SAVING GRACES

CHAPTER 15



Dr. George Huang walked wearily into the hospital. He welcomed the escape from assisting with the interviews of John Bertelli and Gregory Veneer. The latter was one of the most self serving weasels Huang had encountered in his career. “And that,” the psychiatrist thought. “Is an insult to weasels everywhere.” Veneer was pleasant, however, in comparison to Bertelli’s ranting and raving. The disgraced cop maintained he acted because the boys were evil creatures. Bertelli bore a particular hatred for Bobby Goren, accusing the detective of depraved thoughts and actions. Huang wondered if Bertelli would be judged sane enough to face a trial.



“Well,” Huang thought as he walked through the hospital. “Goren certainly knew how to play Bertelli…Even Elliott Stabler’s convinced Goren saved Michael Flynn’s life and solved the case…” Huang sighed as he neared Bobby’s room. “The only person who doesn’t appear to think Bobby Goren is a hero is Bobby Goren.”



Don Cragen had requested that Huang visit Goren; his request was the result of a request from Danny Ross. Cragen first reported to Huang that Goren had disappeared from his hospital room; a second, relieved, report revealed that Olivia and Alex had found Goren hiding in the hospital’s library. As he hesitated in front of the door to Goren’s room, Huang considered what he knew and speculated about the detective. From what little the psychiatrist knew about Goren, it made sense he’d seek refuge in a library.



Huang knocked on the door and entered the room. His eyes closed, Bobby Goren lay quietly in the bed. He was very pale—Huang had never seen anyone that pale who wasn’t a corpse—and dark circles framed his eyes. Huang sensed that Goren wasn’t asleep. Olivia sat at the side of the bed, holding Goren’s left hand. “Oh,” Huang thought in shock. “She’s in love with him…and she’s not trying to hide it.” His mind reeled with the possibilities of a romance between Olivia Benson and Bobby Goren. Bobby opened his eyes and smiled at Olivia. “He loves her too,” Huang thought. “But he’s afraid…He doesn’t want anyone to know…He’s afraid he’ll hurt her…”



“Hey, Doc,” Alex said dryly. “Glad you could make it…Although you missed all of the excitement.”



Huang turned to Alex, who stood smiling at him. “Don’t worry,” she said. “He’s been very good. Of course, Olivia and I have been watching him.



“Welcome to my cell,” Bobby said weakly.



“Your captains asked me to check in,” Huang said. “They’re worried about you.”



Bobby shifted uncomfortably on the bed.



“He’s ok,” Olivia said firmly. “We’ve talked…He won’t be doing anything like that again.”



Huang paused uncertainly. He’d expected to encounter opposition from Goren, but not from Alex and Olivia. He received support from an unlikely source.



“It’s all right,” Bobby said quietly. “I…I should talk to him…You guys deserve a break.”



Olivia and Alex shared an uneasy look.



“Hey,” Huang said. “I’m not the enemy. I’m not here to hurt him.”



“Maybe not deliberately,” Alex muttered as she passed by Huang.



Bobby warily watched as Huang sat in the chair recently occupied by Olivia.



“So,” the psychiatrist asked calmly. “What set off this rush to the library?”



Bobby fidgeted with the sheets. “I…All of this praise…I didn’t…don’t…deserve it…and the idea of facing the Chief of Detectives and the press…I…I couldn’t deal with it…” He shrugged. “So I ran away to what I thought was a safe place.” He smiled wanly. “I should’ve taken some clothes or a blanket with me.”



“You could have said no,” Huang said reasonably.



“You don’t know the Chief very well, do you?” Bobby responded amiably.



“Only in passing,” Huang admitted. “But I know that the hospital staff…your fellow cops…your friends…They’d help you.”



Bobby moved uncomfortably on the bed. “I…Truth is…I’m not really sure I understand.” He winced.



“Goren, are you ok?” Huang didn’t like the raspy edge to Bobby’s voice, and, although it seemed it impossible, the detective’s color appeared paler.



“My…my chest hurts a little when I breathe,” Bobby admitted. “But my stitches seem ok,” he added in response to Huang’s worried face.



Huang stood and examined Bobby. There no splashes of crimson on his bandages to suggest a broken suture, but the detective’s breathing was labored and he felt terribly hot. Huang reached for the nurses’ call button.



“I hope Olivia and Alex don’t blame me for this,” he said. “But something’s clearly wrong.”



“What some people won’t do to keep from talking to me,” Huang said roughly an hour later.



Bobby smiled weakly. Tubes bearing oxygen ran in and out of his nose, and additional drugs dripped in his IVs. “Not deliberate, I swear,” he said feebly. “I didn’t plan to get pneumonia.”



“You should’ve thought about that before you pulled that stunt this morning,” Alex said, a little sharper than she intended.



Bobby stared at his hands. “I…I’m sorry…”



“Just take it easy now,” Olivia said. “I’d like to see you some place other than the hospital. Try to get some sleep. Alex and I will be here.” She settled in the chair next to the bed.



“That chair,” Bobby murmured. “They’re going to put your name on it.” He drifted into an uneasy sleep.



“Olivia,” Alex said. “I’m going to get a cup of coffee…Want me to bring you one back?”



Olivia’s eyes didn’t leave Bobby. “Yea…I’d appreciate it…”



Huang joined Alex in the floor’s waiting room. He’d certainly had better coffee than what was available there, but he’d also certainly had worse. “Goren,” he said cautiously. “He’s told you and Olivia what really caused his outburst this morning…”



“It was more of a retreat than an outbreak,” Alex answered. “The only person in any kind of danger was Bobby. You’ve noticed that he doesn’t deal well with praise.”



“Yes. But there was more to this than just that…There’s something worse, at least in his mind?” Huang asked.



Alex considered how much she should reveal to Huang. She’d been impressed by his work and attitude through the case, but she wondered how much she could tell him. She owed something to Bobby.



“Well,” she said tentatively. “You know he’s been under a lot of pressure…His mother just died after a long illness…And the Brady case…”



“There’s more,” Huang said. “But you don’t feel that you can tell me.”



“You’d make a good detective, Doctor,” Alex said wryly. “There is more…but I don’t think I have the right to tell you.”



“Fair enough,” Huang said. “And I expected that kind of loyalty.”



“Bobby will talk to you,” Alex said. “But he probably won’t tell you anything.”



Huang took a long drink of coffee. “Olivia…She’s…”



“Fallen for Bobby?” Alex smiled. “Yea, she shows every sign of it. And Bobby’s fallen for her. I know,” she said in response to Huang’s concerned look. “It could be the Titanic headed for the iceberg…or it could be great for both of them.”



“Olivia,” Huang said carefully. “Her life isn’t exactly without troubles.”



“Which may be why it could work,” Alex said.



“They have any idea what they’re getting into?”



“Does anybody when they’re in love?”



Elliott Stabler hesitated at the waiting room entrance. He saw Alex and Huang in a deep but apparently friendly conversation. “Must mean Goren’s ok and Olivia’s with him,” he thought. Elliott frowned as he walked to Bobby’s room. Rumors about what had happened that morning spread quickly through the department, and the fact Huang was called to the hospital helped flame those rumors. Elliott hoped that Olivia wasn’t hurt physically or emotionally and that the incident might open her eyes to the dangers of any involvement with Goren. He had nothing against Goren, at least not after meeting the man and seeing the detective in action. Goren was clearly great at his job, a rare and terrific combination of a brilliant mind and an enormous capacity for work. He was equally brilliant at the crime scene and in the interrogation room, but Elliott also saw that his reputation for unusual—many said weird—behavior was deserved. While Elliott wasn’t sure of the details of Goren’s past, he knew that the man occasionally radiated deep and terrible pain, and Elliott could only see the possibility of that pain passing on to Olivia.



He reached Goren’s room, took a deep breath, and softly knocked. He opened the door and briefly surveyed the scene. Olivia sat next to the bed. A book rested on her lap with her right hand hovering over it. Her left hand was tangled with Goren’s, and the soft, low light just above the bed bathed her in a gentle glow. Goren, his eyelashes occasionally fluttering, lay in the bed. He looked terribly pale, and Elliott saw the white bandages on his body under the edges of the hospital gown. Goren muttered something, and all of Olivia’s attention focused on him. She leaned towards him, rested one of her hands gently on his chest, and whispered to him. Goren calmed immediately.



“He doesn’t deserve her,” Elliott thought, and instantly regretted the wave of anger and, he had to admit, jealousy, that rose in him.



Olivia, slightly startled, looked up at Elliott. “Hey,” she said in a voice just above a whisper.



“Hey,” Elliott answered. He sat in the room’s other chair. “How is he?”



“He’s got a touch of pneumonia,” Olivia answered. “But the doctors don’t think it’s too bad…If he takes care of himself.” She smiled wryly. “I guess you heard what happened.”



“Yea,” Elliot said. “That cause the pneumonia…”



“No,” Olivia said quickly. “Although it certainly didn’t help. He was already weak…And the smoke he inhaled at the fire may have had a part.”



“Yea…but what he did this morning.” Elliott tried for a bland tone, but he wasn’t quite bland enough.



“What is it, Elliott?” Olivia asked with an edge to her voice.



Elliott shifted nervously. “’Liv,” he said uneasily. “You know his reputation…”



“Which reputation?” Olivia asked icily. “The one as the weirdest detective in the NYPD? Or the one who’s got the best solve rate in the NYPD?”



“’Liv.” Elliott attempted to placate his partner. “I…just…I just don’t want you to get hurt…”



“Hurt?” She raised her voice enough that Bobby stirred. Her attention immediately returned to him, and she tenderly touched him on the arm. Satisfied he wasn’t waking up, she turned back to Elliott. “Did you consider I might hurt him?”



Elliott looked at her in confusion. “I…I don’t understand…”



“Elliott.” Her voice was a mix of frustration and exhaustion. “He’s had as bad a time as I have…Probably worse…You know me…You know I could hurt someone as much as someone could hurt me.”



“Olivia…You’re my friend,” Elliott answered. “My partner…I want to protect you…” He leaned forward in the chair.



“From what, Elliott?” she asked desperately. “From him?” She nodded at Bobby. “You’ve worked with him, Elliott. He saved your life…my life…He saved Michael Flynn’s life…You know he’s not some whack job…Forget that you’re way off base with this whole protection thing. You’re wrong about him.”



She again raised her voice more than she intended, and Bobby again moved on the bed. And, again, she reached to calm him.



“Look,” she said, gaining control of her voice. “I know…I’m grateful…That you care…You know what it means to me…but…Bobby and Alex have a partnership that…that…” Olivia smiled and shook her head. “It’s the only one I’ve ever seen that’s better than ours…”



“Yea.” Elliot sensed that the future of that partnership with Olivia lay in the next few minutes. “I saw that…It’s something else…And she’s a great cop…”



“We’ve both heard the rumors about them,” Olivia said. “And we both know now that those aren’t true.”



“Yea…I’ll have to let a few people know they’re really off base.”



The heavy atmosphere in the room lightened slightly.



“Alex…She understands something…” Olivia said. “She’s supporting us in…in whatever it is Bobby and I are in…She’s worried about us…But she thinks there’s a chance for us…and she’s willing to support that. I’m just asking for the same from you.”



Elliot looked at her. “I think…I think I can do that…but I can’t promise you that I won’t worry.”



Olivia smiled in relief. “Worry is ok…And I expect some annoying from you.”



He shared her relief. “I can promise you that too.”



Bobby murmured weakly.



“Is he ok?” Elliott asked.



Olivia touched Bobby’s forehead. “He’s awfully hot,” she said tensely.



“I’ll get a nurse,” Elliott said and rose from his chair.



Bobby shivered and twisted. “No,” he murmured. “No…Don’t…Please…”



“Bobby,” Olivia said, trying not to betray her fear. “It’s all right…Take it easy.”



“Mom…Mom…I’m sorry…Sorry…I…” He fought through a pain and fever filled fog. “No,” he thought. “Mom’s dead…She’s gone…” He tried to move. “Eames…Is that…please…”



“Alex is just in the waiting room,” Olivia said softly. She brushed several damp and errant curls from Bobby’s forehead; his skin felt horribly hot. ”Please,” she thought. “Elliott…Alex…Somebody…Please come…Please help me…”



Bobby heard Olivia’s voice through the fog. “Olivia,” he thought. “Olivia…She’s safe…She’ll help me…” He blinked, and Olivia’s face came into focus over him. “Olivia,” he whispered in a low, weak, raspy voice.



“I’m here,” she said. “I’m here…”



“I…I’m sorry…” She had to lean very close to hear him. “I shouldn’t…have been so stupid…this morning…”



“I understand why you did that.” She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “The Chief of Detectives would bore anyone.”



He tried to return the smile, but a terrible cough seized him. Olivia clutched his hand.



“I’m sorry,” he gasped. Tears glistened in his eyes. “It…it hurts…”



Elliott appeared, followed by several nurses, and, after them, Alex and Huang. The nurses gently but efficiently swept Olivia from Bobby’s side. She stood by a wall and tried to catch a glimpse of Bobby’s face as the nurses hovered over him. “Oh, God,” she prayed. “Please help him…Please give me the strength to help him.”



END CHAPTER 15