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The Answer	By : TippyMidget Category: G through L > Lost Views: 1512 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own or seek to profit from LOST or any of its characters. LOST and its characters belong to ABC, Cuse, Lindelof, etc.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
Marian cuddled her little white kitten close to her chest, careful not to get clawed.

“Angus,” she cooed, petting his little head, though she knew he couldn't hear him. The veterinarian had told Marian that the adopted kitten was a “deaf white cat.” Deafness, it seemed, was a relatively common trait in white-haired, blue-eyed cats. That was precisely what Jacob had given her – a deaf white cat. Marian had wondered briefly if Jacob had known that he was sending her a “disabled” kitten, but then she figured he must have, and that it was some sort of homage to her own previous impairment of hearing.

Now that she'd had the cat for two weeks, she finally knew what Jacob was trying to show her. This kitten was flawed – perhaps to the point that others would have ignored him at the shelter. However, he was a perfectly adequate pet: cuddly, playful, and well-behaved. He compensated for his deafness by constantly darting his eyes around him and using his acute vision to take in the world. Marian knew Jacob's message was that we are all flawed, some of us quite deeply flawed, yet we can all be productive and good-natured. Furthermore, despite our flaws, we each have a purpose. This cat's purpose was to comfort Marian in Jacob's extended absence, to take her mind off of the health issues surrounding her pregnancy, and to provide companionship for the child(ren) Marian was to birth. Now, Marian smiled gently to herself, knowing that she was in the midst of fulfilling her own purpose. She thought fondly again of Jacob. As the weeks had passed, she'd gone through stages of grief in missing him. For the first week or two that he was gone, it physically stung her to think of him. She cried alone in the shower. She wept in bed, petting the blankets on the side where he'd slept. As the days passed, though, she began to reconcile herself with his absence. Ilana was congenial enough, and she and Marian struck up a real, genuine friendship. Marian realized that she was not, in fact, lonely.

Now, in these last several weeks since he'd sent her the kitten, she had begun playing memories of him in her mind like short movies throughout her days. Finally, there were moments where she did not think of him, where she was completely focused on something else, but this cat was a reminder of Jacob. Sometimes, lying on the couch, she remembered nestling into him while they listened to music in her little yellow house.

That pulled at her heart... the Island. Knowing that Jacob was there, that Richard and Ben and her friends Vanessa and Adam were still there, made her feel pangs of jealousy and longing. She was now officially sick of the tepid, moist Portland weather and pined for the steamy sunshine of her beloved island. Sometimes, lying alone in bed, Marian would shut her eyes and imagine she was on Jacob's grass-filled mattress on the floor of the Statue of Taweret. In her mind, Jacob would come sit beside her and pet her hair and kiss her neck and whisper to her how much he loved her. In her dreams, she would please him, and he'd smile kindly at her and thank her... and promise her they'd be together forever.

But real life was not fantasy or dreams, and, most of the time, Marian lived in the realm of real life. She had finally begun to believe with certainty that Jacob was not coming back, and, little by little, she was growing to accept that fact.

“He will come back,” Ilana said in her thick accent, tossing popcorn into her mouth as she sat beside Marian on the couch.

Marian tossed a toy mouse for Angus, who went chasing after it. “When?” she asked Ilana.

“I don't know,” Ilana admitted honestly, offering popcorn to Marian.

“Well, what's the longest you've ever gone without seeing him?”

Ilana thought for a moment. “Almost two years,” she said finally, her voice glum. “Twenty-two months.”

“When was that?”

“When I was twenty, he came to see me while I was living in St. Petersburg. He was checking in on my training. I didn't see him again until my twenty-second birthday.” Ilana sighed.

Marian raised her eyebrows. “Then I doubt he'll rush back here after five weeks,” she smiled sadly.

“I think he'll be back sooner than you think. You're twenty weeks along now – five months! That's further than any of the other women made it, right? He'll want too see his babies born!”

“He's only interested in Reuben,” Marian said dourly, folding her arms.

“Well, look, just last week the doctor told you that both babies are boys. Either one could be called Reuben. You need another name for the other baby,” Ilana insisted.

“Simeon,” Marian answered instantly.

“The second son of Jacob,” Ilana nodded. “Well, that makes sense.”

Marian put her hands on her belly and sniffled. “I just hope Jacob loves them.”

Ilana's prediction of Jacob's impending arrival did not come true. Another three days passed, and Marian lay awake in her bed at three-thirty in the morning, tears streaming down her cheeks. The cycle of missing Jacob had come full circle and was repeating the stage where she missed him fiercely. Now, though, she missed other things, too. She hadn't seen Chicago since the summer before she left for the “internship,” and she longed to see the Sears Tower, the John Hancock Building, Navy Pier... she wanted to buy maternity clothes at 900 N. Michigan Avenue. She wanted to go to the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. But she couldn't – she'd promised Jacob she'd stay in Portland.

Well, hadn't he promised he would come back for her soon? It had been almost six weeks with no sign of him. He wasn't doing a very good job keeping his promise, Marian thought, so why should she keep her promise to him? Suddenly and impulsively making up her mind, Marian got out of bed and furiously started throwing clothes into a duffel bag. Maternity jeans, three pairs... two sundresses and her black evening dress... underwear and bras... seven or eight shirts... she zipped the bag up hurriedly, ignoring the rest of her clothes, and hustled into the bathroom. She frenziedly brushed her teeth and hair and scrubbed her face, hoping she was being quiet enough to not wake Ilana down the hall. She returned to the bedroom and got dressed in layers, because she didn't know what the weather would be like in Chicago.

She gathered up her fake driver's license, the one that said “Delia Morris” on it with a Vancouver, Washington address, and ensured that the credit card Jacob had left her was in her wallet. That, too, said “Delia Morris” as the card holder’s name, and Marian had fabricated a signature she could consistently sign for the back. She happened to know, though, that the bills for the credit card got routed somewhere else, because she never received one.

Grabbing the keys to Jacob's rented Jaguar, Marian snuck out the front door of the apartment. She wondered if she ought to leave Ilana a note asking her to take good care of Angus, but then she knew that Ilana would just follow her and force her, somehow, to come back. She had confidence that the cat would get fed and watered, his litter box would get scooped, and that he'd get lots of attention. Ilana liked him.

Marian drove to the Portland International Airport and parked her car in the long-term economy garage. She scrawled down the location of the car on a scrap of paper and stuck it in her wallet. She intended to be gone long enough to forget that her car was parked in section 8B, to the right of the elevator. There was a reason Marian was leaving now; she knew it was not only ill-advised but also sometimes prohibited by airlines for women to travel in their third trimester of pregnancy. She was now more than halfway through her second trimester. She had very little time, she thought, to accomplish what she wanted to do.

It was now four-thirty in the morning, as Marian strolled into the terminal and stepped up to the United Airlines ticketing counter.

“Good morning,” a woman with platinum blonde curls grinned, a little too enthusiastically for the time of day.

“Hi,” Marian said simply. “I need to get to Chicago O'Hare as soon as possible. When is the earliest flight with an available seat?”

Janice, as her name tag said, looked down at her computer screen and punched in some information on the keyboard.

“There's a six o'clock flight,” she said. “You're here just in time to make it through security and grab a little bite to eat before you head to the gate!” She grinned again.

Marian tried to return the smile, but it came out a bit like a grimace.

“Now, I just need some information for the ticketing,” the agent said, and Marian recited her false identification information, feeling her cheeks grow hot as she lied. She hoped the agent didn't notice. She seemed to think the driver's license was real, and she printed a boarding pass for a flight to Chicago with Marian assigned to an aisle seat. “The middle seat is still open, so maybe you'll have some extra room,” she said, smiling again.

Marian knew she meant well, that she was referencing Marian wanting as much space as possible being five months pregnant on a flight. As thin as Marian was naturally, it was now plainly obvious that she was pregnant. Still, Marian took a little offense, and couldn't help but make a bit of a face. She handed over the credit card Jacob had left her to pay for the ticket, feeling guilty that she was spending his money. However, she had none of her own to spend, so she really had no choice.

She made it through security without anyone second-guessing her identification. She ambled into a Hudson News on the other side of security to pick up some magazines for the trip and was amazed at what she saw. She had found out recently, through watching the news, that America had waged war in her absence, invading Iraq and successfully overthrowing dictator Saddam Hussein. However, the vehement opposition to the war outlined in the magazines over which she now pored was striking. Not since Vietnam had America seen anything like this, everyone seemed to agree. Marian realized quickly that she had come back from the Island, which was, despite its strangeness and problems with fertility, a relatively peaceful place, and had returned to a country in turmoil. She really, genuinely did not want to stay, she told herself. As soon as her children were born, she was going to demand to go back to the Island.

But how would she demand that? She had no way of reaching Jacob, much less Richard or Ben or even Tom Friendly. She suddenly had the epiphany that she was more stranded now than she'd ever been on an island in the middle of the sea.

Fighting back tears, Marian paid for several magazines and got some McDonald's breakfast. Eating the egg and cheese biscuit reminded her of the last time she'd seen Jacob, that morning when he'd left her. She had to be strong now, she told herself. He wasn't coming back, and she was on her own.

Ambling toward her gate for boarding, Marian thought about what she would do once she reached Chicago. She actually was not going to go to her parents' house. She did not want to see them; it would be too painful. She had reconciled herself with the loss of her family while on the Island, and opening up that wound again, only to pour salt in it by leaving (either for Portland or for the Island) seemed unwise and ill-advised. Her empty threat to Jacob, that she'd tell her parents everything about the Island and her new people and Jacob's idea to get her pregnant, was all poppycock, really. He had been right – her parents would never believe her. Unless she could produce evidence that she'd spent the last year kidnapped, her parents would think she had run away for some reason. That was just how they were... slightly suspicious of everything and everyone. It wasn't even worth seeing her cats again to deal with the fallout of a reunion.

So, in Chicago, she'd be avoiding her parents. In fact, she'd be avoiding everyone she knew. This couldn't be that hard, she told herself, in a city of several million people.

“Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, we will begin boarding Flight 1584 to Chicago O'Hare... anyone needing special assistance or extra time boarding, please approach the gate at this time. We will also board our Mileage Plus, Executive, and First Class guests. Thank you.”

Marian decided to take advantage of her pregnancy and ask to board early. The flight crew obliged. Marian reached her seat, number 8A, and realized it was a bulkhead seat. She chuckled to herself. The extra legroom would be a great bonus – if she were taller than five-foot-one. Nonetheless, she took her seat and watched as the plane began to fill.

Countless passengers of all varieties filled the aisle and seats. Elderly couples, young parents with small children, those who were clearly making a connection from Asia... Marian's heart raced as she watched the boarding. Why couldn't they board faster and get this plane off the ground? For some reason, she was terrified that among the sea of passengers' faces, she would suddenly see Ilana, come to fetch her back to the apartment.

The person she saw instead was quite unexpected indeed.

“Jacob,” Marian whispered quietly as he stepped through the open door of the plane. He didn't look at her, didn't even acknowledge that she was there. He stopped right in front of her and opened the overhead compartment, taking the duffel bag he was carrying and shoving it into the space. Finally, he looked down at Marian, his face grave.

“I'm the middle seat,” he said, raising his eyebrows. Marian suddenly felt a rush of guilt, compunction, and remorse, mixed with the swelling emotion in her chest at finally seeing his face again. In a way, she'd almost forgotten little details of what he looked like, but now, seeing him standing beside her in a brown corduroy jacket, burnt orange button-down, and khaki pants, it all rushed back to her and she wanted nothing more than to reach up, clutch his hand, and tell him she loved him.

But for some reason, he didn't seem to want that right now. He seemed angry, she thought. She knew why. She had promised not to leave Portland, and here she was, on a plane to Chicago, having not told Ilana where she was going. But how did he know she'd be on this plane, and how did he get from the Island to the airport in such a short amount of time.

Looking baffled by these questions, Marian tucked in her legs to allow Jacob room to pass by her to reach the seat that he had apparently purchased just after she'd been at the ticketing counter, when she'd been told this seat was empty.

Jacob sat down heavily and gave a polite nod to the balding, middle-aged man reading the newspaper in the window seat. He settled back in his seat.

“Would you like to get off the plane before they shut the door?” he asked quietly, tipping his head toward Marian.

She stared straight ahead, rather defiantly, and shook her head no.

Jacob sighed and looked away. “All right,” he said. “Then I will spend the entirety of this flight trying to convince you to stay at O'Hare and get on the next flight back to Portland.”

“That won't work,” Marian said determinedly. The last of the passengers finished boarding, and the flight attendants shut the door. Marian gave Jacob a deliberate look as the door shut, but he stared down at his hands, his face sad.

When he spoke, his voice was icier than she'd ever heard it. “You said you'd stay in Portland. You promised me, actually.”

“And you promised to come back!” Marian said, much more loudly than she intended. Several people around her, including the man to Jacob's right, turned their heads to look disapprovingly at her. “You said you'd come back to me,” she repeated glumly, much more quietly.

“Here I am,” he answered, still not looking at her.

“You're only here because I'm running away,” Marian insisted.

“And why are you running away, Marian?” he demanded, finally looking into her eyes. “From what are you running, exactly? To what are you running? Are you running away from me?”

Marian didn't answer. She didn't know what precisely had told her to get in the Jaguar and go to the airport, then buy a ticket and get on a plane, leaving her beloved kitten at home with Ilana.

“I guess I'm very good at abandonment,” she said quietly, feeling tears come to her eyes. She wanted him to stop berating her and just tell her he loved her. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to be back in the apartment with him. Why didn't she get off the plane when he asked her to do it? He would have taken her home and held her. Instead, he was irate and hurt.

She reached for his hand, taking it in her own, and he gave her a puzzled look.

“I think this was a cry for help,” Jacob told her seriously, not squeezing her hand back when she prompted him to do so.

“What?”

“I think you thought if you ran away to Chicago, you'd get me to come back. Apparently, you were right,” he said rather bitterly.

Marian was silent. Was that what she had intended? Perhaps it was. Maybe she just couldn't stay in Portland any longer without him. Did she really miss Chicago as much as she was telling herself she did, or did she just need a change of scenery? Was she going to go to her parents, after all? Unable to read herself, Marian let tears run down her cheeks.

“I was going to come very soon anyway,” Jacob said, his voice abruptly more kind and soft. “I needed to see how you were doing – how Reuben and the other baby -”

“Simeon.”

“Okay... how Reuben and Simeon were doing. Do you like your kitten? Please don't cry, sweetheart. I haven't seen you in ages; I wanted to have a happy reunion.” He brushed tears off her face and out of her eyes and leaned over to kiss her gently on the cheek.

“I love you. I'm so sorry,” Marian sniffed.

“I love you, too,” Jacob said simply.

“So now what?” Marian asked.

“Well, I was really hoping you would get off the plane when I asked you to,” Jacob said.

“I know,” Marian interrupted.

“- Because this flight,” Jacob finished, giving her a careful look, “Is not going to go too smoothly for anybody.”
- 12
- 13
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The Answer