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The Answer	By : TippyMidget Category: G through L > Lost Views: 1512 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own or seek to profit from LOST or any of its characters. LOST and its characters belong to ABC, Cuse, Lindelof, etc.

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Early the next morning, Marian snuck out of bed to go get breakfast from the McDonald's down the street. She was craving hash browns, but for the first time in their relationship, Jacob was sleeping while Marian wasn't, and she didn't want to disturb him.

He looked completely peaceful, his breath slow and steady, his face undisturbed. Marian couldn't believe she managed to get out of bed, get dressed, and sneak out of the room without waking him, but as she shut the door quietly behind her, he was still fast asleep in the bed.

She breathed in the cool, damp Oregon air outside on the sidewalk, savoring its nip and bite. She'd been immersed in stagnant heat for a year now, and she'd never been a tropical girl, having lived in the Midwest and the East her whole life.

As cars drove past on the street, music blared out of windows, and Marian did not recognize the songs. She realized that the people in the cars were probably listening to Top 40 radio, and she had been out of the loop for over a year now. A silver Honda Civic not at all unlike the one Marian used to drive pulled up to the red light at the intersection she now approached. The passenger window was cracked, and music spilled out of the open space.

"Got me lookin' so crazy right now; Your love's got me lookin' so crazy right now*." The lyrics were catchy, and the R&B, samba-infused cowbell beat was appealing, but Marian had never heard the song before. The woman driving the Civic was singing along to the song enthusiastically, and Marian could see that the teenage girl in the red Volkswagen Beetle in the lane to her left was singing along to the same song on the radio. Hmm, she thought to herself, life really does go on without you.

Now she took the elevator back up to the eleventh-floor apartment, hash browns and Sprite in hand, clutching a bag full of McDonald's breakfast she had obtained for Jacob and Ilana. She juggled the items to slip her key into the lock and open the front door of the apartment, but when she walked inside and entered the kitchen, the space was empty and silent.

Marian set down all the McDonald's food on the stainless steel counter top and slipped off her shoes. She padded down the hallway to the bedrooms and paused in front of the room she shared with Jacob. The door was ajar, and lamplight emanated from inside the room. So Jacob must be awake, Marian thought to herself. She silently pushed the door open and stepped into the threshold.

She stopped dead in her tracks, her jaw dropping at what she saw. Jacob stood in dark jeans and a button-down powder blue shirt, and wrapped up tightly in his arms was Ilana, wearing pajama shorts and a tank top.

Jacob was facing Marian, while Ilana had her back to her, so Jacob looked up instantly when the door pushed open. He made a motion to separate himself from Ilana, looking alarmed, but Ilana didn't seem to comprehend his gesture, and said quietly into his shoulder,

"I love you. I'm going to miss you."

That was sufficient for Marian. She'd seen enough. Hot, angry tears quickly formed in her eyes, and she whirled around on her heels and darted down the corridor back out into the kitchen. As she rushed to get her tennis shoes back on her feet, she heard Jacob's voice.

"Marian!"

"No, Jacob!" she cried in response, sniffling heavily and fumbling with the ties of her shoes.

She felt Jacob's hand on her shoulder. She pushed it off roughly and glared up at him.

"Marian," he said calmly, though he was slightly out of breath from dashing out to catch her. "That was not what you thought it was." He shook his head adamantly.

Marian scoffed and threw her hands up. "Then what exactly was it?" she demanded. "It was two grown people hugging, one in her pajamas!"

"It was a man telling his... daughter... goodbye. I was telling her goodbye."

"She's not your daughter!" Marian shrieked.

Jacob sighed umbrageously. "Well, she's not my girlfriend, Marian!"

"I'm leaving," Marian said abruptly, returning to her shoes.

"You're not leaving."

"Yes, I am," she insisted.

"And where are you going to go?" Jacob asked calmly.

"Chicago," Marian said. "I'm going to find my parents and tell them that I'm alive. I'm going to tell them that some freaking psychopaths tricked me into going to an island in the middle of the ocean and kept me there for a year. I'm going to tell them that a two-thousand-year-old man knocked me up and is running a sick experiment to see if I live or die. And, oh, by the way, he's been watching me my entire life. Creeper! I'm going to go to them and tell them everything! And I'm going to pet my damn cats!"

As she ranted, Marian finished tying her shoes and huffed past a very startled-looking Ilana into her bedroom and began throwing clothes into her duffel bag. Jacob had followed her into the bedroom, and now stood near the doorway in his jeans and blue button-down, looking, if anything, somewhat amused.

"And you honestly think your parents would believe a single word of that story?" he asked her. "Marian, you can't go to Chicago. I need you to stay here."

Marian whirled around from where she was bent over packing her bag and shot Jacob a venomous look.

"You need me to stay here? Really? Well, maybe I need you to stay here! But you're not going to, are you? You're going to leave me!"

"Marian!" Jacob finally raised his voice, sounding desperate and helpless. "I tried explaining to you the gravity of the situation that requires I go back to the Island. I can not stay here! I'm sorry! I will come back. I promise!" He strode purposefully across the room, his bare feet padding on the shiny concrete floor, and took Marian by the shoulders. "Please," he said quietly, lowering his voice dramatically, "Please believe me and do what I ask. Have faith that I'm doing what's best for you."

Marian narrowed her eyes skeptically but didn't pull away from him.

"I love you, sweetheart," Jacob added, leaning down and kissing her gently on the forehead.

"Once the babies are born, will you make me ageless like you?" Marian asked suddenly. She sounded almost accusatory.

Jacob looked down and bit his lip. He swallowed hard and shook his head. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because not even I will live forever. It won't mean eternity together, Marian."

"But you did it to Richard," she pressed.

"That was partly for selfish reasons. I won't do that again."

"So you know you'll see me die. Or will you have forgotten about me by then?" Marian asked bitterly.

Jacob shook his head again. "I don't think it will work out that way."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

He sighed and looked directly into her eyes. "Please stay in Portland," he said, seemingly changing the subject.

Marian hesitated, then nodded. "Okay," she said.

"Promise me, please."

Pausing again, Marian chewed her lip and shut her eyes. She sighed lightly. "I promise."

"Thank you."

He tipped her chin up and leaned down, snaking his tongue between her lips to kiss her. She reluctantly let him in. After a long kiss, he pulled back and looked her square in the eye.

"I need to be sure that you know what you saw was nothing," he said.

"I don't think you should hug a grown woman who's not related to you or in a romantic relationship with you like that," Marian insisted. "And I don't like that she told you she loves you."

"You yourself admitted there are many types of love," Jacob told her. "Ilana did not mean the same thing when she said that that you do when you say it."

"Are you sure?"

"Marian, I am very, very sure," Jacob said firmly. "Are you going to be all right staying here with her?"

"Can't she go back to Israel?" Marian whined.

He chuckled. "I'd much prefer she stay here and protect you."

"Protect me from what?"

Jacob didn't answer that question. "I'd feel much better if I knew the two of you were getting along."

Marian nodded. "Jacob, I'll do anything for you. If you need me to stay here with Ilana, I guess I can do that... as long as you promise I'll see you again – soon!"

He smiled weakly. "I swear I will be back just as soon as I can. Don't you believe me that I want to be with you? If I could have you on the Island with me, I would."

"Why did you never ask me to come live in the Statue with you on the Island, then?" Marian asked, instantly feeling pushy and ungrateful.

Jacob chuckled. "It's not exactly the most comfortable of dwelling-places, at least not compared to what you're used to," he said. "Nothing like the houses in the Barracks. Besides, I needed you to have Juliet and the health care of the Staff Station nearby. You needed to be in the Barracks. I came to see you as often as I could. My life is not one that is easily shared, Marian. I've been doing my job alone for a very long time."

"You have Richard to help you."

"From a distance," Jacob insisted. "I'm a very solitary man."

"Are you telling me you need your space?" Marian asked uncomfortably, taking a step back from him.

"No!" Jacob asserted. He pulled her back in close to him and embraced her. "I'm saying it's difficult to figure out how to factor in another person and still do my job efficiently and effectively."

"What exactly is your job, Jacob?"

Jacob was silent for a moment and tucked Marian's head into his chest. He took a deep breath and sighed. "I protect the Island," he said finally, his voice quiet, "from the forces that threaten it."

"What forces?" she pressed.

"Why do you ask so many questions?" he demanded playfully. "I have to leave. Will you tell me goodbye properly?"

Marian looked over to the space beside the desk and noticed that Jacob's bags were packed and neatly stacked.

"You're leaving right this instant?" she asked.

"That's why Ilana was telling me goodbye. I was waiting for you to get home, and then I was going to leave. I packed in the middle of the night while you slept, then went back to bed."

Marian felt her eyes well up with tears again. Her stomach felt queasy, and she felt a trembling sensation from her fingertips to her toes. When would she see Jacob again? What if, for some reason, she never did? She couldn't stand the thought. The idea of losing him for good, of not embracing him the way she was right this minute, made her physically ill. She hadn't realized until that moment how madly in love she was with him. Maybe she had had a taste of it earlier this morning when she had gone temporarily insane with paranoid jealousy. Maybe she had had a taste of it on the Island when she had refused to tell him goodbye in the forest. Maybe she had begun to understand it the first time he'd told her how long he'd loved her, that night in the cabin. She had been so afraid to say anything back then, and now she regretted that with all her heart.

How could she possibly explain to him now how much it hurt to think of him going so far away? It made it worse that she didn't even really know where the Island was. It was tropical and mountainous, and the submarine took her to Portland, so she figured it was somewhere in the South Pacific. Without Richard and the submarine on which Ben had sent her, though, she had no way of reaching Jacob at all. She had no way of calling him. She had no way of writing him a letter. She had no way to hop on a jet and suddenly be in his (non-existent) living room. Once he was gone, he was gone, and no matter what he said, he may never be back.

"How do you get back to the Island?" Marian asked, blinking away tears out of her burning eyes.

Jacob smiled crookedly. "I have my ways," he said cryptically.

"What, do you teleport, or something? Have a private jet? Your own submarine? Did you swim here?" She started giggling softly and pressed her hands on his chest. He grinned and bit his lip. He just shook his head silently and gave no response. "Such secrets you keep from me," Marian said.

"Only because I love you," Jacob insisted.

"That makes no sense," she said in response. Jacob shrugged.

"You're stalling," he noted slyly. Marian nodded guiltily.

"I don't want you to leave, obviously," she said quietly, staring at Jacob's chest and picking at his shirt button.

"But, alas, it is time for me to go," he said. "What are the lyrics to that song? 'Kiss me and smile for me. Tell me that you'll wait for me.'"

"'Hold me like you'll never let me go,'+" Marian finished for him.

So he did. He pulled her tightly against him, her swelling abdomen pushing against him. He reached down and gently placed a hand on the side of her stomach, cradling the soft curve of her belly in his palm. His other hand reached around her to rest in the small of her back, bracing her against him. He kissed her more mildly than he had in a very long time – perhaps since the night in the cabin, carefully stroking the roof of her mouth with his tongue, pressing his downy lips against hers, patiently waiting for a response from her before moving further.

After a moment, she moaned quietly into his mouth, and he moved his hands up to begin running his fingers through her silky auburn hair. She pulled back from the kiss, and Jacob stayed leaned down to press his forehead against hers. His fingers laced through her hair, he pressed his palms against her cheeks, and she felt the warm pulse of energy transdermally flow from his skin into hers.

"Jacob," she whispered urgently, tears suddenly flowing. "Please don't leave me."

"I don't want to, sweetheart," he said desperately, kissing away the tears tracking down her face. "I like it here. I like our cozy little room. I like being with you and Ilana."

"But?"

"But... the Island needs me. And I need the Island. I don't belong in Portland, or Tel Aviv, or anywhere else but there. I've lived there my whole life. I have to go."

Marian pouted and averted her eyes. "Were you born on the Island?"

"Marian, you're clearly stalling again."

"Were you?" she pressed.

He sighed umbrageously and stood up. "No."

"Where were you born?"

"I don't know. A land across the sea... wherever it is, that's where my brother wants to go. That's why I have to get back. Don't you understand?" He looked frustrated.

"Take me with you!" she said, her voice childish.

"You nearly died on the Island, just like all the other women!" Jacob cried, throwing his hands up. "The symptoms started, just like everyone else! Who knows; we might have gotten you out in just the nick of time! You still might -"

His face went beet red as he caught himself short. He put his hands up defensively.

"I might what, Jacob?" Marian said angrily. "I might die?"

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't mean-"

"Yes, you did. That's exactly what you meant."

Jacob rubbed his forehead. "Marian, I have to leave. This is not how I wanted to say goodbye."

"I don't think there is a good way for us to say goodbye," Marian said, and she walked over to sit on the edge of the bed, crossing her arms over her chest. Jacob followed her, and crouched down in front of her. He braced himself against her arms and looked straight into her eyes.

"I love you," he said firmly. "Very much. I will miss you every single day. I will be back as soon as I possibly can. I promise you." He leaned forward and planted a kiss solidly on Marian's lips, then said softly, "Goodbye." He rose, took a duffel bag in each hand, and walked determinedly out of the bedroom, and then he was gone.

Three weeks later, Ilana and Marian were sitting on the couch watching Jeopardy! when there was a knock on the apartment door. Well, Marian thought instantly, it probably wasn't Jacob, because he had a key to get in on his own.

"I'll go see who it is," Ilana said cautiously, hitting the mute button on the TV remote. She rose and strode across the open space, her feet padding on the shiny concrete, until she reached the door. There was no peephole, so she had to carefully open the door a crack. Marian curiously peered after her. After a moment, Ilana opened the door wider and said, "Good afternoon."

"Package for Delia Morris," a man in tan pants and a brown button-down said. He held out a large cardboard box to Ilana. From where she sat, Marian could see that there were sizeable holes in the box.

After the man had gone, Marian called to Ilana, "What is it?"

"Well, it says it's from a 'Jacob Lippman,'" Ilana answered with a grin. "And it's meowing."

* Lyrics from "Crazy in Love" by Beyoncé Knowles, 2003.

+ Lyrics from "Leaving on a Jet Plane" by John Denver, 1966.
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The Answer