SAVING GRACES

Chapter 13



Olivia watched Bobby sleep. “The short time I’ve known him,” she thought. “He’s either been asleep, or in danger of losing his life.” She smiled wryly. “Well, at least half of it.”



Bobby stirred, twisting as much as he could against the tubes and wires that still invaded and held his body. Olivia leaned forward and gently laid a hand on his shoulder.



“It’s ok,” she whispered. “It’s all right. Alex and I are here…You’re safe…I promise.”



His eyelashes fluttered, and he calmed. Olivia was enormously relieved. In the twenty four hours since he’d briefly wakened, Bobby drifted in and out of consciousness. Alex, who was bitterly disappointed not to be present when he first opened his eyes after surgery, spoke quickly with him. His conversations with Alex and Olivia were short and uneasy. He appeared to desperately want to tell them something, but the presence of doctors and nurses and his exhaustion prevented it. He remained awake for only a few minutes, something which worried Alex and Olivia, but not the doctors and nurses. “Perfectly all right,” Dr. Wang told them. “He lost a lot of blood. He was already exhausted when he was injured. And he was dealing with a pretty horrible situation. Any one of those could’ve put his body in a state where it needs a lot of rest. Sleep is one of the best—if not the best—ways for his body to heal right now.” The doctors were concerned—very concerned—about the kind of sleep Bobby got. Nightmares plagued it, and Bobby frequently fought the demons in his mind so violently that the doctors and nurses feared he might pull out his sutures. They had no desire to sedate or restrain Bobby any more than they already had and were greatly relieved when Olivia and Alex could calm him with a few words or touches. “There’s something going on inside his head,” one nurse said to Olivia. “And I think it’s more than what just happened…although that would be more than enough to give anyone nightmares.”



The case was providing a lot of nightmares for a lot of people. Stabler reported to Alex and Olivia that even the toughest and most jaded members of the M.E. office were shaken by the number of bodies and the torture they endured. There were twenty three bodies divided between the two scenes. Bertelli’s obsessive attention to detail meant that the police at least knew the names of all of the boys and, in many cases, their baseball team, their favorite foods, their families’ troubles, and what Bertelli considered their sins. It was a matter of matching a name to a body, but each name also led to a ripple of tragedies. Including Tony Genoa’s family, there were seventeen divorces and separations connected to the boys. Including Tony’s brother Paulie, there were five suicides. There were breakdowns, alcoholism, and drug addiction. Most of the families—or what was left of the families—were quickly found, but two or three of the bodies appeared to have no one to claim them.



Bobby stirred fitfully again and murmured indistinctly. Olivia tenderly touched his shoulder. “It’s ok, Bobby,” she whispered. “You’re safe.” His condition had improved enough that he was now in a room with more privacy, less light, and less noise. The unit allowed visitors, and Alex and Olivia were able to sit together during their watch. Several visitors from Major Case and SVU were always available to take a tour next to Bobby. One weary and sad eyed Major Case detective confessed to Olivia that the hospital visits provided a brief and welcome break from the case.



The police had all the names of the victims, but calls from frantic families continued to flood the NYPD. Many involved missing people who bore little or no resemblance to the murdered boys. The press vilified several law agencies—especially the Westchester County police—but the NYPD was left relatively unscathed. The press as a chorus praised Detective Robert Goren for solving the case, saving Michael Flynn, and facing down John Bertelli. Bobby was a hero, even if he was in no position to enjoy the distinction. But Bertelli and Veneer were the chief villains, and eager to blame the other. “If we’re lucky,” a weary Elliott told Alex and Olivia during a brief visit to the hospital. “We won’t have a trial. I don’t want to testify in this case. I don’t want either of you to testify in this case. I don’t want Goren to testify.”



“No…No…” Bobby murmured. He twisted in the bed. “Don’t hurt her…Stop…Please…”



“Bobby.” Olivia reached to calm him. As well as his recovery was going, Bobby was still held together by sutures and faith, and the results of any of those sutures being opened would be very bad.



“No…no…I’m not like you…No…”



Olivia’s hand hovered over the call button. She didn’t want to call for help to restrain Bobby. She placed her hand on his bandaged chest, trying not to press too hard. “Bobby…Bobby…Please…You’ll hurt yourself…Please…”



His eyes flicked open, and Bobby jerked on the bed. He stared wildly at Olivia. She couldn’t remember seeing so much terror in anyone’s eyes.



“Bobby.” In spite of her efforts, some of her fear seeped into her voice. “It’s all right…You’re in the hospital…You’re safe…”



Bobby blinked, and his defenses rose. A guarded look Olivia had come to recognize replaced the terror in his eyes.



“Sorry,” he said in a weak, hoarse voice. “I…Bad dream…”



Olivia sensed that the construction and maintenance of his defenses cost Bobby a great deal. “It’s ok. If anyone has right to bad dreams, it’s you.”



“I…I…” For a moment, he looked at her with a desperate yearning. He stared at his hands. “How’s Michael Flynn?”



“He’s good,” Olivia answered. “He asked me to thank you. In spite of his father, he’s a pretty good kid.”



“How…how long have I been out?”



“A couple of days…Take it easy…There’s a lot of thread holding you together.”



“I…I don’t remember much.” Bobby frowned. “I…I’ve been in and out?”



“Yea…but the doctors say that’s normal…Although…” Olivia hesitated for a moment to remember that Bobby and Alex shared her black sense of humor. “I’m not sure what’s normal about being sliced like a Thanksgiving turkey.”



Bobby smiled wanly. “Certainly not an everyday experience for me,” he said dryly.



“Good thing, too,” Olivia said, relieved she’d measured his humor correctly. “I don’t think your friends could stand it, let alone you.”



“Tell her,” Bobby’s mind urged him. “She’ll understand…but maybe she won’t…Maybe she’ll think that you only want her because you think she’ll understand…”Hey, since we both may be the kids of psycho rapists, maybe can get together?” What if…Is that why?” He stared at his hands.



“Bobby…what is it?”



“Hey, look,” he said with forced cheerfulness. “At least my hands are pretty much healed…”



He didn’t fool her for a minute. “Bobby…You can talk to me…”



He looked up at her. “Maybe…maybe she and Alex…” he thought. “If anyone could…”



“Hey.” Alex appeared in the doorway. “You’re awake.”



Bobby blinked. “Now,” he thought. “Tell them now…”



Dr. Wang and a small flock of nurses appeared behind Alex. “Mr. Goren…Good…You’re with us.” Wang smiled approvingly. “Let’s take a look at those sutures. Then we can get you cleaned up and some food inside you.”



Bobby mutely watched the nurses shoo Alex and Olivia out of the room. Dr. Wang carefully changed his bandages and examined Bobby’s wounds; he was pleased with what he saw. “You still need to be careful,” Wang said. “But I think we can start letting you get out of bed for short periods. But nothing too extreme. You had some nasty, deep cuts, and your body is still getting over loosing so much blood.” Wang smiled at Bobby. “I’ll leave you to the nurses. They’ve been fighting over who gets to give you a sponge bath.”



Bobby’s face flushed crimson.



“Well,” one of the nurses said. “At least we know you’ve got enough blood in you to blush.”



“Don’t worry, Mr. Goren,” another nurse said. “We give very quick, very efficient, and very modest sponge baths.”



They were true to her words. Several minutes later, Bobby felt considerably cleaner—the nurses even managed to wash his hair and give him a shave—and his virtue was intact.



“Thank you,” he said shyly to a nurse who remained to collect sponges and bottles. “I…I feel much better…”



“Quite all right,” the young woman said cheerfully. “It’s part of what we do…Besides, we want you to have the treatment worthy of a hero. Now that you’re feeling better, you’ll be able to welcome all those people who want to visit you.”



Bobby frowned. “Visitors?”



The nurse nodded. “The Chief of Detectives, isn’t it, who’s your Boss? He’s tried several times to see you. I understand the father of the boy you saved is some kind of celebrity. The Chief of Police has called. And there’ve been rumors the Mayor might come…”



“I…I…” Bobby stared at his hands. “I was just doing my job…”



The nurse carefully adjusted the covers around Bobby. She’d rarely seen a patient’s mood darken so quickly. “Are you ok? Can I get you something?”



“I…I’m fine,” Bobby answered. “Just…tired.” In truth, he could rarely remember feeling so exhausted, and pain lingered in every corner of his body.



The nurse decided not to press. “That’s understandable. You’re going to be a little weak for a while. Let’s try to get something inside you. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?”



Bobby fiddled with the sheet. “Anything is ok. I…I’m not hungry.”



“Can we come in?” Alex appeared at the door; Olivia was behind her.



“Of course,” the nurse said.



Bobby ate very little, in spite of encouragement from the nurses and Alex and Olivia. He added bricks to the walls around him before their eyes. Cragen arrived just as Bobby’s chocolate ice cream melted into cold soup.



“Good to see you awake, Goren,” he said warmly. “Ross asked me to send his regards.”



Bobby slowly turned his spoon in the chocolate goop. “Uh…thank you, sir.”



“The Chief of Detectives also sends his regards.” Cragen glanced at Olivia and Alex, sensing that they were as puzzled and troubled by Bobby’s dark mood as he was. “But you should get those from him personally soon.”



Bobby’s head shot up; Cragen couldn’t see his face, but Alex and Olivia saw the fear and guilt in Bobby’s eyes before he returned his attention to his bowl.



“The Chief is coming?” Bobby asked, struggling to control his voice.



“Yes,” Cragen said. “He hopes to come this afternoon. Of course, I could let him know you’re in no shape to see him…”



Bobby considered grabbing the life preserver Cragen threw him. “No,” he said softly and flatly. “Might as well get it over with…”



“It sounds,” Cragen said. “That you like meeting with the Chief of Detectives as much as I do.”



Bobby smiled weakly. “Fortunately, I don’t have to deal with him as often.”



The Chief of Detectives’ potential visit shadowed the day. Bobby’s defenses were up and in full power, and Alex and Olivia couldn’t find any means of attacking them. After tempting him with offers of coffee from outside the hospital, trying to engage him in a debate over baseball (marked by the discovery that Alex was a Yankees fan and Olivia a Mets follower), and attempting to get him in a discussion of his possible release from the hospital, Alex and Olivia were finally able to generate some interest from Bobby when they suggested a reading of the days’ newspapers. “We’ll just hide any headlines or stories about the case,” Alex told Olivia as they headed to the gift shop to buy the papers.



Bobby knew what they were doing, of course. He noticed that they hid the front pages from him and skipped over certain sections when they read the papers. He suspected Olivia might have fooled him, but he knew Alex too long and too well. “So,” he thought. “It’s bad…I screwed up somehow…Everyone keeps telling me I’m some kind of hero…but I know that’s not true…”



“Bobby,” Alex said gently. “Did you hear any of what I just read to you?”



“Uh…sorry…” Bobby blinked. “I…I may be a little tired…”



Alex and Olivia shared a quick look, one that Bobby noted with a stab of guilt.



“It’s ok,” Olivia said. “You haven’t been this awake for this long for a while. We’ll let you get some rest before the invasion.” She stood, dropping several newspaper sections in her chair, and tenderly touched Bobby on the shoulder.



Alex, dropping an equal amount of newsprint on her chair, followed Olivia. “Don’t worry, Bobby…We’ll be back…You won’t have to face the Chief and his entourage alone.”



Bobby fell back on his pillows with a deep sigh as Alex and Olivia walked away. He winced as his body protested the move. “It’s so hard,” he thought. “I feel like I’m telling them lies…I have to tell them…I have to…” He stared at the newspapers; they called to him. Moving cautiously and slowly, he reached for them.



Olivia gratefully accepted the coffee Alex offered. “You know him better than I do, Alex…Is he hiding something?”



Alex stirred sugar into her cup. “He’s always on guard, but it’s been worse since Brady…and this case.” She shook her head. “He hates attention…I don’t believe he’s gotten much good attention in his life, and he doesn’t know how to handle it.”



Olivia nodded. “Do you think he’s in pain?”



Alex sighed. “If Bobby shows pain, he’s in a LOT of pain…I can tell you he’s not comfortable right now.”



“The Chief’s visit will be hell for him.” It was a statement, not a question.



“I don’t know anyone who enjoys being visited by the Chief,” Alex said.



“Well, let’s see if we can help him get ready,” Olivia said.



They walked back to Bobby’s room. Alex opened the door and stopped so suddenly Olivia nearly slammed into her. They stared at Bobby’s bed. Aside from the crumpled newspapers and a few red spots on the sheets, it was empty.



END CHAPTER 13