Big Sister

Dear Diary,

Daddy took us to a funny lady.

Shes big and talks funny and has difrent skin. Daddy sed shes blak but I sed shes not coz her skins brown not blak.

I ask her if she had a baby coz shes as big as Mommy was wen she had Sammy in her.

Daddy looked angry at that but she lafed. She sed shes got no baby but shes just big. I dont no why but she just sed all people are built difrent. I dont no wot that is.

The lady has a funny name but is a super-hero coz she has powers. She helps people and shes gonna help Daddy.

Were stayin at the funny ladys house instead of the motel. Our stuff in the car. She has two other rooms. Daddys gonna take one and me and Dean and Sammy are gonna share the other.

I got Dean to talk. I remember it.

I think I wish he didnt tho. I wish he dint talk then.

Bye.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Catherine tucked the blanket around Sam.

All three were dressed for bed.

Dean looked up at his big sister as he sat beside the crib. One small hand reached through the bars to hold a smaller hand.

Catherine sat down and reached for the book. Opening it on her lap, she began to read.

Sam cooed from the crib, little feet kicking and little fingers gripping Dean's as his eyes stared up at Catherine. His other hand gripped one bar as he sucked on his pacifier.

After Catherine read the book, Sammy was asleep. She set the book aside and stood.

Dean let go of Sam's hand and also stood, tucking the blanket back around his brother. He leant over and pressed a kiss to the baby's head.

Catherine leaned down and pressed a kiss to Sam's head once Dean had moved away. Before her brother could lean back, she pressed a quick kiss to his lips. She turned to gaze at Sam.

"Remember, Sammy." She said. "The Angels are watching over us."

She made her way over to the bed, Dean following.

"I wish you'd stop sayin' that."

Catherine whirled around, a smile on her face. "Dean!"

"I wish you'd stop sayin' that." He repeated.

"What?"

"'That Angels are watching over us.'" He mimicked. "You should stop sayin' it!"

"Why?"

"'Cause that's what Mommy said!" He shouted. "Mommy said it every night as she tucked us in! You're not Mommy!"

"I know. But she said it so we gotta keep sayin' it."

"But it was a lie!"

"No it wasn't!" She cried.

"Yes, it was! If angels were watchin' then Mommy would still be here! She wouldn't be gone! So you stop saying it!"

"Mommy didn't lie and I won't!"

"She did!"

By this time Sammy had woken up and was crying but for once they paid him no attention. They kept screaming at each other, getting louder and louder as they talked.

"You're a big meanie, Dean! You're a liar and a meanie! Mommy doesn't lie - don't you ever say Mommy lies!"

They flew at each other, tackling each other to the floor.

They'd tussled many times, Catherine more a tomboy who loved cars and fighting. They'd never fought for real.

They did now.

John Winchester and Missouri entered the room. He hesitated, unsure what to do.

"You two stop that right now!" He ordered.

When they didn't, he went over and pulled them apart. He held them both by the backs of their tops, keeping them far apart enough that they couldn't reach each other. He'd never seen them like it. Hateful and screaming. They were usually good children, very rarely raising their voices.

"He's a liar!" Cathy cried.

"You two pack that up right now!" John ordered.

Missouri picked up Sam, rocking and singing quietly until he calmed.

The twins stopped fighting, their energy warn down. They were both crying, now clinging to their dad as they poured their little hearts out.

"I miss Mommy!"

"We have to keep sayin' it!"

"I don't want her to be gone!"

"Bring her back, Daddy! Bring her back."

John looked at Missouri, baffled. He had no idea what was going on.

He dropped to his knees and pulled his two eldest children to them as he nodded to the woman, who left the room with Sammy. He knew he could trust her.

John waited until Cathy and Dean had stopped crying, wiping their red eyes with their arms. They sat one on each knee, sniffling and staring at the floor, sleepy.

"Wanna tell me what that was about?"

Dean wiped his nose on his sleeve.

"I had to say it." Cathy informed. "Mommy didn't lie, did she, Daddy?"

"About what?"

"The angels watching." Dean bitterly informed.

He hesitated. "That's not something I can say for sure. But I'll tell you this; Mommy would watch you guys wherever she went, no matter if the angels are there or not."

"So I can keep saying it? I can read to Sammy and Dean and say it?"

"Say what?"

"That the angels are watching over us. Mommy said it every night."

"I don't think so. It's stupid." Dean crossed his arms. "Mommy lied. She wouldn't be gone if they did!"

Cathy bit her bottom lip and wiped her eyes and nose again. She looked at her brother; he stared down at the floor, tears once more building in his eyes.

"If it makes you sad, I can stop."

"What?"

"If sayin' it makes you sad then I won't say it no more 'cause I don't want you to be sad, Dean. I'll whisper it to Sammy but I won't say it."

"Why did you want to say it?" John asked, voice gentle.

Cathy yawned. "Sammy won't member Mommy, will he? I gotta be Mommy. Mommy said she'll be gone one day an' I'll have t' be a mommy and since she's gone I gotta be a mommy. Sammy's gotta have Mommy and it's gotta be me 'cause only girls can be mommies. I gotta look after Sam and Dean 'cause I'm the oldest and it's my job and I gotta be there when you're sad so I can make you not-sad no more and everythin' won't be so quiet. I don't like it so quiet, Daddy."

"You don't have to be the mommy." John said. "How about you stay just the big sister?"

"But Mommy-"

"Mommy would want everyone to be happy. She'd want you to do what you do every day and that will make her happy."

"So I can still read to Sammy and Dean and tell Sammy the angels are watching and just tell him about Mommy when he's bigger so he'll know her too?"

"Uh, sure."

She smiled. "Ok." She looked at Dean. She held out her hand.

Dean took it and they slipped to the floor.

"Night, Daddy." Dean said, soon copied by Cathy. They hugged him and climbed into bed.

"Night, guys. And no more screaming matches. And don't be hittin' one another, either."

When John and Missouri were in bed and Sam was in his crib, the twins snuck of bed to press a kiss to Sam's forehead once more.

"Sorry we made you cry, Sammy."