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The Journey to Love: Love and Politics	By : sissouthernink1994 Category: S through Z > West Wing Views: 2272 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Full disclaimer below with more to follow for each chapter. This is a work of fiction. I don't own The West Wing- the building or the show. I don't know President and Mrs. Obama, I'm not getting paid for this.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
A/N: This will probably be a long chapter too. I’m gonna be safe and say 10,000 words based on the last one. And there are section titles.

Chapter 13: The time apart
Santa Ana, CA
“Home at last. Thought I’d never get home today!” Sam said as he closed the front door behind him. He’d had a very long day; meeting after meeting after meeting. He almost didn’t want to hear anybody else talk. Almost. Josh was going to be calling in about thirty minutes and he always wanted to talk to him. After changing clothes and making himself a salad, he sat down at his dining room table. Josh rang right on time.
“Hello?”
“Well, there is my sexy Congressman. How did your day finally turn out?”
“Long and boring. Yours?”
“Pretty much the same. I like working for my home state’s Congressman but sometimes I feel he doesn’t have a clue.”
“Believe me I know.” Sam was looking through his mail.
“So what’s for dinner with you?”
“I happen to have a Chicken BLT Salad with honey mustard dressing.”
“A salad? Where’s the man food?”
“Man food? A salad is man food. And this one has chicken and bacon. I’ll make it for you while you’re here. You’ll like it.”
“I’m sure.” A certain piece of mail caught his eye and he paused. “It was only a joke; no need to get quiet on me.”
“No, it’s not that. You know how towards our anniversary our friends start sending us cards and stuff?”
“Yeah?”
“You’ll never guess who this one is from.”

“Who?”

Bartlet Administration, Washington, D.C. - Lawyers Convention
Sam didn’t really like Lawyer Conventions but since this one was in the city, he thought he’d step out of the office for a few hours and see what the lawyers were talking about. Politics was always a part of the conversation he tried to avoid. Most of them thought they knew politics and since he actually worked in it, it would be like going to battle with an unprepared army. They’d lose before they got started.
“It is you,” a voice said coming from behind Sam. “Wow, I didn’t expect to see you here. They let you out of the White House on good behavior for the day?” He turned around to see a gorgeous blonde with a slightly southern accent smiling at him.
“I’m sorry?”
“Don’t be. I understand what’s it’s like to work some place where your full talent isn’t appreciated.” Sam looked around confused for a second.
“Were you talking to me?”
“You’re Sam Seaborn, Deputy Communication Director for the White House, yes?”
“Yes and you are…?”
“Ainsley Haynes. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“I’m not sure I can say the same, yet.”
“It’s cool. Most men don’t know how to read me when first meeting me either.”
“Reading you? Is that what you think I was trying to do?”
“Of course; all men do.”
“I’m still trying to figure out why you think I’m underappreciated at the White House?”
“You don’t much reading outside of your speeches do you?” Sam was trying to be claim but this woman’s attempt at a conversation was making him impatient and angry.
“I read plenty. I read what the critics say about my speeches.”
“And you don’t care?”
“I care. What gives you the impression that I don’t?” Ainsley shrugged.
“Seems like you would do something about it.” Sam shook his head. He had to get out of this conversation with her or she would make him insane.
“Look I’m not sure who you are or why you approached me, but when I hear the critiques of my speeches I can differentiate between when they are after my speech writing and when they are after the President’s policy or whatever he’s speaking about. Believer it or not, there is a difference.”
“That’s not what I hear.”
“You know what? I’m not sure what you heard but I’m ending this conversation, because it’s going nowhere.” Sam left Ainsley standing by herself. During the rest of the week, Sam seemed to find himself constantly bumping into Ainsley. Which irritated him because he didn’t want to see her? He wanted to attend certain seminars then leave for the office. But she was relentless.
                After the conference ended and things were back to normal, Sam for some reason couldn’t get Ainsley out of his mind. What was it? The conversation or attempted conversation was annoying. She seemed a little bit stalker-ish. He had enough drama in his life working for the White House, why invite more? So when the opportunity for coffee came up, he took it. How bad could it be? It was just coffee.
Sam found Ainsley intriguing, once he got to know her. She was knowledgeable, smart, and intelligent. She was blunt at times, yet beautiful and caring. She was everything he thought he needed right then in is life except for one thing. Ainsley was a Republican. Maybe it could work. His sister Camille married a Republican and they got a long just fine. When they decided to move from dating to relationship Sam was selective about whom he told. Naturally his siblings knew and his mother. He told some friends. But not Josh and definitely not his co-workers. She was a Republican and he just felt they wouldn’t understand. But soon enough the secret came out.

Ainsley ended up being chosen to serve as Special White House Counsel. Sam was surprised to see her there. She was not welcomed by the majority of the staffers. She was seen as an outsider (which she was) butting into everyone’s business (which was also true, but It was her job). To make matters worse, Sam defended her when the dirty looks followed her around the bullpen and after entering or leaving the room. Josh didn’t think much about it when people accused Sam of “sleeping with the enemy”. He just figured that Sam was in a dating phase. Nothing to it or so he thought.

Peppermint Sticks…
Josh’s love life was non-existent at this point in his life. It wasn’t for lack of trying. He did ask women out and a few men. Didn’t get much response. Not much was happening at all for him. While doing some grocery shopping he bumped into someone he hadn’t seen in a while.
“Josh?” Josh looked up from his cart.
“Ben? Hey, long time no see man. How are you?” They hugged each other.
“I’m good. Back in town for a few months.”
“FBI still sending you everywhere huh?”
“You know it. How are things with you?”
“Oh you know, work at the White House that’s about it.”
“Slow single life huh?” Josh sheepishly nodded. “You know, you should come by tomorrow night. I’ll cook and we can catch up.” Josh thought a minute.
“Are you still in the same place?”
“Yeah, just come by when you’re done, ok?”
“Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Looking forward to it.”
                All day Friday Josh left himself rushing through everything he had on his agenda because he was so excited to catch up with Ben. Ben was a special FBI Agent who traveled to make sure that FBI centers in other cities were compliant. He would be gone two to three months at a time. Sometimes he would spend that much time in one city. Neither of them had really spoken with each other since before he started the campaign. Ben had personally done the background checks on everyone who was going to work for Hoynes, which included Josh.
                Finally, Josh was at a point that he could leave for the day. He rushed home to change and head out to Ben’s house. It had been quite a while since he had been here too; he almost forgot how to get there. As he rang the bell, the thought hit him that he didn’t ask Ben if he needed to bring anything. Ben opened the door and the scent of steak grilling on an indoor grill grabbed his nose.
“Hey I see you remembered how to get here. Come on in.”
“Thanks. I forgot to ask if I needed to bring anything.”
“Josh, I was in the grocery store; I’ve got it covered.”
“Smells great by the way.”
“Thank you. Haven’t had a decent steak in a while so I thought it might be good.”
“Great; anything I can do to help?”
“Set the table. Dishes are here.” Ben said pointing to the cabinet. Josh took out dishes and began to set the dining room table. Ben set out a couple of beers when he placed the salad on the table. Josh took a swig of his then Ben brought out steaks, mashed potatoes and green beans. “Oops almost forgot the garlic bread.” Josh sat down and Ben returned.
“Man, I never thought how much homemade mashed potatoes meant to me until I could get any on the campaign trail.” Ben laughed.
“Well, I hope these don’t disappoint.”
                They spent the next couple of hours eating, drinking and catching up. Josh told him all about his time on the campaign trail, minus his relationship with Sam. He wasn’t ready to share that yet. They talked about what it was like working in the White House, the events at Rosslyn and politics in general. They had put the dishes in the dishwasher and Josh was leaning against the counter draining the last of his beer. Ben looked at him and smiled.
“So…” Ben said.
“So… what?” Josh asked as Ben’s 6’2 frame stepped closer to him until he was standing right in front of him.
“So… what is the name of the man who broke your heart?” Josh shook his head.
“There’s no man.”
“I know there’s no man right now,” he whispered as he ran his finger gently up Josh’s arm. “But there was one. One that made quite an impact on you.”
“H…how can you tell?”Ben brought his face closer to Josh’s.
“I can see it in your eyes. You’re hurting.” He shook his head.
“Nah, I’m good.”
“Bullshit.” Ben replied as he gently kissed Josh’s lips. It had been so long since Josh had kissed anyone, let alone a man. Josh leaned into the kiss and it became passionate. Tongues touched and a soft moan floated up from Josh’s throat. They kissed until the need for air broke them part. “That’s the kiss of a man who’s missing someone, horribly.”
“There’s no one.”
“You don’t want to tell me?”
“Can I tell you later?” Josh whispered as he kissed Ben again. Ben kissed back and his kisses travelled down Josh’s chin, to his cheek and eventually the right side of his neck. Ben’s hand found its way under Josh’s shirt, making gentle circles on his stomach. “Mmmm…my god…”was his breathless response. Ben stopped the kisses. Josh opened his eyes. “Wh...What’s wrong? Why’d you stop?”
“I want to know what’s going on. You know that’s part of our rules.” Josh sighed and hung his head.
“Come on, tell me who he was.”
“He didn’t break my heart, I broke his. And it was Sam.” Ben’s eyebrows rose in surprise.
“Sam? You were in a relationship with Sam?”
“Yes. Can we talk about it later, please?” Josh asked, tugging in Ben’s shirt.
“Yeah,” Ben whispered as he took Josh’s hand and pulled him towards his bedroom.
                Ben pulled Josh closer to him, kissing him more passionately, putting his hands under his t-shirt, breaking free for a few seconds to pull it over his head. Josh walked backwards as Ben continued the kisses until his back was against the wall. His hands surround Ben’s head and he could feel the low hair cut underneath his fingers as Ben’s lips moved down toward his chest.
“Mmmm…” was all Josh could manage to say. His fingers fumbled to unbutton Ben’s shirt and he pushed it off so it fell to the floor. Then he attacked Ben’s neck with kisses. Ben kicked off his house shoes and Josh toed off his own.
“Tell me what you want…” Ben whispered.
“…I don’t know…I don’t care…just…” Josh covered Ben’s mouth with his, not really wanting to speak. Josh could feel Ben’s impending hardness against his thigh. “…wanna… feel you…” Ben took Josh’s hand and slipped it between his legs, rubbing his man hood. He then slipped his own hand between Josh’s legs to gently feel and caress him.
“Is that what you want? Hmmm?”
“Want you inside…please?” Ben pulled Josh closer to the bed and sat down. He unbuttoned Josh’s jeans and slid them down his hips along with his underwear. He kissed his way down to the tip of his penis and gently began to suck. Josh’s hand once again surrounded Ben’s head as he thrusts his hips. Ben pulled him onto the bed, lightly spanking him before he removed his own pants. Josh whimpered at the sensation. Before lying on the bed next to Josh, Ben grabbed some lubricant and a few condoms from his dresser.
Once he was on the bed, Josh gently pushed him on his back and began to suck Ben to help him get harder. Ben relished the soft curls of Josh’s hair under his hands; it would probably be the last time he felt them. He moaned with pleasure but made Josh stop before he came. Kissing again, he could taste himself on Josh’s tongue. As they kissed, he tenderly began to prepare Josh with the lube.
Josh hissed at the intrusion of Ben’s middle finger because it had been a while since he’d had sex. But Ben knew how to make it feel good for Josh; he always did. Josh was completely on his stomach, legs spread apart a little and fisting the comforter. Josh was near orgasm by the time Ben was done, but he held back because of what he needed. Ben rolled the condom on himself and lubed it a little. As he placed kisses down Josh’s back, he asked one question.
“Do you remember our safety word?”
“Yes,” Josh replied. “Ben, if I call out his na-”
“You know I won’t be offended.” Josh nodded and pulled himself on his knees. Ben kneeled behind him, gently stroking the crack of Josh’s butt cheeks, steadying himself for first entry. When he did enter, Josh winced in pain. Ben had a much larger, thicker penis than Sam did. Ben waited until Josh was ready for him to move and he did gentle, slow long strokes at first. It had probably been five years they had done anything together. But when they were a couple, they were like sex machines. Couldn’t get enough of each other. They had to get used to the other’s body again. If only for one night.
“More…faster.” Josh whispered. Ben dug in further and faster, hitting Josh’s spot quicker than he intended. But they weren’t there to make love. This friends-with-benefits relationship served them just right when they needed it. This was usually when they were lonely and not in relationships.
It surprised Ben how fast he felt the heat start in his loins. He was so aroused that it wouldn’t take long for him to come. It didn’t sound like it would take Josh long either. Josh managed to lean back on his knees so Ben’s chest was touching his back. Ben reached his left arm around to play with Josh’s penis as he held him still with his right. He couldn’t see Josh’s face but he could tell that this is just what he needed. As he stroked Josh from the front and behind, he heard him whisper something he couldn’t quite make out.
                The soft sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room along with Josh’s whispers.
“..Sam…” was what Ben finally made out. Kissing the back of Josh’s neck seemed to bring him closer to the edge. Ben stroked his penis faster and faster. Josh was moaning loudly and his body began to jerk. Tears were now rolling down his face. They came together but Josh still had more to give so Ben continued stroking his penis. Josh was crying and Ben slowed down as if he was going to stop but Josh wanted more. But soon Josh couldn’t take anymore.

“Pepper…mint sti…pe...peppermint sticks.” He managed to say between sobs. “Peppermint sticks.” Josh finally released in Ben’s hand and leaned forward. His body shook with sobs as his head touched the bed. Ben tenderly slid out of Josh and Josh lay down on his side. Josh was curled in the fetal position, crying for Sam, whispering his name and telling him how much he loved and missed him. Ben didn’t say anything; he just went about cleaning up. He was pretty sure that Josh didn’t feel the warm washcloth wiping him off. Ben was right; Josh was hurting. But he began to wonder just how long he had been hurting.

Dreams…

                Ainsley was returning to her bed after a middle of the night trip to the bathroom. She was about to get back under the covers with her boyfriend Sam when she heard him say something.
“Josh, don’t leave me.” She froze. She wasn’t sure if she really heard what she heard. Sam had never talked in his sleep before. “Please…don’t leave me…,”he whispered. She wondered if she should wake him up. “Love you…,” he said voice trailing off. He looked so peaceful except for the tears that had pooled around his eyes. She stepped back from the bed, tears forming in her own eyes. She grabbed her robe and walked into her living room.
                She sat in her favorite armchair; knees under her chin, crying. She knew that Sam was bisexual and that he had been in a relationship with Josh. However, she thought that was all behind him. But tonight she saw a different story. If his subconscious and his dreams felt that way, what would he say if asked straight out? Some part of Sam was still in love with Josh.
                An hour later found her still sitting in the chair. Sam shuffled into the living room and Ainsley’s heart nearly stopped; she wasn’t prepared to confront him yet.
“I woke up sweating and I realized I had all the blankets on me. I’m sorry if I was a cover hog.” It took her a minute to answer.
“You weren’t.” She said trying to hide her tears.
“Ainsley, you’re crying. Is everything ok?” He sat on the couch closest to the chair. She shook her head. “Tell me what’s wrong?”
“Do you always talk in your sleep?” Sam looked confused.
“I’ve been told I do, usually after the fact. No one has woken me up while I was doing it. Why, was I reciting the speech I’m writing?”
“No. I wish.”
“You’re scaring me. What did I say?” She looked Sam and decided to ask him. She needed to know.
“Are you still in love with Josh?”
“What?! What would make you ask me that?”
“Because…because of what you said.”
“Ainsley, what did I say?” She took a deep breath.
“You asked Josh not to leave you; actually it was more like begging him not to leave you. Then…”
“Then what?”
“You told him you loved him.” Sam looked away from her. “Look at me Sam and tell me you don’t still have feelings for Josh.” Sam looked at her, and tried to speak but couldn’t. “Sam?”
“I wish I could tell you I don’t. Some part of me will always love him. He was my best friend for so long and we were in a long relationship until the end and…I just wish I could say there were no feelings for him.”
“So what about us?” She asked tears, streaming more down her face. “Do you feel anything for me, for us?”
“Yes I do.”
“How can I be sure after what I just heard?”
“I don’t know what to tell you Ainsley. I’m here in a relationship with you. Josh made it very clear there could be no more of the two of us.”
“But if he asked you to, would you take him back?” Sam was silent. He had asked himself this question before and he never gave himself a good answer. There was something Josh would have to do first, but he didn’t know if Josh would do it.

“I don’t know.”

Josh’s revelation…

                Josh woke up to the sound of saxophone music. Grover Washington, Jr. to be exact, Ben’s favorite sax player. He looked down and saw that he had been cleaned up and covered with a blanket. His eyes felt puffy and nose stuffy. He couldn’t tell how long he had been asleep. Looking to his left, he saw Ben reading a book.
“What time is it?” Ben looked at the clock.
“After midnight.”
“Why’d you let me sleep like that?”
“You obviously needed that release.” Ben took the stereo remote and turned the music down some more. “I’ve never seen you so hurt before.” Josh sat up, too quickly for his head and swooned a little.
“Whoa.”
“Just stay there. You’ve been through too much for me to let you drive home. There’s some water on the nightstand if you need it.” Josh could see that he was wearing a pair of Ben’s sweatpants; they were way too long on his legs. “Do you think you need any aspirin?”
“Couldn’t hurt,” Josh replied as he took a few sips of water. The tall musclar black man got up from his side of the bed, headed to the bathroom and returned with two Tylenol in his hand. “Thanks.”
“Did you need anything to eat?”
“Not yet.”
“Ok. You’re welcome to my cheese, fruit and crackers here if you want. Now,” he said sitting back down on the bed, “are you ready to tell me what happened between you and Sam?”
“I guess no better time like the present.”
“How did you two even get together? ‘Cause if you had asked me I never would have thought the two of you could do it.”
“We didn’t either at first. After he joined the campaign trail, we would hear people talking about us as if we were a couple. It all started when Sam wrote me some love poetry, but he didn’t sign his name to it so I had to try to figure out who it was. When I did I wrote back.”
“Leave it to Sam to be romantic.”
“Yeah. The poetry was absolutely beautiful. And discovering what we truly felt for each other was beautiful too. We just never expected to love each other as deeply as we do. Did; as deeply as we did.”
“So what happened?”
“I had been hearing rumors and gossip letting me know that there were some people who knew about us and it didn’t sit well with me. We had been through Rosslyn, still healing and I couldn’t let us go through that again. It hurt to know that someone would hurt Charlie because he loved Zoey. And when Sam suggested that we move in together I…I guess I panicked. I couldn’t risk anyone being hurt.”
“Surely Sam would understand that.” Josh shrugged as he grabbed a few grapes form the plate.
“He would have if I had talked to him about it. But I never told him I thought there was a threat. Then I didn’t give him an answer right away. Things were falling apart between us personally and professionally. We were called into the President’s office and everything came to a head there. I broke up with him in the Oval Office.”
“What? Josh you didn’t?”
“Yeah, I did. I was a real asshole to him Ben. I didn’t try to explain in depth or anything, just asked for my keys back, gave him his and left for my meeting.”
“Wow. I’m speechless at that. That’s asshole behavior for sure. Never thought I’d see you be that way with someone you love.”
“Neither did I. And I promised him and Lisa that I wouldn’t break his heart. I broke that promise.”
“Maybe it’s not too late to fix things. Call and talk to him, explain everything. From what I remember Sam’s a rational man; he’ll listen to you.” Josh shook his head.
“He’s moved on and in a relationship with someone else.” Ben gave him a confused look.
“Just how long have you guys been apart?”
“A little over a year?”
“What?! A year? Josh…I don’t…well is he in love with this person?”
“Ainsley? I don’t know, maybe.” Ben sighed.
“So what did he say when you apologized to him?” Josh stayed silent. “Josh, you did apologize didn’t you?”
“I think I did. I’m sure I did.”
“You’re not sure? Josh, I’d think you would remember him accepting your apology.” Josh sat quietly thinking and eating a piece of cheese and a cracker.
“No, I must have.” His brain was a little fuzzy from the beers and the sex but he racked his brain, trying to remember. “Oh. My. God. I never apologized. I never apologized to Sam. How could I be so stupid?! I just…I can’t believe I didn’t apologize.”
“Maybe you still can, even if he is in a relationship. It might help save the friendship.”
“Do you think he’ll listen? I mean, I really really broke his heart.”

“It’s worth a try Josh. Sleep on it, think about it. Get a plan together and pick a date to do it.”

Monday morning…
“Sam, can I have a minute when you get a minute?” CJ asked.
“I’m free now, what’s up?” CJ motioned for him to come to her office. She rummaged through her messages as she sat down then picked up one that was already sitting on her desk.
“Do you know a Benjamin Newton?”
“Yea, he’s an ex of Josh’s. Why?”
“Would Josh go to him if he was in trouble or something?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Why?”
“I have a report from the Secret Service that he spent the night there. Now I don’t know if they are watching Ben or Josh. I also don’t know why they are cluing me in but hey I’m gonna roll with it until I know something different.”
“I do know in the past that they have had a friends-with-benefits type of relationship, you know when they’re in between relationships. Maybe that’s what it was.”
“Sex?” Sam shrugged. “Well, I have a number to call and confirm. Care to listen in?”
“Sure.” CJ dialed the number and waited for Ben to answer the phone.
“Hello?”
“Am I speaking with Special Agent Benjamin R. Newton?”
“Speaking.”
“Agent Newton this is Press Secretary CJ Cregg, how are you?”
“Just fine ma’am. And you?”
“Good. Agent Newton I’m following up on a report from Secret Service surveillance that I received this morning. Can you confirm that Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua A. Lyman spent the night at your house Friday?”
“Yes he did.”
“Can you tell me the circumstances?”
“We bumped into each other at the grocery store and we hadn’t seen each other in a while. I invited him to dinner to catch up. We had quite a few beers and he was too inebriated to drive home so I had him spend the night.”
“That’s all?”
“That’s all ma’am.”
“Thank you Agent.” CJ hung up the phone. “Well, he spent the night. He didn’t confirm they had sex.”
“I didn’t think he would. But I know they probably did.”
“Does that upset you?”

“No, we’re not together anymore remember?”

Say Hello to the Assassin…
Donna was sitting quietly at her desk, tying to get a few moments peace so her headache would go away. But she was having no such luck. The phone was constantly ringing. Then the front guards called back and said that Josh had a visitor. So now, Donna had to let go of whatever chance she had of getting rid of her headache to escort the visitor back to the bullpen area. What a day.
“This is Ms. Moss, Mr. Lyman’s Assistant, she’ll escort you back.”
“Thank you.” The woman said.
“Good afternoon. I’m Donna. Josh is in a meeting right now but he should be out in about fifteen minutes or so.”
“That’s good. I’ll wait.”
“Follow me please.” The woman followed Donna down the hall way and back to their area. “This is Josh’s office, if you’d like to wait here.”
“Thank you.”
“Uh, they didn’t give me your name. Whom may I say visiting?” The woman looked at her and simply said:
“The Assassin.” Donna gave a worried look, closed the door and almost ran to where Josh’s meeting was. She hated interrupting, but she felt she needed to.
“Donna, I have a few more minutes here.”
“I know and I apologize for interrupting but I needed to brief you on your visitor.”
“I have a visitor? Who is it?”
“She said to tell you she was ‘The Assassin’.” Everyone looked at Josh.
“The Assassin?” He asked.
“Did I need to send some agents over?” Leo asked. Josh thought a moment as he gathered his things.
“No, I think I know who it is. But just as a precaution, Donna, if I’m not out in an hour come in and tell me I have to go to the thing, wherever the thing is. You'll think of something. OK?”
“If you say so.”
                Josh took a deep breath then opened the door to his office. The brunette who had been sitting in his chair, swung around to face him.
“Ah, Lisa. I thought it might be you. The Assassin, that’s cute. Leo was ready to send the cavalry over here to protect me.”
“And would have been right to.”
“I know you don’t have a weapon on you because you wouldn’t have made it into the building.”
“Not one that you can see anyway.” Josh took a step back but was stopped by his office door and laughed nervously.
“You’re kidding me right?”
“Maybe.” She said getting up from his desk. “Here, take your chair back.” As she sat in one of the chairs in front of his desk, he eyed her suspiciously.
“Why are you here?”
“Do you remember what you promised me before you left on the train that night?”
“Yes….”
“Do you remember what I said I would do?” Josh swallowed hard and he started to take a sip out of his water bottle that he’d left on his desk. He looked at it, looked at her and but the bottle down. “Relax; I didn’t put anything in your water. Although it would have been a great opportunity to do so.”
“So you’re really here to kill me?”
“I should. Josh, how could you?! I gave you and Sam my blessing only to find out that the two of you are no longer together. What in the hell happened?”
“It was all my fault Lisa.”
“I figured as much.”
“You hear about what happened at Rosslyn? Well, I had been hearing things that people knew we were a couple and I didn’t tell Sam. I just didn’t want anything to happen to him or anyone else. And when he suggested that we move in together, I basically gave him the silent treatment for three weeks then broke up with him in the Oval Office.” Lisa was stunned.
“In front of the President?”
“Yeah, he had actually called us into the office because people were noticing changes between us. Everything just came up and out. I was wrong, I know I was wrong.”
“You’re damn right! You trusted Sam with everything else and you couldn’t talk to him about this? Why?”
“I just couldn’t. I didn’t’ want him to worry Lisa. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I had to sacrifice our relationship to keep us safe.”
“Was there a threat?”
“Actually there was. A reporter had been receiving pictures but didn’t know where they came from. He hasn’t said if he's gotten any new ones, but you never know. How did you find out that we broke up?”
“I’m writing for Vogue Magazine now. I’ve been in and out of the country for the better part of a year. They were talking about interviewing fashionable women lawyers. Ainsley Haynes name came up. Someone mentioned that I might want to interview her boyfriend Sam Seaborn, a lawyer who works for the White House as well.”
“Oh.” Josh said.
“Ainsley? What kind of name is that? And she’s blonde and a Republican. A Republican Josh?”
“I know, I know.”
“Do you think he really loves her?”
“I don’t know. I guess so.”
“Joshua, have-”
“Please don’t use that form of my name. Only my mother does that.”
“Maybe I need to punish you like a mother would. Joshua, have you ever known Sam to lie?”
“No. In fact I think he’s incapable of it.”
“Well, have you ever known him to lie to himself?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Do you think Sam would ever lie to himself to stay in a relationship with someone else?”
“I don’t know.”
“I saw his eyes when he told me about you and how you felt about each other. I believe he really and truly loves you more than himself. However, he won’t admit it now. Only you can fix this Josh.”
“I know, in time I will.”

“You better. I expect nothing less.”

Fixing it…
Josh thought about what he needed to do to fix things between him and Sam. And he agreed with Ben that the relationship might not be salvageable, the friendship most definitely was. He drove around D.C. one very cold Saturday that they were off. He finally had the courage and words to say to see Sam. After driving to his building Josh hated that he had asked for the keys back. It was beginning to rain and since he no longer had access to the garage, he had to park on the street. The closest spot was about a three-minute walk. Were it just cold it would have been fine but it was cold and raining and didn’t have an umbrella.
                He walked into the building and over to the intercom phone in the lobby, dripping wet to call Sam’s apartment.
“Three G?” came Sam’s voice over the phone.
“Hey Sam, its Josh. Are you busy? I need to come up and talk to you.” Sam was quiet on the other end. “It won’t take long; I promise.”
“Come on up.” Josh hung up the house phone and Sam buzzed him in the door. Once Josh stepped onto the third floor, butterflies filled his stomach. Saying he was nervous was an understatement. He rang the bell and Sam answered promptly.
“Hey.” Josh said. “Can I come in?” Sam stepped aside so Josh could enter.
“You’re soaked! Is it raining?”
“Yeah, I thought it was going to be later this evening, but no.”
“Give me your coat.” Josh took it off and Sam hung it on the coat rack. “You hardly wear gloves so hands are probably cold. You want coffee or hot chocolate?”
“Coffee’s good if you have some made.”
“Always.” Sam disappeared into the kitchen and Josh sat down on the couch, making himself at home. Well, it used to be half his home.
“What have you been up to today?”
“Laundry.” Sam replied. “It’s weird no body was in the laundry room today. Had my pick of washers and dryers.”
“That’s rare with all the people in this building.”
“I know.” Sam said returning to the living room with a cup of coffee for both of them. Sam sat next to him. Josh let the hot liquid warm his hands and a few sips warm his insides.
“You changed brands. This is pretty good.”
“I saw a commercial for one and I thought I’d try it. It’s not bad.”
“No, not bad at all.”
“So what brings you out on this cold dreary day?”
“You actually.”
“Me?”
“Uh…yea. I need to do something that I thought I did but I didn’t.”
“You’re loosing me.”
“I came to apologize to you Sam.” He said setting down his cup.
“Apologize for what?”
“For breaking your heart. I made a promise to you that I never would break it and I thought I was keeping you safe. I should have talked about my suspicions with you because you were my partner and best friend; we weren’t supposed to keep things from each other. Ever. And I did. I’m so sorry Sam.” Sam was shocked. Josh did the one thing he never expected him to do.
“Josh, I…I don’t know what to say.”
“I also am sorry that I was an asshole to you. I never should have been. You loved me with all your heart, gave me all of you and I literally treated you like shit for three weeks.” Tears came to Josh’s eyes. “You have been the sweetest person to me and you didn’t deserve that.”
“Josh…” Sam’s voice trailed off because he was chocking back tears himself.
“I’m also sorry for not apologizing sooner. After talking with Ben, I thought that I had at least said I was sorry but I realized that I hadn’t. I never should have gone this long with out telling you how I sorry I was. And I’m so-” Sam grabbed Josh’s hands, tears streaming down both their faces.
“Josh, stop apologizing.”
“Sam I have to; I have to make amends for what I did. I hadn’t even cried about us until that night with Ben. Almost a year and I hadn’t cried about us. What kind of lover and partner does that make me? Huh? I didn’t even cry at the fact that I had broken your heart! Or the fact that I was hurting too.”
“Oh Josh…” Sam said trying to wipe Josh’s tears away.
“No, Sam. I know I’m late and I have to try and fix this. My actions led you to the arms of someone else when I could have prevented it and then fixed it before it was too late. I love you. I never stopped loving you. I tried dating other people but I couldn’t. I just….couldn’t picture myself without you. I am miserable without you. I don’t smile anymore because I don’t have a reason to smile. I don’t laugh much; I don’t have any happiness in my life because you’re happy with someone else.” Sam took Josh’s head in his hands and kissed his forehead in an attempt to quiet him down.
“It may not be happiness much longer.”
“Why not?”Josh was trying not to sound too excited and show more concern.
“Ainsley said I talk in my sleep and I was begging you not to leave me. And that I told you I loved you.” Josh’s eyes widened at those words.
“You still love me? You mean you don’t… hate me?”
“Baby, I couldn’t hate you forever. I love you too much for that.”
“I don’t understand; I treated you so badly.”
“I know and for a while I did hate you and I didn’t want to hear your name or anything associated with you. I eventually realized that you were hurting too but didn’t want me to know you were. So I got over my anger because I couldn’t be mad at you and work with you or be in a relationship with someone else.”
“I can’t believe you still love me.”
“Ainsley asked me if I would ever take you back, if you asked.” Josh felt a little hope in his heart.
“Would you?”
“I told her there was something you would have to do but that I didn’t think you would.”
“Which was?”
“Apologize. I never thought you would apologize to me.” Sam’s tears choked his words. “I thought you didn’t think I was worthy of an apology. That you didn’t care enough.”
“Oh Sam, I am so sorry I had you thinking that. God I have messed up so bad.”
“But you apologized and I can see how serious you are in your eyes and I can feel it in your soul. You apologized. And I accept your apology. I forgive you Josh.”
“What?” Josh couldn’t believe his ears. “You forgive me for…”
“Everything, I forgive you for everything.” Sam pulled Josh into his arms.
“Oh my God Sam I never expected this when I came over here! I never…” They held each other tightly, bodies shaking from their tears. Josh felt like he needed to look deep in Sam’s blue eyes to know the truth. Sam wasn’t lying; Josh could feel that he had been forgiven. Sam leaned forward and gently kissed Josh. Josh kissed back and they kissed until they needed to breathe.
“I love you.” Sam said.
“I love you too. I can’t believe that we made it to this point. Now what?”
“I need a little time, you know with Ainsley and to myself.”
“Please take all the time you need. Let me know when you’re ready.”

“I will, I promise I will.”

Josh and Sam…
                Since the day of Josh’s apology, things immediately improved between the two. The friendship seemed like it came back over night. Sam needed some time to talk with Ainsley, to tell her what had happened. She knew Sam still had feelings for him and now that Josh was forgiven, she knew there could be no more them. They parted as friends, even though she was broken hearted. But Ainsley knew after their conversation that night that she would probably lose Sam. She made a deal with herself not to date another bisexual man; it was too much for her to deal with.
                Josh waited patiently for Sam to come to him. Everyone in the White House and whomever worked with them immediately realized there was a change. The week after the reconciliation baffled the Senior Staff. No one knew what hit them. Meetings were filled with plenty of Josh and Sam banter. Annoying as it could be at times, it was greatly missed.
                It was a cold Friday night and Josh had only been home about twenty minutes when he heard the doorbell. He wasn’t expecting anyone. When he opened the door, there was Sam standing on the stoop in what appeared to be the beginnings of snow.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
“I have dinner. Our favorites from the China Palace and beer and sodas.”
“Food is always welcome at this house.” Sam entered and Josh took the food into the dining room so Sam could take off his coat. Sam was rubbing his hands together. “I see you didn’t wear your gloves either huh?” he asked referring to the day he came to Sam’s apartment.
“You know I don’t like to wear them while driving.” Josh had gone into the kitchen to get plates and glasses.
“You should buy some driving gloves.”
“But they’re made of leather. They don’t keep your hands warm, they just help you steer the wheel better.”
“But still…”
“Nah, I like my warm gloves, just not while I’m driving. That’s what the heater is for.”
“Well, I appreciate you driving in the near snow to bring dinner. What’s the occasion?” Sam turned Josh towards him and held his hands.
“Time’s up.”
“Huh?”
“I’m ready.”
“Ready for…?”
“Ready to be us again, in love again. I’m ready to love again.”
“You sure?” Josh asked.
“Yes. I’ve taken all the time I need and I’m ready. I’m more than ready.” Sam said as he leaned forward to kiss Josh. “I love you.”
“I love you.” Josh replied smiling the biggest smile he ever could. “So you know what his means don’t you?”
“What?”
“New anniversary date. What’s today’s date?”
“March 6^th.”

“Ok, March 6^thit is.”

Santa Ana, CA
“The card is from Ainsley.”
“Really?” Josh asked. “She’s never sent us a card before has she?”
“Not that I can remember. That’s nice of her.”
“It is nice of her. Completely unexpected. It’s not as if she had trouble finding us.”
“Maybe she just has something she wanted to say to us. Anyway we’ll read it when you get here.”
“Any others arrive yet?”
“One from your mom, but no others yet.”
“Cool. So tell me more about your day handsome.”

“Well…”

A/N2: Well, there we go. The complete past of Josh and Sam. This chapter was less than 8,000 words. Can’t win them all huh? Hope you enjoyed it. You are now one step closer to the anniversary weekend
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The Journey to Love: Love and Politics