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Occupation of the Mind	By : Jack-O-Lantern Category: Star Trek > Deep Space 9 Views: 667 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: DS9, nor the characters from it (save for the OC I created within the bounds of the established universe). I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter Eleven
Dr. Bashir came to visit me again, brow furrowed with worry as he looked in on me. I sat up from my bench and smoothed my hair down.
“Good day, Tamir… How are you feeling?” This question was so frequent. I felt pressured to have a different answer for him, but I simply didn’t.
“The same… How are you?” That thin smile pulled across his face.
“I received a transmission from Gul Dukat inquiring about the state of your health,” he clasped his hands behind his back. “I’m not able to give him such information without your approval. And…despite the feelings you’ve expressed towards him, I’m obligated to ask: do you want to give me permission to share your personal medical information with Dukat? This would mean being able to tell him where you are, why you are here, and potential treatment plans.” The doctor’s brows furrowed upwards. “You are in no way obligated to give him that permission and Commander Sisko has advised me to let you know that…were you to decline his request and if he is as bothersome to you as you’ve expressed, we can enact a restraining order against him. He wouldn’t be able to get close enough to be on this station and he wouldn’t be able to contact you. If he tried you could report it and action would be taken against him. No matter what, we will guarantee your safety. Give it some thought. After all, I haven’t exactly cleared you…meaning you aren’t fit to make your own decisions quite yet.” Bashir smiled with a wink. I smiled back.
“I never was…”
-*-
I couldn’t believe he kept after me. If this was all a façade, all a game, he should have given up. I couldn’t see what this is getting him. For as well as he played it, I could never believe that he was sincere. But he never let up. The game never stopped and even now he fought to keep tabs on me. Why? What was so important about keeping a hold of me?
I closed my eyes. I couldn’t fathom his reasons. I would never know him. He’d never let me have the answers and I’d never let myself trust what I saw. Even if it was the only thing I ever saw. I don’t know what to say. The doctor and commander want to help me for some reason, but I find it hard to say no. And what would it matter anyway if he knew? What would he do about it?
Would he be disappointed?
For the first time I wondered what he’d think if he knew. He always pretended to care about me, treat my injuries, but what would he do if he knew what I’d tried to do to myself?
I saw him, in my mind’s eye, looking down at me in that faux fatherly way. Something that wasn’t exactly disappointment and wasn’t exactly pity. A little hiccup in my behavior that would give him this “what am I going to do with you?” look before he gently righted me. He gave me that look a lot in the beginning when I still feared an abrupt shift to cruelty on his part. I’d known that at any moment his act would fall and he would beat the life out of me. But he was, as he claimed, ‘patient’ with me. He was determined that I become comfortable with him. And eventually, after a long time, though I did not trust him, I stopped fearing the beatings. I was able to eat when invited without being terrified of punishment for doing so. He’d push my boundaries unquestionably, but he never publicly humiliated me as other officers had liked to do, and he was never violent with me. He acted ever the gentleman. I still don’t know “why me” and don’t suppose I ever will. Though I had hoped, I wouldn’t have to wonder anymore.
“You have another visitor if you’re up for it,” Odo said. I rolled over.
“Who is it?”
“Mr. Garak. The tailor.”
“Why does he want to see me?”
“I don’t know. You can ask him yourself if you’d like.” No, I wouldn’t like. I wanted to be left alone. I didn’t want all these people seeing the true me. Disgusted and distressed with the burden I put on everyone. I sat up against the wall and pulled my knees to my chest.
“If he really wants to…” I stared down at them as Odo left.
Garak appeared in colorful garb. I tilted my head down as he picked up a chair and set it gently in front of my cell. He sat and clasped his hands.
“Good afternoon, my dear Tamir,” his lilting voice reached my ears. “I missed you the past few days. I was a little concerned. I had to come see you as soon as I found out where you were. Though of course if I’m bothering you, you may tell me to leave.”
“No,” I finally looked at him. The thought that someone else thought I might not want them was unsettling. It was wrong. “You can do whatever you want.”
“Should I take that to mean I’m not a bother?” his ridged brows rose. I shook my head. It didn’t matter if he bothered me, that was my problem, but I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression, so I kept that to myself.
“No, you’re not a bother at all.”
“Wonderful,” he smiled. “I see you’re wearing your new outfit.” I picked out at the material and looked at it. “Do you like it?”
“Yes…” He looked very pleased, with a wide smile and lively eyes. He pressed his hands together and leaned forward. “You know I am famished. I was wondering if you’d like to have lunch with me. I know it’s no Quark’s, but I figure a little company goes a long way.” I wasn’t very hungry but he seemed very enthusiastic. I couldn’t say no.
“Yes…if you’d like.” Why would he want to have lunch with me? Why see me at all? I’m not significant in any way. I’d only ever spoken to him those few times.
I was allowed to sit unconfined with him. I suppose I wasn’t really a prisoner—the confinement was just to ensure I couldn’t run off and try again. Garak chatted away easily and I marveled at his amiable nature. Despite my demeanor, despite my confinement, despite whatever he might know about why, he spoke cheerily about the mundane and the interesting. He spoke as if we were old friends. I barely knew him, and he certainly didn’t know me. And why of all people would this Cardassian tailor choose an empty Bajoran to spend his valuable time with?
Everyone else who came to see me was grave and uncomfortable given the ‘why’. I had also never met a Cardassian so friendly and open. In him I saw none of the cruelty and condescension that cloaked the others of his race.
“When will you be allowed to leave?” His eyes darted around the walls of my cell.
“I don’t know.”
“Ah, well, in that case, I’ll stop by again tomorrow, same time.” He stood. “When you are finally out, please come see me.”
“Okay.”
“Until tomorrow then,” he gave a nod.
“Alright—Goodbye…” I stood. Garak disappeared. The security field returned. I touched the wall, staring at the last place I’d seen Garak before he disappeared from sight.
Not once did he ask me about my being here, nor about the special occasion that was to be a surprise. If he found out where I was, surely he had to know something. If not, he at least had to think it strange. He had to have questions. A person isn’t placed in a cell for no reason. Why didn’t he ask?
I sat on my cot again and resumed my previous position. I wondered if he’d really come back tomorrow.
-*-
“So, I take it you have something for me?” Cdr. Sisko asked, interlacing his fingers on the desk.
“An idea of what we might be dealing with, which unfortunately has been well-hidden. It was suggested by both Garak and Quark that they were…close,” Bashir’s eyes shifted about the room as Sisko furrowed his brow. “After an alleged scare with a Bajoran “comfort” girl, he happened to make Tamir’s acquaintance and kept him close until the withdrawal. Odo said that after an attempt on Tamir’s life resulting from his frequent visits with Dukat, Dukat relocated him to their side of the station permanently. The only reasoning anyone has ever heard is that he was simply taking pity on an orphaned child, but no one believes that for a minute. For one, there were many orphans, and for another, Tamir was a legal adult by the time Gul Dukat took any notice of him. And as for why he’s returned to him, that too is anyone’s guess. I don’t know what he has to gain from it. Unless he wasn’t simply settling and truly enjoys his company.” Sisko leaned back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“I won’t be upset if I never see that man’s face on this station again…” he glowered at the wall. “Has Tamir accepted the offer for protection?”
“I’m giving him time to think about it. I was afraid of a knee-jerk reaction resulting in ‘no’. He seems both terrified of and defeated by Dukat. It’s like his will has been entirely eroded. And right now, he doesn’t care if he lives or dies—well, actually it seems he’d prefer the latter. I’m afraid he doesn’t have the resolve to cut him out. But maybe if I give him time to mull it over…maybe he’ll get comfortable with the idea.”
“Maybe…”
“It really is…tragic, sir… I haven’t been able to get through to him at all. As far as I know, he has no one he’s really close to, no one that can reach him. In his mind, he has nothing to live for. I’m not sure how to treat that…”
“You’ll find a way doctor. We’ll just have to be patient, and as for Gul Dukat whatever happens, happens. After all, it is his life, his decision. Just do everything you can to help him. Let me know if he needs anything and we’ll do our best to accommodate him.”
“Yes sir.”
-*-
Garak came again the next day and we had lunch just like he’d said. It was very much like yesterday, and as with Gul Dukat I wondered what it was he saw in me. I had offered nothing of interest during any of our exchanges yet here he was carrying the conversation and gently coaxing my participation. There had to be something, but what was it?
As he stood to leave, I reached for him, then drew my hand back. What was I doing?
Garak clasped my hand between his. “It’s been delightful as always.” That smile. It was for me. Why was he smiling for me? My other hand reached forward, fingertips hesitating before coming to rest on his top hand. I kept his steady gaze, and like before, I had the sense that I wasn’t just in his line of sight, but occupying space in his mind. I had more than his superficial attention. I wondered what he could possibly see in such an empty vessel as myself.
He bid me farewell, with another promise of tomorrow. Despite wanting to be alone, despite wanting to disappear, I felt a sinking in my chest as I watched him leave.
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- 13
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Occupation of the Mind