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Then As It Was, Then Again It Will Be	By : OpenPage Category: 1 through F > 21 Jump Street Views: 1347 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own 21JS or the characters. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. All characters and events in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is coincidental.

Chapter List
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Lying in bed amongst the tangled sheets, Dennis watched Tom sleep. He was truly captivated by Tom’s beauty and for the hundredth time he marveled at how fortunate he was to have someone so exquisite in his life. It was not only Tom’s good looks that attracted him, it was Tom the package. Intelligent, funny, diligent and loyal, Hanson had all the qualities Booker admired in a partner. Tom’s prettiness was just an added bonus. Knowing that Tom was comfortable with their relationship was a load off his mind. However, he was still reluctant to take their relationship to the next level. His mind kept mulling over Doug’s earlier statement about Tom’s mental health and he wondered if he should consult the psychologist. The last thing he wanted to do was cause Tom more pain and suffering.
Scratching at his head, he stretched out his body and yawned. It was after midday and it did not appear that Tom was waking up anytime soon. With a reluctant sigh, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. He pulled on his jeans and t-shirt and silently crept from the room.
Hearing the bedroom door open, Doug twisted his head around. “Afternoon,” he said pointedly, although a small smile played on his lips. “Sleep well?”
A wide grin spread across Dennis’ face. “Yep. Do you mind if I make something to eat?”
“Help yourself,” Penhall replied, returning to his baseball game.
Dennis set to and several minutes later, he returned with toast and coffee in hand. Sitting on the couch, he ate silently, unsure how to broach the subject of Tom’s mental state with Penhall. He waited until Doug took a bathroom break and when he returned, he finally spoke. “Um Doug, can I talk to you about something?”
Reaching for the remote, Penhall muted the television. “Sure Booker, what’s on your mind?”
Rubbing a hand over his chin, Dennis continued. “It’s about Tom. Does he still see a psychologist?”
“Only once a month now,” Doug replied, keeping his tone hushed incase Hanson entered the room. “Does that bother you?”
Shaking his head, Dennis replied, “No, of course not. It’s just… well do you think I should talk to him about our relationship?”
“It’s a her… and maybe,” Doug answered. “But you should speak to Tom about it first.”
“That’s the problem,” Booker replied with a hint of uneasiness. “I don’t want to upset him.”
Penhall exhaled loudly. “Booker, you’re going to upset him from time to time, that’s what happens in relationships. You can’t keep him protected from everything.”
“Yeah right,” Dennis replied sarcastically. “This from the man that’s been protecting him since day one.”
Doug stood up and walked into the kitchen. He poured himself a cup of coffee before returning. “That’s different, he’s my best friend not my lover, our relationship will never be as intense or complex as yours.”
Sipping at his coffee, Booker absorbed what Doug had said. It was true, his relationship with Hanson was different and there were certain responsibilities that he was going to have to step up to. He could not expect to shield Tom from everything in life and most importantly, he wanted Tom to be able to spread his wings and again be the confident, laid-back man that he had once been. If it were just Tom’s disabilities that he had to contend with, Booker knew he would be able to cope with little intervention. But the rape made everything so much more complicated. Dennis had never really had dealings with a rape victim before and he worried about Hanson’s psychological state where sex was concerned. How would Tom feel when he felt Booker’s cock pushing against him, would the memories of his rape resurface? He tried to imagine how he would feel but it was impossible to know. Up until now, he and Tom had not discussed what had actually happened on the night he had left the bar alone. Suddenly, he wondered if Tom had talked about it with Penhall.
“Doug?” he asked, his tone delicate. “Has Tom spoken to you about the rape?”
A look of wretchedness washed over Doug’s face. “Not in detail,” he replied. “It was more along the lines of a police interview. There were three of them, they hit him over the head, bundled him into a van, beat him, raped him and dumped him in the park. He couldn’t remember faces, or so he said. I don’t know, that was a while ago and he’s had the nightmares since then. Maybe he remembers more.”
“Do you think I should talk to him about it?” Dennis asked.
Doug’s reply was infuriatingly noncommittal. “Do you think you should?”
“Fucking hell Penhall, can you give me a little help here!” Dennis exclaimed. “I’m asking your advice. You’ve been with him the longest, you know how he feels. Just give me something to work with.”
“Okay,” Doug replied. “How about I tell you what I did. I made mistakes. I did things that Tom didn’t like and I learnt from them and that Booker, is all you can do.” Standing up, Doug grabbed his coat and headed for the door. “I’m going out for a while, give you time to think about things.”
As the door closed, Booker let out a loud groan and lying back on the couch, he drew up his knees and threw his arm over his eyes. He was so deep in thought that he did not hear Hanson enter the room. Feeling the end of the couch sag, he lowered his arm.
“W-what are you th-thinking about?” Tom asked apprehensively. “Is it about m-me?”
Straightening his legs, Booker pulled Hanson down onto his chest. He gently stroked Tom’s hair whilst he thought about what to say.
“Dennis?” Tom pressed. “Tell m-me.”
Booker sat up, forcing Tom into a sitting position next to him. “Okay, so… it’s best to be honest right?”
Tom nodded in agreement.
Taking Hanson’s hand in his, Booker continued. “I want to know what happened that night, the night you were attacked.”
Tom immediately pulled his hand away, his face troubled. “W-why?” he asked.
“Because I want to make love to you Tommy and I don’t think I can whilst this thing is hanging over us!” Booker’s voice was slightly raised, his face agitated.
Tom’s eyes widened and his body tensed. “You d-don’t w-want to m-make love t-to me b-because I w-was r-raped?” he stuttered incredulously.
Horrified, Booker pulled Tom into his arms and held him close. “No! That’s not what I mean at all. I want to make love to you more than anything but I’m terrified of how you’ll react when you feel me… I don’t want to hurt you Tom, not physically and sure as hell not emotionally.”
“Oh,” was Tom’s reply. Booker waited patiently for him to continue. “Let m-me get c-cleaned up first, okay?”
“Okay,” Dennis replied, kissing Tom tenderly. “But then we talk.”
Tom nodded and using his cane, he pulled himself to his feet and headed towards the bathroom. By the time he emerged half an hour later, Booker had made scrambled eggs and coffee and Tom’s tablets sat on the table next to a glass of water. After making sure he was comfortable, Booker said, “Can you manage, ‘cause I’d like to take a shower too.”
Tom nodded, his mouth full of food. For the first time since he could remember, he was actually hungry. He was beginning to feel that he had reached a turning point in his recovery. It had been a long time coming but he could finally see a bright, shining light at the end of a long, dark tunnel and that light was Booker. It still amazed him that he had fallen for someone who not too long ago, he had despised and what was even more incredulous was that that person was a man. He smiled to himself. Love was a funny thing.
He did however, feel a little apprehensive about telling Booker about the rape as he had not even told his therapist the full story. But he trusted Dennis implicitly and now that he had asked, Tom felt he had no choice but to divulge everything he could remember about that fateful night a year ago. It would not be easy but if by doing so his and Dennis’ relationship could move forward, then Hanson was willing to relive the trauma one last time. The shame he felt was still very raw but he knew Booker did not see him differently because of the rape and that was reassuring. He was lucky to have people like Booker and Penhall in his life. He missed his mother terribly but he had resigned himself to living a life without her. The bible she had sent to the hospital lay in a drawer by his bed but he felt no desire to take it out and read it. He had been forced to go to church when he was a boy but in his teens, he had rebelled against it. It had hurt his Mom terribly at the time but no amount of pleading could get Hanson to change his mind. Now that she had turned her back on him completely his feelings about religion were even more defiant. If his mother’s God despised same sex relationships then Tom despised his mother’s God. Even though he himself could not explain how his sexual preference had changed seemingly overnight, he knew in his heart that his feelings for Booker were real. If God could not see love for the magical, unprejudiced emotion that it was then that was too bad. It was not something Tom would lose any sleep over.
The bathroom door opened and a waft of steam drifted into the living room. Booker emerged rubbing his hair with a towel. After a few moments, he threw the towel back into the bathroom and ran his fingers through his damp hair in an attempt to tame it. Tom felt his heart miss a beat as he watched his lover. Feeling his gaze, Dennis turned his head and gave Tom a captivating smile. “Miss me?” he asked.
“Maybe,” Tom replied playfully but his mood suddenly changed and his expression became somber. “Sit d-down Dennis, it’s time f-for that t-talk.”
“Okay,” Booker replied, taking a seat at the table next to Tom and picking up his hand. Staring deep into Tom’s eyes, he reached out a hand and stroked his face tenderly. “I love you,” he murmured softly.
Tears filled Hanson’s eyes but he did not return the sentiment. “I know,” was all he said before taking a deep breath and letting all that he had kept inside for so long, finally spill out.
- 13
- 14
- 15
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Then As It Was, Then Again It Will Be