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Infatuation	By : Ridgley-Warfield Category: M through R > MASH > MASH Views: 2024 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own MASH or the characters. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Title: Infatuation
Characters: Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce/ Father John Patrick "Dago Red" Mulcahy
Rating: M for Sexual Content/Language
Summary: There's a difference between seeing someone and noticing them.
Author's Note: Based on the characters from the movie. This is Hawkeye's POV. Please ignore any typos. I don't always catch them all. I apologize for the fast pace of this chapter, but there was a lot of ground to cover. Thanks for reading.
**Additional Note:** Much of the storyline of this chapter follows along with that of M*A*S*H Goes to Maine, written by Richard Hooker (1972). Some alterations have been made. Much of the dialog between Hawkeye and several characters has been directly quoted. No copyright infringement intended.

Dago's kiss rapidly spiraled us downward into a session of deep, heavy petting. There was something intrinsically naughty about having his hand down the front of my pants, fingers curled around my cock stroking me only moments after he'd just been wearing all the ornate garments of his office. Even naughtier was the fact that I wished I could have fucked him while he'd still be wearing all of that.
We furiously masturbated one another, almost as if it was a race to see who could make the other finish first. Our tongues were vying for dominance, lips fused together. He moaned softly into my mouth, breathing heavily through his nose. I knew he was close but fighting it. My cock jerked in response, reminding me just how much it turned me on to seduce him, to make him cum.
His lips broke away from mine as he threw his head back, drawing in a hiss of breath, his fingers tightening further around my cock. He hoarsely cried out "Hawkeye!" and then he was cumming into my hand.
As he came, he lost a little bit of rhythm and grip on my cock, but it didn't hinder me from cumming seconds later myself, pulling him back into a breathless kiss as I spilled myself between his fingers. Our hands slowly stilled on each other's throbbing cocks and I broke the kiss to rest my forehead against his as we both stood there, panting for air.
"Christ, that felt good," I murmured.
"Very good," he agreed, nodding softly as he extracted his hand from my pants and found a towel. I wiped my own hand off before I seized him up in my arms again and kissed him. He grinned at me as we let each other go and grabbed his cigarettes, offering one to me before lighting us up.
"We better get back to the mess tent," I told him, exhaling a breath of smoke. "They'll be wondering where the fuck I am."
He nodded and held the door to his tent open for me before we crossed back to the mess tent, standing outside just long enough to finish our cigarettes. We could hear that the party was already in full swing—the nurses were singing Christmas carols loudly and there was quite a bit of laughter filtering out into the cold night. We finished our cigarettes and headed inside.
"Damn, man, where the hell you been?" Duke asked me as we found him in the crowded tent.
"He's a got a fucking ritual for everything," I said, pointing at Dago. "Blame him."
Dago gave me a stern look, but couldn't keep the smirk off his face as he shook his head and rolled his eyes.
"Well, here," Duke said, pressing a glass of eggnog into each of our hands. "Our guest should be along soon."
"Guest?" Dago asked.
"He's a good friend of yours, Red. Said he'd be stopping by." Duke grinned.
I watched Dago's brow wrinkle in total confusion and he looked to me for clarification, but I didn't say anything, mostly because I knew he'd probably be pissed at us for it and I didn't want him angry at me just yet. We mingled for a while, chatting with Painless and the others, but I could see Dago stifling yawns every few minutes.
I looked around for Duke, but didn't see him until the doors opened and in a grand voice he called out, "Presenting your Lord and Master, Trapper John 'Jesus Christ' McIntyre."
Trapper, who over the course of the last couple of months had been letting his hair and beard grow long in an attempt to annoy Henry, walked in dressed in nothing but a white bed sheet fashioned like a toga. One of the inadvertent side effects of his rebellion was the fact that Trapper now bore an uncanny resemblance to Jesus Christ.
There were some laughs of disbelief, some gasps, as people looked at Dago to see how they should react. Even I was turning to look at him, though afraid to see the expression on his face. He was looking at Trapper with an oddly unreadable expression on his face. Trapper spotted him and the sea of people in the tent parted, making an aisle as Trapper walked up to Dago and drew a cross in the air in a very Jesus-like manner.
"Peace be with you, Father."
Dago's lips finally curled up just slightly as his eyebrows raised and he chortled in amusement. "Now I really have seen it all. You boys are unbelievable."
"You're not mad?" I asked in disbelief, having been so certain he would have been livid with us.
"I probably should be," he said laughing as he shook his head looking over Trapper. "But no, I'm not. I think, sadly enough, I've become desensitized to your gags."
"We should get a picture of all of us with Jesus," Duke said. "Anyone got a camera?"
"I've got one," Radar's voice came from somewhere nearby.
Several people gathered around Trapper, and I pulled Dago in next to me, draping my arm around his shoulders. A couple of group shots were taken, some serious and some playful, then Radar asked to get a few pictures of different people—Me, Trapper and Duke; Painless and his poker buddies; some of the nurses; one of him and Coronel Blake that he asked me to take for him; and one of all of the Swamp rats, including Dago. I caught Dago stifling yawns again, and knew he'd soon be making his leave.
"Hey, Radar, would you mind to get a picture of just me and Dago Red?" I asked him quietly, taking off my glasses and putting them in my shirt pocket.
"Oh, yeah, sure Hawkeye."
I pulled Dago away from the others, and stuck my arm around his shoulders once again. Dago put his arm around my lower back and we both smiled for the camera as Radar took the picture.
"Make us some copies of all the pictures, won't you, Radar?"
"Of course, sir."
"I think I should turn in," Dago said with another yawn.
As much as I wanted to walk him home and kiss him goodnight, I knew the others would be looking for me sooner rather than later, so I merely nodded and ruffled his hair. "I'm glad you're not mad about the Trapper/Jesus bit."
"I think I've come to expect it from you boys now." He half laughed. "Though it makes me wonder if Shaking Sammy was right."
"Right about what?"
"That you're all going to Hell," he said with a smirk.
I laughed and ruffled his hair again. "Get outta here, Losing Preacher."
He laughed, swatting my hand away from his head. "Good night, Hawkeye."
"Hey, Dago…" I called as he started to walk away. He stopped and looked at me over his shoulder. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, Hawkeye."
The New Year was rung in with a bang as the Christmas truce was broken—just as it always was—in the middle of Christmas day. The wounded rotated in and out of the camp for the next week, and we all found ourselves singing Auld Lang Syne in the OR as we worked straight through midnight and well into the morning of January 1st.
It was hard to believe that it was January 1953. I hadn't seen Mary or the boys since 1951 when they'd shipped my ass over here. I'd missed an entire year and some months of their lives. God, I hated the army…
It was also hard to believe that in exactly 40 days, my 18 month sentence would be over and I'd be going home while Dago stayed here. I wanted to spend every waking—and sleeping—moment with him, but my and Duke's replacements were scheduled to arrive any day now and Henry wanted us to spend the next few weeks getting them trained, which meant time with Dago would be extremely limited.
I noticed Dago's smoking habits increasing as we rolled through the first couple of weeks of January, and I knew his anxiety level was probably through the roof. We spent less time talking and more time fucking the nights I was able to make it over to his tent. Being shadowed by my replacement was really becoming a hindrance as I found him following me to the latrine half the time, and most of my free time was teaching him how to be a meatball surgeon. I really hated Henry for saddling me with that shit.
By the end of the month, Dago was visibly depressed. I noticed he was barely eating, looked like he was barely sleeping, and he was practically chain smoking. Though I was supposed to be going over S.O.P. (Standard Operating Procedures) for being in charge of a shift with my replacement, I pawned him off on Duke instead and went to talk to Dago.
"You've got to pull it together, Dago. You're a train wreck." I said as we sat outside his tent. January's weather wasn't much finer than December's, but at least it didn't rain or snow every day. Today was just mildly overcast and cold.
"I know," he said glumly. "I'm trying, Hawkeye. I really am."
"Look, you've got less than a year left with the army, baby. You can do it. Maybe…I dunno…maybe if you're back in the states by Christmas, you could come spend the holidays with me and Mary and the kids. I mean, December's a lot closer than next summer, right?"
"Yeah…" he sighed. "I don't want to impose, though, Hawkeye. Especially when you haven't talked to your wife about it and…well…it would just be a little awkward."
"I'm sure by then I'll have talked to her and I'll write you with whatever happens, okay? That way you'll know how she feels about this."
"What if you tell her and she tells you she'll leave if you ever speak to me again?" He asked looking up at me seriously. "How would I ever know?"
"Even though I don't see that happening, I will find a way to tell you. I won't just disappear without warning, Dago. I promise."
He sighed again, rubbing his temples. "Why am I so pathetic?"
"You're not pathetic," I told him softly. "This is hard for me, too; trust me. If I could pack Korea up and take it with me just so I'd have you, I would. But, baby, I know what it's like to be away from someone you love. I've spent the last 18 months away from my wife and kids. Granted, I've had you for part of that time, but you know what I mean. It's hard, but it's not impossible."
"I know…" he said, sighing for the third time.
Seeing him so distraught was making it harder to get excited about going home to Mary. I already didn't want to leave him, but I didn't anticipate it would be as hard as it was on him. I figured he'd miss me, but he'd be able to do his God work without being distracted by me. I hoped that once I was gone and my departure wasn't looming over our heads anymore, it would be better for him. Anticipation always seemed to worsen anxiety.
The final 72 hour countdown began, but life progressed as normally as it could around us. Duke and I had pretty much been relieved of our duties as our replacements worked on getting their feet wet and we didn't do much of anything unless there were just an exorbitant amount of wounded in the compound. I was in the mess tent one afternoon writing a letter to Dago that I intended to give him the day I left. Everyone else was in the or, except Duke who was busy packing so he'd be ready the minute we were officially discharged.
"Hawkeye?" Radar's voice sounded to my right and I looked over to see him holding an envelope.
"What's up, babe?"
"I finally got those pictures from the Christmas party back. Just in time too, since you'll be leaving and all." He handed me the envelope, then gave me a nervous, but knowing look as he lowered his voice. "There's two copies of the pictures with you and Father Mulcahy…you know…in case you want to give him one."
I looked at Radar quizzically for a long moment. "You know, don't you?"
"Sir?" he asked, trying to sound like he didn't know what I was talking about.
I laughed softly and shook my head. "It's okay, Radar… how long have you known?"
He looked shy and uncomfortable, scratching his head through his skull cap. "Since August. Oh, but don't worry, Hawkeye, I haven't told anyone—an-and I won't, neither. Honest!"
"At ease, soldier," I teased, still laughing. "It's probably best that you don't let on that you know, Radar…unless you think it might help him."
He nodded. "We'll miss you around here, Hawkeye."
"Well, hopefully I've taught Jameson a thing or two and he'll be able to give me a run for my money."
The night before our departure was filled with much celebration and just as much consternation. There was a party in the mess tent, in which Duke and I were presented with parting gifts from most of the personnel. Some were cheesy and meant to be a gag, some were thoughtful. Dago's was the one that meant the most to me. First, he placed his hands on the crown of mine and Duke's head and prayed over us in Latin, translating it into English as well so we knew what he had said.
"Angele Dei, qui custos es mei, me tibi commissum pietate superna; Hodie illumine, custodi, rege, et guberna….Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom his love commits me here; Ever this day be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide. Amen."
Dago then presented Duke with a purple and white ribbon-like item that I recognized as one of the stoles he often wore in the OR. "Duke, even though we are of differing branches of Christianity, we believe in the same God. During a time of need, when I was unable to perform my sacred duties, you volunteered yourself to take up my yoke and minister to the camp, reminding us all of the miracles of Christ by turning water to wine. Please take this stole, which is a symbol of the clerical office, immortality and the burden of Christ. Let it serve as a reminder that while your time here may have been a burden to you and your loved ones, you helped saved the lives of many."
Duke looked as though he might actually cry as Dago kissed the cross at the nape of the stole before placing it around Duke's neck, letting it hang down the front of his chest.
Dago sighed when he stood in front of me and pulled out an item wrapped in a handkerchief from his pocket. As he spoke, he unfolded the handkerchief. "The Tibetan Buddhists have a symbol called the Dpal be'u, the eternal knot, which represents the interweaving of the spiritual path, the flow of time, and progression into eternity. It's said to represent eternal love and friendship, the endless cycle of birth, death and rebirth, the intertwining of wisdom and compassion, and the wisdom of the Buddha. It has no beginning and no end and serves as a symbol of lasting happiness and joy. This bracelet was given to me by a Buddhist monk when I served as a missionary in Tibet. I watched as he carved the symbol by hand into the bone of a yak and fashioned it onto a string with wooden beads. I give it now to you as a representation of the friendship that we have forged. May it be a symbol of the compassion you have for the life and suffering of others. May it remind you always of the lives you have touched and connected with while you were here in Korea. And may it bring you everlasting happiness."
I watched him pick up my hand as he slipped the circlet of wood, string and bone around my wrist, pulling the ends of the slip knot taut so that it was secure.
"Damn Dago…" Duke said softly beside us, his voice thick with emotion. I was glad I wasn't the only one feeling emotional. I looked up into Dago's eyes, seeing them shimmering slightly. He gave me a very soft smile, then looked at both me and Duke.
"May God bless you both and keep you safe."
As his was the last gift presented, the mood in the tent had suddenly turned very emotional and several of the nurses were wiping their eyes on their handkerchiefs, even several of my fellow swamp rats looked touched by Dago's words and offerings. I knew I had to change the tone of the party before we all spent the rest of the night sobbing.
I cleared my throat and stood up, putting my arm around Dago's shoulders. "Leave it to Dago Red to bring us all to tears…usually it's from the dullness of his sermons." I teased.
Everyone laughed and even Dago smiled.
"I want to thank you all for your gifts and kind words. Though I won't be sad to leave this God awful place or this God awful war, I am sad to be leaving behind the friends I have made. However, I don't leave until tomorrow, so let's spend the next few hours eating, drinking, and forgetting all about this damn war."
"Amen." Duke said, standing up and also draping his arm around Dago. "Sorry to steal your thunder there, Red. Must be the gift."
Dago laughed. "That's quite alright, I couldn't have said it better myself."
By 2 am most of the camp was well beyond the threshold of drunk and had gone straight into plastered. I had been nursing my drinks but feigning drunkenness, and noticed Dago hadn't drank at all. When I felt it was safe and most people were too drunk to notice, I wrapped my arm around his neck, drawing him close.
"Let's get out of here," I murmured against his ear. He nodded and we slipped out the door and straight over to his tent. Still feigning drunkenness, I kept my arm around him and leaned heavily on him. His arm was around my waist, helping to support me until we were safely inside his tent with the door latched. I pulled him to me and kissed him deeply, knowing this would be our last time together for the next year at the very least.
We frantically pulled at each other's clothes and didn't bother setting up the mattresses on the floor. I pushed him down on the cot, laying over him. There were tears in his eyes as I entered him, and I realized that my own face was wet as well.
There was so much to say…so much still to do. So much time that felt completely wasted that I could have been with him. I knew in the scheme of things that a year was nothing compared to having to say goodbye all together, but after tonight, Dago would have to come second to my wife. I think he knew that, and while he may have accepted it and understood it, I was sure it probably broke his heart…which ultimately broke mine. How was it possible to love two different people equally? How could you be married to one and not the other? How did you choose who came first and who came second? It wasn't fair; to him, to me, or to Mary.
We came together, clinging to one another as our small world shattered around us, leaving us in the cold, naked truth of reality: In less than 8 hours, I would leave this camp and never return. Dago was sobbing against my shoulder, his grip so tight on me it hurt. "Don't leave."
The words felt like a knife through my heart. I had completely broken him. As many times as he'd told me that we had no choice in the matter, that my leaving was necessary, that we would just keeping moving forward in life, looking to our next meeting, I hadn't realized just how much he'd been trying to convince himself as he was me. I couldn't bring myself to remind him of those things in that moment, so I simply held him as tight as I could and let him cry.
After a long while, Dago finally cried himself out and we simply remained holding one another. I could feel the catch of his diaphragm every time he took a breath, making him almost hiccup as he tried to breath normally. I propped myself up on my elbow beside him, looking down at him as I wiped his wet face and smoothed back his hair. His eyes were horribly red, his cheeks puffy and splotched. I leaned down and kissed his slightly chapped lips.
I wasn't about to ask if he was okay. I knew he wasn't.
"I'm sorry," he said hoarsely after I pulled back from the kiss.
"Don't be," I murmured. "I just wish I knew what to say."
"I'm not sure there is anything you can say, Hawkeye. I know you have to go, but I don't want you to."
"I know, baby." I rested my forehead on his and sighed deeply. "I feel the same way."
"I don't mean to make this harder on you than it has to be," he said softly, "but I feel like I'm losing my best friend on top of everything else we've shared."
"You're not losing me, Dago. I swear. I know it's going to be hard not seeing each other every day, but my leaving here doesn't mean I'm leaving you. Okay?"
He sniffed and nodded and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he absentmindedly fiddled with the beads of the bracelet around my wrist.
"Hey…" I waited until his eyes were meeting mine. "I love you."
He pulled me down into a tender kiss. "I love you, too, Ben."
I stayed with Dago as long as I could that night, wishing I could have stayed with him until it was time for me to go altogether, but knowing there was still someone else I needed to spend time with before my departure. He watched me sadly as I dressed, laying curled up on his side in his cot, not attempting to move.
"You better not leave without saying goodbye to me." He said seriously.
"Don't worry, baby…" I leaned down and kissed him, pulling the blanket up over him. "Nothing could stop me from leaving without saying goodbye to you first. Try and get some sleep, okay?"
"Yeah…okay." He said softly, both of us knowing he wouldn't.
I kissed him once again, lovingly and lingering just in case I didn't get the chance again, then forced myself to leave, returning to the swamp.
Trapper was sitting in his bunk moodily, but no one else was in the tent. He didn't look up as I entered, but he held out a can of beer to me. I took it and sat on my bunk to drink with him.
"Those new guys replacing you and Duke aren't gonna make it." Trapper said after a minute. "They're still too green. Take too much time in the OR."
"They'll be okay." I reassured. "We were all green when we got there. Just think…could be worse. Could be Frank Burns."
"Don't jinx me, Hawk." He said, gazing up at me.
"Listen, when you get back to Boston, call me up. I'll need a good caddie."
Trapper laughed softly. "If you're lucky I'll come visit."
"The door will always be open."
"I'm gonna miss ya, Hawkeye." He said seriously. "You've really made this less like Hell."
"Yeah…me too…" Even though I didn't care for Trapper the same way I cared for Dago, I still felt emotional about leaving him as well, and I looked down at the floor to hide the wetness in my eyes.
Morning came and we went to breakfast as usual. Dago looked marginally better than he had the night before and I figured he must have managed to fall asleep after I left. Most of the guys were asking me and Duke what we planned to do first, and the answer was a tossup between having a real drink and screwing our wives. After breakfast, Duke and I went to make sure we were packed before Radar and a few corpsmen carried our stuff out to a jeep waiting in the compound, then we went to Colonel Blake's office to retrieve our traveling orders and discharge papers and say our farewells to Henry.
"Pierce, Forrest…I'd like to say it's been a pleasure working with you two, but you boys have been a real thorn in my side since the moment you rolled into this camp. I can only hope your replacements will prove to be as good of surgeons as you've been. Having said that…it was still an honor to serve with you and I wish you all the best back home."
Duke and I shook Henry's hand, then stepped back and gave our commanding officer a real, bona fide military salute. Henry half saluted us and half threw his hand up in exasperation. "Oh just get outta here, will ya?"
Everyone was gathered around the compound, shaking our hands or giving us hugs and kisses as we made our way to the jeep. The swamp rats were the closest to the jeep and Dago was standing before the jeep, hand in the air, obviously praying over it for our safety. I smiled softly as we approached. We shook hands with Painless, Bandini, Ugly John, and the others and Duke reached up and high fived Dago as he was still praying. Dago laughed in the middle of his prayer, but quickly finished so that he could bid us farewell. He shook Duke's hand first.
"God bless you, Duke."
"Take care, Dago Redo."
Dago turned to me and I saw his breath hitch in his chest as he tried to smile. He held out his hand towards me, resigned to simply giving me a handshake in front of the entire camp, but I grabbed his hand and pulled him into a fierce hug. I could hear him laughing softly on the verge of tears. "Goodbye, Hawkeye."
I squeezed him tightly then pulled back and took an envelope from my pocket, handing it over to him. "My address and telephone number are written at the bottom. I'll write as soon as I can."
"God speed, Hawkeye." I could hear the unspoken words of love in his tone and I grabbed his face and pulled his head down to kiss his forehead before I released him and got behind the wheel of the jeep.
"So long, Korea!" I hollered as I cranked on the jeep and threw it into gear. We hauled ass out of the camp and I found myself saying aloud, "Don't look back."
The journey home was long and arduous. We first traveled by jeep to the Kempo airport, hopped the next plane to Tokyo, and then got stuck waiting for the next boat that would take us across the Pacific Ocean to Port Hueneme, California. From there, Duke and I would say our goodbyes and he would catch a plane to Georgia while I would catch one to Maine.
It took us a week just to get to the boat itself, we spent our time in the Officer's Clubs at the bases we stayed at, drinking until we couldn't stand up anymore and had to stumble our way back to the barracks. The bunks in the barracks had real mattresses, which we both found to be a luxury, but neither of us could manage to sleep well in after spending 2 years in a hard cot with a mattress that was flatter than a pancake. Duke ended up pulling his mattress to the floor and sleeping there.
My every thought was divided between Dago and Mary. I felt like I was tethered to both of them and being torn in half, as part of my heart had stayed with Dago and the other part was anxious to get home to Mary. I wondered how Dago was doing without me, but I knew he would be okay.
Three weeks on a boat felt like another life sentence, and Duke and I assumed false names to avoid getting volunteered for giving exams to the returning soldiers. The army was very aware of the problem of venereal disease and other STDs and every solider going home had to submit to an exam to get checked out to make sure they weren't infected. There was no way in hell I was going to spend three weeks looking at a hundred cocks.
Duke and I were standing at the bow of the boat with our duffle bags, smoking the last of our cigarettes as we watched the shores of home looming closer and closer. It was overwhelming to see land and know that it belonged to us. We were nearly there…
Getting through the line to get off the boat took about 2 hours, but then we were being bused to the airport.
"I can't believe we're almost there, Hawk." Duke said as we sat near the back of the bus.
"I know. I feel like this is all a horrible dream and I'm going to wake up any minute in my cot."
"Me too. What do you think they're all up to right now?"
"Probably celebrating the fact that we're gone."
"Nah…I think Trap and Dago are still probably getting' themselves real drunk. They seemed to take our leavin' the hardest."
I didn't say anything, mostly because I didn't want to think about Dago still being depressed.
When we were unloaded at the airport, Duke's plane was already being boarded for takeoff. Our farewell would have to be short.
"Listen, you take care now, y'hear?" Duke said emphatically, shaking my hand. "You give us a call and let us know when we're gettin' together again."
"Next summer." I reminded him. "So long, Duke."
"It's been a pleasure, Hawkeye."
"Finest kind."
He turned and headed for the plane and I watched him board, then headed to the lounge for a drink and to wait for my plane.
It was strange to be in a place where I didn't know anyone. I didn't know everyone in Korea, but I knew the people at the Double Natural. They were friends; they were family; they were now a world away. For the millionth time I wondered how Dago was holding up. I missed him. I reached into my front chest pocket and pulled out the photograph of us from the Christmas Party. He looked happy…I wanted to reach out and touch him through that picture, stroke his hair, kiss his lips, feel his body against mine, hear his laugh; hell, I'd even settle for hearing the exasperated way he said my name.
Would Mary ever understand the relationship Dago and I had? Would anyone? I didn't plan on making it public, but Crabapple Cove was a small town and everyone knew everyone else's business. If we did manage to keep it secret, it probably wouldn't stay secret very long. I wondered what might happen to him if the Church ever found out. I'd never thought to ask him, but it seemed like such an important question now. I knew he knew the risks, and he had been willing to take them obviously, but still I wondered…
"Flight 590 to Bangor, Maine." The PA system announced my flight and I settled my tab, finished my beer, then headed out to board the flight that would carry me home to Mary. I suddenly found myself very nervous. I knew I still loved my wife, but would I be thinking of Dago the whole time I was with Mary? Mary had never really crossed my mind during sex with Dago, nor had she entered my mind whenever I'd had sex with Becky…but Dago had. I felt sick and suddenly wished I hadn't had that drink. I tried to sleep on the flight, but couldn't, and all too soon we were touching down in Bangor.
I held my breath as I got up, grabbed my duffel bag, and headed down the steps to the tarmac. There were only a handful of us on the plane, and just as few people waiting to greet their parties behind the railings, so I immediately spotted Mary, Charlie, Tommy and my father Big Benji Peirce. My eyes filled with tears as they all waved at me. I ran to them, dropping my duffel and sweeping Mary up in my arms. We kissed and I knew I was home.
Charlie and Tommy were tugging at my jacket crying "Daddy! Daddy!" and it felt so good to hear their voices, to see their faces. I set Mary on her feet and hugged my boys almost as tightly as I'd hugged her. Christ, they'd both grown a foot or more. What had I missed…?
Finally, I faced my dad and held out my hand to greet him. "Pop."
"Don't you give me no handshake, boy," he said before he wrapped me in a bear hug, clapping me hard on the back. "Glad to have you back, son."
"It's good to be back," I told him as we pulled apart. "Who's hungry? I've been dying for some real food for 18 months."
That night, after we put the kids to bed, Mary and I spent several hours getting to know each other again. While I had thought about Dago once or twice when Mary was doing something I particularly enjoyed, the rest of the time he hadn't crossed my mind. Mary and I seemed to have no trouble in reconnecting, and even managed to do so a total of four times that night.
As we lay there after we were both thoroughly spent, with Mary's head on my chest, it seemed surreal that I was back home in my own bed, in my own house, with my own wife. I'd dreamed of this moment for so long…
"I love you," I murmured to her softly.
"What'd you do?" She asked, propping up on her elbow and looking at me.
"What?"
"You only say that when you've done something wrong."
"I haven't gotten the chance to say it to you in almost 2 years, is that not reason enough?"
"Hmm," she said, giving me a skeptical look before resting her head back on my chest.
It was in that moment that I found myself wanting to be with Dago. I wanted to hear his quiet 'me too' rather than Mary's sarcastic skepticism. I couldn't say as I blamed her, really… We'd known each other all our lives. She knew what she was getting when she married me, but the war had changed me. Dago had changed me.
I spent the first week at home enjoying my old routines—sitting on the back porch steps in the morning with a cup of coffee and a cigarette as I looked across the channel at my Dad's farm and his boat tied up in the wharf ready and waiting to be taken out. Mary would be inside, fussing with the kids as she tried to get them both ready for school and pack their lunches. After the bus came for the boys and they headed off to school, Mary and I would sneak away and make love in every room of the house. I tinkered with my car, went into the main part of town with my dad for lunch or to run an errand, then I'd go home and watch television and fall asleep on the couch.
On March 17th, I wrote to Dago and wished him a happy 42nd birthday, even though I knew he wouldn't get the letter for quite some time. I wrote about how the trip home had been hell but Duke and I had avoided being put on VD duty by going under false names. I filled him in on the things that had changed since I'd been gone and told him I was happy to be home, but it still felt strange. I also told him how much I missed him and that I thought about him often throughout the day. I wrote that I hadn't yet told Mary, but that I still planned to when the time was right.
By the time I'd finished the letter, it was practically a novel, but I shoved it into an envelope and addressed it to Fr. John P. Mulcahy at the 4077th MASH in Uijeongbu, South Korea.
After two and a half weeks, Mary finally asked me if I was ever going back to work, reminding me that I wasn't getting paid anymore by Uncle Sam and that there were mouths to feed. After promising her I would find work, I loaded up my golf clubs and drove to Spruce Springs a few miles away from Crabapple Cove to put in my application at the VA hospital and get in a round of golf.
Wendall Black, the Spruce Spring USVA's chief surgeon looked me over like I was something he'd rather not step in. "Well, I say your reputation precedes you, Dr. Pierce. Do you always apply for jobs dressed like that?"
I looked down at my pro-golf attire, wondering if I'd missed something or forgotten to zip my fly. "Are you not a golfer, sir?"
"We don't just play doctor here, Pierce. We have real patients who require real surgeons to do real surgical procedures."
"Oh, good, I was worried we'd all just be sitting around playing pinnacle."
"I'll give you 2 weeks, Pierce. If you don't prove yourself a respectable surgeon in that time, you're outta here. Be back here at 8 o'clock tomorrow morning. Not a minute late."
Not only did I prove myself a respectable surgeon in that time, but I established myself as a force not to be reckoned with. Dr. Black hated my guts, but he knew I was his man when there was a tricky case and so we established a working rapport. As the middle of April rolled in, I was comfortable enough in my position as a surgeon at the VA, that I made sure to schedule tee times around my surgeries and vice versa.
Things at home were also good, but I still hadn't told Mary about Dago. It wasn't that I hadn't thought about it; quite the opposite, really… It was simply that I didn't know how to tell her. I wasn't sure how to preface something like that. "Hey, honey, how was your day? Did I tell you that I fucked our camp chaplain over in Korea? What's for dinner?"
I knew I needed to tell her and I was resolved to do it sooner rather than later. I owed it to her and to Dago.
One night after dinner, I was sitting on the porch drinking a beer while Mary put the kids in the bath, then put them down for the night. Though I still wasn't entirely sure how to tell her about Dago, I knew that tonight would be the night…
I heard the porch door creak open and close as Mary came out and sat beside me, offering me a fresh beer.
"They down?"
"Finally." She nodded. "I swear, if they end up as hardheaded as you, I'll kill them both. Or maybe just you."
I took a swig of beer, "Mary, there's something I need to talk to you about."
"Okay. There's something I need to talk to you about, too."
I looked at her, my eyebrows raised in surprise. Was she going to own up to an affair too? "Oh?"
"I know it's not good timing, you just getting home and all, but…well, I'm pregnant."
"What!" I nearly dropped my beer. "How? Who! How long have you known about this?"
She laughed at me. "'Who,' Hawkeye? Really? Who do you think, you big lug? You. Doggy Moore thinks I'm about a month along, which, I'll remind you is how long you've been home. We did have quite the night the day you got home, remember?"
She laid her head on my shoulder, drawing a seductive pattern over my chest as she grinned up at me. My mind was reeling with the news. Pregnant?
"You're upset." She said, pulling away and sticking out her bottom lip in a pout.
"Huh? No… not upset, no… Surprised, yes. Upset, no…. You're sure you're pregnant?"
"Well unless I'm going into very early menopause, and Doggy's gone exceptionally senile…"
"Pregnant….wow…." I scratched the back of my head. Her news completely trumped mine. There was no way I could tell her about Dago now...
"What were you going to say?" She asked, not having forgotten.
"Oh, it's nothing." I lied, wrapping my arm around her and feeling guilty. "Pregnant…think you'll get the girl you've always wanted this time?"
"If not we'll just try again." She grinned.
"No we won't," I told her, rubbing my nose against her. "I'm not going to end up like my parents with too many mouths to feed and too many heads to count."
She pouted again but leaned in to kiss me. "I'm going to go take a bath and read a book."
I nodded and waited for the screen door to close before I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. I had to tell Mary about Dago, but I couldn't do it now, and I knew Dago wouldn't come to visit until she knew. But by December, Mary would be big as a house which would certainly make Dago feel even more uncomfortable. I glared up towards the Heavens. "You really are a bastard."
By May, nothing had changed. I hadn't told Mary about Dago—I hadn't even heard from Dago—and I was still butting heads with Wendall Black at the VA. As much as I'd wanted to come home over the last 2 years…this was not the life I envisioned coming home to. As I was hitting balls on the practice range one afternoon, I was approached by Jocko Allcock, one of the orderlies at the VA.
"Hey, Hawkeye," the brute of a man said causally. I wasn't sure why he was there, or why he was speaking to me, but I was already in a less than cordial mood.
I eyed him for a second before adjusting my grip, "What the hell do you want?"
"Nothin'. Just wanta tell you. You're fired."
Shit. Mary would be thrilled with that news… Still, I managed to sound unconcerned. "Finestkind. I'm hitting the ball real good. Maybe I could go on tour."
Jocko seemed disappointed by my reaction. "I don't know nothin' about golf."
I suddenly lost the desire to practice my swing, and Jocko was still standing there expectantly, so I invited him up to the clubhouse for lunch. I definitely needed a drink…
As it turned out, I was fired because some rookie out of med school had applied for a surgical position, and Wendall had immediately thought of firing me, but had no reason to. For whatever reason, he always trusted Jocko's opinion on the matter and Jocko had offered to do the firing for me. Jocko, unbeknownst to me, had been gambling against me with the patients, and losing, which he didn't appreciate, but realized I wasn't a crackpot surgeon. He decided that I should go into private practice and that he should be my bookie, lining up patients and getting them to bet against me so that he could turn a quick buck when they pulled through.
"Look, you stupid son of a bitch," I told Jocko angrily, "you stay the hell away from me. You got me fired. If I go into private practice around here I don't need a screwball like you scaring the patients. It'll be hard enough to get started as it is, competing against the local barber surgeons."
As I sat there yelling at Jocko, I realized that private practice was going to be my only option if I didn't move out of Crabapple Cove. Even if I stayed, I wasn't sure I could convince any of the established doctors to send me some of their cases. I decided to visit Ralph Young, the doctor who had delivered me and all of my brothers, who was still practicing in Port Waldo, 20 miles from Spruce Harbor, for his advice and to see if he would send me any of his cases if I decided to go it on my own.
Ralph suggested I get the hell out of Crabapple Cove if I really wanted to make a living. He also suggested I get some training in thoracic care, as that was an area no one in Maine had much practice in. He said if I made it through the thoracic boards, and started up my own office, though, that he would send me everything he got.
I had a lot on my mind as I drove back home to Crabapple Cove. With Mary being pregnant, I didn't have the money to go through another residency, but at this point I really didn't know what choice I had.
Pulling onto Pierce Rd., aptly named because only the Pierce family had ever lived here, I saw a robin's-egg-blue Pontiac convertible in the driveway. "Who in the hell…" as I got closer, I saw the Massachusetts plate on the back. "I'll be goddamned…"
Immediately I knew that it was Trapper. I'd forgotten that Trapper was set to get out of the army shortly after Duke and I had, but I knew he couldn't have been home for more than a few weeks. I wondered what the hell he was doing here, but didn't care either way as I pulled up next to the empty car.
No one in Crabapple Cove ever locked their doors, so I wasn't surprised that Trapper had let himself in even though Mary and the boys were spending the day at my father's farm across the channel. I found him sitting on the back porch with a beer in hand.
"You ugly son of a bitch, who let you out of the army?" I said as I pushed open the screen door and stepped out to greet him. "How long have you been home?"
"Long enough to have caught up on sleep and gone to work for Maxie Neville." We hugged like brothers.
"It's good to see you, Trap. How was it after Duke and I booked it?"
"Quiet." Trapper said as I grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat with him on the porch. "We all kind of fell apart after you and Duke left. Painless and his gang stuck mostly to themselves, and Dago and I mostly sat around and drank. He actually started a garden outside his tent." Trapper laughed.
I smiled fondly, thinking of Dago mucking around in the dirt trying to give life to the soil. "Well, at least you're home now…but what the hell are you doing here?"
"I came to get you out of the clam flats. Maxie's got a heart case waiting at Saint Lombard's in New York and I told him you're one of the best surgeons there is. He wants you on the surgical team for the case, then he wants to give you a year of thoracic residency at some joint in Jersey where he's a consultant. Then, you're coming to work with us in Boston."
"Jeez, Trapper, you don't mean it. You and me and Maxie Neville?"
"Screw you. Stay here if you want to."
"I do want to, but I'll bite for two years of your deal. Enough to get through the thoracic boards. Then I'm coming right back here."
"Suit yourself," he shrugged.
I spent a week in New York with Trapper and Maxie. The surgery itself took less than 4 hours, so the rest of the time we ate, drank, and talked about the deal. Maxie would be glad to see me through the boards if I was half as good as Trapper had said, but if I screwed him over, he'd make sure no one would ever hire me again—private practice or not. I agreed, but made the concession that if I was going to be in Jersey, my family would be there with me. Jersey wasn't as far as Korea, but I didn't think Mary could handle another 2 year separation…and neither could I. We shook on the deal and agreed that I would start my residency in July, which would give us ample time to pack up and move. Maxie assured me that the VA hospital in Jersey where I'd be working would find us a nice play to live.
With that settled, the only thing left was to tell Mary and the kids…
"It's a paying job, right?" Mary asked, obviously not thrilled.
"Yes, Mary. And they're furnishing us a place to live. It's only 2 years."
"Only 2 years?" She threw up her hands in exasperation. "You've been 'only 2 years'-ing me since you started medical school, Hawkeye! Not to mention you just spent 2 years in Korea!"
"Listen, honey, that's why I told them I would only agree if you and the kids could be there too. I promise, two years, then we'll be back home in our house with our 3 beautiful children—all boys."
"This one is not going to be a boy, Hawkeye Pierce." She glared at me, holding her stomach as if shielding the fetus within from harm. "Fine…but so help me, Hawkeye, if you ever use the words 'it's only 2 years' again, I'll kill you!"
"I promise, never again." I kissed her, though she looked skeptical.
"A letter came for you while you were in New York, by the way."
"Yeah? Did it look important?"
"It was postmarked Korea."
My heart skipped a beat. "Where is it?"
"Where do I usually put your mail after I read it?" She replied unhelpfully.
"You read it?"
"I read everything you get."
I felt my stomach knot, hoping the letter hadn't said anything incriminating, and hurried off to the basket where she put my mail. I found it on top and immediately recognized Dago's neat handwriting on the envelope. I sat on the couch and pulled out the folded papers within, grinning widely as I saw that he had written the letter in Runes. Clever, clever Dago…
"What is that gibberish anyways?" Mary asked as she stood in the doorway to the kitchen, her tone implying she was disappointed by not having been able to decipher it.
"It's Ancient Runes," I informed her. "I told you I'd befriended the chaplain? He taught it to me. I guess this is a test to see if I actually learned anything from it."
Mary quickly lost interest and went back into the kitchen to fuss over dinner as I read Dago's letter.
Dear Hawkeye,
First, thank you for the note and photographs you left with me on that last day. I have to confess that I read it every night before I go to bed. Secondly, thank you for the birthday greeting. I'm pleased that you remembered, though I didn't get your letter until nearly a month later.
I am grateful that you and Duke arrived home safely, but you have my sincere condolences for the length of time it took to get there. I personally find the traveling between destinations to be exciting—flying in particular. I wouldn't mind learning to pilot a plane some day. Then maybe I could really be a sky pilot.
I laughed out loud at his joke and continued reading.
Trapper has since left us and is on his way home as I write—though by the time you receive this you'll probably have already spoken to him. I must say, you were certainly the glue that held the friendships of this camp together. After you left, life went back to the way it was before you'd arrived. Everyone is still friendly, of course, but no one goes out of their way to include me in anything anymore. It's fine though. I've taken up the hobby of growing vegetables in the space outside my tent. The cook has asked to buy them off of me and I readily agreed, knowing that I would profit two-fold: tastier meals, and money to give to the orphanage.
I have also been corresponding regularly with Tseten again. He is planning a pilgrimage to Lumbini, Nepal, which is the birth place of Siddhartha Gautama: The Buddha. He has invited me to go, but he is planning to make the journey next year around the time of The Buddha's birth, which would be between April and May. I have sincere hopes to be stateside by that time, but I haven't ruled out the possibility.
All-in-all I have managed to endure your absence in a fairly positive manner. I miss you terribly, but being apart from you has shown me that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. I think I love and appreciate you more now that you're not here… Not to mention I certainly get my work done more efficiently, which I'm sure God is grateful for.
I sincerely hope that you are settling comfortably back into your life at home. Please write to me and keep me updated on your current events as time allows and I shall do the same.
With great affection,
Dago
P.S. By the time you receive this letter it will be somewhere around your own birthday. Happy 37th Birthday, Hawkeye.
I smiled as I folded the letter, glad to hear that he was managing on his own. I was saddened to hear that the others had stopped including him in their activities, but I was willing to bet that Dago had really ever only joined in for my sake.
What he'd said about Tseten's invitation seemed like a good way to break the news to him about Mary's pregnancy, my residency in Jersey, and the fact that our relationship had become a little more complicated. I moved over to the desk and took out a pen and paper to write my reply to him.
Dago,
Why didn't you start growing a garden when I was there? Did it ever occur to you I might have liked better tasting meals too? I'm quite disappointed, Dago. Really, how completely selfish of you.
I think you should stay and join Tseten on his pilgrimage. You never know when you might see him again. Besides, what's a few more months, right? It's funny his invitation should come around that time as things here have become a little more complicated than I ever intended.
Mary's pregnant. I'm going to be a father again. It couldn't have come at a worse time, really, as I was fired from the VA hospital in Spruce Springs, but oddly enough that very day Trapper John showed up on my doorstep with an offer from his boss to take a residency position at a VA in New Jersey. That means moving away from here for 2 years and taking Mary and the kids with me. It also means that my plan to have you here with me over Christmas may not happen as the baby will be due around that time. The day I planned to finally tell her about us was the day she dropped the news of the baby in my lap. Why is my life always such a mess?
I'm still planning on having everyone here next summer, but that seems so damn far away. It was easier leaving you knowing I'd see you in December. I hope you're not upset by the news. We don't leave for New Jersey until July, so the kids will be able to enjoy the summer out here and on Dad's farm across the channel. I don't have an address yet of where you can write to me in Jersey, but if all else fails: just send your letters here. Dad will be watching the house and collecting any mail that comes.
I miss you, John.
Hawkeye
On the morning of July first, I loaded the car with our suitcases and a few boxes of things that Mary couldn't find it within herself to part with, then we loaded up the car and headed for New Jersey to move into our new temporary home.
If being in New Jersey wasn't bad enough, the housing they had secured for us was almost a deal breaker. The apartment complex was large and run down looking and nothing was appropriately marked or labeled. Mary gave me 'the look' as we pulled into a spot and looked at the building that—somewhere inside—housed our new apartment.
"Wait here." I told her and the boys as I got out and went to find the manager's office for a key.
The manager, Mr. Waller, was a short fat, balding man with a large bristly mustache. He looked very much like a walrus, and had about as much personality. "You the doc for the VA?"
"Yes, sir, that's me. Hawkeye Pie—"
"Apartment 523. The hospital's covering your rent. Make sure they pay it by the 5th of every month. No exceptions." He handed me the key and slammed his door in my face.
"Pleasant fellow." I grumbled before heading back out to get Mary and the boys.
The apartment was small at best, but did have two furnished bedrooms, a couch and chair in the living room, and a beat up table in the kitchen. I heard Mary sigh next to me.
"Is it too late to change my mind?" She asked.
We spent the first day unpacking and trying to make the place our own as much as possible, but Mary and I both felt like this would be the longest 2 years of our lives.
"Could be worse," I offered. "Could be Korea."
By the end of July I had established myself as a capable surgeon at the VA hospital, even though the chief surgeon—Jimmy Gargan—was on my ass about everything I did, including the way I put on my surgical gown. I tolerated his criticism as best as I could, just counting the days until my time here was served, and doing what I could to learn about thoracic surgery.
On July 28th the papers announced that a treaty had been signed on the 27th of July that had ended the Korean Conflict and the soldiers would start coming home. I nearly choked on my coffee as I read the headline, and immediately my mind was on Dago. He still had about 4 months of service left before his commission was up so I wondered where he would go and what he would do, but I had no way of finding out. After my last letter to him in May I hadn't heard from Dago again. We hadn't been home to Crabapple Cove yet, but Dad—whom I called every Sunday—hadn't mentioned any mail coming to the house. I realized that after we'd gotten settled in, I hadn't written to Dago with our new address.
I felt completely sick. Unless Dago wrote to me, I would have no way of contacting him again. Before I realized it, I had broken down into sobs at the thought of never seeing Dago again.
"Hawkeye…what on earth…?" Mary was absolutely flabbergasted by the sight of my tears, never having seen me cry her entire life.
I wanted to tell her what was wrong with me, but how could I without telling her everything? I'd taken her away from our home and moved her to this squalid neighborhood during her pregnancy, made her sacrifice yet again for my career…I couldn't tell her that all this time I had been in love with another man. She really would kill me. I felt like the worst kind of person, the worst kind of husband, and my distress over it all just made me feel even sicker.
"Boys, go to your room and play." Mary said before she leaned over and put her hand on my shoulder. "Hawkeye, talk to me. You're scaring me."
"Oh, Mary…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I sobbed.
"For what? Crying? I'll forgive you if you cut it out."
"No…oh, Christ…there's something I need to tell you. Something I should have told you a long time ago."
She pulled back stiffly. "Is it another woman? It is, isn't it?"
I couldn't help myself… I laughed. "No…it's not another woman."
"Then what is it?"
"God… I don't know where to start or how to tell you…" I pulled out my handkerchief and blew my nose. "It's just so…crazy."
"Well, you've got an hour before you've got to be at the hospital. Why don't you start at the beginning?"
I wasn't sure an hour was going to be enough time, but I did my best… "You know I told you I became friends with Dago Red, the chaplain?"
She nodded.
"There's…Christ…there's a little bit more to it than just friendship." I watched her brow crinkle in confusion. "He…he and I became involved. Intimately."
I watched the realization dawn on her face and she looked—expectedly—horrified. "Oh my God! Hawkeye! A man? A PRIEST! Are you out of your mind!"
Mary was yelling now and punching me in the shoulder. "Look, we didn't plan for it to happen, but it did."
"How many times? Once? Twice?" When I gave her a sheepish look she looked disgusted.
"Look, baby, I wanted to tell you sooner and really explain how it happened, but…fuck…it's more than just sex, Mary."
"What do you mean 'more than sex?' What else could there possibly be?"
"I love him."
The words had shocked her and she was shaking as she covered her mouth.
"That doesn't mean I love him more than I love you or that I want to leave you for him, but…I love him the same way I love you, Mary."
"Stop talking to me, right now." She wasn't looking at me. "I don't know what you expected me to say about this, Hawkeye. Of all the foolish, thoughtless things you could have possibly done..."
"I never intended for this happen, Mary." I told her apologetically, reaching out to touch her, but she slapped my hand away.
"So, are you…"
"A fairy?" I supplied. "No. And I don't intend to leave you and the boys for Dago."
"Yeah? Well, what if I leave you instead? Would you go to him?"
The thought of her leaving made my stomach knot. "I don't know what I'd do without you," I told her honestly.
"I think you should leave now, Hawkeye." She said stiffly.
"Should I sleep at the hospital tonight?" I asked glumly.
"I'm not sure yet." She crossed her arms. "I'm very angry with you right now. If you come home tonight and I throw a pot at your head, you'll know you're not welcome here yet."
I nodded. "I'm sorry, Mary."
"Just go." She said, still not looking at me.
I left, feeling miserable. My mood didn't improve throughout the day as I was distracted between never seeing or hearing from Dago again and losing my wife. I wondered why Dago hadn't written me. Had my news upset him, given him second thoughts about trying to pursue our relationship beyond the war?
By the time my shift had ended, I wasn't sure I wanted to go home. I wasn't sure how Mary would feel. I hadn't told her everything, I hadn't admitted that I still wanted Dago to be a part of my life, I hadn't even told her why I'd been so upset, but I suppose in the grand scheme those things wouldn't have been fair to lay on her all at once. An affair with another man was earth-shattering enough…
I sat out in my car for almost half an hour while I debated whether or not to go up. I took the stairs to eke out a few more seconds before I had to face the music. Then, with hesitancy, I turned my key in the lock and carefully pushed the door open, waiting for a pot to be hurled my way. Mary was sitting on the couch, arms crossed, looking at me with a stoic expression.
"Get in here and close the door," she told me sternly. "The boys are down the hall with Mrs. Pennington, so that you and I can talk about this."
I loosened my tie and unbuttoned the top of my collar as I sat down next to Mary with my head hanging low.
"You say you love him," she said with some effort. "How serious is it, exactly?"
"You know me, Mary, how often have I ever said I loved you, much less anyone else."
"So, pretty serious then." She sighed. "Alright…tell me about him."
I looked at her, my brow knitting in confusion. "What?"
"I think I have a right to know what kind of person he is." She said crossing her arms over her chest. "You can start by telling me his real name."
I was blown away that she was asking me about him, but thrilled all at the same time. "I'll do more than that…wait here."
I went to the bedroom and retrieved the picture of Dago and I that I kept in an old cigar box with other mementos. I brought it back to her and gave it to her.
"That's him?"
"That's him."
"Darn…I was hoping he'd be ugly." She said in a sad voice, but I knew her well enough to know she was teasing. "So, tell me about him before I change my mind and throw you out."
"His name is John Patrick Mulcahy…" I said, taking the picture back and looking at it briefly before I put it in my shirt pocket and telling Mary everything I knew about Dago. I told her how I'd suddenly found myself completely enthralled with him, how I had fantasized about being with him, and then that first kiss in the shower. I told her how we had struggled in our relationship knowing that I'd be leaving and coming home and that what we had couldn't continue after Korea, but how we'd still managed to fall in love. I told her how I'd fantasized about dividing my time between her and Dago, about the threesomes I'd imagined with her and Dago, and about how I still wanted him to be a part of my life, but how—after reading the morning paper and seeing that the war had ended—now I had no way of contacting him unless he contacted me first.
Mary shook her head as I finished and took a deep breath. "Only you could have a story like that and it be true, Hawkeye."
"Are you angry?"
"Are you crazy? Yes, I'm angry! Up until you went off to war I had you all to myself; I never had to worry about you falling in love with anyone else. When you went to Korea, I was worried you might meet someone, but I never dreamed it would be another man… I need some time to think about all of this, Hawkeye."
"Do you still love me?"
"Of course I do, you idiot. I just have to figure out how to love this new information as well."
I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tightly and she reluctantly hugged me back. I knew that it would take Mary some time to come to terms with my relationship with Dago, and I expected she would ask me questions on her own time, but ultimately I felt that we would be okay. Overall, I was glad I had told her. I knew if I'd been married to anyone other than Mary, I'd probably be dead or homeless by now, but Mary always took things in stride. I knew there was a reason I fell in love with her.

TBC
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Infatuation