Adult-FanFiction.org : Television / Streaming

Blind Chess	By : madradena Category: Star Trek > The Next Generation Views: 1334 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own ST:TNG, nor the characters. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
After leaving the holodeck, Emma staggered to Beverly's quarters. She felt she was so exhausted by the day's events as if she had just finished a marathon. She felt so horrible that she wanted nothing but to simply collapse on Bev's couch and after complaining about the injustice of the universe, just cry her eyes out. She was hoping Bev could offer some alcohol - the real stuff and not synthetic - to speed up the process. She pressed the doorchime and waited, but nothing happened. She frowned, it was late, and the day was long for Bev too, where was she? She tapped her combadge.
"Jones to Crusher."
But it was the computer's voice that answered "The combadge of Doctor Crusher is currently in Do-Not-Disturb mode."
"Great. Is she in sickbay?" Emma asked grumbling.
"Doctor Crusher is currently in her quarters."
Emma's brows ran up her forehead "I beg your pardon."
"Doctor Crusher is..."
"I heard it, shut up, bitch!" she snapped irritated and examined the closed door for a few more moments "So. The grumpy Frenchman finally crossed the finish line. Swell! And no other day was good for screwing but the one, when I wanted to acquire the good doctor's attention for myself alone." she grumbled on "I'll need to kill Bev at least twice tomorrow for keeping secrets from me..." She sighed and walked off the corridor.
In the darkened bedroom, two pairs of eyes were staring at each other listening intently whether the intruder would try the doorchime again or they could continue with their activities undisturbed.
Emma walked on the corridor slouching. Yesterday night, she was the one who got her combadge placed in DND mode. And here she was now, all alone. As she walked into Ten Forward and found a place for herself to sit as far from everybody else as possible, she was already in the process of wrapping herself up in self-pity. Luckily enough, Ten Forward offered real alcoholic beverages too, not only synthehol. As she was drinking her third vodka-orange, she stopped fighting against recalling that unforgettable night. How attentive he was! How passionate! How tender! How gentle - but firm and decisive at the same time! It was all she ever dreamed of. And now... still a little sore and tired from their night together, she was sitting there all alone...
Was it worth it? Was it worth it to be right? What if he started doubting their relationship? Just because she couldn't get herself to accept his decision. But why couldn't he see how wrong it all was?! It was such a lousy reason to say that he was doing it to stay on the ship with her. It was wrong too. All the more so, that they'd been going out for only two months, and he never told her how he felt about her. It was just so uncertain... She swallowed the last of her drink. And then there was the question: did he actually love her? Was he able to love her? It was a very complex thing to feel after all, and his emotion generating chip gave him basic emotions only - at least this is how he explained it to her. Was this feeling beyond his capabilities? She sighed. It was always shocking to realize that he was not just simply a guy... She needed another shot!
"I'll have another one..." she mumbled holding her empty glass out to the waiter, stepping up to her table, not even looking up at whoever was standing next to her.
"The one thing that you need is some talk." she heard a familiar voice and raised her head to meet Guinan's kind gaze with her hazy one.
Emma stared into her dark eyes for a long moment then a chuckle blurted through her lips "Ya like listenin' to complaining, don't ya? Alright! I tell you how horrible the universe is. And how pitiful I am in it. Come, come." she patted the couch next to her, taunting even herself and a forced laugh escaped her.
Guinan smiled and shook her head "No. I had another person in mind for you to talk to. Someone who could actually answer the questions that are eating away at you." she told her and moved away a little, so Emma finally could spot Juliana standing a few steps from them, watching them.
Emma imagined Data learning about her getting drunk and talking nonsense from his own mother and felt panic gripping her "Oh, no! No way! It's bad enough that I'm drunk, but I can't talk to HER like this!" she pleaded, but Guinan just smiled her sinister smile and motioned for Juliana to sit next to Emma. The elder woman stepped up to the table, and as she locked gazes with Emma, Guinan discretely took the younger woman's glass from the table in front of her, and walked off.
Juliana sat next to Emma and smiled at her ruefully "I'm sorry this mission upsets you this much. But I think I can understand you. There are a few places I wouldn't want to go back to ever again in my life." she told her remembering how the colony on Omicron Theta was destroyed.
"It's not just that..." Emma shook her head not having the strength anymore to keep up the façade of the strong Amazon she always tried to, and all her troubles just flooded out of her "I'll have to meet my husband and believe me, if I next saw that man only in hell, that would be too soon. But if that wasn't enough, everybody around me kept silent about where we are going! Everybody! And on top of that, there's this court martial! Data never even mentioned it. He never even gave the slightest sign of having any kind of trouble. If I have to think back on our last two months together, he always seemed so happy, so carefree. And it turns out that he was fighting for his life!" she shook her head tiredly again "We had a huge fight about it all... I don't even know how we will go on... Yesterday, my biggest concern was that I wasn't sure if the guy I love loves me in return - and now? My whole life just fell apart..." she put her forehead into her palm as she propped herself up on the table.
"You'll find a way to go on, if both of you want this relationship the way you seemed to yesterday." Juliana told her on a soothing voice, but Emma just glanced at her disillusioned. Juliana took the younger woman by the shoulder and turned her to her smiling comfortingly "Emma, there are ups and downs. Sometimes, you fight. Don't be afraid of that."
Emma shrugged "I know that. I've been married for ten years..." she sighed recalling her past two months with him "But it was just so different with him. So completely different. It was like a dream. I thought... I thought it was never going to end." she sighed again ruefully.
"It cannot end because of one single fight, Emma. No relationship does."
"No, but..." she bowed her head almost ashamed, and Juliana was hit by the realization.
"You have doubts." she whispered stunned.
After a long moment, Emma nodded. She didn't dare to look up at the elder woman as she started to talk "The time we spent together... was so wonderful... What if... what if this was just something preset, predefined... something that wasn't him but... somebody who programmed what he is like... And what if that has its limits..."
Juliana took a moment to understand her confused sentences "You're asking whether Data was programmed to fall in love?" she asked finally.
Emma looked at her and swallowed hard "Can he actually fall in love? Or was he only programmed to seem that way? Can he feel the emotion?"
Juliana gazed away thoughtfully to give a proper answer to her question. Then looked back into her expectant eyes "Well, he was programmed to emulate certain behavioural patterns, Emma. To try to copy how others acted around him until he finally could understand WHY people acted one way or the other and could decide on how to act in a certain situation himself. There ARE certain predefined human idiosyncracies programmed in him, like the need to settle down with one woman instead of womanizing, or to pursue creative activities, or his sexual orientation. Those are things that are predefined, yes." she looked into Emma's eyes and smiled reassuringly "But we never programmed him to deceive you into believing that he loves you. If he seems to love you, that is most probably because he does love you. You don't need to doubt him. You mean a lot to him, that's plain to see. Believe me, Emma, I've never seen my son more human than last night when the two of you sat there at the dinner table with me... and looked at each other with that gaze."
Emma bowed her head trying to wrap her mind around what she heard - but she could barely wrap her mind around anything right now. Juliana saw that too and gently took her hand "You should go home and sleep, my dear."
Emma raised her head sharply at this "No! I won't! If I do, I'll have to say 'sorry', but first he has to say 'sorry'! And then I can too. But not before that!" she shook her head stubbornly like a child.
Juliana chuckled softly "Just the way Noonian and I was on Terlina. There was a full week, when we didn't even say a word to each other after a fight." Emma looked at her curiously though her gaze was still a little hazy as Juliana went on "He thought he was right! And I thought I was right! - I don't even remember the topic! But we were stubborn as a mule! Finally, one of his experiments went wrong, and we had to put out a small fire together. Afterwards, we just laughed at the whole stupidity." she gazed away smiling.
Emma listened to her propping her chin on her hand "You miss him, don't you?" she blurted without thinking.
Juliana looked at her as if waken from a dream and realizing that her recalled memory had a witness. After a moment, she nodded wordlessly.
Emma sighed "He must've been an extraordinary man if you still love him so much. After so many years." she went on musing.
Juliana smiled ruefully "Well, I won't take offence now for your pointing out my age, your slightly intoxicated state is a good excuse for being blunt." she joked then nodded "He was. He was..." she shook her head "There's no one like him. No one even in the vicinity."
Emma raised her head from her hand and cocked her head curiously "Not even your second husband?" she pried on - it seemed that all of her restrains left her with the effect of alcohol.
But Juliana seemed honest in not taking offence for her bluntness. She thought about it for a moment then decided that Emma was the one person she could completely be honest with "No, not even him..." she told her on a silent voice "And you know what the strangest of it all is? ...Ever since Pran died, I've felt a terrible loss. But slowly, I realized it wasn't for Pran. ...It's horrible to say it. But it's not for the husband I lost only months ago. It's for Noonian. And as time passes by, I'm missing him more and more. As if it was slowly dawning on me that we can never make up for all the lost years. As if I hadn't been able to grief for him, years ago, when I learned that he was... he was gone... and now it's coming back to haunt me."
After a moment of silence, Juliana felt two arms clasped firmly around her, and she smiled as she returned Emma's sudden embrace. Emma cried softly into the elder woman's shoulder "I'm so sorry..." she sniffed "I wish I could give your lost love back!" she moaned, and Juliana felt a little embarrassed by her sudden outburst of emotion as the younger woman started to talk "I wish I could get my own lost love back! I feel the same as you do, ya know? That there's no one like him! No one, you know? And I'm screwing it up! I'm screwing it up because I'm just so afraid." she pulled away a little wiping her eyes and looked into Juliana's eyes really desperate "I'm so scared of going there! I'm scared for everybody! What if something happens to one of us on that planet? What if something happens to HIM on that planet? What if Ed realizes that we are a couple, and he takes revenge? And I was the one who was so selfish that I brought him down there! I could have told him the same as I did to Deanna, that he should stay aboard the Enterprise, but I just can't go there alone! I can't even think about going there without him! ...I should do something to save all of us from this! I should just hijack the Enterprise and turn it around as long as we can escape!" Juliana could feel from her words that alcohol definitely took its toll on Emma's logical thinking. The younger woman took her hand and gazed into her eyes determined "Come on! You could help me! The Captain is screwing Bev now anyways, no one would notice if we went there and took over the ship!" she started to stand up, but Juliana pulled her back into the chair.
"No, no, Emma!" Juliana told her a little embarrassed "Stay here with me. Let's talk more."
Emma sighed "You don't believe me, do ya?" she asked disappointed.
"I do, I do believe you. I just..." Juliana had to think quickly to say something believable enough to make the younger woman stay with her instead of walking up the Bridge drunk and trying to get the helmsman to do as she wanted to. "Look... I haven't had a chance to talk about these things with anybody. I left my friends on Atrea and haven't had the time to make new friends on Earth yet. It's good to talk to somebody so honestly as I can talk to you." and she was surprised to find that her makeshift excuse was actually true.
Emma seemed to reconsider her plans for tonight at that. She then squeezed the elder woman's hand "I'll stay with ya. And I'll listen to you. You can tell me whatever ya like!" she told her attentively, and Juliana glanced away with an embarrassed smile - now what?
Beverly walked on the corridor to Data's place feeling very guilty. She knew it was Emma who rang the doorchime two hours ago, and she knew she should have been there for her - she must have felt horrible. But now she was gonna make it right. Even if Emma would be angry, she'd put up with it and would comfort her.
She pressed the doorchime and heard Data's voice saying 'come' as the door slid open. She stepped in and saw Data holding Spot close while sitting at his desk. Seeing her walking through the door, he instantly stood, letting Spot go on the floor. As he stepped up to her, she was stunned to see the profound sadness reflected in his eyes. She was struck by the thought that, though he had no outward physical sign of it, he seemed to have been crying!
"Doctor Crusher." he greeted her on his usual silent voice "What can I do for you?"
"I came to talk to Emma, but--"
"She's not here." he cut in "She wanted to be alone. She said she would sleep over at your place or would go back to her own quarters. Since you're here looking for her, I suppose she went home."
"It's easy to find out." she smiled at him and raising her head a little, she asked "Computer. Locate Lieutenant Emma Jones."
"Lieutenant Jones is at Ten Forward." the computer replied.
Beverly winced at that "Knowing her, she's not having a simple syntheholic party. I better check on her."
Data nodded concerned "Please, take care of her, Doctor." he told her on such a low voice that she barely heard him.
Beverly nodded and started for the door. After a few steps, she stopped and turned back to see his expression once again. He stood there forlorn as if loneliness wrapped around him like some thick coat. Beverly walked back to him and touched his arm. He looked at her confused, almost shocked at the touch.
"You had a fight, didn't you?" Beverly asked knowing the answer already.
Data seemed thoughtful for a long moment then looked at her cautiously "I'm reluctant to talk about it, Doctor. I'm not sure how she would react if she learned that I talked to you about our problems."
"Forget about that for a moment, and just talk to me..." she told him stroking his arm gently, he bowed his head timidly, and she pushed him on "Data, I've barely ever seen you so sad and even... tired before. I don't want to leave you here just like that." she told him on a soft voice, and he could hear how concerned she was.
Data looked into her eyes questioningly "You know I cannot get tired, Doctor."
Beverly nodded "Exactly this is why I'm worried for you, Data." she slid her hand down his arm and took his hand gently in hers.
He bowed his head, and Beverly waited for him to talk. Finally, he raised his head, and she could see tears in his eyes "I tried to do the right thing. And now the two most important people in my life are angry at me and are very disappointed in me. And I cannot see where I erred. I keep asking myself what I should have done differently..."
"Did they tell you why they're angry at you?"
He sighed and wiped his face embarrassed. He decided to talk about the less painful part: "Geordi is angry because I didn't tell him about the court martial. And that I asked Doctor Maddox to do this procedure instead of him..." he shrugged a little "It seemed he forgave me but... I just don't see how I should have acted. I really don't think he would have been happy doing this procedure, yet he is now disappointed that I didn't ask him! I really don't understand!" he told her frustrated.
She squeezed his hand in hers "He feels you shut him out, and he couldn't stand there with you at the court martial, and he couldn't stand up for you the way a best friend does." she smiled at him comfortingly "He would want to protect you the same way you try to protect him."
He sighed and looked at her a little stubborn "If he wants to protect me because that's what best friends do, why is he angry at me for doing the same thing for him?"
Beverly smiled at this and shook her head "I think Geordi is more frustrated than angry, Data. You see, I felt some frustration too on hearing about your court martial. But I understand that you didn't want to talk about it. And I respect your wish. Believe me, Geordi does too. But it's difficult to accept the decision the court martial made. We all care about you. It's difficult to stand by and watch the one thing you wanted all your life taken away from you." her silent voice just drew more tears to his eyes, and he wiped his face with his hand once again.
"I know you care about me." he whispered "This is why I want to go along with the procedure. Because I want to stay on board. This is where I belong! The Enterprise is my home, and you are my family. I don't want to leave... I don't think Emma understands this. She needs to fight everything." he confessed his own disappointment finally bowing his head.
She squeezed his hand again "Oh, don't think that Emma doesn't see these things as clearly as you and I do! She does understand. But she cannot stand being the passive observant in any situation. Eventually, she will realize that you need her now to accept your decision and support you in going along with it."
Data shook his head "No. You haven't seen her, Doctor Crusher. She was beyond furious. And not only because of my decision. But because of the mission as well. I will be very surprised, if she ever wants to come home to me."
"She blamed you for not telling her about where we're going." Beverly concluded the basis of Emma's anger.
"Yes, she did. What should I have done, Doctor? It was my duty to keep silent about all the details of the mission. So what should I have done?" he asked her really puzzled again.
Beverly shook her head "Just what you actually did. You know, Emma sometimes tries to evaluate her relationships by testing the people involved. And these tests are easy to fail. I failed it as much as you did, Data. Don't think that I won't be in for trouble." she chuckled wryly "But she will need to understand that it's not fair to make her loved ones choose between their duty and their love for her. It just doesn't work that way. And you must not feel guilty about doing your job."
"Why does she do this, Doctor? What is the point in testing somebody in a way that makes him or her almost certainly fail?" he asked taken aback.
Beverly winced slightly "It's not the easiest thing to explain. But if somebody is so untrusting as Emma, she would eventually not only expect people to betray her, but actually she will make them betray her. In a way, this is laziness. It's a lot easier to regard the world to be an unfriendly, untrustworthy place instead of evaluating everything and everybody in it for what and who they are. We, you and I, and her other friends on the Enterprise fall out of the unfriendly nature of the world. We are anomalies. She sometimes needs to convince herself that we are just as untrustworthy as everybody else. It makes her feel safe." she almost seemed a little taunting.
"But that's completely illogical, Doctor!" Data gaped.
"No, Data. She feels that's the only way she can protect herself. If nobody is trustworthy, she can keep her guards up all the time. It's safer than to let you or me in. The catch is that she already let us in. She may try to scare us away all she wants, we are already there. And in the morning, she will regret that she fought with you. You're too important for her now to simply let you go just because she needs to be right."
"I wish I was as optimistic about it as you are." Data hang his head disillusioned.
"Oh, come on! Why are you two doing this?" she asked frustrated, but she was smiling as Data looked at her questioningly. She went on "In the morning, I have to convince her that you love her, in the evening I have to convince you that she loves you. Why don't you just say it to each other instead?"
Data gaped at her "She really..." he started disbelievingly, but suddenly his combadge went off.
"Ten Forward to Commander Data" they heard Guinan's voice coming through the channel.
They looked at each other surprised, frowning as Data pressed his combadge "Data here."
"Hi! There's a girlfriend for you to collect at my bar."
Data gaped bewildered, and they exchanged worried glances with Beverly "Is she alright?" he asked finally.
"Oh, she's fine. But sleeping in a bed would be more comfortable for her than sleeping on a table."
Data looked really shocked as he blinked a few times then nodded "I'm on my way, Guinan. Please take care about her till I arrive."
"Will do that. Have done so far. Take it easy. Ten Forward out." Guinan finished, and Data and Beverly strode out of his quarters wordlessly.
- 12
- 13
- 14
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Blind Chess