In My Life

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where's the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need
--Jim Steinman

Autolycus checked his watch again. "I'm starting to think I've been stood up." he sighed regretfully.

"Traffic's bad in L.A." said Hercules. "Especially if you haven't been living here awhile."

"I'll give her another half hour." Autolycus decided, taking out another cigarette.

"Sure you wanna do that?" asked Hercules. "You don't want to meet your date smelling like cigarettes."

"Maybe you're right." Autolycus put the cigarettes away. "I'll go with the breath mints." He took a box of Tic-Tacs out of his pocket and put a couple in his mouth before offering some to Hercules.

"Thanks." said Hercules, taking one. "You should really consider quitting, Autolycus. If not for yourself, then for others."

"Come on, Hercules, you know all that second-hand smoke malarkey is a line of bullshit."

"Maybe. But, I've dated a couple of smokers. It really is like licking an ashtray."

"Yeah." Autolycus gave a mischievous smile. "I heard you were quite the ladies' man on the set of /Hercules/."

Hercules blushed a little. "Well, I was surrounded by a lot of beautiful, charming women. And, there wasn't much to do in New Zealand. Of course, once I met Sam, I didn't really /want/ anyone else."

"Did you and that Michael Hurst guy ever...you know...visit the casting couch?"

"Oh no!" Hercules said with an emphathetic shake of his hands. "He was married with a kid. I don't touch married people."

"Ever want to?"

"Michael is a professional actor of superb talent and a nice guy besides." Hercules said evenly. "And that's all I'll say about that."

"Ah." Autolycus decided it might be a good idea to change the subject. "So, besides Hollywood actor Kevin Sorbo, have you been anyone else famous over the centuries?"

"Well, I was Sir Percival."

"You were one of the Knights of the Round Table?"

"Yeah."

"You dance when e'er you're able?" Autolycus gave a cheeky grin.

"Oh, please, don't do the whole song!"

"I won't." Autolycus promised. "How'd you get to be a knight?"

"Well, I had already met King Arthur due to an adventure involving a time travel spell. When 500 AD rolled around, I decided I'd better go to Britannia and check up on him, just to make sure things were turning out as they should. It was Merlin's idea for me to use the name Percival. He put a glamour spell on me so Arthur wouldn't recognize me. I joined Arthur's army, fought some battles, slew a dragon, yadda, yadda, got knighted."

"And what? You killed all the remaining dragons?"

"It's sad what became of the dragons." sighed Hercules. "After Theodosius' ruling that anything not 'in the image of God'," Hercules made quote marks with his fingers. "Was subservient to man, a lot of good dragons disappeared along with the centaurs. The evil dragons stayed behind to torch crops and eat maidens as was expected of them. By 950, they were mostly killed off."

"So, what was it like being a knight in shining armor?"

"In the sixth century, plate armor hadn't been invented yet. We wore chain mail."

"Fine. What was it like being a knight in chain mail armor, then?"

Hercules had to think a minute. "I never did like riding a horse." he said. "Oh, I can do it, to be sure, but, I never liked the idea of being carried by a creature I could pick up and carry myself."

"You don't have the same problem with cars."

"A car can move faster than I can."

"Still, it would be cool to see you lift up a car like Superman."

"I was almost Superman."

"No kidding?"

"I went to open auditions for /Lois and Clark/. They liked my Superman, but they said my Clark Kent needed work. They went with Dean Cain."

"Ah, maybe they just wanted someone with dark hair." Autolycus chuckled as a thought slipped into his mind. "Would've been fun to see you in tights and a cape, though."

"It would've been more comfortable than armor." said Hercules. "The weight didn't bother me, but it was pretty bulky."

"So, Sir Percival," Autolycus smiled. "You're one of the knights who found the Holy Grail. What's the story with that? You never struck me as the type who would go gallivanting off after some rusty old artifact just because a god snapped his fingers at you. Not even if it was /the/ God. Not without a good reason."

"Well, first of all," said Hercules. "Don't believe everything you read....

"For starters, Galahad wasn't the great pure and modest hero he's made out to be. The only reason he got knighted is because his father was Lancelot. I guess Lancelot felt a little guilty about not being around when Galahad was growing up, so he put in a good word with Arthur in an attempt to make up for it."

"Are the stories about Lancelot true?"

"Just the ones that talk about what a man-slut he was. And Galahad wasn't much better. He had this delusion that God gave him the destiny to be the greatest knight that ever lived. Truth was, he barely knew which end of the sword to use. He loved boasting about his great deeds, if by boasting you mean lying out his ass."

"Sounds a little like Joxer before he wised up." Autolycus said fondly.

"Oh no." Hercules shook his head. "Joxer was too brave for his own good sometimes, but Galahad was a complete coward. One little dragon would send him running for his mommy. And Joxer wasn't completely delusional."

Autolycus had to think for a moment. "No. Not completely." He smiled as he thought of his long gone beloved. "He really just wanted the acceptance of others. Once he learned to accept himself the way he was, he stopped trying to be something he wasn't."

"Galahad was more like Don Quixote than Joxer." said Hercules. "Only, not so terribly obsessed with keeping up the code of chivalry. To be honest, not all that many knights upheld the code of chivalry."

"I'll bet you did."

"As best as I could. I paid lip service to the whole bit about worshipping God. It's hard to worship a god when you've met them and realized they're just humans with a few fancy powers. Well, back to Galahad. He was actually a bit of an embarrassment to Camelot, so Arthur made up the Holy Grail quest just to get him out of the castle."

"Oh, I get it!" Autolycus laughed. "The whole quest for the Holy Grail was just a spin on the old 'elbow grease' gag. Malakos sent me to look for elbow grease when I was a kid, so you know that gag is an old one."

"I was told to go with him." said Hercules. "I didn't really want to. I had been defending a few nearby hamlets from dragons and marauders and felt I was more useful there than being some blowhard's baby-sitter. Arthur said he just wanted Galahad out of his hair for awhile, not dead. Let's just say Arthur had grown some morals since the last time I met him and leave it at that.

"Well, Galahad and I rode out on our 'quest'. Not three days away from Camelot, we heard a dragon roar and the sound of someone fighting it. Galahad ran and hid faster than you can say 'Brave Sir Robin', but I got off the horse and ran towards it.

"There was this great, green dragon that seemed to be toying with this other knight who, even in armor, barely came up to my shoulder. The dragon was demanding the knight's horse, but the knight refused and had sword drawn and shield ready. The standard on the shield was a white flower, nothing I recognized. I drew my sword walked up to the dragon and told him to leave the knight and his horse alone. The knight seemed a little peeved at me for this. He said he was handling it. The dragon just blew a plume of fire at me. I got out of the way. By the way, did you know metal conducts heat?"

"So, armor isn't good for fighting dragons in?"

"Not very. Chain mail has the advantage of being easier to move in and it's more breathable than plate mail. But, it's still metal, still conducts heat. Usually, if I was deliberately going after a dragon, I'd just go with leather. But, really the only way to take out a dragon is to know where to hit them, and hit them hard and fast. Eyeballs and underbelly are their weak points."

"Hard to get at, I'm guessing."

"Yeah. Because of my strength, I can sometimes cut past their scales hard enough to wound, but mortal blows to a dragon can be tricky even for me. Add to the fact that a wounded dragon is a deadly dragon. This other knight got a few good hacks to the underbelly after it was exposed. Once we both killed the dragon, I held out my hand and introduced myself as Sir Percival of Camelot. He took off his helmet and introduced himself as Sir Bors of the White Flower." Hercules smiled. "The first thing I noticed about Bors when I first saw his face was his eyes. They were a sparkling sky blue, fringed with these long lashes. Kind of reminded me of Iolaus."

"Whoa, don't go there!" warned Autolycus. "You weren't in Greece anymore. If I remember Medieval England correctly, the penalty for shtuping another guy was burning at the stake."

Hercules chuckled and nodded. "It was difficult for me. I was trying hard not to fall in love with Bors, but the more I got to know him, the deeper I got. Galahad wasn't too happy that I was paying attention to this new knight I had invited along on our adventure and ignoring him. Bors had been on his way to Camelot to offer his services to King Arthur. I told him we were Knights of the Round Table ourselves and convinced Bors to join us on our quest. I was desperate for someone besides Galahad for company. I admired Bors for his bravery and skill in fighting the dragon. And I was quickly learning that he was a sweet, funny, decent guy as well. I tried to get him to tell me more about himself. He said his mother was French and his father was a lord who owned some land beyond the hills. He was pretty vague about it."

"You couldn't just rescue a princess like a normal knight, could you?" Autolycus teased.

"Damsels in distress don't do anything for me." said Hercules. "Oh, sure, I'll help them so that they're not so distressed, but I can't fall in love with them. I fall in love with people who have a strength within themselves, the confidence to take on whatever life throws their way.

"Galahad didn't like Bors at all. Kept insulting him. And Bors would respond by challenging Galahad to hand to hand combat. Bors was quite a bit smaller than Galahad, but quick. A real tough scrapper. Bors was a friendly, gentle soul, but he didn't take well to being insulted. I had to break up their fights on occasion. One of Galahad's accusations was that Bors wasn't 21 years old, like he said, but a 14 or 15 year old boy."

"Didn't know you were into that, Hercules."

"I'm not!" Hercules snapped. He sighed, calming down from the sudden anger at such innuendo. "It was disturbing. Bors looked very young. Not tall, but I'm not a good judge on that. We never saw him shave or look like he needed one. And his voice sounded like it hadn't broke yet. But, he didn't act like a boy. He acted like a young man. A bit brash, but charming and intelligent. Didn't handle his sword like a boy either. Back at Camelot, I had protected a few page boys from men with impure intentions, and I was starting to feel like a hypocrite."

"Just remember, Hercules." said Autolycus. "If she says she's 21, but looks 16, she's 12. Same applies to guys too."

Hercules smiled. "Well, Bors was being honest about his age. It was hard to truly approximate age at the time and nearly impossible to prove it, but Bors probably was about 21 years old like he said. Eventually, I learned Bors hadn't been completely honest with me. Well, I hadn't told Bors the whole truth about me either, so I guess we were even.

"We had stopped at this tavern in a town we were passing through. Galahad drew a crowd by telling how he slew the dragon that Bors and I had fought. We decided to just sit back and let him tell his tale. And suddenly, the bandits attacked. They busted in and demanded the barkeeper hand over all his money. The bartender warned him that three brave knights were in his establishment that night. Well, two. Galahad squealed like a pig and hid under a table. One of the bandits laughed at us and poured a pitcher of mead over Bors' head. That's how rumbles get started.

"I tossed two of the bandits out like the garbage they were. Bors was fighting mad and was showing those thugs what a sword was for. I was taking out another bandit when I heard Bors yell "Percival, look out!" just as he slammed into my back. I turned and saw Bors lying on the floor with an arrow in his chest."

"Ouch." Autolycus said sympathetically.

"We were both wearing armor. Had been wearing it almost non-stop the whole trip. Bors and Galahad even slept in their armor. I never could get used to it. But, even with armor, an arrow to the chest can be incapacitating. When plate armor was introduced, they just bounced off, but only chain mail armor was available at that time. When I saw that Bors had taken an arrow for me, I was through playing. I took out the rest of those bandits and carried Bors off to safety.

"I took Bors to a nearby mill stream where I could clean and dress his wounds. He kept trying to push me away, saying 'Leave me alone, I'm fine.' I thought it was just delirium. He was too weak to fight back much. Well, as soon as I got Bors' armor off, I learned the truth. He was actually a she."

"Holy Crying Game, Batman!" quipped Autolycus.

"I think I was relieved on some level." said Hercules. "I hadn't been fantasizing about an underaged boy after all. I cleaned her up, treated her wounds and asked her for the truth while I was at it. Her name was really Blanchefleur and she had run away from home to escape an arranged marriage. I promised to keep her secret, if she'd keep mine. She asked me what secret I could possibly have, and I kissed her."

"Smooth." said Autolycus. "I am impressed. Assuming you didn't get a steel plated knee to the groin afterwards."

"She kissed back. She told me she had been wanting to do that since she first met me. I think I shocked her a little by saying I felt the same way. It was so easy to fall in love with Blanchefleur. In many ways, it was like having Iolaus back. We fought side by side, back to back. She even started calling me 'Perce' the way Iolaus used to call me 'Herc'."

"I'm not so sure if 'purse' makes a good nickname for a guy."

"It didn't have the connotations it has now. Blanchefleur had a fighting spirit and a wicked sense of humor. I'll never forget the secret smiles we shared as we traveled with Galahad. It was so tempting not to take her in my arms and give her the kissing she deserved."

"Ever find the Grail?"

"Well, like you guessed, the whole quest was an update on the elbow grease gag. Galahad found, well, something that was Grail-like in his twisted imagination. We came to the kingdom of Corbenic, ruled by King Pelles. King Pelles was something of an odd eccentric in his elder years. He left most of the duties of rulership to his son, Pelles II- Junior to his friends. They called Pelles I the Fisher King because he had the castle moat stocked with fish and sometimes he'd just sit on the drawbridge and fish. He even invited us to join him.

"When Pelles wasn't fishing, he was moving around the furniture in his castle. He had collected several odds and ends over the years and was never sure where to put it all. Junior gave a lot of it away just to reduce the clutter. Galahad thought it was all part of some big divine conspiracy, but I thought if someone wanted to redecorate, it was their business."

"I don't suppose feng-shui had been invented yet." Autolycus guessed.

"If it had, it hadn't been introduced to the Western world yet. Well, one day, Galahad was telling me about the divine symbolism of these candelabras and an old broken lance that we saw some servants moving about the night before. I don't remember exactly what he was rambling on about. Guess I wasn't listening. Suddenly, he gave out that stupid squeal of his and pointed at something. I asked him what was wrong and he gasped that he saw the Holy Grail. Well, there was this gold colored basin in the corner. Kinda dusty, like it had been forgotten about. It was decorated with jewels. I don't know if they were real or not. I've never been a good judge of gems."

"If I'd been there, I could've told you." said Autolycus. "Was it really gold?"

"I don't think so. Wasn't heavy enough. Blanchefleur could lift it over her head with ease. Galahad claimed it was one of the miraculous feats of the Grail, to be light enough to be lifted easily, though it was made of solid gold."

"Gold plated?" Autolycus guessed.

"It had a gold-colored veneer. Flaking off in places, but Galahad didn't seem to notice. It did have these intricate designs on it, all these wrought metal wreathes around the jewels. Junior told me it was a chamber pot. One of those fancy decorated ones owned by people with more money than they know what to do with. He said if Galahad really wanted it, he could have it, so we decided to go back to Camelot.

"Autolycus, you've heard the phrase 'Shit happens', right? Galahad was walking around with that chamber pot lifted before him, extolling all the virtues he believed it had, when he forgot there was a stairway in his path. Tumbled end over end. Died an hour later from internal bleeding. Junior was very apologetic. There had been a rug at the top of the stairs he had been meaning to get rid of or at least move. I told him it wasn't his fault. Galahad just wasn't looking where he was going. It was sad, in a way. Galahad was an idiot, but he didn't deserve to die. As he lay dying, he told me he was happy he at least got to see the Grail before he died. He made me promise to bring it back to Arthur. The Pelleses buried him on their land. Seemed only right to respect his last wish and take the Grail back to Arthur.

"The legends say that Galahad was so overjoyed to find the Holy Grail that he died of happiness and ascended bodily into Heaven. Let's just say the truth was stretched- just a tad."

"A tad and a half." said Autolycus. "I mean, it was a chamber pot?"

"Yeah. I kinda felt like I had failed in my mission. I was supposed to keep the fool from killing himself and, well...."

"Shit happens." Autolycus said with a shrug. "But, hey, at least you got the girl. Or boy. Whichever."

"Blanchefleur was a girl. Trust me on this one. When she was a kid, she got her big brother Lionel to teach her how to ride and use a sword, much to her parents' dismay. At age 21, she was considered to be something of an old maid. Not many men were willing to marry a woman as strong and independent as Blanchefleur, but I loved her the way she was.

"We went back to Camelot, where I confessed to Arthur that I hadn't succeeded in keeping Galahad alive. There was mourning in the castle. Yeah, Galahad was a fool, but he was our fool. And, I introduced King Arthur and the other knights to Sir Bors. No one could guess that Sir Bors was really a woman, except for Merlin. Merlin agreed to keep our secret. A few of the ladies of the castle found Bors very attractive. Couldn't blame them. Even with her ash blonde hair in a jaw-length bob, she still had a very pretty face and those long eyelashes. She managed to fend off the ladies by claiming to have taken a vow of chastity."

"Bet they didn't know what the two of you were doing behind closed doors."

"I wanted to marry her. After a few adventures with the knights as Sir Bors, Blanchefleur decided it was time to get rid of Bors and become Lady Blanchefleur again. At one of the Round Table meetings, Sir Bors announced that he had a vision of St. Michael the night before, telling him he needed to go to the Holy Land. It was agreed that Sir Bors needed to prepare for this pilgrimage immediately. The night before Bors was to start his journey, I rode out to a cave on the edge of the moorlands and hid a sidesaddle and some tack that a lady might use on her horse. No one knew about the gown and wimple Bors put in his traveling case. Merlin even helped out by giving her a potion that would grow her hair to waist length."

"Whoa, you know how much people would pay for something that could do that today?"

"One of the potion ingredients was a dram of ground dragon's claw. Hard to come by nowadays. Well, a few days after Sir Bors left on his pilgrimage, a beautiful woman came riding up to the castle. Good thing one white horse looks pretty much like another. She said her name was Lady Blanchefleur and she was on a visit to some relatives when her escort was killed by bandits and, oh, woe was she, for she was but a frail maiden alone in a strange land. Naturally we offered her sanctuary."

"And you just swept her off her feet in a whirlwind romance." Autolycus guessed.

"I stepped forward, helped her off the horse and introduced myself. She made a show of being awed by me, even though we'd known each other for almost a year. I made with the bowing and hand kissing."

"There isn't a woman in the world who doesn't melt for the hand kissing bit." said Autolycus. "Even Xena was charmed by it."

"I appointed myself as Lady Blanchefleur's personal escort. I'd never be far from her side. I'd pull out her chair for her at mealtimes, open doors for her. I made a show of courting her so no one would be too surprised when we announced our engagement."

"I suppose you did the whole flowers and poetry routine."

"Just the flowers. I wanted to woo her, not run her off with my bad poetry. When I started showing up at the Round Table with her scarf tied around my wrist, it was clear she had accepted me as her suitor.

"Arthur and Guinevere had cajoled Blanchefleur for information on her family. Her parents were King Bors and Queen Elaine of Wessex."

"King and queen?" said Autolycus. "She wasn't just a lady, then. She was a princess!"

"I was a bit surprised myself to find out at first, but I decided it didn't matter. It would take a while for them to be contacted and make the trip to Camelot. Her uncle, Gornemant, was closer to Camelot. When her parents arrived, they brought her other uncle, Ban and her brother, Lionel."

"Don't you just love meeting the family?"

"All in all, four men I had to impress. Elaine liked me, but she was a woman, so no one cared what she had to say. Blanchefleur's family wasn't very happy about her running away from home. But, the man they had arranged for her to marry had died of old age so she was off the hook in that respect. I presented myself as the genteel knight that I was to the family and won them over. I humbly asked King Bors for his daughter's hand. He decided one of the Knights of the Round Table was a fit match for his daughter and agreed.

"The wedding was beautiful. We both thought it was a little funny to be married at an altar that had a chamber pot sitting on top of it. Not everyone knew the truth about the Grail. But as long as Blanchefleur and I were together, that's all that mattered. After we took our vows, the priest had a bit of a surprise for us. He said since I had a part in retrieving the Holy Grail, that I'd have the 'honor' of taking Eucharist from it."

"You did remember to clean that thing up, right?"

"Yeah, we cleaned it, polished it, even fixed up the chipping veneer. Still didn't want to drink from it. I humbly told the priest that I was unworthy to drink from a vessel touched by Christ. Blanchefleur declared that if her lord husband was unworthy to drink from the Grail, then she was even more unworthy. The priest was impressed by our sudden piety and poured the sacramental wine in another cup."

"And you lived happily ever after?" asked Autolycus.

"Only fairy tales end that way, Autolycus. I didn't think we'd see Sir Bors again. If he never returned from his pilgrimage, such things happened. Several months into our marriage, a page boy rode up to Camelot asking for help. Invaders had laid siege to Lord Gornemant's castle. Blanchefleur seemed so upset by the news that she fainted. I caught her and carried her off to our room. Of course, she was faking it. She told me she wanted to help her uncle. She wanted to be Sir Bors again.

"I wouldn't stop her. We got Merlin to help us. Instead of just cutting her hair again, Merlin put a glamour spell on her. It was more convincing than the simple page boy cut she used as a disguise. Merlin made it look like Sir Bors had grown a mustache while he was away. The spell even deepened Blanchefleur's voice."

"Just how far did this glamour spell go?" asked Autolycus.

"Well, Blanchefleur knew there was a risk that if she was injured and someone other than me tried to dress her wound, the secret would be out."

"Congrats, Hercules. You were the first person to marry a transsexual."

"The spell was temporary."

"You ever do anything with her while she was a man?" Autolycus raised an eyebrow.

"That's a very personal question, Autolycus. You should be ashamed for asking it. Can I get on with the story?"

"I think I have my answer anyway." Autolycus said with a grin.

"Anyway, Blanchefleur went out the window and climbed down the trellis. I went back downstairs and told the knights that Blanchefleur was sick with worry for her kinsman and I was ready to ride out to his defense. As soon as we got to the stables, who should we meet but Sir Bors? I acted as surprised as anyone else to see him. Bors said that he had a vision of St. Michael again and that he was told we needed him. Arthur told him that we were going to defend Lord Gornemant's castle from invaders and we needed all the help we could get.

"Sir Bors fought as brave a fight as any of us. I felt my heart in my throat when I saw an invader swat him over the head with a sword. If he hadn't been wearing a helmet, he would've died. Fortunately, all it did was leave a bit of a scar.

"We won that battle and returned to Camelot victorious. At supper, I told everyone that Blanchefleur was feeling better now that her uncle was safe, but she was still too ill to come downstairs, the poor, fragile thing. Everyone wanted to know what Sir Bors had done while he was away. Well, Blanchefleur was good at coming up with stories on the spot and came up with wild ones of rescuing damsels and fighting dragons and infidels.

"Sir Bors was back. With Merlin's glamour spell, Blanchefleur could alternate between being herself and being Sir Bors whenever she wanted. There were so many people in Camelot that no one noticed that Bors and Blanchefleur were never seen at the same time. I was sure Sir Bors would be gone for good when Blanchefleur started getting morning sickness. Bors conveniently had another vision and rode off into the sunset. Nine months later, Bors was still gone, but we had little Lohengrin."

"Same one from the opera?"

"Wagner changed a few details of his story, of course."

"Of course. Swans are lousy at pulling boats."

Hercules laughed. "Lolo always loved swans. Guinevere had a few in the castle moat. Whenever Little Lolo saw one, he'd run up to it yelling 'Pretty bird!' And I'd have to pull him back. Swans are pretty, but they can be vicious if they're bothered. When he grew up, Lohengrin made the swan his standard."

"Pretty fitting, considering who his grandfather was." Autolycus smiled. "I heard about what Zeus did with Leda."

"I don't know all the details of that story, Autolycus. And I don't care to. Lohengrin also got his happily ever after with Elsa, but I guess Wagner couldn't end an opera that way."

"Any other kids have you pushing the pram a lot?"

"We had two other children after Lohengrin. Another son named Kardeiz and our daughter, named Elaine after Blanchefleur's mother. Well, not very long after Kardeiz was born, Camelot was besieged by invaders and Sir Bors miraculously appeared again. Then there was the time Hell broke loose when Arthur found out about Lancelot and Guinevere. Sir Bors was back in action, but had to go away again when Blanchefleur was pregnant with Elaine. I had thought about forbidding Blanchefleur from becoming Bors again. I worried about her when she went into battle. About her being hurt, or captured or killed, leaving our children with no mother. But, I knew the only way I could lose Blanchefleur was by holding on too tight. So, when she wasn't pregnant, she'd alternate between being a lady and a knight.

"After Elaine was born, Blanchefleur told me she didn't want any more children. She wasn't going to kick me out of bed, but she was going to start taking silphium and anise to prevent conceiving. I thought three children was all I could sanely take care of, so that was fine with me. We didn't want to run the risk of one of the children running up to Sir Bors and calling him 'Mummy', so we didn't tell them until they were about 12, old enough to keep a secret."

Hercules smiled. "You know what Elaine did when she grew up? She decided she wanted to walk in her mother's footsteps. Blanchefleur had taught her how to ride and use a sword, so Elaine announced she wanted to be a knight too. Merlin put a glamour spell on her and Bors had yet another vision and left for a few days. When Bors returned, he presented his long lost son, Elyan the White. Apparently, while Sir Bors was on a pilgrimage, a witch seduced him with a magic ring. Bors rescued his son from the wicked witch and brought him to Camelot to be trained as a knight. It wasn't very long before Sir Elyan joined the ranks.

Shortly after my daughter became the second woman to secretly join the Round Table, King Bors died of old age. See, Lionel had been killed some years prior by Melehan, a son of Mordred. Sir Bors avenged him, of course. King Bors made me his heir since he had no other sons. I didn't really want to, but I took the crown. Sir Bors had yet another vision of St. Michael commanding him to swear fealty to me. So, he left Camelot, allowing Sir Elyan to fill his seat and joined my retinue in Wessex."

"I heard Mordred was a real piece of work." Autolycus commented.

"Let's just say he's a good argument against incest." Hercules sighed. "In the last, great battle with Mordred, not only was Arthur mortally wounded, but Blanchefleur...Bors...." Hercules seemed unsure which name to use. "Mordred avenged his son's death. Blanchefleur was 56 years old, but still spry enough to fight. However, she was just no match for Mordred's dark magic. With the fall of Camelot and the death of my beloved, I felt it was time to move on. I gave Kardeiz the crown. Lohengrin had chosen to stay in Brabant with Princess Elsa. Elaine served as a knight under her brother's command. And I took a ship heading anywhere."


A/N: I had no idea the song this chapter was named after was by Jim Steinman. He does write some good songs. Anyway, this Monday, check out YouTube. I have it on good authority that Assilem Brandywine should have a music video up by then featuring Hercules telling King Arthur why he’ll never succeed on Broadway.