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Carry On My Wayward Son	By : Danyealle Category: Supernatural > Slash - Male/Male > Dean/Sam Views: 6697 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I don�t own Supernatural, people with a lot more talent than I do have that honor. Nor do I make any kind of money off this story. I�m just playin� with the boys. I promise to put �em back when I�m finished with them.

Chapter List
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Chapter 12

You all know about sixty-nine

Burnin' bones and bedside time

Once again we meet tonight

Get that touch of a magical light

We're gonna hit it, we're gonna kick it

We're gonna break out through the ice

You give us fever, you give us sweat

You're gonna make us live it twice

Tonight, long stick goes boom

-Long Stick Goes Boom

-Krokus

Lying there, sprawled out on the motel bed in the latest rundown dive he was ensconced in for the night, Dean was chuckling, shaking his head, at some of the funny stories Sam was telling him about things that had gone on in the chatroom before he had discovered it. Propped up on the pillow, Dean was gazing at the screen, seeing Sammy lying on his bed on his side, drinking his umpteenth beer of the night. Honestly, his baby brother was well on his way to getting hammered if things continued on how they were, something that seemed almost assured from what he was seeing. Though that concerned him, as Sammy wasn't one to do that often but was indulging more lately, he wasn't going to say anything to him about it. Hell, doing so would be a case of the pot calling the kettle black. But it was bothering him a great deal; he just didn't know what to do about it was all.
Along with that situation, and how much it was bothering him, came a lot of guilt. Shit, he and Sammy had always drunk more than most people. That came with the job and how you dealt with it, Bobby was a prime example of that. But now, since dropping the bomb he had on his brother, he noticed that intake of booze had increased exponentially. Sure, Sam was drinking more since they were talking over the computer, hell, he was as well, that seemed to be a side effect of the nightmare they were in and the fact that they were apart, but this was well beyond that. He was certain that it all had to do with what he had said and how that seemed to have unleashed things in his brother. Though he was dealing with it, Sam wasn't doing it well. He could tell that it made him extremely uncomfortable. The guilt he was feeling was coming from that, he would admit it, but it was also coming from the fact that he was relishing in the fact that Sam seemed to be thinking more and more about it, leaning towards wanting to go there from some of the things he said about it. As his big brother, he shouldn't be encouraging that but he was. His want for Sam was to the point that he was well beyond doing what he should, and moving into the realm of encouraging something he shouldn't. No, he didn't like that, not at all, but was powerless to rein it in. That piled more on top of what was already there.
Staring at the computer screen, Dean was sipping at his own beer while only half listening to Sam, dealing more with his thoughts than with what his brother was saying. With the guilt, there was a great deal of confusion over the whole situation. The biggest question for him was where the whole attraction to his brother came from. Seeing that cam show should have horrified him, not set off the whole series of events it did. Nor could he figure out where the hell it came from either! Nothing he could find would lean him towards what he was feeling. Even blaming it on his time in hell didn't fit. That would be easy to do and make sense but it wasn't the case since none of it manifested right after he came back, only later on after Sam had left. However, he didn't know, beyond that, what it could be. It was just there and he was now dealing with it. It was even harder to deal with since he really wanted it and would do about anything to persuade Sam into accepting it. That made his stomach curdle every time he thought about it. But, again, he was powerless to rein that in or stop himself from trying. It felt as though someone, somewhere was pulling some strings and he was dancing along like a good marionette. He didn't like that thought but it was the only thing that he could come up with. That, of course, lent to a whole bunch of new questions that he had no answers to nor a way to find out if it was true or who might be behind it, if anyone.
Shifting around, glancing at the screen, Dean cursed himself for not getting the computer with the bigger monitor that he had seen when he bought this one. It hadn't been much more, cost wise, but he hadn't thought he needed it. Well, now, he wanted it. That way he could see Sammy better. His brother was sprawled out on his bed in boxers and a t-shirt, lying on his side, drinking a beer while he talked. For Dean, this was a wonderful view. No, he couldn't see anything through the clothes but just the sight of him like that was something quite arousing and set his imagination off into areas of things he wanted to do with his brother. Most of those involved Sammy naked, in some kind of sexual position or another, begging him to do it harder, more and faster. Once more, he mentally kicked himself for thinking those kinds of things but it didn't stop the images from running through his head either. Those, as he well knew, weren't going to stop no matter what he did.
Feeling himself start to rise to the occasion, he groaned softly then turned slightly so that it wouldn't be visible on the cam, making it look as though he was just moving to get comfortable so he didn't give Sammy a heads up that there was an issue on his end. There was enough of a tent growing in the shorts he was wearing that it was visible, something he hoped that Sammy didn't see while he was doing it. From the look of what he saw on the screen, his brother was distracted enough that he didn't seem to be paying attention, something that was good. Honestly though, he wouldn't mind if Sammy saw it if it inspired things to push further than what they were. But he didn't think that would happen with how freaked his younger brother was about the whole situation and what he was dealing with on his end. He just hoped that, soon, something would give somewhere and things would progress. He was certain they would, for whatever reason he couldn't put a finger on, he just had to be patient and wait out Sam's angst was all. Though it was hard to do, he was managing it and would continue to do so.

Lying there, Sam kept babbling on while he drank, hoping like hell that he would get drunk and be able to sleep before he said or did something that he would regret in the morning. The booze, as he well knew, wasn't a good idea to ingest. Like most beings in the world, his inhibitions would drop the more drunk he would get. With that, unwelcome thoughts and impulses would grow. But, those were there without the alcohol as well. In fact, they were growing stronger with each passing day. Since he had confessed to Dean a few days before that he was having them, they had grown exponentially. The trick of sleeping with the computer on, something they were doing every night now, though a comfort was bringing more of those unwelcome thoughts and desires. Rolling over in the middle of the night and seeing his brother's image on the screen sprawled out, sleeping, seemed to fuel more of those thoughts and dreams.
Draining the last of his beer, Sam chucked the empty into the small trashcan then, after telling Dean he would be right back, made his way to the kitchen to find another. After opening it and taking a long pull, he wandered back to the bedroom then flopped on the bed, wiggling to get into a comfortable position. Settling in, he took another drink then sat the bottle on the bedside table and sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. He was tired. Though sleeping with the cam on had helped him get more sleep than he had been getting, the fact was he still wasn't getting enough of it. The dreams, including one that was wet, were still there, more graphic and involved than before. That didn't make for the most restful of sleeps. Waking up and seeing Dean didn't help matters at all since he was the object in them. But nothing he did, no matter how elaborate, seemed to put a halt to what was going on. Nor, honestly, did he have any other ideas of what to do about it. The drinking wasn't the best solution, he knew that, but it at least gave him some rest. Grabbing the bottle, he took another sip then, hearing Dean say something, asked, “What was that? I didn't hear you, Dean.”
Clearing his throat, Dean tried to be tactful about what he was going to say, knowing that wasn't his strong suit, then repeated as gently as he could, “Sammy, dude, what the hell is going on? You don't drink like this! Once in a while, maybe. That I could understand. But like this, night after night? No, dude, you don't do it. What the hell is eating you to the point that you feel the need to tie one on every night?”
Snorting, Sam shook his head then answered, taking another sip of his beer, “Same thing that was bugging me last time we talked about this, alright? Just drop it, Dean. I don't want to talk about it.”
Well, on one level, Dean would admit to liking that. After all, it helped with what he wanted. But on another he didn't like how it was tearing his brother apart. Shit, Sam was always the more logical, level headed one about things but he was taking the whole thing worse than he had when it started. Yeah, he hadn't been in the best shape over it, he would be the first to confess to that anyone, but he hadn't gotten like this over it. That meant that it was going to go further downhill if his little brother didn't deal with it. He had seen Sam go that direction a few times and didn't want a repeat performance of it, especially since he wasn't there to deal with it. No, it had to stop, one way or another. If that meant that they had a long, heart to heart over it, despite his loathing of chick flick shit, then that is what they were going to do.
Taking a small sip off his own beer, he set it aside then sighed before saying, “No, Sammy, not gonna do that, dude. This shit is getting worse. There is no way I'm about to let it go on any longer.”
Giving a sad chuckle, Sam shook his head then replied, tone taking on a bit of a bite, “There isn't anything you can do about it, Dean. First, it's in my head so it's something I have to deal with. And, second, you aren't here and can't 'make' me do anything. Alright? Just leave it alone. I'll get it sorted out eventually.”
Dean actually gave a bark of laughter at that. Those were things HE would say when Sammy wanted him to talk. Christ, he was rubbing off too much on his brother! No, that wasn't good. When Sam dug his heels in, they weren't going to get anywhere anytime soon. By this time, he was well aware of Sammy's stubborn streak about things. Shaking his head, he said, keeping his tone as soft as he could, “Look, Sammy, it's obvious that isn't working, alright? Even to me. And, as you told me, the drinking doesn't help shit. It's not working for you. Really, it might be making it worse, dude. Maybe if you talk it out with me it might do some good?”
Snorting, Sam rolled his eyes then said, tone dry, “Doubtful since you're part of the 'problem', Dean!”
Okay, well his brother had a point with that one Dean would admit. With his admitted attraction, talking it over with him probably wasn't the best option from Sam's point of view. Hell, it was probably downright uncomfortable from his perspective. But he could set things aside if he had to and just listen. “Okay, yeah, I get that, Sam, alright? But, dude, you need to talk to someone and since I'm about it in that department for who is available to do it with, I think you’re stuck with me. Just talk, alright? I won't say anything about what's going on with my end of things.”
Shaking his head, Sam replied, “I'm not comfortable with that alright, Dean? I mean... shit... you are dealing with your own crap with this. You don't need mine piled on top! You've admitted that you want to go there with me so talking about my end isn't going to help you with yours.”
“Don't worry about my end. I'm not having the issues you are. Just talk, Sam. Whatever comes of it we'll deal with afterwards.”
Now, since being brought back and his bout with Ruby, Sam would admit that he had a problem with his temper. That was obvious to all that knew him. He had, since leaving and distancing himself from the whole mess, managed to get it under some form of control. But the lack of sleep then the booze piled on top of it were causing problems for him. He didn't want to snap at Dean, after all his brother was just trying to help him. Seriously, he was about at the end of what he could take at this juncture of the 'fun'. So, despite desperately trying not to bark at his brother, he snapped, “Yeah, it's going to help matters for you by me telling you how all I think about anymore is you fucking me!” Immediately after it came out of his mouth, Sam regretted it then shook his head and muttered a soft 'sorry' before turning his head away and looking out the window, trying to control his temper before he said something that would escalate the whole situation further.
Swallowing thickly, Dean just stared at the screen, not sure what to say. What was left of his rational mind told him that he needed to say something supportive to his brother, to tell him he knew what it was like and that it would be fine, after all, he had gotten through it. But the words wouldn't come out of his mouth. It was as though his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth and wouldn't move. All he could think was that he was on the verge of getting what he wanted so badly. That it might just take a few soft nudges to get Sammy there. Then he would get what he so badly craved. But that rational side was fighting with all it had to do something to alleviate his brother's pain rather than add to it.
Opening his mouth to say something to get his brother calmed down, Dean couldn't make any sound come out. It was as though someone, somewhere was blocking him from going there. Swallowing convulsively, he shook his head then tried again. This time, when he opened his mouth, what came out wasn't what he intended. As if his mouth had a mind of its own or someone was putting words in his mouth, he spewed, quickly, “Look, if it's bothering you that much why not just accept it, go for it and consequences be damned!”
Immediately afterwards, Dean shut his mouth, eyes bugging out of his head then began to give himself several mental kicks in the ass for that. Though he was stunned as well as curious as to where it came from, his immediate issue was going to be dealing with Sam. He knew that his baby brother probably wasn't going to take that well. He just had to wait to see how far south this was going to go.
Head snapping in the direction of the laptop, Sam glared at the computer, not believing that Dean would have said that after assuring him he would put it aside. Seething, he snapped, “Oh, I don't know, Dean! Maybe the fact that you're my damned brother to start with! Then there is the fact that I have no desire to be a one night stand like you're known for? It isn't like you can ride out of town and forget I ever existed. I'm with you all the time! No matter how you look at any of this, it's wrong!”
Alright, Dean would admit that those were some valid arguments, some of which he had made to himself at the beginning of his infatuation with Sam. There was also the fact that he didn't know how to counter them. Hell, even to himself he hadn't been able to. In the end, he had just ignored them and moved on. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he looked away from the screen to give himself a chance to think without having to look at Sammy.
After a couple minutes where nothing came to him Dean decided to go with the old standby that had worked with him for as long as he could remember; open his mouth and let it go, hoping that his powers of persuasion would once more work for him. Taking a deep breath, he launched in then said, “Could it be any worse to deal with than what you are now? I mean, shit, you're tearing yourself apart, dude! You're drinking far more than normal, not sleeping and just generally not being yourself. If you accept it and move on it can't get much worse.”

“As for the other arguments... Hell, since when are we normal and live by what society wants? If we did that we wouldn't be effective hunters. We do shit all the time everyone says we shouldn't, Sammy. What's one more step over that line? I mean, it's not like we're fucking normal after all. Christ, our relationship, by the standards of most, is fucked up and always has been. This, well, shit... it's not that big of a step.”

Stopping, he thought over the second part for a few moments then continued, tone softening, “Look, Sammy, I know what I'm like with women. No one has to tell me that. But this is different. Even with Cassie I still looked and wanted to. But since this started with you, that's not been the case. You're, I don't know, the exception for me. You have been for almost everything. That's how it will be with this. Shit, dude, you gotta understand that you're not going to be a one night stand for me. You're my brother and it wouldn't work. No way do I want to fuck things up that way with you.”
Staring at the screen, Sam didn't know what to say or how to answer any of what Dean had just laid out for him. Those taboos of how wrong it was and that they shouldn't do such a thing were still there but what his brother said made a great deal of sense. What was one more line to cross? It couldn't be worse than killing someone. Both of them had done that over their time. Sure, it was either the big bad nasties or demons but, sometimes, they were in human bodies that were alive. They killed them anyway. That, on the scale of things, was far worse than incest. When doing something like that, they soothed themselves with the knowledge that it was for the best. In this case, no, he couldn't do that but it seemed minor next to taking a human life, something he didn't think twice about much more when it came down to it.
Now, unlike Dean, Sam had relations with men in the past, several of them as a matter of fact. Most were just a case of it was what it was but there were a couple that were longer term. The issue that had ended them was that both he and the other guy were in the closet, not wanting anyone to find out. The idea of a relationship with someone of the same sex that could work was appealing. Hell, from the looks and comments both of them had gotten over time when doing things like checking into motel rooms, people seemed to think they were anyway, accepting it. Yeah, there were some negative comments here and there, as anyone would expect, but most times that wasn't the case. That told him that the issue, for the most part, would be moot for many they met. Sure, they would have to hide things from those they knew but he could work with that. After all, both of them were masters at hiding all kinds of things from people.
After tossing the rest of it over in his mind a few more times, his brain centered in on one comment. It was something that he wanted to know about. Shifting around, he sat on the edge of the bed then looked directly in the cam for, really, the first time that night then said, tone firm, “Dean... let's say, for the sake of argument, I'm considering this, alright? I'm not you, I’m not into a onetime thing or just when I feel like it. You know that. And this... IF we go there, it's the same kind of thing for me. I don't think I could handle that then sitting around watching you pick up some barfly somewhere or vacating the room so you can have some fun.”

Heart hammering so hard that he was sure Sam could hear it over the computer, Dean licked his lips in a nervous way. He knew from what was just said that he had a damned good chance at getting it now. Without even thinking about it, he assured his brother, “Won't happen, Sammy. We do this, it's you and me only. No more random fucks, be it male or female.” Stopping, he was stunned at that. He, Dean Winchester, ladies man, had just agreed to a monogamous gay incestuous relationship with his brother. But, inside, he knew that it was the real thing and he wouldn't renege on it. He would stick it out no matter the temptation. Shit, until now, this was the hardest he had ever had to work to get anyone in bed. Though he did like the challenge to an extent, he was certain that once he got it things wouldn't grow boring like it would sometimes when the thrill of the chase was over. Something about this told him it was the real deal and meant to be. No way was he going to let his womanizing ways fuck it up for him.
Looking down at the floor, hands clasped between his spread knees, Sam thought that over. Dean, as he well knew, would say about anything to get what he wanted most times. Especially when it came to sex. But there was a different feel about it this time. After all, it was one thing to say something to get a nameless woman into his bed, one he would never see again, and another to say it to someone he would have to see all the time. Frankly, he believed what Dean told him.
Letting out a sigh, Sam shook his head at his own thoughts, berating himself that he was seriously considering this but couldn't stop. The whole thing was too tempting after all he had been through after the last few days. The worst part was he wanted to say yes. He wanted this more than he could admit but couldn't get over the fact that it was wrong. However, he didn't think that it would ever leave him alone as long as he kept saying no or denying it. The pull of it was too strong for that.
After several minutes of thinking it over, eyes still locked on the floor, Sam came to a decision. Not looking up, he nodded then said, very softly, “Alright, Dean, let's give it a shot.”

Please review! (Loads plunnie catapult) Don't make me use this! (giggle & snicker)
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Carry On My Wayward Son