Adult-FanFiction.org : Television / Streaming

But I always thought I'd see you again...	By : ihatethesnow Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 1940 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead or any of the characters. I will not be making any money from this.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
On the third day, when his wife and children were alive and well and settled into their bungalow at Fort Benning, Rick Grimes was walking down an unnamed road with Michonne, Candie, Bob Stookey, Beth Greene, Merle Dixon and Michonne's son, Michael.
Rick was beside himself with grief. He ignored his wife for no reason, and now he doesn't have any family left. He would often think back to the "Chick Soup for the Soul" books Lori would have around the house, and she would often read him a sappy passage. He'd feign interest, mainly because he knew she wanted him to listen.
I listen to the sound of her breathing, a soft comforting sound. I reach out and hold her hand; she stirs, but does not wake. Instinctively her hand closes around mine, like it has done so often before. I kiss her cheek gently. I whisper, "I love you." Still asleep, a smile spreads across her face. She has heard me. I sit back into the chair, still holding her hand and I think: Does she know how much I love her?
He wanted those days back. He wanted those eight months back. He missed the little things, like holding her hand, or how she smiled when she caught him looking at her. He missed how she would always reach out and touch him for no other reason than the fact that he was within reach. He thought about the time they had together before Carl was born. At least one night a week they'd make time to watch a movie in their small apartment, and get only twenty minutes into it before making love on the couch.
He grieved for his family. Lori, Carl, Judith, his baby Julia, and the baby he'll never see. He'll never walk Judith or Julia down the aisle. No more "Guy's days" with Carl and Shane. He thought about his lifelong friend. He knew Shane wouldn't take advantage of Lori, but he also knew that his friend hid a secret about Michonne. Shane knew the baby was his own. All the times they would be on duty together, and Rick would mention the baby, Shane stayed quiet. His friend offered him a shoulder to cry on dozens of times over the years whenever he thought of the boys he gave away, but never told him the truth.
In the short month they spent at the CDC, Rick became aware at what Andrea was like. Manipulative, sadistic, and just plain idiotic. She snapped the picture of Shane giving Lori a kiss, in the hopes that she'd twist the situation around. It worked. She tried to seduce him less than an hour after Shane died, even while she was pregnant with his baby.
He let himself become blind to the facts. He let his petty jealousy take over his reasoning ability.
The nights were always the worst. He'd listen to Michael and Beth go from comforting each other to becoming romantic partners. He wasn't ready to talk to anyone yet. Lori always wanted him to talk more. She didn't understand the stress a cop sees. But every night she was the one he kissed goodnight. She was the one he would sleep next to. She was the one to hold his hand when he was in the coma. He couldn't move or talk, but he could hear and fell everything. It killed him that he couldn't reach out and hold her hand when she cried. He could smell her cherry blossom lotion when she rubbed it on his arms.
He thought about how he treated his wife. When she wasn't looking at him, he would always look at her. He saw the fake smile she put on for others. He was the reason why her reason to smile evaporated. So many times he tried to approach her, but he thought about the picture. And Andrea. When he would be on patrol at night he would always go into her cell. Judith would be asleep on the bottom bunk, and he'd check on his daughter before standing up and watching Lori as she slept. That was when he would put his hand on her stomach and feel Julia moving around. And every time, before he would leave the cell, he would make sure both his girls were covered with blankets. He'd gently kiss her forehead and whisper "I love you." He wasn't brave enough to say it to her face.
While he felt the overwhelming grief every second of every day over the loss of his pregnant wife and three children, the anger and resentment was simmering just under the surface. So much anger and resentment. Anger at Shane and Michonne for betraying him, anger at the prison for falling, and anger at himself for the way he acted.
Just one more time. He would think to himself. I just want to see them one more time. I want to hold Lori in my arms, hold my children, and tell them I love them.
Merle and Michonne would look at him with pity in their eyes when they would find an empty house in which to stay, and he wouldn't want to eat or drink, he just went into a room by himself and his deep sobs would echo throughout the house.
He spent the night trying to sleep. After a futile attempt to fall asleep in one of the twin beds in a child's room, with nothing to do but think about his family and stare at the ceiling, he'd get up and walk around the house. Merle and Michael would be on guard and give him a knowing look; they all lost people.
You could be a thousand miles away. I hope you're someplace safe. I couldn't put it back together.
I couldn't put it back together. I thought it was I made a deal with myself. I would keep you alive.
I'd find a place. I would fix that. And then I couldn't open that door. I couldn't risk it. I was gonna keep you alive. Judy, Carl, the baby. And then I thought there'd be time. There's never time. But I loved you.
I love you. I couldn't put it back together. I should have said it. I should- I should have said it.
Rick awoke from the catnap he took while sitting on the edge of the twin bed. His head was resting against the wall, and he heard the screaming.
"What is going on with you as a person? Were you an abused teenager? Are you a lonely person without friends? Or are you simply a troll? The things you do, and say...is that just who you are as a person? What's happening to make you behave the way you do? But I am genuinely curious to know why you do what you do, why you deliberately try to make people hate you, why you are the way you are."
"Michonne, calm down." Merle tried to reason.
"How bout kiss my black fat ass like you don't know what shit is about when you were talking that bullshit, scum. Just goes to show another level of your stupidity. I'm a strong black women and you're such a virulent racist you can't tolerate it."
"Michonne, Candie's sleeping. What's going on?"
"Fuck you, Grimes."
"What's going on?" Rick asked, still half-awake but fully pissed.
"He wants me to be the den mother and make breakfast for everyone." Michonne snapped.
Merle threw his hands in the air and said "I just asked if she found any food when she was looking around the house."
"Grimes, you've known me a long time. Who do you believe? Me or him?" Michonne asked.
"Merle has never lied to me." He said, shutting her down quickly. "What's the plan for today?" Rick asked, as he turned to the redneck.
They spent three days in the house, eating what little food was available, Rick, Bob and Merle would go on supply runs to the other homes by himself, trying not to look at the home that had pictures of happy families and toys strewn around. They would take a pillowcase and fill it with the food and bottled water he could find, and go back to the small group.
When they found two vehicles they filled them up with everything they could find; gardening tools from garages that could be used as weapons, changes of clothes, food and water. It wasn't long before Bob found out the truth about his sister-in-law, and Michael found out about his mother. Merle, who still blamed the dreadlocked woman for Jessie's death, refused to talk to her for the pain she caused Daryl.
Beth was the only person in whom Michonne could confide. Candie was only a year old, and Beth wanted to impress her possible mother-in-law, so she played the role of a caring friend. The conversation didn't include Andre, Collette, Elodie or Terry, but the freshman high school days with Rick.
One morning, after a sleepless night inside a looted seven –eleven, Michael was sleeping after being on guard during the night. Rick, Bob and Merle were looking in a nearby store for supplies. The two women were talking while Beth held Candie and Michonne was resting. "I used to pick flowers, and pluck off one petal at a time. 'He loves me, he loves me not.' It always ended on 'He loves me." I made a mistake, but what we had was unbreakable."
"You guys were so young." Beth noted.
"How old are you, Beth?"
"Seventeen."
"By the time I was your age I pregnant with my third child." Michonne chuckled. "Shane was a mistake. There was no doubt about that. But with Rick, I knew. He'll come around."
"What about Lori? Ty?" The younger woman asked.
"They're dead." She sighed. "Collette turned her back on me. So did Elodie and Terry. I don't know what happened to Andre. And Rick's whole family got wiped out. Three kids and a pregnant wife."
"I can hear Rick cry during the night."
"He's being selfish. We've all lost someone. You lost your father and your sister. Merle lost Daryl. Bob lost Sasha. But you have to move on. You found happiness with my son. You could make me a grandma soon."
Beth blushed, clearly uncomfortable, and wanted to change the subject. "So where do you think we'll go?"
"The thing is, Rick knows we were meant to be together. What happened at the prison was fate. We're the only survivors. That's telling you that means something."
"But it's been so long. Like, twenty years."
"I know how long its' been. Michonne snapped. "Your parents were horrible to my Jessie. If I kept him, things would be so different. Rick and I would have gotten married."
"They never talked about him." Beth said sadly.
"Not surprised. Hershel was a jackass. And a drunk."
Beth bristled at the mention of her father. "He was a good man. You didn't know him."
"Jessie knew him. And from what Jessie said, your father was a monster because he adopted a half black kid."
Beth was speechless. She didn't know how to communicate with the older woman.
"This time together is just what we need. I know Rick. Better than Lori does. He never would have treated me the way he treated her. But she's dead, and now he's all mine." Michonne smiled, as she planned how to get her man back in her arms.
- 13
- 14
- 15
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

But I always thought I'd see you again...