed your other hand on his shoulder and maneuvered him around a little so you could see Brian if you just glanced to the side.

"So where is the lucky man?" Emmett asked. "He hasn�t run away and left you here has he?"

You shrugged. "Something like that."

Emmett frowned and looked down at you. "What�s wrong, sweetie?"

You sighed and glanced over to the bar and then back at his face. "I don�t think him coming here was a good idea. He keeps on remembering things from the prom and it doesn�t seem to matter how much I reassure him it�s not going to happen again, I don�t think he quite believes it."

A look of instant understanding crossed Emm�s face. "I can understand that. It must have been horrible for him. Brian isn�t the type that can stand being out of control, and all he could do that night was stand back and watch."

You nodded and let Emmett spin you around. "Do you think that�s why he never came to visit me while I was in hospital? Because he felt like everything was out of his control?"

Emmett�s eyes widened slightly. "What?" He looked surprised.

You took a breath. "I said �Do you think--"

"No, I heard what you said, sweetie," he cut in. "I�m shocked nobody told you before�"

"Told me what?"

"He was at the hospital. He was there every day. The first few days he was there around the clock. He didn�t sleep and he refused to eat. We all tried to tell him to go home and get some rest but he refused until he knew you were pulling through."

"But�I�" you stammered, and spun Emm around so you could see Brian. You stared intently at the back of his head, wishing he could feel your gaze and would turn around.

"He was there every single day," Emmett repeated softly.

You shook your head. "Nobody said anything."

"I guess they thought you knew."

You bit your lip, watching Brian, remembering the night you found the scarf around his neck, stained with your blood.

"Go ask him to dance," Emmett said, and pushed you gently, breaking your dance position. "And don�t take no for an answer, you know how he can be."

You took a step towards him and then froze when the song changed.

"I can�t�"

"Why not, sweetie? He asked you here so he obviously wants to be with you."

"No," You shook your head. "It�s the song."

"Oh, this old thing!" Emmett snorted. "I know it�s not particularly great but I�m sure he will cope just fine."

You looked back at him. "It�s not that. It�s the song that was playing when we danced at my prom. When Daphne and Brian tried to recreate that night to try and jog my memory they played it again. I laughed at how sappy it was and Brian called it �ridiculously romantic�."

"Honey, breathe." Emmett put his hands on your shoulders and looked into your eyes. "It�s all the more reason to get him to dance. He needs to lay a few of his demons to rest."

You nodded numbly, rooted to the spot.

"Now go! That�s an order." Emmett forcefully turned you around and steered you towards the bar, delivering a swift slap to your ass.

-*-

XI. Brian

You almost bolted for the door when the song came on. You cursed every deity you could think of under your breath, just in case, and chucked your beer down your throat, rising from your stool.

"Honey, don�t you look handsome?!" Debb pushed you back down into your seat and perched next to you, grinning. "Isn�t this nice?! It reminds me of when I was asked to my first dance. Of course, it wasn�t anywhere near as flashy as this, and the highlight of my evening was when Robert Dukes shoved his tongue down my throat."

She laughed and you just blinked at her, feeling like you were floating off the ground.

"I�m so glad you decided to show up after all," she continued once she had ordered her drink, chatting away, seemingly oblivious to your lack of response. "You can tell just by looking at Sunshine that you have made his entire week. Michael doesn�t look too happy about it, but fuck him, he should mind his own business and focus on Ben. Did you see his suit? He hates it but he looks so adorable! I made Ben promise to take some pictures--"

"Debb?" You looked at her.

"What, honey?" She sipped on her drink, looking around trying to spot Mikey dancing with Ben.

"Shut up."

Her head swivelled around so fast you thought it was at risk of falling off, her nostrils flaring as she prepared to give you a good telling off.

Then she caught sight of your expression and her anger faded away just as quickly as it had appeared. "Brian, what�s wrong? What is it, honey?"

You stared at her, unable to bring yourself to reply, knowing how completely stupid it would sound, and she opened her mouth to say something else when Justin appeared, slipping in between the two of you.

"Brian?"

You looked at him, almost taken aback by the single-minded fierce determination that had settled itself into the line of his jaw like drying cement.

"Dance with me," he said.

From behind him you could hear Debb�s laughter. "You�re supposed to ask not tell, you demanding little shit!"

You stared at him as if he had lost his mind. "Maybe in five minutes. I want another drink."

"No, now. I like this song."

"Justin�" you replied, a warning tone in your voice, trying to communicate with your eyes that you really didn�t want to get up with him and dance to this song. Any other, fine, but not this one.

"Please?" You could hear in his voice how badly he wanted it.

"I don�t know if�" you trailed off.

"You can."

He held out his hand and you stared down at it, then swallowed hard and reached out taking it, letting him pull you to your feet.

He led you over to a clear spot on the edge of the dance floor, near the far wall, and wrapped his arms around you, pressing as close to you as he possibly could.

You let out a breath and slowly raised your arms, winding them loosely over his shoulders, and stared over at a spot behind him, trying not to think.

"Why didn�t you tell me?" he said, from somewhere in the region of your chest.

"Tell you what?"

"Emmett said that you were there, all that time, after I was bashed. That you waited around at the hospital until you found out that I was okay, and then you came back every day."

You stiffened and closed your eyes for a second. He was never supposed to find out about that.

"Why didn�t you ever come and actually see me, talk to me?" he whispered.

You shrugged. "Didn�t see any point. I wouldn�t have made any difference."

Justin pulled back from you and looked up into your face, nodding to himself. "You did."

You swallowed hard and nodded back, not daring to speak, unsure what exactly you felt other than confusion.

Over to your right, Emmett grabbed Mikey around the waist and swung him around, Mikey looking completely mortified that Emmett was making such a spectacle out of him.

You watched as Justin turned and looked at them, his face breaking out into a huge grin.

It was catching, like a yawn, and you began to smile too.

He caught sight of your expression and beamed up at you. "I almost feel sorry for Mikey."

"What?" You glanced over at Emmett and nodded in understanding. "Oh, right."

Justin furrowed his brows slightly, a tiny crease appearing between his eyes. "You weren�t smiling at them?"

"No. I was smiling at you."

He grinned and ducked his head, glancing up at you from under his hair. "Me?"

"Yeah," you replied, feeling a little foolish. "At your famous sunshine smile."

You pulled him back against you, relaxing as the song came to an end and another one started. You took a deep breath and buried your face against his neck. "It was how I knew," you told him.

"Knew what?"

You continued dancing together, your feet barely moving, and you worried the skin of your bottom lip with your teeth for a moment. "That I loved you."

The word tasted unfamiliar on your tongue, like an exotic fruit you had tried a couple of times before and couldn�t quite decide whether you liked it or not.

"You fell in love with my smile?" Justin sounded dubious.

"No, your smile made me realize I was in love with you."

"Oh." He still didn�t sound particularly convinced.

"It was at your prom," you said quietly, unsure if he could hear you over the music, not quite believing you were telling him this. Perhaps you were more drunk than you thought.

"Go on," he whispered.

So he had heard.

"It was after we danced to that song, and you walked me out�" you paused and swallowed again.

"To your car," he supplied.

You nodded against him. "I�ve told you all this before. We messed around for a bit and then�you looked at me and you had the biggest grin on your face�"

"And that�s when you knew why Debb calls me Sunshine," he said, repeating what you had told him before.

He pulled back from you again and stopped dancing, just watching you with an unreadable expression on his face.

You shrugged at him and stuck your hands in your pockets.

"And that�s when you knew you loved me?" he finished, and you nodded.

"And I can�t even remember it." He sounded like he was trying to keep his voice steady but the cracks still showed through to anyone who listened hard enough.

"Fuck." You ran a hand through your hair and glanced away from him, staring through Mikey as Ben reclaimed him from Emmett. "It was so fucking stupid of me to show up like that and whisk you off your feet like we were in a god damn fairytale. When will I learn that things like that never happen for fags?"

"Brian?" Justin reached out, touching your arm, and you looked back at him. "Don�t blame yourself. It was the best night of my life."

"How would you know?" you replied. "You can�t even fucking remember."

"No," he said, that wise-man expression creeping into his eyes. "But I know it had to have been. You fell in love with me that night, how can it not be?"

How the fuck were you supposed to answer that?

-*-

XII. Justin

You couldn�t quite believe that he was still blaming himself. You had known he had felt responsible for not being able to stop Chris Hobbs in time, but you hadn�t realized that he thought the whole thing could have been prevented if he hadn�t turned the spotlight on you both during your dance.

It was ridiculous, of course, you knew that people like Hobbs would do what they did regardless. You had sealed your fate with his the moment you stuck your hand down his pants.

You stared at Brian, unsure what you wanted to do most: punch some sense into him for thinking he had anything to do with it, or kiss him all over his face for caring so much.

"Let�s go back to the loft," you said, before you even knew your mouth was open.

"What? Already?" he cleared his throat. "I thought you wanted to be here. You were looking forward to it."

"I did want to. I�ve gotten what I really wanted though, so if you want to go, then that�s fine by me."

"What about the others? They�ll kill us when they realize you've left without dancing with each and every one of them."

You shrugged. "I don�t care. I want to be alone with you."

One of his eyebrows shot up into his hairline and you almost laughed.

"Alright," he said, and grabbed your hand, pulling you towards the door.

You crossed the street together, breathing in the crisp night air, and got into his car, turning on the heater once he had started the engine.

You both sat in silence, feeling little need for conversation anymore, and you turned your head, looking out of the window.

It hurt more than you could handle thinking about how he walked around with things like this self-blame sitting in his head. You�d known for as long as you could remember that he piled problems onto his shoulders like layers of winter clothes, wearing them for everyone else if they let him.

You hated that you were a part of that, and that by going away again you were probably adding even more. It almost made you want to stay, not that it took very much. You had always wanted to stay, even while you were packing your bags that first time after you told him you were going away. On the surface it felt like such a god damn selfish thing to do, almost like you were sticking a finger up at everything he had done for you.

But at the same time you knew that staying would be the biggest �fuck you� you could give him, throwing back in his face the years he had given you, showing you what it meant to be someone with his self-confidence, how to be comfortable in your skin and working out how that fit with the rest of the world.

Staying in Pittsburgh would mean the end of every dream you had ever had for yourself and to do something like that, looking Brian in the face and citing the reason for your refusal to leave as him, it would mean that you had learned absolutely fucking nothing.

And you loved him too much for that. It was painful to walk out of the door and not look back but you knew that loving someone meant having responsibility for yourself, making sure you were the happiest you could be so you could in turn make them happy.

You hadn�t given up on Brian, despite what Michael thought. You had just remembered how to stop giving up on yourself.

Brian stopped the car and you got out, following him inside the building. You rode up in the elevator in a silence so thick you could almost taste it on your tongue when you wet your lips.

You were nervous and you couldn�t quite work out why.

He unlocked the door to the loft, waving you inside, and threw his keys down on the counter. He then turned around and looked at you, shifting from foot to foot.

"Do you want a drink?" he asked.

You shook your head.

"Nachos? Potato chips?"

You shook your head again.

"Anything?" he snorted, raising an eyebrow.

You nodded and stepped across the floor towards him, stopping just in front of him. "I want you," you whispered, and stood up on tiptoes to claim his lips.

-*-

XIII. Brian

You let him kiss you and slowly began to kiss him back.

It was different from all the other kisses he had given you during the week and a bit he had been back for. They had all consisted of either pecks on the cheek as he walked past, or ferocious bruising kisses that left you panting.

This kiss was slow, tender, and he took his time, exploring your mouth with his tongue.

It was almost as if he really and truly just wanted to find out everything about you through his lips, as if he was asking questions but not demanding any answers. He was taking what he wanted, but only from what you offered to give, and there were no games, no hidden meanings, no messages he was trying to impart or receive.

It was just you and him, Brian and Justin, open and honest, not expecting anything but revelling in everything the other chose to give.

He broke the kiss and smiled against your lips, his hand slipping down to find yours, and inclined his head towards the bedroom.

You nodded and let him lead you, not feeling any pressing need to take charge of the situation and show him how you thought it should be.

Once you were in the bedroom he began taking off your clothes, running his palms over the silk of your shirt as he undid the buttons.

As he removed each piece of clothing he took it over to the wardrobe and hung it up before coming back to divest you of the next.

Finally, you stood naked before him, and he reached up, delivering another kiss before taking off his own clothes and dropping them to the floor.

He took your hand again and led you over to the bed, and you lay down for him, keeping your eyes on him the entire time.

He lay down next to you and moved to cover your body with his own, dropping careful kisses across your chest.

You closed your eyes and let him do what he wanted, shifting slightly when he lowered his head to run his tongue across the underside of your thighs.

He moved again and you mourned the loss of his heat, opening your eyes to see where he had gone. He lay next to you on his back, his eyes fixed on your face and smiled slightly.

You rolled over and positioned yourself between his legs, mildly surprised that he hadn�t continued and kept his control, turning you over so he could press himself against you.

You placed a couple of kisses against his collarbone, losing yourself in the taste of his skin, his fingers sifting through the strands of your hair as he watched you through half-closed lids.

"Now," he whispered against the side of your neck, and pressed a tube and a condom into your hand.

You prepared yourself and shifted on top of him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, burying your face against his neck as you pushed yourself inside him, his heartbeat heavy against your chest.

As you moved inside of him you were reminded of the last time it felt remotely like this, the last time you had been together before he had moved to New York.

But this time it was without tears, just a quiet acceptance that you had managed to find yourselves back in the same place, like coming across a desert oasis after walking miles across hot sands without a drop to drink.

And you finally let yourself accept his choices, just like he had always finally accepted yours.

He pushed back against you, his fingers running down your spine, bumping over each vertebrae-pearl, and you sighed against his ear. Any lust involved was nominal, although fuck knows you wanted him as much as you always had. It was about coming home, letting him back in, about showing him that he could travel away as much as he wanted, but you would always, no matter what, invite him back.

You came inside him with a slight grunt, letting go of far more than just your semen, and he turned your face towards him with his finger, kissing you.

"I love you," he whispered into your mouth, and you squeezed your eyes shut, letting him hold you as you came back down.

-*-

Epilogue.

Some people say that love is blind, as if an emotion is capable of being disabled, but Justin doesn�t agree.

He believes that emotions are the purest thing he can think of, always honest in their execution, however inappropriate timing may be.

He has never shied away from what he has been feeling, but sometimes he knows that it is better kept inside for the sake of others, if not himself.

That�s why this time he holds back his tears.
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