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Hunting Humanity VIII	By : greenwizard11 Category: Supernatural > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1469 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Supernatural Universe. No monetary gain is being made from this story.

Chapter List
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Dean knocked on the hotel room door and Natalie answered. “What is it?” she asked. “You know the grooms aren’t supposed to see each other before the wedding.”

“Isn’t that kinda stupid?” Dean protested. “I’ve seen him before, and it’s so lonely up in that big room all by myself. I want my teddy bear.”

“You will have your teddy bear tomorrow night,” Natalie gave him a little smile. “You’ll survive. Watch TV until you fall asleep or something.”

Natalie closed the door and Liam was on one of the queen beds reading. “I agree, this is a little dumb,” he commented. “Don’t you two want your privacy?”

“Oh, hush. I know you didn’t exactly want a traditional wedding, but you can do this one thing. It’s only for one night, and they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“But does it actually? I mean, you don’t get to see Sam much anymore, and I don’t mean to pry, but I was under the impression that was causing a strain.”

Natalie sighed and sat on the other bed. “Him being gone so much, it takes a toll, yes, but when I am with him I really appreciate what time I get. I know you and Dean are hardly ever apart so you miss him, but just think of how happy you’ll be when you get to go up to the luxury suite with him. Now, get some beauty sleep will you.”

The next day after breakfast Sam went up to Dean’s room to help him get ready. “Do I really have to put on the monkey suit?” Dean wasn’t thrilled.

“Yeah, you do,” Sam answered, already dressed in his tux. “Just keep telling yourself how you’re making your man happy.”

“Do you know what other surprises he’s got in store?”

“Yeah, and I don’t think it’s gonna be that bad. He did take your feelings and tastes into consideration you know. But he did want the monkey suits, so get dressed.”

Sam walked with Dean down to a conference room that had the table removed and a few chairs with blue streamers on the walls. “So, we’re just doing this here in the hotel?”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded. “Nobody saw any sense in doing otherwise since there are so few of us.” He led Dean up to the front of the room to stand.

A few minutes later Natalie escorted Liam in. He was also in a tux with his hair pulled back in a braid, and Natalie wore a periwinkle gown. “Wow,” came out of Dean’s mouth when Liam moved to stand across from him. “You look fantastic,” Dean commented.

Liam smiled. “You don’t look so bad yourself. You look nervous though, you sure you want to do this?”

Dean gave a little nod. “The more I think about it, yeah. I mean, before I met you I would’ve said hell no, but you… I can’t explain it.”

An older gentleman wearing a gray suit and red striped tie moved to stand with them. Once the room was quiet he said a few opening remarks about love and two people embarking on a journey together. Then he turned to Liam. “I understand you two wrote your own vows.”

“Yeah,” Liam nodded and picked up one of the silver Celtic knot rings that rested on a little purple velvet pillow held by John also dressed in a little suit and looking a bit antsy. With a steadying breath he looked at Dean. “Dean, you have no idea how long I’ve waited for you. I used to think I was going to spend the rest of my existence alone. Then we met, and while we didn’t get off to a good start, things just seemed to click. You inspire me with your spirit. You make me laugh with your odd sense of humor. And I can always count on you. While we’ve had our share of rough patches, I’m happy to stand here today and promise to love you with every fiber of my being for the rest of my life.” With his hands trembling slightly he took Dean’s hand and slipped the ring on his finger.

Dean actually looked like he might cry as he reached for the other ring and composed himself for a moment. “Liam, you’re right about us having a rough start, but I honestly think it was all worth it. Before I met you I never really got to have anything good in my life. You sure as hell weren’t what I expected, or what I thought I wanted. That being said, all these years that we’ve been together you’ve been exactly what I needed. You… I’m sorry, I can’t really put into words what you’ve done for me. What I can say is that I want you with me for the rest of my life. I stand here today and promise to love you and cherish you for as long as you’ll have me.” He slipped the ring on Liam’s finger and gave his hand a little squeeze.

The man smiled at them. “Well, by the power vested in me by the state of Vermont, I now pronounce you wed. You may kiss now.” Dean eagerly pulled Liam close and planted a passionate kiss on his lips. Sam and Natalie clapped and cheered. The man who married them patted Dean on the shoulder. “Congratulations you two,” he said before he left.

Sam stood and moved over to his brother. “So, how does it feel?”

“Weird,” Dean answered honestly while looking down at the ring now on his finger. “Interesting looking rings. Liam, did you pick these out?”

“Yeah,” Liam answered. “I hope you don’t mind, but I kinda wanted to honor my Irish heritage.”

“No, I don’t mind. I told you you could have whatever made you happy.” Men in hotel uniforms then came in with a table, setting the chairs around it. “Oh, so we’re just staying in here?”

“Yep,” Natalie nodded. “Made the most sense. It’s just us and the kids, so...”

Trays were brought in with Chinese food, cans of beer, and one bottle of champagne. “Whoa, didn’t expect this,” Dean looked pleasantly surprised as he grabbed a can of beer. “I thought this part would be a little more fancy.”

Liam gave his now husband a little smile while he poured himself some champagne. “It’s your day too. I know you said to do what makes me happy, but honestly, making you happy makes me happy.”

Dean chuckled and gave Liam another kiss. “I knew there was a reason I fell in love with you.”

After their meal the two grooms excused themselves to go up to their room. Dean unlocked the door and they went inside, sitting down on the king sized bed. “I’m really glad you said yes to me,” Liam put a hand on Dean’s thigh.

“Me too,” Dean grabbed the hand and kissed it. “I just wish it could have been bigger because I know that’s what you wanted.”

Liam gave a little shrug. “Your brother and his wife were there. I know things really aren’t good between you right now, but the fact that they came is something. I mean, yeah, I would’ve liked to have had a big crowd of friends and family, but the people that really matter were there. I just have one more thing to ask of you.”

“How bad am I gonna hate it?”

“I just want you to dance with me to my favorite song.”

“Liam, I don’t...”

“Come on! Please?” Liam pouted.

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “How can I say no to you?”

Liam grinned and pressed a few buttons on his phone to make it play ‘Take My Breath Away’ by Berlin.

“This is your favorite song?” Dean was a little suprise.

“Yeah, it is,” Liam grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him close and started to sway to the music. The blond gazed into his new husband’s eyes with a soft smile and leaned up to kiss him tenderly.

When the music finished Dean reached to undo the tie Liam was wearing and exposed a bit of neck to nibble on while continuing to work on getting Liam’s clothes off. “You look good all dressed up, but you look even better in your birthday suit.”

Liam let out a soft little sigh while resting his hand on the back of Dean’s neck. “You just get right down to it, don’t you?”

Dean paused for a moment. “Is that bad?”

Liam chuckled. “No. I mean, normal people would savor the moment a little more I think, but neither of us are normal.” He reached to start undressing Dean as well. “And I also think you look better without any clothes.”

As soon as all their clothing was in a pile on the floor Liam directed Dean to sit on the bed as he got into the mini bar, pulling out a tiny bottle of whiskey and opening it. “It’s not communion wine, but...” he smirked as he settled on the bed with Dean. He poured a little of the amber liquid on his lover’s shoulder and let it run down his chest a bit before eagerly licking it up.

Dean ran his fingers through Liam’s hair and purred softly as the tongue ran along his skin. “Something I should know about with you and communion wine?”

Liam gave a little shrug and took a small sip of whiskey from the bottle. “Just symbolism I guess. The first time Jack and I were together we broke into the church and uh, offered our virginity to one another on the church altar. I drank communion wine off him as a further middle finger to the church. I guess it’s how I claimed Jack as mine, and now I’m claiming you, only in a hotel room bed with whiskey.”

“And here I thought I’ve been yours for the past several years.”

Liam sat up and raised an eyebrow. “Boy you know how to kill a mood. Being married is kind of a big deal, at least it is to me. When I was human, you know, the first time, I never dreamed I’d get a chance to do this.”

“Sorry,” Dean lightly stroked Liam’s cheek. “I know it’s a big deal, I just suck at this stuff.”

“I know,” Liam leaned in to give Dean a peck on the lips. “That’s why I can’t get too mad at you. I love you, all of you, even the non romantic part.”

Dean reached for the bottle. “Does that mean I get to officially claim you too? Only seems fair.”

Liam handed the little bottle over and leaned back slightly. Dean tipped the bottle and tried to mimic Liam’s actions, spilling a little in the process. “Shit!”

Liam chuckled and took the bottle back, setting it on the nightstand. “It takes practice. But now...” He grabbed the bottle of lube that had already been set out in anticipation before leaning in to kiss Dean passionately, wrapping his arms around his lover and pulling him on top of him.

Dean moved his mouth to Liam’s neck, nibbling just the right spot to make Liam throw his head back and moan softly. Then Dean trailed little kisses down his lover’s chest and belly while he slicked up his fingers. He teased the outside of the puckered hole between Liam’s spread legs for a few seconds before sliding two fingers inside him and reaching for that special spot. A smirk graced his lips when Liam gasped and let out a long pleasured moan. “I love making you do that.”

“Don’t tease me too much,” Liam said before he bit his lip and closed his eyes.

“What’s that?” Dean chuckled. “Tease you more?” He continued to massage the spot while using his other hand to lightly brush Liam’s inner thigh, giving a little special attention to the area behind his knee.

“Fuck!” Liam gasped and squirmed a little.

“Like that do you?” there was a sparkle in Dean’s eye and a wicked grin on his lips. “I bet I know what you’ll really like.” He grabbed Liam’s cock and ran the tip of his tongue along the underside while still fingering him.

Liam arched his back and cried out in pleasure. “Only keep doing that if you want the party over with quickly.”

“Well, we certainly wouldn’t want that.” Dean removed his finger and was met with a little whine of protest. “The best is yet to come,” he assured his lover while he lubed up his own stiff manhood. Then he moved himself into position and claimed Liam’s mouth while he entered the blond slowly.

The kiss was met with equal passion, but there was another groan of protest as Liam arched his back and tried to push his ass against Dean’s hips. “You’re still teasing,” Liam glared when the kiss broke.

Dean laughed. “And you’ll thank me later,” he said before moving his lips to his husband’s throat just under his chin. As soon as he was inside his lover all the way he started rocking his hips slowly.

Liam wrapped his arms around his lover and dug his fingertips into Dean’s skin while he pushed back with each thrust, squeezing the cock inside him as his breath came in short little gasps. He cried out again when Dean gently bit his earlobe and a jolt of pleasure shot through him.

Dean picked up the pace and licked the edge of Liam’s upper lip before kissing him deeply. He pulled back a little and gazed into Liam’s eyes that were glazed over as he pounded into his ass. “I really love you,” he spoke softly.

“Love you too,” Liam pulled him into another kiss and moaned loudly into his mouth as he spilled himself all over Dean’s belly. Dean wasn’t far behind, slamming hard into his lover and crying out.

Dean let himself fall on top of Liam and lay still for a moment while he tried to catch his breath. Then he rolled over onto his side, pulling out of Liam. He stroked his husband’s cheek softly and smiled. “Are you happy?”

Liam nodded as his eyes slid closed. “Right now, very much so.”

Two days later Sam entered the kitchen and Dean was seated at the island staring at the laptop screen. “Hey,” Sam greeted his brother.

“Hey,” Dean returned the greeting in a raspy tone.

“You go to bed last night?” Sam asked while he scrounged for breakfast.

“For a little while. But then I was up and I couldn’t sleep, so I did some research.”

Sam sat down with a bowl of cereal. “Don’t you usually sleep like a baby with Liam? Is he still asleep?”

“Last I checked he was. I don’t know, I just… Nevermind. I did find us a case, though.”

“Oh, yeah?” Sam perked up a bit.

“Yeah, was a strange death in Stillwater, Minnesota. A competitive eater died after a hot dog eating contest.”

“So, what? Death by tube steak?”

“If only. He got attacked in his car, but, uh, get this; he shrunk from three hundred pounds to ninety pounds.”

“Witchcraft?”

“Or a heavy duty laxative. You game?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Let me go wake my other half and we’ll grab a quick shower.”

“You sure you're okay, Dean?”

“Why wouldn't I be?”

“'Because, I don't know, you... This isn't about what I said, is it?”

“Oh, about that we're not supposed to be brothers? No, don't flatter yourself. I don't break that easy.”

“Oh, good, because I was just being honest.”

“Oh, yeah. No, I got that loud and clear,” Dean mumbled as he headed upstairs.

Before they left while they were packing up the car Natalie pulled Dean aside. “This situation isn’t easy for anyone, you know.”

Dean snorted. “That supposed to be a pep talk?”

“No,” she glared at him slightly. “In case you have forgotten, none of you can fool me. Just don’t slip back into old habits. You’ve made progress over the past few years, and you’ve got something good,” her eyes settled on Liam for a moment.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Dean said as he carried the last bag out to the car.

The drive to Minnesota was very quiet. As usual they dressed up as FBI and sat in the police station. After a little while the sheriff handed a file to Sam. “Thanks for your patience, agents. Coroner's report finally came in.”

Sam opened the report. “Alright, thank you. Alright, let's see. Did Wayne McNut really weigh three hundred pounds just moments before time of death?”

“Three hundred sixteen to be exact.”

“And the official cause of death?”

“Cardiac arrest. But between you and me, that's just a guess. The victim suffered massive organ damage.” She handed another folder to a woman at a desk. “Here you go, Jenny. Ruptured spleen, pierced liver, collapsed lung. Looked like everything was just sucked right out of him.” She poured herself a cup of coffee.

“Like he'd been hoovered?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, you know, I got to be honest, fellas.” She picked up a powdered doughnut and offered one to Dean who happily took it. “We're stumped. This type of thing just doesn't happen in Stillwater.”

“Now, did Wayne have any enemies?” Sam asked while he was still looking over the report.

“More like an unfriendly rivalry. A guy named ‘Slim Jim’ Morgan. Like Wayne, he was pretty well known in the competitive eating circuit.”

Liam motioned to Dean to wipe away some of the powdered sugar that had gotten on his face. “Competitive eating circuit? Is that a big thing out here?”

“Oh, yeah. You betcha,” Sheriff Donna nodded. “Folks take it real seriously, train for months. Eat all sorts of wackadoo stuff, you know, like, uh... Baked beans, buff wings, butter.”

“Butter?” Dean was surprised at that.

“Yeah. Sometimes deep fried. This year alone Wayne won the Butter Bowl, the Wing Ding, and Shrimptasia. Anyhow, point being, Wayne McNut was the only one Slim Jim couldn't beat in the whole Great Lakes region.”

“So is he a suspect?” Dean asked.

“We checked him out, but Slim Jim was in the Hot Doggery at the time of Wayne's death, and we got fifteen witnesses to prove it.”

They decided to check Jim out anyway. They found him at home munching away on a bowl of lettuce. “Training. When I gear up for a competition, I eat lettuce, stretches the stomach.”

Dean looked a little grossed out. “Yet another reason to stay away from salads,” he mumbled.

“How well did you know Wayne McNut?” Sam asked.

“Well enough to know he was a weasel and a cheat. I hate to say it, but, uh, karma's a bitch.”

Dean noticed a shelf with what seemed like spell jars and boxes. “This is interesting,” he moved over to get a better look.

“Mala's good luck charms,” Jim answered without much thought.

“And Mala is?” Liam asked.

“My old lady.”

“Is your old lady superstitious?” Dean asked.

“Yeah. She's Romanichal.”

“Romanichal?” Dean was confused.

“Gypsy,” Sam cleared it up for him.

“But don't call her that,” Jim warned. “She says it's reductive. But I think it's a compliment. I mean, gypsies are all the rage on TV. ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding,’ ‘Gypsy Sisters’...’Keeping up with the Kardashians."

“You mind if I use your bathroom?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, go ahead. But use the one upstairs at the back. Mala's taking a shower in ours.”

Sam left and Dean turned back to Jim. “Did you really lose the Wiener Winner by one dog?”

“Yeah,” Jim looked a little irritated.

“And what are we talking? Six inches? Foot long?”

“Look, agent. Am I a suspect here or what? Because unless you got a warrant...”

Sam returned, clearing his throat. “You guys, uh, ready to go?”

Dean nodded and handed Jim a card. “Yeah. Uh, Mr. Morgan, thank you for your time. If you remember anything else, this is our number and where we're staying locally.”

Back at the motel they took a look at the hex bag Sam found in Jim’s bathroom. Dean picked up some hair. “Alright, so, we got what appears to be Wayne McNut's hair, and a bag full of weird.”

Sam was on his laptop as usual. “In Romanichal culture, the pouch is called a putsi bag. It's used for hexes,” he read from the website he was looking at.

“Okay, so, what? Mala's putting hexes on hubby's competition? I mean, what do we got ourselves? A ‘Thinner’ sitch here?”

Sam shrugged. “Slim Jim might not even know.”

There was a knock at the door. Dean moved to grab his gun, but Liam motioned to hold on as he moved to look out the peep hole. He opened the door to reveal Mala. “I believe you have something of mine,” she looked at the men and stepped inside.

Liam stepped aside to let her pass, but kept a close eye on her. “You know, it’s one thing to help your husband win, it’s quite another to kill his competition.”

Mala seemed shocked at the accusation. “Kill Wayne? I loved him!”

“So you were…?” Sam seemed rather surprised.

Mala sighed. “Yes. Okay? We were having an affair for years, actually.”

Dean seemed a little confused. “I don't mean to be rude, uh... But how is it that Wayne McNut is your type? I mean, you're married to a man who's barely a buck wet.”

She shrugged. “What can I say? Sometimes it's nice to feel a little give.”

“Oh. Yeah, I get that, a little extra cushion for the, uh...” Liam smacked his shoulder. “Ow!” Dean rubbed his shoulder gingerly. “Spousal abuse!”

Sam shook his head and turned back to Mala. “Help me understand something. If you loved Wayne, why did you put a curse on him?”

“It wasn't a curse,” she insisted. “Putsi bags are also used for blessings. I wanted Wayne to win. Plan was to take the prize money, get a quickie divorce, and then tie the knot in Orlando. Wayne used to call me his Princess Jasmine.”

“Well,” Liam sighed and sat back down on the bed. “I guess that puts us back at square one.”

Bright and early the next morning they caught wind of another very similar death, this time at a gym. As soon as they heard they threw on their suits and went to study the crime scene. “Any idea what the victim weighed beforehand?” Sam asked.

“One hundred sixty five,” an officer answered.

“So...one hundred eighty,” Dean took notes. “Known fact, all women lie about their weight and age.”

Liam shot Dean an amused look. “Yeah, because you’ve never done that,” he said with a hint of sarcasm.

Dean seemed a bit irritated at the remark. “Let’s just focus on the case, shall we?”

“Need anything else, agents?” the officer asked.

“Yeah, is Sheriff Hanscum around?” Sam asked.

“Sorry. She's out for the rest of the week. Hell of a time to take a vacation, right?”

Sam gave a little nod. “Okay, so, we have two victims, with seemingly nothing in common except, uh...”

“A love for eclairs,” Dean finished the sentence. They all knelt down to take a closer look at the body. Dean lifted up her shirt and they all noticed a circular red mark. “What is that? A birthmark?”

Sam bit his lip in thought. “Huh. So the weight had to come off somehow, right? What if it's a suction mark?”

“A suction mark?” Dean let it tumble in his mind a moment. “Okay. Uh, changeling?”

“Yeah, but changelings only take over kids,” Liam pointed out. “Neither of the victims had any.”

“And we don't know if Wayne McNut had a suction mark,” Dean let out a little sigh. “Well, we should uh, split up. One of us should hit the morgue. The others should stay here and question the staff.”

“I’ll stay,” Sam volunteered.

“Ain't gonna happen,” Dean shook his head.

“Why?”

“Because you're weird around girls. Natalie doesn’t count because, no offense, she’s a little weird herself. Love her to death, but uh, normal people don’t read minds.”

“You might as well just go to the morgue,” Liam was now looking irritated. “Dumbass just wants to check out the hot women, and we all know it.”

Sam couldn’t help but smirk in agreement. “If he’s a dumbass, what does that make you?”

“Insane. We’ve been over this. Of course, I’m staying here.”

Dean frowned at his husband. “You’re a suspicious insane person. And nothing wrong with a little looking. If a hot guy walks in I’m sure you’ll look too. You always do.”

“Fighting like a married couple already,” Sam commented as he left.

They found the employee who was the last person to see the victim alive. “So, you were scheduled to close the gym last night?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, but I didn't exactly lock up. Carol was still working out, and I had a date. I didn't want to shortchange her, you know? I mean, the poor girl has been working so hard to lose weight for her wedding. I slipped her the key, and I told her to lock up on her way out.” She started to cry a little and reached over the counter to grab a tissue. Her shirt rode up a little and Dean noticed a suction mark on her back as well. “Oh, it's all my fault.”

They headed back to the hotel for some research. “Have you pulled the stick out of your ass long enough to think about what might’ve caused those suction marks?” Dean looked to Liam.

Liam shot his new husband a quick glare. “We’ve been over how I feel and why about a thousand times now. Yeah, I don’t like that you were checking her out.”

“Well it’s a good thing I did because I saw the suction mark. She wasn’t dead, but I’ll bet you that whatever put that there is what killed the other two. And I really thought marrying you was gonna shut you up about this.”

Liam’s eyebrows raised. “So that’s why you did it? To shut me up?”

“No, you giant dumbass! I was trying to prove to you beyond a shadow of your doubts that I love you, even when you’re being a bitch like right now. Seriously, are you going to act like this every time we get a case that involves an attractive woman somehow?”

“Are you going to continually drool all over them?”

It was then that Sam opened the door. “Am I interrupting anything?” he noticed the tension in the room immediately.

“Just the usual,” Dean sighed from behind the laptop screen. “Find anything at the morgue?”

“Yeah. Uh, so, Wayne was banged up pretty bad. But on the back of his neck, just below his hairline... suction mark identical to Carol's.”

“Okay, so, they both had marks, just like the trainer at Rollz.”

“But she was skinny and alive,” Sam sat on the edge of the bed.

“And just recently lost a ton of weight. When I asked her about the mark, she, uh, she clammed up, got all embarrassed. So, uh, I did some checking. And it turns out that she took a couple of ‘me’ days last month and went here.” Dean turned the screen so Sam could see the website for a day spa called Canyon Valley.

“How far away is that place?” Sam asked.

“Couple of hours,” Dean answered.

“You love birds gonna be able to hold it together for this? I mean, I know there are issues, but taking shots at each other at a crime scene?”

“We’ll be fine,” Liam tried to assure Sam, but didn’t sound that sure himself. “After all, I did know what I was getting into. Even though his wandering eye irritates the hell out of me, I love him.”

Dean closed the laptop and grabbed the blond’s hand in his. “I think we’ve fought long enough for today. Can we make up now?”

Sam looked a bit awkward and rose to his feet again. “Yeah, I’m just gonna go get my stuff.”

They drove up to Canyon Valley and got in to see the two people who ran the place, Larry and his wife Maritza. “We were really, really moved by the online testimonials.” Sam said as they sat across from the husband and wife.

Dean nodded in agreement. “Oh, yeah. That was some powerful stuff.”

“And you boys are all certified personal trainers?” Maritza asked them.

“Yeah, we’re like the ultimate team,” Dean nodded.

“And you're certified in…?” Larry asked.

“Making people sweat! Yeah. Kicking ass and taking names!” Dean got a little too into it and slammed his hand on the table. “That's how we do!”

“Uh, to clarify, uh, what my brother's trying to say is, we have a passion for fitness and helping people,” Sam added.

Maritza gave them a little smile. “Oh, us too. In fact, that's how we first met.”

“I was Maritza's first client back in Peru. I was on a student visa; homesick, stressed, eating my troubles away,” Larry started telling the story.

“Oh, he was the size of a casa,” Maritza gave a little chuckle at the memory.

“Oh, it's true! I was one empanada away from a heart attack. But then this gorgeous godsend made me the lean, mean, fighting machine I am today. But I digress. Now, the good news is, we are hiring. The bad news is, there's only one trainer position available.” He looked to Dean and Liam. “How do you two feel about working in another department?”

A little while later they were in the lunch room. Sam was dressed in workout gear. Dean and Liam were wearing hair nets. “Why do I got to be the lunch lady?” Dean whined.

“Hush,” Liam slapped him on the ass. “It could be worse.”

“Since when have you ever complained about being around food?” Sam joked.

“Okay, this is not food,” Dean argued.

A guy named Alonso whistled at them to get their attention. “Hey, new guys. Quit flirting with the trainer and keep scooping, huh?”

Dean glared at the guy and Sam checked his watch. “It's all right. My Ashtanga yoga class starts in five minutes.”

“How the hell do you know anything about yoga?” Dean was surprised.

“You're not the only one who's ever dated someone bendy,” Sam smirked as he turned to leave.

“Yeah, but he hasn’t seen what I can do in the shower,” Liam commented to Dean.

Dean glared at the blond. “Now is not the time to distract me with how you can...” he went quiet as he started to think about it.

He was brought out of his thoughts by a lunch person. “Hey, you have any oatmeal?”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, I wish. No, but we have, uh, something that's tofu over there. I... what is that? It's a pancake. It's tofu.”

“It’s disgusting,” Liam made a face.

“Hey, blondie, go to the storeroom and take stock!” Alonso ordered.

Liam shot the man a death glare. “First off, I have a name. Second, the word you are looking for but forgot to mention is please. Third, watch it with the attitude or I’ll kick your ass into next month,” he threatened before going to find the storeroom.

Dean shook his head. “He ain’t kidding.”

After a little while Dean came down to the stock room where Liam was working. “Having fun down here?” he gave Liam a little smirk and found a seat on a box, pulling a little cup of orange pudding out of his apron with a satisfied expression. “Look what I got.”

“You would,” Liam let out a little sigh as he lifted up a heavy box and set it on a stack before making a little note on a clipboard.

“You want some?” Dean held out the cup. “You’re cute enough to share with.”

“Thanks, but no thanks. Even something that’s usually good in places like this in inedible. I’ll grab a salad or something when I’m done.”

“You sure?” Dean asked as he took a mouthful. “It’s actually really good.”

Dean ate while Liam worked. When the little cup was finished Dean went to stand only to sway and fall sideways to the floor. Liam dropped the box he was going through and ran over to kneel beside him. “Dean?” he shook his husband and got no response. “Fuck!” he looked around and thought a moment.

Liam ran up through the kitchen and toward where Sam should be for help. Sam was just coming out of the yoga class and a man was wheeling Sheriff Donna of all people away. The blond waved his arms wildly until he got Sam’s attention.

“What?” Sam asked as he ran over. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know!” Liam answered a little panicked. “One minute he was eating stolen pudding, the next he fell over out cold!”

“Where is he?” Sam asked, now looking a little worried himself as he started off toward the kitchen. Liam took him down into the storeroom where Dean still was and Sam knelt beside his brother and started to shake his shoulders. “Dean! Hey! Wake up!”

Dean started to come around with a soft groan. “What took you so long?”

“What the hell happened?” Sam asked.

“There must have been something in the pudding he took,” Liam answered for Dean.

“What?” Sam looked both surprised and confused.

“Pudding,” Dean repeated groggily. “It was supposed to be for the clients, but I couldn't resist.”

Sam picked up the cup and smelled it. “What, salted caramel?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, man. The best of both worlds, salty and sweet.”

“Right. Uh, alright, you stay here,” Sam motioned for Liam to follow him.

“No, no, I'm gonna come with you.” Dean tried to get up, but he fell back to the floor. “Go ahead, man. I'll catch up!”

Sam and Liam went back up to the kitchen and found the chef. “Hey. Did you make the pudding?” Sam confronted him.

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“Whether you liked it or not.”

Liam growled and grabbed the man by the throat, slamming him against the wall with surprising strength. “What the fuck did you put in it?” he demanded

The chef seemed frightened then. “Relax. It's low cal. Nonfat milk, sea salt...”

“Oh, there’s more than sea salt in there, and you’re gonna tell me what or you’ll be choking on your own guts!”

“Chill, man. Supplements, okay?”

Liam took a deep breath and let go. “Show me.”

The chef handed them a bottle which they took back down to Dean. “Okay, so, your husband threatened the chef’s life, and he admitted that there are supplements in the pudding,” Sam informed him.

“What kind of supplements?” Dean asked, holding his head and finally sitting up.

“To boost metabolism, per Larry and Maritza,” Sam said as he handed Dean an energy drink and the bottle.

Dean took a few sips of the drink and studied the bottle. “These aren't supplements, they're roofies.”

“What? How do you know what roofies look like?” Sam asked.

“How do you not know? You think I want to end up in a hotel bathtub with my kidney carved out? In Chechnya? Did you find anything out in the yoga?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Every single person in class had one of those freaky ass suction marks.”

“What the hell's going on here?” Dean took a few more sips of his drink.

Sam sighed. “I don’t know, but Sheriff Donna is here. Maybe we can find out more from her.”

Liam’s eyes narrowed. “I thought that’s who I saw. She didn’t blow our cover, did she?”

“She might have, which is why we need to move quick. You okay now, Dean?”

“Maybe. I have to be, because you’re right, we gotta move.”

They found Sheriff Donna’s room and went to talk to her. “You know, I didn't mean to bail on you fellas, but I've been waiting over six months to get into Canyon Valley. And let me tell ya, it was worth it. I already lost ten pounds!”

The three men gave each other a look. “No offense, Sheriff, because you look great, um, but aren't you the least bit curious as to how you dropped ten in a day?” Dean asked.

She only chuckled at that. “Well, to tell you the truth, Agent, I don't really give a flying fudge. My husband, Doug, left me last year because he said I loved cookie dough milkshakes more than him.”

“Doug's a dick. You deserve better,” Dean commented.

“Thanks. But he was right. That was a dark time for me. Whoever said you eat your pain? Not me. I guzzled it,” she laughed softly. “Anyhow, I guess I just wanted to feel pretty again. And Canyon Valley did that. Only question is...What are you doing here?”

“We're, uh... We're undercover,” Dean answered, unable to think of a better excuse.

“Yeah. Sort of got that.”

“We think that there's a connection between Canyon Valley and the murders in town.”

“What kind of connection?” she suddenly looked concerned.

“Suction marks,” Sam answered.

“You mean like this?” she pulled up her shirt and showed them her own suction mark.

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Where did that come from?”

“My spa treatment. Cupping.”

“Cupping?” Dean blinked.

“Yeah. You know, I thought it was gonna hurt, but honestly, I snoozed through the whole thing. By the time I woke up, I was down two dress sizes.”

“Before the cupping, did you eat any pudding?” Liam asked.

“Darn tootin'. Licked the bowl clean.”

“Donna, do you remember who did this treatment?” Sam asked.

“Oh, yeah. You betcha. It was that lady who runs the place.”

“Thanks, you’ve been very helpful,” Liam gave her a small smile and pulled his companions out of the room. “Okay, so we know one thing. This place is a front for something that sucks fat. They feed the clients something to knock them out and they use cupping as an explanation for the suction mark.”

“Only whatever it is got way too greedy,” Sam finished the thought.

“How is that possible?” Dean asked. “People are flocking in here to lose weight, it’s like a buffet that comes to you.”

Liam shrugged. “I don’t know, but it fits.”

They started searching the place for the owners. Dean and Liam found Maritza in a room with a refrigerator that was full of tubs of human fat that she was tossing into a large trashcan. Dean trained his gun on her. “Okay, I'm no health nut, but that is just wrong.” She jumped and looked over at them with fear in her eyes. “Babe, do your thing,” Dean motioned to Liam. The blond went about tying her to a chair and she didn’t put up a fight. Dean lowered his gun and approached her. “Alright, talk.”

“This isn't what you think. I'm not a killer,” she insisted.

“Well then, what are you?”

“I'm a Pishtaco.”

“A fish taco?” Liam blinked. “That sounds gross.”

“A Pishtaco. It means Peruvian fat sucker.”

“Never heard of it. So, what, you're like vamps with a sweet tooth for cellulite?” Dean asked.

“Vampires kill. We're just... parasites.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Oh, well, in that case...”

“Look, I would never hurt anybody!” she cried. “Okay, this is why Larry and I started Canyon Valley. We could help people lose weight, and I could feed. It was a win win.”

“Yeah, except for the two you dysoned to death.”

“That wasn’t me!”

“Then who was it?”

“Alonso.”

“The dude from the cafeteria?”

“He’s my brother.”

“I knew I didn’t like him,” Liam grumbled.

“What do you think?” Dean looked to Liam.

Liam shrugged. “She could be telling the truth. Like you said, why would she kill if she can sit here and have the buffet come to her?”

Sam then came into the room. “Larry’s dead,” he informed them. “I found him in the kitchen.”

Maritza started crying at that. “She claims the killer is her brother, Alonso,” Dean caught his brother up.

“I brought Alonso here from Peru to show him a better way, a more civilized way. One where we weren't monsters,” Maritza’s voice was meek. “That the secret to coexisting with humans was just... eating enough to get by.”

“Let me guess. Alonso wasn't a big fan of portion control, was he?” Sam looked over to her.

“No. During a routine treatment he almost killed a client. He sucked out too much fat. I demoted him to kitchen duty, no human contact, just fat from a jar. But he said the more I deprived him, the hungrier he got. And now three people are dead. My husband...”

“Where's Alonso right now?” Sam asked.

“The basement? That's where he spends most of his time now.”

“What about her?” Sam looked to Dean.

“Well, till we figure out which side she's on, she stays put.”

“I am on your side,” she insisted.

“Okay. Then how do we kill him?” Sam asked.

She looked away from them. Liam knelt beside her. “Okay, look, I know he’s your brother. I get that, but I also get needing to be a parasite but not wanting to hurt anyone. Your brother, clearly he doesn’t care. He’s not like you. He killed two people in town, and now your husband.”

They headed down to the basement and split up to look for Alonso. “You sure she was telling the truth?” Dean whispered quietly to Liam.

Liam could only shrug. “Me and Benny… I mean, I know I’m weird, but we prove that some monsters want to be good.”

“You were born human though, and just way too damn stubborn to change. Benny changed for love.”

“Proves it’s not impossible.” Liam turned when he heard a crash from the direction Sam had gone. They rushed toward the noise just in time to find Sam pinned by Alonso, his tongue snaking its way toward the younger Winchester.

Dean moved quickly to sever the tongue. Alonso let out a scream and fell over dead. “She told the truth about that at least,” Dean said as he helped Sam up.

A little while later the brothers were standing with Sheriff Donna and another officer while Larry’s body was wheeled out by the coroner. The officer gave them a little nod. “We'll let you know if we need any other information. Thanks for everything. Appreciate it.”

When the officer was gone Sam went over to where Maritza was sitting on a bench in the lobby. “Hey.”

“What did you tell the sheriff?” she looked up at him.

“The usual, psycho killer on the loose. They, uh, usually buy it.”

She let out a breath. “I lost my whole family today.”

Dean motioned Sam to come back over. “So uh, what’s the plan here?” Dean glanced briefly over at Maritza.

Sam only looked straight at Liam. “You know what my argument is gonna be. She helped us kill her brother because he had gotten out of control. If not for him she and Larry could’ve lived their whole lives here no one the wiser.”

Dean’s eyes dropped to his feet. “Yeah… You know, our job used to be really simple. Kill the monsters. And now...”

Liam quirked an eyebrow. “And now you’ve evolved from an ape to someone with a brain. Unless, you know, you think saving me was a mistake.”

Dean’s gaze shot back up. “Don’t go there. I really do not wanna argue with you. I just… it’s hard to know where to stand anymore, you know?”

Liam grabbed his hand. “That’s why you married me, so I can tell you where you stand. I vote sending her back to Peru.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” Sam nodded.

Dean let out a little sigh. “If that’s what you both think...”

They decided to go back to the bunker for a bit, and Dean was sitting with Liam in the kitchen drinking scotch when Sam appeared in the doorway. “I'm hitting it.”

Dean stood up. “Yeah, hey… About what you said the other day.”

“I thought it didn't bother you.”

“You know, Sam, I saved your hide back there. And I saved your hide at that church... And the hospital. I may not think things all the way through. Okay? But what I do, I do because it's the right thing. I'd do it again.”

Sam shook his head. “And that is the problem. You think you're my savior, my brother, the hero. You swoop in, and even when you mess up, you think what you're doing is worth it because you've convinced yourself you're doing more good than bad. But you're not. I mean, Kevin's dead, Crowley's in the wind. We're no closer to beating this angel thing. Please tell me, what is the upside of me being alive?”

Dean snorted. “You kidding me? Alright, you want to be honest? If the situation were reversed and I was dying, you'd do the same thing.”

“No, Dean. I wouldn't.”

“Bullshit.” Liam commented.

“What?” Sam seemed surprised.

“I call bullshit. You know why?” He stood up and started moving over toward Sam. Then he paused, grabbing a chair and dragging it over with him to stand on so that he hovered over Sam a little bit. “You know very well my survival depended on being able to read people. Hell, I had to do a little song and dance and play to your weak spots to get you to help me. Considering where I’m standing now I did a pretty good fucking job of that.”

“Your point?” Sam looked up at him with a disbelieving attitude.

“I have lived with you two for seven years now, pretty much spending all my time with you. I know better than anybody what you and your brother have got going. Yeah, it’s not healthy, but so fucking what? What you’ve got makes you two what you are. So no, you wouldn’t let Dean die any more than I would. To think otherwise is just really fooling yourself.”

“Whatever, short stack.”

Before Sam could turn to leave Liam kicked him hard in the crotch, causing him to cry out in pain and double over. “I could’ve told you that was coming,” Dean said while taking a sip of his drink.

“Just… I’m going to bed,” Sam grumbled and left when he could stand upright again.

Liam turned to Dean. “Sweetheart, can you help me down?”

Dean chuckled as he got up. “You are such a light weight.” He wrapped his arms around Liam and brought him down to the floor. “But I’m glad you’re on my side.”

“Oh, I think you’re being an idiot too,” Liam confessed before kissing Dean’s neck. “A cute idiot… but… We really should get to bed though.”

“Oh? You’re not gonna speak your mind and tell me how I’m being an idiot?”

Liam shook his head and started for the door. “You at least have enough smarts to figure that out for yourself eventually.”
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Hunting Humanity VIII