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Be A Man	By : cowgirl65 Category: 1 through F > The Big Valley Views: 3052 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I in no way own The Big Valley. I make no money from writing this, just the personal satisfaction of (hopefully!) entertaining those who love the show as much as I do.

Chapter List
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Heath rode away from the mansion, mulling over the words spoken to him by his father’s wife.
Any son of my husband has a right to be proud. Live as he would live, fight as he would fight, and no one… no one can deny you his birthright.
He’d told his brothers that he wanted that birthright, and now it was seemingly being offered to him, he just had to decide if he was going to take it. He already knew Audra and Mrs. Barkley accepted him and from what he’d seen of his brothers, knew they were men he could respect. It wouldn’t be easy to be accepted as a Barkley along with Tom’s right-born sons, but then again, when had anything in his life ever been easy?
Then he saw the man in the distance, walking along the trail with the sorrel gelding following behind. He nudged his black cowpony into a fast walk and soon caught up.
“Where you heading?”
The blue eyes of his brother looked up at him and Heath saw him try to conceal the flash of anguish. It seemed it wasn’t easy to be an acknowledged son of Tom Barkley, either. “Nowhere in particular. You?”
“Nowhere in particular,” Heath answered back. He travelled silently alongside the man with whom he shared so many secrets for a few minutes and then Heath brought his horse to a stop. It never occurred to him to use what he knew of the lawyer to further his claim to part the Barkley fortune as he slid off the Modoc’s back to stand in front of Jarrod. He just knew this man he now knew as his brother was hurting and wanted to alleviate some of that hurt in the only way he knew how. “What do you need, Jarrod?” he asked. “Just tell me and I’ll give it to you.”
Heath saw Jarrod close his eyes tight and shake his head. He did know what it was that Jarrod needed and was afraid to ask for, even though he didn’t speak. “Come with me,” he told his brother and grabbed him by the arm to steer him into the trees at the side of the trail. He dropped the reins of both horses, ground-tying them before turning back to Jarrod. “Strip,” he ordered.
Jarrod hesitated before he obeyed and unbuttoned his shirt and pants with shaky fingers as Heath watched. He removed his boots to take off his pants the rest of the way and then stood in front of Heath, naked and vulnerable. Heath could see him trembling. “Wrap your arms around that tree.”
Jarrod did as he was told. Heath felt his member twitch when he saw Jarrod’s smooth, well-muscled backside presented to him, but he wasn’t about to do that with his brother, even though he’d slaked his own needs in that hot, tight ass more than once at the house in San Francisco without knowing who the dark-haired man was. He walked up behind Jarrod and felt the tension as he ran his hands across Jarrod’s broad shoulders. “If you need me to stop, just say so,” he whispered in Jarrod’s ear and caught the small nod.
Backing up a few steps, Heath unfastened his belt and pulled it free of his pants. He coiled it in his hand before striking it out to lick across Jarrod’s bare skin. He saw Jarrod flinch as the leather struck him between the shoulders, but the other man didn’t make a sound. Heath made the leather fly again and felt the familiar rush as it lashed out. It wasn’t about sex, or pain, or even the heady feeling of power, it was about the willingness of another person to let him do this, the trust that he would take care of every need. Heath felt humbled that Jarrod would put himself so utterly in his hands as the beating continued until Jarrod’s back, buttocks and thighs were criss-crossed with red welts. He was careful not to draw blood; Jarrod didn’t need that with the conflict that was sure to come with the morning.
At long last, he dropped the belt. Jarrod must have sensed it was done, because he slowly sank to his knees, even though he kept his chest against the tree. Heath knelt down beside him and pulled him close, offering his own body as support instead. He saw Jarrod’s cheeks were wet with tears and wrapped his arms around him. “Let it out, big brother,” he murmured. “I ain’t gonna let you go.”
Jarrod shook with great heaving sobs as he released the grief he’d been afraid to let out. He felt the warmth of Heath’s strong arms around him and knew a comfort in their strength that had been missing from his life for so long. Heath didn’t despise him, didn’t hate him for his secret shame. For the first time in a long while, Jarrod felt acceptance for what he was. He knew his family loved him, but feared they’d turn away if they ever found out his twisted desires. Heath hadn’t turned away, he was offering of himself even though they were virtual strangers in spite of what they’d shared and the tears Jarrod released onto Heath’s shoulder washed away some of the guilt to leave him with a small feeling of peace.
When the tears finally abated, Jarrod didn’t try to push away and Heath made no move to let him go.
“Why, Heath?” he asked softly.
Heath wasn’t really sure what Jarrod was asking, so decided to answer by letting his brother see a part of himself he didn’t often reveal. “I was in Carterson at the end of the war,” he began and felt Jarrod tense at the name of the notorious Confederate prison. “It was hell, but some of the men, they managed to find a little bit of peace in each other. Some of them just tried to use others as a means to feel more in control.” He smiled wryly at the memory. “One of them tried to use me, but I decided to turn the tables on him. Surprised both of us when we found out he preferred to be overpowered and I’d rather be the one in command.” He stroked the back of Jarrod’s neck. “Ain’t no shame in needing someone to take care of you from time to time, Jarrod, ‘specially since I reckon you’re usually the one who has to take care of everyone else, being the oldest and all.”
“Thanks, Heath,” Jarrod said softly. “I killed him, you know,” he said after a moment. “Our father. If I would have been paying attention to what the railroad was doing, I might have been able to stop it without a fight. Or if I’d been home, maybe I could have saved him, or at least died in his place.” The last words came out in a choked sob.
Heath tightened his grip. “And what about men who were killed in the war ‘cause my bullet missed and the enemy got off another shot?” he asked back. “Jarrod, we ain’t responsible for what others do. We’re only responsible to God and our own consciences. Sometimes, I ain’t even sure about the God part.” He continued to hold Jarrod close. “From all I’ve heard, you’re a good man, Jarrod, and one I’m proud to call my brother.”
“There’s a lot about me you don’t know,” was whispered, almost inaudibly.
“It don’t matter,” Heath said firmly and Jarrod let it rest.
They finally pulled apart by unspoken agreement and Heath helped Jarrod get dressed.
“I’m sorry for what happened tonight,” Jarrod told him as he tucked in his shirt. “I knew my father well enough that finding out he’d sired another son shouldn’t have been a surprise.” He caught Heath’s eyes with his. “I was wrong to try and buy you off.”
Heath gave him a lopsided smile. “Reckon my attitude didn’t help none.”
“You’re welcome to come back to the house,” Jarrod invited. “Don’t know what we’ll do about Nick and I don’t know how I’ll tell Mother, but…”
“Your mother already knows,” Heath broke in softly. “But I reckon I’m gonna head back to town. Got a few things to think over.”
Jarrod nodded and let Heath help him sit gingerly on his horse’s back. “If you ever need anything, I want you to know that you can always ask.”
Heath vaulted into his saddle. “Goes both ways, big brother,” he said with a grin before wheeling his horse around and galloping off to town, leaving Jarrod to make his own way back to the ranch.
- 12
- 13
- 14
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Be A Man