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Infatuation	By : Ridgley-Warfield Category: M through R > MASH > MASH Views: 2024 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own MASH or the characters. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
Title: Infatuation
Characters: Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce/ Father John Patrick "Dago Red" Mulcahy
Rating: M for Sexual Content/Language
Summary: There's a difference between seeing someone and noticing them.
Author's Note: Based on the characters from the movie. This is Mulcahy's POV. Please ignore any typos. I don't always catch them all. Thanks for reading.

I watched the jeep drive away until it was little more than a cloud of dust. I felt an arm slip around my shoulder and looked over to see Trapper, his eyes fixed on the dust trail as well.
"Come on, Red, I've got a couple of beers with our names on 'em."
I let Trapper lead me over to the Swamp, looking back over my shoulder and half expecting to see the jeep coming back just for one more gag, but the dust was starting to settle. He was gone. I forced myself not to cry as Trapper handed me a beer. I automatically went to sit on Hawkeye's empty cot, but hesitated for a moment. It was stripped bare, the shelf empty, the area around it spotless. There was no trace that Hawkeye Pierce had ever occupied this tent.
"Mud in your eye," Trapper said behind me as he slurped his beer.
I finally sat down on the cot and took a drink of the beer in my hand as I tucked the envelope Hawkeye had given me into my jacket pocket.
"What is that?" Trapper asked.
"Hawkeye's information," I answered, not knowing any more than that myself. "His address and telephone number so that I know where to find him when we all meet up next summer."
"What do you plan on doing after you get outta here, Dago?"
"I'm not sure yet. I've thought about going back to being a missionary, but maybe I'll take some time just for myself."
"That's a good idea. Maybe I should do that too."
Trapper and I talked for quite some time, which helped to take my mind off the fact that Hawkeye had just driven right out of my life for God knew how long. When Trapper was due for post-op duty, I went back to my tent, sitting at my desk as I took the envelope from my pocket and took a deep breath before opening it.
Inside the envelope were two sheets of paper, and folded in the middle of the pages were several black and white photographs. The top one was of myself and Hawkeye. I recognized it immediately as being from the party on Christmas Eve. I studied his handsome face for a long minute until my heart began to hurt with longing, then I flipped to another picture.
This one was a group shot of several personnel with Trapper dressed as Jesus. It really was an uncanny resemblance, but my eyes were drawn to myself and Hawkeye once again. I hadn't been expecting him to draw me into the picture, and as such I was standing more in front of him than next to him, with his arm slung around my neck and hooked across the front of my chest. He was grinning in typical Hawkeye fashion.
I laughed softly, and flipped to the last picture in the series: one of me, Hawkeye, Trapper, Duke, Spearchucker, Painless, Bandini and Ugly John. In this picture I was sandwiched between Trapper and Hawkeye. Hawkeye was holding bunny ears up over my head and not a one of them had a straight face, except for me, smiling as I always did for photographs. I laughed, shaking my head and put them all aside, making sure to leave the one of just me and Hawkeye on top, then I picked up the letter and began to read.
Dago,
Just a few days now and I'll be going home. It feels like there's still so much I want to say but I don't know where to begin. I don't want this letter to get too sentimental, so let me get all that crap out of the way first…
Being with you the last few months has really been something. When I was with you, I felt like we were the only people in the world. You made this war bearable for me. I know I probably rubbed off on you in some bad ways—getting you to smoke and drink and get high, but I hope you at least had fun. Not everything in life has to be viewed from a Heaven or Hell point of view, so just keep that in mind.
You're truly one of a kind, Dago. You're the most selfless person I know and I admire you greatly. As much as I hate to admit it, I think some of your goodness has rubbed off on me. While I'm still not ready to become a card carrying member of the Jesus Christ fan club, you've given me a lot to consider about where I stand with God.
One of my favorite memories of Korea will always be the day we spent at the river. I want to remember the way you looked that day forever—relaxed, casual, the real John. You weren't hiding behind your title that day, you were just being you. I remember what you told me about lacking confidence in yourself, but I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Yeah, you used to be a little unsure, shy, reserved, quiet, naïve, but when you stopped being so self-conscious you became bold, mischievous, daring…you have the confidence you admire in others, John. You just have to stop worrying about what others think of you.
I know that neither of us ever dreamed that something like this relationship would ever happen, but I'm glad it did. I'm glad I met you. While life will never be the same for us after Korea, I know that I'm going to love you for the rest of my life. You're so much more to me than just a friend or a lover. If that makes you my soul mate, then so be it. I don't know what that means for us, but maybe someday we'll find out.
I think mostly I just want to thank you. For everything. Words really can't describe the way I feel about you.
Well, here I said I wasn't going to make this letter all sentimental and now I don't have anything witty to say. Wouldn't that figure…Ah, well, just don't hold it against me later.
I love you, John.
Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
21 Pierce Road
Crabapple Cove, ME 04476
HOpkins 3-5579
His words made me smile, even as my eyes watered. I was glad I'd had such a profound impact on his life, as he had certainly had a profound impact on mine. As much as I knew I was going to miss him, I somehow felt alright after reading his letter. I had to keep telling myself this wasn't "goodbye" so much as it was just a prolonged "see you later."
As the weather started to grow warm again, I decided to be more productive around the camp than I had been when Hawkeye was here. While I had still done my duties, I had been more focused on my time with Hawkeye than anything else. I'd become a chaplain for a reason, and Hawkeye had distracted me from that.
I started a small vegetable garden outside my tent, mainly to see if I could grow anything in the unyielding soil, and to my surprise, I quickly began to see the signs of life popping up from the dirt. I also began to be more diligent about visiting with the wounded in post-op, as well as going around to visit some of the locals I had met when I'd first arrived in Korea. I spent more time with the orphans and Sister Theresa, visiting them several times a week when it was possible.
While I thought of Hawkeye often, the only times I truly missed him were when I was alone in my tent at night, wishing he was next to me. I missed the sex, of course, but mostly I missed the companionship. Being able to talk to him, to share in each other's thoughts and hopes and dreams, to talk about our pasts…I'd never had that type of connection with anyone before, not even Danny, who—until Hawkeye—I had always considered my best friend.
When Trapper received his orders to go home, the loss was felt, but not as deeply as with Hawkeye. There wasn't as much of a fanfare for Trapper's leaving, but I presented him with a gift the same as I had done with Duke and Hawkeye. My gift to Trapper was a bottle of cognac. Again, I hadn't come by it easily, but I knew if anyone would appreciate such a parting gift, it would be Trapper. He'd surprised me when he pulled me into a tight embrace, actually lifting me up off my feet as he crushed me in his arms.
"I'm actually going to miss you, Dago Red." He said as he set me back down on my feet. "When Hawkeye said he wanted us to be friends with you, we all thought he'd slipped his noodle, but you turned out to be pretty okay. I guess I'll be seeing you next summer. Stay out of trouble, will ya?"
"So long, Trapper. God bless you."
With the three Swamp men gone for good, the 4077th became an entirely different place. There were no more pranks or wild parties. The camp was truly regular army again.
As we began to roll from spring to summer, there was a tension in the camp that you could cut with a knife. The front lines had shifted again, this time bringing the enemy so close to the camp that we could smell the gun powder. We were on high alert, all ready for a bug out at any given moment. We became home to not only wounded, but also to several nearby units that had been forced to relocate.
One hot day in June, a squad of infantry men had wandered into camp with three North Korean POW's, demanding that we lock them up until they could be taken into custody by the MP's. I was outraged when Colonel Blake actually allowed a pen to be built to hold the three men.
"Colonel, these are human beings! You can't just cage them up like animals out in the heat like this! They have no shade, no water…this is cruelty!"
"Padre, we don't have a choice. We're not equipped to handle POW's and this is the best solution I have for now."
"Then put them in a tent somewhere under guard!" I argued.
"I d-don't have t-time to argue with you, D-Dago!" Henry stuttered, his face turning purple in anger. "I'm w-waiting for orders from HQ to see if we've got to b-bug out!"
I sighed in exasperation, storming out of his office. The POW's were in their cage, circling around the inside as if looking for any weakness in the structure where they could escape. I watched them for several moments, still angry at the situation, and reminded of my own imprisonment. If I couldn't free them and couldn't convince Colonel Blake to move them inside somewhere, the least I could do was watch over them and make sure they received water, food, and fair treatment.
I filled a canteen with water and took it over to the pen, but just as I was about to open the door to pass it through, one of the infantry soldiers rushed over, screaming at me.
"What do you think you're doing!" He bellowed as he knocked the canteen out of my hand and shoved me back from the pen so hard that I couldn't keep my balance.
"HEY!" Painless' voice yelled out and I saw him, Bandini, Boone and Ugly John rushing at the solider. "Don't you touch him!"
The four of them were on the solider in seconds, and soon after that, the soldier's squad joined in and it became an all-out brawl. Radar grabbed my arm and was pulling me to my feet as Henry rushed out trying to restore order. No one seemed to be listening to his yells for everyone to stop fighting, so he pulled out his pistol and fired a shot into the air.
The fight came to an abrupt halt and we were ordered to bug out.
Things didn't quiet down after that. When we'd returned to camp 2 days after the bug out was ordered, we found the tent frames on fire, or already completely burned to the ground. The OR building was untouched, surprisingly, but everything else was a mess. Henry and I stood there, looking at the devastation of what we'd built for several long moments. While I was thankful no lives were lost, it was still a scar on my heart. This place had been my home for several years, and it had been destroyed by hate. It took almost a week to rebuild the camp, but we were fortunate enough to be spared any wounded while we built it back up.
Radar, who was the only son of a farmer who had passed away when he was a young boy, received the next batch of bad news. It seemed that his uncle Ed had suffered a fatal heart attack, leaving the care of the family farm solely to his mother. Under the condition of family loss, Radar was honorably discharged from the army. Saying goodbye to him was a sobering affair. I couldn't imagine what the 4077th would be like without him, or how Colonel Blake would manage without his clairvoyant company clerk.
"God bless you, Radar," I told him as we said our goodbyes.
"You know, Father, you've been such a swell guy. I'm really going to miss you."
"I'll miss you too, Radar."
"Do you think…well…you know, if I ever meet someone and decide to get married or something…do you think it'd be okay if you married us? I mean…since I'm not a Catholic and all."
"Radar, when that day comes, it would be an honor."
"I'll be sure to ask Captain Pierce where I can find you," Radar said, shaking my hand vigorously.
The comment struck me as odd, but I laughed at his excitement either way and bid him farewell.
The mail had been another unfortunate casualty of war, as HQ ordered that all postal routes be stopped until further notice. That meant that any written correspondence would neither be coming in nor going out of the camp. I knew I hadn't received mail from Hawkeye since April, when he'd written to wish me happy birthday and let me know that he and Duke had made it home. I was sad to think that if he'd written me again since then, that it was stuck somewhere in a pile sitting at HQ. I was also sad that I was unable to write to him and tell him about the recent events, but I did journal about them in case he ever wanted to read about it.
It was the middle of July before the post started to run again, and—sure enough—I had a few letters that were postmarked in May. One was from Tseten, the other from Hawkeye. I opened Hawkeye's letter first.
The news of his wife's pregnancy had surprised me, and my first emotion was actually jealousy. I was jealous that he had wasted no time in making love to his wife. I immediately felt guilty and chided myself. Of course he'd wasted no time in making love to her…he hadn't seen her in two years and they were married. Still, I couldn't help but feel a little saddened by the news, and more so by the fact that he was basically telling me not to bother coming home because he wouldn't have time for me anyways.
While I knew his intent was not cruel, I still couldn't help but feel upset. We'd made no promises about seeing each other at Christmas, but I'd still had hopes that we would. Now I felt truly lost. I would leave the army in November and I would have nowhere to go. Even if I stayed in Asia until April when I saw Tseten again, where would I go? What would I do?
I couldn't even really write to Hawkeye now as he would be in New Jersey starting his residency and I didn't have an address to send the correspondence to. I felt frustrated and abandoned, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise. I knew he loved me, even if it hadn't said so in his letter, but the thought that this was the beginning of the end nagged me at the back of my mind. I knew there was nothing I could do…I had to let it go and just let things happen as they would.
Not but a couple of weeks later, peace was declared in Korea and the fighting was finally over. The first order of business, after we all celebrated of course, was to evacuate the wounded. Some were well enough to be given their orders for home, others would have to go to Seoul until they were well enough to travel. When the last of the wounded was transferred out, next came the task of breaking down the camp and packing our belongings.
Those of us whose commissions were still in effect would return to HQ for new assignments or leave; mine would come through the Military Vicar's Office, but seeing as how I had no real reason to return to the states, I decided to pass up the opportunity for leave. Those who weren't commissioned—like Spearchucker, Boone and Bandini—were released from service and given their orders home.
Painless and I stood in the middle of the camp as the three of them loaded up in a truck with several others draftees, watching and waving them off.
"I'm happy the war's over," Painless said, "But I feel like I'm at a funeral, Dago."
"I know what you mean."
The probability that we would all meet up again was slim. It was hard to forge friendships during war and have them last very long afterwards. We came from all over America, and when we went home, we would be enveloped back into our old lives. Soon, these friendships would fade into just a distant memory, a legend we would tell about our time in a little place called Korea.
When I finally found myself at the Military Vicar's Office at HQ two weeks after the end of the war, I wasn't surprised to see that I wasn't the only chaplain waiting for orders. The end of the war had the army scrambling to figure out what to do with all of us, which also didn't surprise me… I was sent over to one of the barracks with the other chaplains and told it would take up to a week before they had everything worked out, but that suited me just fine. A little downtime was appreciated.
The barracks weren't too full, but I found myself not really wanting to be around anyone at the moment, so I wandered towards the end of the row of bunks. I spotted a man with his back turned to me and a shock of white blonde hair. My heart skipped a beat.
"Danny?"
The man stiffened slightly and slowly turned his head until his hazel eyes were meeting mine. His face almost crumpled as he saw me, and he choked out a broken, "Dago?"
Danny flew off the bed and into my arms, crushing me so tightly in his embrace that I thought my ribs would break.
"My God…" he breathed. "Is it really you?"
He seemed bigger, stronger than I remembered, far more rugged looking than he had before the war. In that moment, I forgot all the wrongs he had done to me, all the abuse and heartache…I was simply glad he was alive. "Oh, Danny, it's so good to see you."
He pulled back and put his hands on my face. I worried for a moment that he was going to try and kiss me, but he simply looked at me with a heart wrenching sadness in his eyes. "Can you ever forgive me, Dago? The way I treated you…I was a monster. I'm so very sorry."
I pulled Danny back into my arms, hugging him as tightly as he'd hugged me. How good it felt to hear those words. "Of course I forgive you."
He pulled back, grinning widely at me. "Here, come take this bed next to mine." He picked up my bags where I'd dropped them on the floor, and moved them to the empty bunk. "I can't believe it's been three years…I can't believe you're really here."
He turned, looking at me again for a long moment, the happy smile still on his face. Danny looked…grown up. Even though we'd been in our late 30s when we'd gone through chaplain school, I'd always considered him to be little more than a boy. The war had changed us all, but I wondered if maybe it hadn't helped mature him a little.
"I have thought about this moment every day since the last day I saw you," he continued. "I wondered when we'd see each other again, how it might go, if you'd even speak to me."
I wasn't sure what to say as we looked at each other, but I somehow felt like I had found my friend again and I smiled at him. "You may have been a real jerk, Danny, but you've always been my friend."
He dragged me back into his arms, holding me tightly again. "God, I missed you, Dago."
He released me and we sat on our respective bunks as I pulled out my cigarettes and lighter from my duffle. Danny looked at me oddly, but took one from the pack as I offered it to him.
We talked about our units, the friends we'd made, and basically what we'd done here. Danny, being in the infantry division, had seen quite a few battles and had even killed several enemy soldiers. He told me that he never thought he'd actually be able to pull the trigger when the time came, but that when you're faced with something like that, it's either you or them. He said he never enjoyed killing, and that he prayed for their souls and for God to forgive him, but after a while, he'd stopped seeing them as people.
"You have to," he said in a strange voice. "You can't let yourself think about their lives, their families…otherwise you hesitate and they kill you."
"I never saw much fighting," I admitted quietly, "But it was enough to witness the aftermath of it. The amount of bodies that poured through our camp…"
Danny moved over to my bunk and took my hand in his, "At least it's over now, and we've found each other again."
His hand felt strange, yet familiar, and not completely unwelcome. I found my fingers tightening around his, seeking out the comfort in his touch. It immediately made me think about Hawkeye, making me miss him all over again and yearn for his touch…
"Where do you think they'll send us now?" Danny was asking me as he stroked the back of my hand and leaned his head against my shoulder.
"I don't know," I answered, allowing myself to rest my head on his. This felt the way it had in seminary before he'd lost control of himself. Though I didn't love him, his presence was a great comfort to me, and I was glad I could be close to him.
Danny and I spent much of that first afternoon and night talking about what we planned to do after November came and we were released from the army. Danny told me that while he planned to return to North Carolina, he was considering leaving the priesthood. As confusing as Danny's decision to become a priest was, I was still surprised by this news.
"What? Why?" I asked, lifting my head from the pillow and looking across the small space between our bunks at him.
"Come on, Dago, you really can't guess?" He paused, giving me a minute to think about it. "I'm a Nancy, a fairy, a homosexual…whatever you want to call it. I've always been, but being over here really put things in perspective for me and I know that I can never really be who I am so long as I have to answer to the church. I just don't know what the hell I'd do, you know?"
"How do you know you're…homosexual?" I asked as my conversation with Sidney floated around my mind.
"Even you're not that naïve, Dago. I'm attracted to men. That's a pretty good indicator in and of itself, but…mainly…I want to screw guys. As you well know, the Bible has a lot to say on that subject, and none of it good."
"Did you…with anyone over here?"
He sighed softly. "Yeah. There was this kid from Omaha. He was only 17… scared to death of being here and fighting. I was trying to comfort him one night and one thing led to another and I ended up screwing him. Day after that he stepped on a mine and lost his leg, and got sent home. He was the only one though."
"I'm sorry," I said gently, more for the boy who lost his leg than anything else.
Danny moved out of his bed and slid into mine, laying on top of me. I opened my mouth to protest, to tell him to get off of me, but my body was responding automatically. I could feel myself growing erect beneath him, feel the pulse of arousal in my groin. He bent his head and kissed me. In the darkness I could almost imagine that he was Hawkeye, and it made me want him desperately.
I surprised him by taking the initiative and pushing his pajama pants down his hips, reaching between us and taking hold of him. "Looks like you missed me, too." He said with a smirk, misinterpreting my fervor, before he pulled my own pants down. I licked my palm and rubbed it over the head of his penis before he roughly pushed into me. He knew me well enough to press his hand over my mouth to stifle my cry. It had been long enough between my last time with Hawkeye and now that his entry caused me pain, making my eyes sting with tears.
Danny was just as rough as I remembered, but I let my mind believe that I was with Hawkeye instead and I had no trouble reaching my peak. Danny was groaning softly above me as he continued thrusting into me and I purposefully clenched my muscles around him, making him swear before he finished inside of me.
He laughed softly, "I get the feeling I'm not the only one who's fooled around over here."
I blushed deeply and pushed Danny off of me gently, but not out of my bed. He was surprised, again, but just smirked knowingly at me, convinced he was right. I found myself telling Danny everything about Hawkeye—how I'd fallen in love with him, how he loved me too, but how he was married with 2 children and one on the way.
Danny rested his head against mine, "You know, you could save yourself a lot of heartache and just settle for me, Dago. I'm not married and I don't have kids, but I do love you."
"I know you do," I sighed, not able to tell him I didn't feel the same way.
When we finally got our orders a week later, Danny made me promise to consider his offer of being with him. He told me to look for him in Raleigh when we got out of the army, and I told him I would. He kissed me goodbye, then headed off to catch his transport to Kempo, where he would then fly to the Philippines.
I was sent to Vietnam to serve as the chaplain for the U.S. military advisors currently occupying the territory. When I made it to the outpost where I was stationed, I felt like the new kid in town. Being a priest affords me some protection against bullying, but the men at this outpost had been sent here to train Vietnamese soldiers and I doubted that a one of them had the fear of God in him. I knew right away that I would just be biding my time until November.
I decided to write to Hawkeye's address in Crabapple Cove, not sure when he'd get it, but hoping to at least give him some idea of where I was and what had happened. If nothing else, I needed to get my thoughts about Danny out. I'd already journaled about our small reunion and how easily I'd fallen into bed with him, but I was still troubled by it. Deeply troubled by it.
Dear Hawkeye,
I'm not sure when this letter will find you, but I hope that you are doing well.
As you're probably aware, the war is finally over. We ended up being on the front lines by the end of it, and the entire camp was burned to the ground once. Shortly after we rebuilt it, they finally declared peace, so we just had to tear it all back down anyways. It was a bittersweet end to an era, I'd say.
I now found myself in Vietnam, serving as chaplain for the military advisors at a small outpost in Quy Nhon. I won't be surprised if a war breaks out here in the next few years, as they're schooling the Vietnamese in the art of war. Being here is unlike anything I've ever experienced. November really can't come fast enough.
Between Korea and Vietnam I spent a week at HQ in Seoul while I was waiting for my new orders, and you'll never believe who was there. Danny. Of all the people I could possibly run into in Korea, I ran into him. He was so different than I remembered from the last I'd seen of him. I think the war made him finally grow up.
The only thing that hadn't changed about Danny was his sexual appetite. The very first night I was there, he got into bed with me. I was going to tell him to leave me alone, but the feel of his body on mine reminded me of you and I let myself get swept up into the fantasy that I was with you instead of him. He knew right away that I hadn't been chaste while being in Korea because I wasn't as submissive as I'd always been in the past. When I told him about you, Danny suggested that I forget you and simply settle for him. Just as I'd always suspected, Danny said that he loves me…but I just don't feel that way about him.
I feel interminably guilty for having had sex with him…for several reasons. One, I feel as though I used your image wrongly. Two, I feel as though I used him for my own gratification. Three, I feel that sex with him is a sinful act because I do not love him as I love you. And lastly, part of me feels like I've somehow betrayed you. I know fidelity in our case is a moot point—you are married, after all—but I feel as though I should at least be faithful to you. I know you probably don't agree, but it's a matter of principle to me.
I feel quite shaken by the whole experience really. Seeing him again was a shock in itself, but allowing myself to give into him again is very unsettling. Not only that, but Danny expects us to pick back up where we left off. While he's apologized for the past and asked for my forgiveness, I worry that my continued rejection of a relationship with him might turn him back to his old ways. I really feel lost right now. I wish you were here so I could talk to you.
I still haven't decided what to do in November when I leave the army. As much as I want to see Tseten again, I just don't know what I'll do with myself until April. I'm starting to want to go home, but right now I don't know where home is. If I go back to San Diego to work in the church, I'm afraid I'll fall into a monotonous existence that I'll never be able to climb out of. I haven't contacted the Maryknolls yet, but I'm not sure I'll do that right away anyways. I really feel like I need a break for a while. As much as I love to travel and minister, I'm just feeling run down.
It seems silly to put an address where you can write to me, since it will take a month or more for this to reach you, and since it's going to your address in Maine, I don't even know when you'll receive it. I'll write again in November when I figure out where I'm going.
Dago
Over the next several months, I found myself in yet another state of depression and anxiety. Life in Vietnam was a complete 180 from life in Korea. Here, no one attended services, no one came for confession, no one even spoke to me. I was lonely and longed for the companionship of Hawkeye, Danny and Tseten. I wanted so badly to go home to Hawkeye, to be wrapped up in his arms and told that it was all okay, to hear him say he loved me, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.
When I finally got my orders to go home, I almost cried. I wasn't sure why, but I made the decision to go to Raleigh and stay with Danny. I didn't want to lead him on about a relationship between us, but it was the only place I knew to go where I would be welcome and wouldn't be alone.
It was the middle of December when I finally arrived in Raleigh, North Carolina. The ground was white with snow and people were bustling about doing their Christmas shopping. It felt strange being on U.S. soil again, watching all of these people living their lives completely oblivious to the horrors of the war I'd just been through. I rented a hotel room at the same place I'd stayed the last time I visited him, then I went to Danny's church to inquire about him. I was wearing the unmistakable vestment of my office—a black cassock with the white Roman collar—under a heavy wool cope. I was greeted at the church by one of the sisters.
"Greetings, Father, what can I do for you?"
"God be with you, Sister. My name is Father Mulcahy, I'm a friend of Father Albrecht. It was my understanding that he intended to return to Raleigh upon his departure from the service. Have you any idea when you might expect him?"
"I'm sorry, Father, he has left us no indication of when he might return."
"Oh, I see." I said somewhat sadly. "If you would be so kind, Sister, I will be staying in Raleigh at least until the new year. If Father Albrecht does return, would you please inform him that I will be staying at the Fairview?"
"Of course, Father."
I left the church and returned to the hotel, sitting down at the small desk near the window and penning a letter to Hawkeye that I hoped would reach him.
Dear Hawkeye,
I decided to return to the states pending my decision on what to do next. I'm staying at the Fairview Hotel in Raleigh, North Carolina at least until the New Year to unwind and possibly spend some time with Danny. I hope that my being here doesn't give him the wrong idea, but I had nowhere else to go, and I needed a friend.
The last several months have been very difficult. Suffice to say, I'm glad that my time as an army chaplain is done.
I wish you and your family the happiest of Christmases.
Fondly,
Dago Red
I attended Midnight Mass at Danny's church a week and a half later, even though he had not yet returned to Raleigh, that I was aware of. As I listened to the service, I couldn't help but think back to what I was doing a year ago at this time: Christmas Eve in Korea with Hawkeye and Trapper and Duke and all the others. How I missed them so…
After the service, I waited to great the priest who had presided over Mass. I saw the Sister that I had spoken with when I'd first arrived into town, whisper to the priest before indicating to me. I suddenly felt a cold sense of dread wash over me as the priest approached me.
"Father Mulcahy?" I nodded as we shook hands. "I'm Father Llewellyn. I understand you and Father Albrecht were friends?"
Were? "Has something happened, Father?"
"I'm afraid we've received word today that Father Albrecht was killed in a prisoner of war camp in the Philippines."
I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under my feet, the world had been knocked off its axis. Killed? Danny? There had to be a mistake… "That can't be….he was supposed to get out of the army in November... he can't be…. No!" I gripped onto the back of a pew, trying to keep myself from fainting from the news as hot tears stung my eyes. Danny—whatever he may have been—was my friend, my brother. I'd never felt a loss more profound…
"I'm sorry, Father." Father Llewellyn said quietly. "We were all quite fond of Daniel. We will be holding a memorial here the day after Christmas. It would honor us if you would come and speak. He often spoke very highly of you."
I nodded dumbly, wiping my eyes. I couldn't believe Danny was gone…if I had known that the last I'd see of him would be in Korea….I left the church, still in tears as I made my way back to the hotel. I couldn't help but wonder if God was somehow punishing me for the things I had done with Danny, and with Hawkeye…
Snow was falling heavily all around me, clinging to my hair and clothes, and chilling the wetness on my face as I walked down the empty street. I felt responsible for Danny's death. He had followed me into the army. If it hadn't been for me, he'd still be alive…
As I approached the hotel, there was a man sitting out front smoking a cigarette and wearing a fedora and long black trench coat. I didn't pay much attention as I ascended the front steps, but a very distinct whistle stopped me dead in my tracks.
I didn't have to look to see that it was Hawkeye, but I spun around to face him in complete disbelief, certain that I was mistaken. Hawkeye stood up and took off his fedora as he looked at me, sans glasses, and smiled. His hair had gotten slightly longer, but overall he looked very much the same. I blinked several times to make sure I wasn't seeing things, then launched myself into his arms. I was overwhelmed with both happiness and grief and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I ended up doing both.
"Hi baby," he said softly as he embraced me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, weeping as I pulled back to look at him.
"We went home for Christmas and I got your letters. Mary went into the hospital 2 days ago for the baby—which she still hasn't had—but she told me to leave the boys with my dad and to come here and see you."
"She did?" I couldn't conceal my surprise and he laughed softly.
"Yeah...she's okay with it, like I said she would be. Well, for the most part anyways." Hawkeye grinned. "She's been asking me a lot of questions about it since I told her, and asking about you…I think mostly she got tired of my pacing around knowing you were so close, and my being here would get me out of her hair while she has the baby, so it's a win-win for everyone."
"Hawkeye, you really should be with your family…" I said, shaking my head.
"Trust me, Dago… they're sick of me already and there's no place I'd rather be than with you right now."
"You have no idea how much I've needed you, Hawkeye. Especially now."
He sensed my distress, and looked at me with concern, "Why, baby? What's wrong?"
"It's Danny…" I closed my eyes, fighting off a fresh round of tears. "I just found out that he was killed in the Philippines."
"Jesus Chri—are you okay, Dago?"
"No… not really. I feel like it's all my fault. If I hadn't told him I was going into the army…"
"You can't blame yourself for that, John. He was a grown man, he could make his own decisions."
"I know… I just…I can't believe he's gone."
Hawkeye wrapped his arm around me and led me up the front steps. "Come on, baby, let's go inside, it's colder than a clam's ass out here."
I laughed softly, wiping my eyes, and Hawkeye retrieved a bag he'd left in the foyer of the hotel. I led him to my room on the third floor and we both shed our coats, Hawkeye tossing his hat in a chair as he ran a hand back through his hair to push it off his forehead. We looked at each other for a long minute before Hawkeye smiled.
"Come here."
I complied and found myself being wrapped into his arms and pulled against his body as his lips found mine.
"I've missed you so much," he murmured between kisses.
"Me too," I replied empathetically, making him laugh softly. My fingers found the bottom of the sweater he was wearing but he stopped me as I began to pull it over his head.
"Are you sure, baby? I mean…we don't have to rush if you want to talk about Danny."
"I don't want to think about it right now," I told him tightly, not ready to accept that I would never see Danny again.
"Okay," he whispered, his fingers reaching for the buttons of my cassock before stopping and looking at my vestments. "I…have no idea how to get that off of you."
I couldn't help but laugh as I dropped my hands to the black fascia looped around my waist, carefully removing the sash. I unbuttoned the cuffs of the cassock first before nimbly opening the 33 buttons down the front of the ankle-length garment and shrugging it off. I draped it over the arm of a chair, then reached up and unsnapped the roman collar from around my neck, leaving me in a long-sleeve fly-front shirt and black trousers.
"Really? That's it? It just snaps on?" Hawkeye asked incredulously. "That's just cheating."
I laughed softly but moved back into his arms, kissing him. "Think you can manage it from here?"
"Mmm…I dunno. I like watching you get undressed." He teased.
It was incredible how easily we bantered with each other after nearly a year apart. Part of me wandered if I hadn't really passed out in the church and this was all a dream, but if it was I dreaded waking up.
We slowly undressed each other, Hawkeye ending up having to do most of my work and his, as I couldn't keep my hands out of his long locks. In Korea, he'd typically kept the sides and back shorter than the front, leaving his bangs long. His hair had always been untidy, partly because he never bothered to comb it, and partly because it was usually always dirty. Now, however, it seemed to all be one length, the ends barely sweeping the tops of his ears and falling just to the middle of his forehead…and it was clean. I never really realized just how soft and fine his hair was.
"I should have grown my hair out when I was in Korea," he mused as I let the strands slide through my fingers for the hundredth time. "I never realized you liked it so much."
"It feels different," I told him. "Maybe because you've had a bath since I last saw you."
"Hey!" he laughed in mock offense. "I bathed every day in Korea…mostly."
I laughed, shaking my head as he pulled me into a kiss before moving me towards the bed. I gazed up at him as he laid on top of me. "I can't believe you came, Hawkeye."
He smirked. "I haven't…yet."
He held my eyes with his as he slid his fingers into his mouth and slowly withdrew them. My heart was hammering in my chest as I slid my knees up and apart just as he slipped his fingers gently inside of me. I gasped softly, my hands unintentionally going to his hair again. I heard him laugh as he pulsed his fingers in and out, then he was shifting his weight over me, hovering just at the penetration point.
"God, I've missed this, Dago." He whispered, rubbing the head of his penis against my anus. "I've missed you so fucking much."
"Me too, Hawkeye…" I whispered back.
Hawkeye eased himself into me then and we both groaned in satisfaction. His body twitched and spasmed and he bit down on my neck roughly, making me hiss and whimper from the pleasure and pain.
"Fuck, I forgot how good you felt…" He growled against my ear.
When he rocked his hips into me, I felt breathless with emotion. I was so overjoyed to finally be with Hawkeye again; I didn't want it to ever end. I wanted to linger in the passion, soak up the raw energy of our love making, live here in this moment with him for the rest of my life. Our last sexual encounter had been intense for an entirely different reason, and the emotions surrounding that time had been leaden with despair. Now, even in the wake of Danny's death, the only thing I could feel was happiness. Perhaps the timing of Hawkeye's arrival was perverse, or perhaps it was destiny. He'd shown up exactly when I needed him and not a moment later. I quietly thanked God, even if this was an inappropriate moment to do so.
We both moved towards our release noisily, grunting and growling and moaning in ecstasy at whatever volume we pleased for the first time ever. The hotel room was warm, making us sweat from exertion, our skin sticking together in places. When Hawkeye threw his head back, sucking a breath in through clenched teeth and screwing up his face as if in great pain, I knew he was on the edge. I pushed myself hard onto him and clenched my muscles, making him cry out as he found his release. His hand found my penis and he stroked me with a tight grip, continuing his thrusts inside of me until I too had found release.
As we both came down from our high, I crushed Hawkeye's body against mine, holding him so tightly that my arms burned from the effort. He was kissing along my forehead and temple. "I love you," he murmured.
The words made my heart leap inside my chest and I squeezed him even tighter. "I love you, too, Hawkeye."
"I need a shower," he said with a grin as he looked down at himself covered in sweat and semen.
"You'll have to settle for a bath," I told me. "The bathroom has a claw-foot tub."
"Even better," he said, grabbing my hand and practically dragging me off the bed and into the adjoining bathroom. He turned on the faucet, adjusting it so that steamy water was filling the tub, then he rinsed his hands off in the sink.
"Are you sure your wife is okay with this, Hawkeye?" I asked, the guilt a little delayed.
"We have an understanding," he told me. "She lets us do our thing, but she reserves the right to ask me any question she wants about it."
"What exactly does she get out of that deal?"
"You obviously don't know Mary and her line of questioning." He said, looking at me with an expression that stayed any further questions on my end.
Hawkeye climbed into the bathtub, hissing a little at the sting of the hot water as he settled down in the chest-deep water, then motioned for me. "Get in here with me."
I dipped my hand in test the water, pulling back as it nearly scalded me. "Are you crazy! That's going to melt our skin off!"
"It only hurts for a second," he laughed. "Come on, it'll feel good, I promise."
I held my breath and clenched my teeth as I stepped one foot into the tub of hot water, cringing as it burned.
"If you do it quickly, it doesn't hurt so much. Like ripping off a Band-Aid."
"I never liked ripping off Band-Aids," I told him, stepping my other foot into the tub. I took a deep breath, then quickly lowered myself down in the water to face him. "Ahhhhh… hot, hot, hot, hot…"
Hawkeye was laughing at me. "Turn around."
I did as I was told and Hawkeye pulled me back against him, sinking us down in the water to our necks, our knees poking out of the water. I sighed a little as my body got accustomed to the temperature of the water and I felt him laugh softly as he kissed behind my ear.
"See? Told you it would feel good."
"Don't ruin the moment by being smug," I teased, closing my eyes and relaxing against him. "I'm glad you're here, Hawkeye… I've really needed you."
"I know," he said softly. "I could tell from the tone of your letters that things weren't going too well."
"How so?"
"They got very short and to the point. I got the impression you felt like you were wasting your time writing to me."
I blushed, "Oh…well, I guess I kind of did because I didn't know when you'd get them and it wasn't like you could write me back anyways."
"What was it like at the end of the war?" He asked, sincerely curious.
I sighed, considering the question. "Tense."
I told Hawkeye about the POW's and the brawl between the soldiers and Painless' gang, I told him about Radar's uncle, and about watching everyone leave the camp. I told him what it felt like to see the camp burned to the ground and trying to rebuild it only to have to tear it all down again. I found myself talking about Danny and what it was like to see him again and how happy I'd been that he was alive. "I can't believe he's gone…I can't believe that was the last time I saw him."
"At least you two were able to make amends before he died," Hawkeye offered gently.
I nodded, wiping tears from my eyes. "His church is having a memorial tomorrow, they've asked me to speak. If you can, I'd like for you to be there with me."
"Sure. The only real time I have to be back is by the New Year. I've got to be back in Jersey by January 4th."
"How's that going?"
"I hate it," he sighed. "Well, really I hate the son of a bitch who's making my life a living hell right now. He's this black Irish fellow, and boy does he dislike me. If I wasn't learning so much from him I'd tell him to go to Hell."
"You've only got a year and a half left, right?"
"Yeah, something like that. I'm not sure Mary's going to go back with me in January. The place they rented out for us is an absolute shit-hole and there's no room for the kids to do much of anything. Plus, with the baby…she thinks it'll be better for her to stay in Maine."
"Is there anything I can do to help out?"
"No… although…maybe you could come stay with me in Jersey for a while. At least until you decide where you want to go and what you want to do."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea, Hawk…what about your wife?"
"I'll worry about Mary," he said, wrapping me tightly in his embrace. "You just say yes or no."
I was reluctant to say yes, though I knew there was no way in hell I was about to say no. I finally sighed and settled for a nod of acceptance.
We stayed in the tub until the water started to grow tepid, both of us nodding off until I finally convinced Hawkeye to finish up in the bath. We made quick work of soaping up and rinsing off, struggling to wash our hair in such a little space in the tub, but finally managed to get clean and get out. I dried off and wrapped my towel around my waist as I brushed my teeth. Hawkeye went over to his bag and fished around for his comb and toothbrush, using my toothpaste to brush his teeth.
We got into the large queen-sized bed together, our naked bodies twining together as our lips sought out tender kisses. It felt so good to have him here, especially when I wasn't expecting him to be here. For once we could fall asleep together without worrying about him staying the entire night. We could sleep late into the morning and wake up together for the first time without fear that someone would put two and two together.
"Thank you for being here, Hawkeye." Choosing my words carefully, least he twist them again.
"You don't have to thank me, baby. I've been dying to see you." He pressed a kiss to my shoulder. "You know, the way Mary found out about us was the day the papers announced the end of the war. I realized that I didn't know where you were going to be and I was afraid we'd lose contact with each other…I ended up breaking down and crying like a baby. For the record, Mary had never seen me cry until then."
"I'm sorry to have ruined your reputation."
He laughed softly.
"What kinds of things has she asked about us?" I wondered curiously.
"She's asked about you, what you're like, what I like best about you. She's asked what kind of things we do in bed together…"
"I still can't imagine how she can be okay with this."
"Mary's not like other women."
"Apparently not."
We drifted off to sleep with him pressed against my back, his arms around me tightly. Though I was afraid of waking up and finding that this had all been a dream, his steady, quiet breath at the nape of my neck reassured me of his presence and eventually lulled me to sleep.
The phone jangled loudly next to the bed, startling me out my dead sleep what felt like only moments after I'd fallen asleep, but as Hawkeye reached across me to answer it, I realized that sunlight was streaming in through the window. I glanced at the bedside clock and saw that it was close to 10am.
"Whattsa matter? Is everything okay?" Hawkeye answered the phone by way of greeting. There was a pause as he listened and I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes as I looked at the smile creeping across his face. "No kidding? You finally got a girl, huh? Damn… that means I owe Trapper $20. Is she as ugly as the other two were when they came out?"
I could hear the scolding, "Benjamin Franklin Pierce!" come from the other end of the line and I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped me.
Hawkeye looked over at me with a grin. "Yeah, that was Dago."
I immediately blushed and covered my mouth.
"So what are you calling her?" He pulled me down to his chest as he laid on his back with the phone against his ear. "Karen? Really?... No, no, it's fine, just…Karen Peirce? Not much of a ring to it…Of course I'm not questioning your judgment…Yes, dear…of course, dear. Merry Christmas, dear."
I was amused by the one-sided conversation, intrigued by the relationship Hawkeye and his wife seemed to have. Hawkeye looked at me before saying, "Mary says to wish you a Merry Christmas."
"Oh…uh….Merry Christmas to her as well. And…congratulations."
"Did you hear him?" Hawkeye asked into the receiver. He laughed softly. "Doesn't he though? Alright. I'll call you later to check on you…. Yes, I promise to behave. Love you."
He looked at the phone strangely before laughing. "She hung up on me. She must be the only woman alive who thinks there's something wrong with me when I tell her I love her."
"What'd she say about me?"
He grinned as he hung up the phone and pulled the blankets back up around us, "That you have a nice voice."
I blushed furiously. "Oh…."
"Karen," he shook his head. "Who names their kid Karen?"
"I think it's a lovely name."
"You would side with her," he teased before kissing me and tangling his legs around mine. "Let's go back to sleep, we don't have any reason to be awake."
"I don't think I can go back to sleep. I'm hungry."
"What's there to eat around here?"
"Depends on what you want." I told him, gaining a lecherous grin. "To eat." I clarified.
He laughed and kissed me deeply before stretching and yawning and getting out of bed to go to the toilet and relieve himself, not bothering to close the door. I couldn't help but watch, my cheeks turning red at how comfortable Hawkeye obviously felt around me.
This was one of two Christmases since I'd become an ordained priest that I hadn't given Midnight Mass and hadn't presided over Christmas Day services. I felt almost guilty in leisurely getting dressed in casual clothes rather than clericals and walking down the main thoroughfare with Hawkeye as we looked for a place in which to dine. Most businesses were closed, as it was the Day of Savior's Birth, but we did manage to find a Jewish bakery that smelled divine from the sidewalk alone.
We ordered a variety of pastries, including several different flavors of rugelach, a few Danishes, and a couple of pieces of honey cake with cherries and walnuts. We also ordered two cups of coffee, then found a table near the front windows to eat our sweets. The rugelach ended up being my favorite, and I particular enjoyed the apricot flavored one. Hawkeye seemed partial to the cinnamon flavored rugelach.
We took what we didn't manage to eat with us, and the proprietor even threw in a couple of corned beef sandwiches for us before wishing us a Merry Christmas. We wished him a prosperous New Year and I noticed Hawkeye leave a rather generous tip in the jar on the counter.
There wasn't much to do around the town other than walk around and window shop, but neither of us seemed to much care for that option, so we went back to the hotel room, stripped off our clothes, made love before spending the entire afternoon in bed alternating between napping, talking and even an amusing game of I-spy. It was probably the best way to spend Christmas that I could think of.
After we ate a late lunch of cold corned beef sandwiches, Hawkeye turned on the small television set, adjusting the antenna until a clear picture came on the screen just in time for the latest episode of Captain Midnight…or so Hawkeye claimed. I laid against him as we watched the opening sequence, listening to Hawkeye quote the dialog in a very deep, theatrical voice.
"You must have seen this once or twice," I teased.
"Tommy and Charlie love Captain Midnight. I'll bet they're forcing Dad to watch it right now. It's actually not that bad of a show. Don't you ever watch television?"
"No." I answered mildly. "We didn't have a set when I was growing up, I didn't have one in college or seminary, there wasn't one at the church in Tibet, and obviously we didn't have one in Korea. I did go to the movie theater when I was a kid; I would spend all day at the nickelodeon whenever my parents let me. I mainly listened to a lot of radio programs. I still do whenever I'm around a radio. The Bickersons were one of my favorites, though unfortunately I came in on the later part of that series."
He kissed the top of my head and we lapsed back into a companionable silence as we watched the show. Not too long into the program, however, my eyes began to grow heavy and, though I tried to stay awake, I ended up dozing off.
When morning dawned, I awoke before Hawkeye, letting him sleep as I took to the bathroom to groom. I used the time to reflect on what I would say about Danny at the memorial. Father Llewellyn had said that everyone loved Danny, which had always been true. He'd always been such a charismatic person, so very likeable…even in the dark times. I wanted Danny's memory to be of his goodness and charm, rather than the personal struggles that only I was privy to. I would treat my last conversation with Danny as something like a confession. Though I knew that Danny had gone on to meet our maker, I still couldn't help but grieve his loss.
As I stood at the sink shaving, Hawkeye stumbled naked into the bathroom, having obviously just woken up. He had the presence of mind to kiss my bare shoulder before he moved to the toilet to relieve himself.
"Do you know what time the memorial is?" He asked, yawning and scratching his backside.
"11 o'clock."
"I thought, if you'd like, that after the service we'd get out of here. Drive back up to Maine before the New Year."
"Are you sure that's a good idea, Hawkeye?"
"I called Mary last night after you fell asleep and we talked about the idea of you staying with me in Jersey. She actually thought it was a good idea because she has made up her mind about staying in Crabapple Cove. We've decided that since it's only a 6 hour drive between Crabapple and Shithole, New Jersey that I'll drive home one any weekends or extended breaks to see Mary and the boys…and the baby. The rest of the time I'll spend with you."
I stared at him for a long moment. "This really doesn't feel right."
"Look, baby, I know it must be strange to you, but I promise you…it's okay. I told you Mary isn't like other women, she gets me…she gets what I feel for you."
"But, Hawkeye, she's you're wife."
"Please don't tell me you're going to start quoting scripture to me, Dago." He sighed, sounded exasperated.
I didn't say anything and he laughed humorlessly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Jesus Christ…of all the fucking people to fall in love with, I had to go for the priest." He sighed again but looked at me seriously. "Dago, you just have to trust me that this is okay. Maybe it's not 'biblically' okay, but as far as my wife and I are concerned it is. If she wasn't really alright about this, I wouldn't be here…I wouldn't be asking you to move to New Jersey with me. Not to mention it was her idea for you to come back to Maine with me for New Years."
When I still didn't say anything, mostly because Right and Wrong were currently at war in my stomach and I wasn't sure yet what to do, Hawkeye came over and pressed his forehead to mine.
"Please, Dago…"
I sighed and closed my eyes, giving in. "Alright."
There was no body at the memorial for Danny, and I tried not to think of how he'd died, or what had been done to his remains as I sat in the pew looking up at a several large sprays of floral arrangements surrounding a black and white 8x10 photo of Danny on a pedestal. Most of the church's regular population had shown up, and in the front row was a couple who looked to be in their sixties, as well as a woman somewhere around mine or Hawkeye's age with striking blonde hair. I knew immediately that they were Danny's parents and sister, whom I'd met a few times when we were in seminary together. The sight of them made my stomach churn.
Father Llewellyn spoke first, giving a brief overview of Danny's life as he knew it, and reading passages from the Bible that spoke about death and offered comfort to those who mourn. I found myself lost in my own thoughts and memories, not really listening to him until Hawkeye nudged me with his elbow. I looked over at him and he nodded towards the pulpit where Father Llewellyn was looking at me.
"Father Mulcahy? Would you like to come say a few words?" He asked, obviously repeating himself.
"Oh, yes…forgive me…" I muttered as I stood and took his place in front of the congregation. "Most of you don't know me, but I am…was… Danny's best friend. Right from the first day at seminary, Danny proved himself to be a very confident, enigmatic individual. I'm sure if you would ask any of the Monsignors at the school, they would go on to say that Danny was a rabble rouser, who never let the opportunity for a good practical joke slip by. He was a friend to everyone, but to me…he was like a brother. After we left seminary, Danny and I stayed in touch, even when I became a missionary and spent several years in Tibet. It was because of me that Danny decided to join the army and become a chaplain." I paused for a long second, feeling the guilt of that statement. "I'm probably the last person—in this room—to have seen Danny alive. It was in August, following the resolution of the war in Korea. By sheer coincidence…or perhaps Divine intervention…we ran into each other at headquarters in Seoul, waiting for our new orders, and I was able to spend several days with him, catching up and remembering what a wonderful friend he'd always been. We'd spoken about meeting up here in Raleigh after our release from the army…which is actually why I'm here. It wasn't until Christmas Eve that I heard of the news of Danny's death. Mr. and Mrs. Albrecht, Shelley…I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your son and your brother. As devastating as his death is to all of us, I know that Danny would not want us to mourn him. He was so full of life and passion, and that's what we should remember about him and take with us when we leave here today. I will always miss Danny, but I know that he will live on in our hearts and in our thoughts."
As I stepped down, passing the first row where Danny's family sat in tears, Shelley stood up and threw her arms around me. "Thank you, John. Danny considered you to be a brother, too."
I knew Danny's affections for me were deeper than a bond of brotherhood, but I kept that thought to myself as I hugged Shelley and moved back to my seat next to Hawkeye.
After the service, I waited to speak with Danny's parents, knowing I should say something more personal to them. Danny's father came up and shook my hand firmly. "John, it's good to see you again. Thank you for being here."
"Mr. Albrecht, I wish there was something more I could say…"
"I think you said it all quite well. You're right, Danny wouldn't have wanted us to sit around crying over him. There's going to be a small reception at the house after this, you're more than welcome to come, of course."
"Oh…thank you, Mr. Albrecht. I'll be leaving to visit a friend and his family in Maine shortly after this, but perhaps we will stop by."
"John, dear," Muriel Albrecht came up and took my hands. "Danny would have been so thankful for you being here and your kind words about him."
"I'm so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Albrecht."
"He was so very fond of you, John."
"And I of him."
Muriel embraced me with tears in her eyes. "God love you both."
I hugged Shelley once again, then the family moved off to greet the others at the service. I turned to Hawkeye, feeling sick. "Let's get out of here."
Hawkeye put his arm around my shoulder and led me out to his car parked in the parking lot. As we climbed in and he fired up the engine, I looked back at the church one last time, silently saying goodbye to Danny, even though I knew his soul was long since departed. Hawkeye aimed his car for the highway that would take us north to Maine and reached across the bench seat to take my hand comfortingly. We rode in companionable silence until we crossed the border into Virginia.

TBC
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Infatuation