Hunting Humanity VI | By : greenwizard11 Category: Supernatural > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1256 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Supernatural universe. No money is being made from this story. |
Sam and Dean sat at the cabin watching TV. Dean glanced at the bathroom door. “He’s been in there a while,” Dean commented. He got up and went to the bathroom. “You okay, Babe?” he peeked in. “Sam! Call an ambulance!” Dean shouted as he grabbed some towels.
Sam made the call and then went into the bathroom to see what was wrong. “What happened?”
“He fucking slit his wrists!” Dean was trying to wrap towels around the wounds to stop the bleeding. The ambulance came quickly and rushed Liam off. Dean got in the car. “If he survives this I’m gonna kill him.”
Sam got in the passenger side. “I thought he was doing better.”
“So did I,” Dean sighed. “He was so worried about what I don’t need. I don’t need this.”
They got to the hospital and went to reception to let them know they were there. Two hours later a doctor came out to see them. “Is he…?” Dean looked nervous.
“It was close, but he’s stable,” the doctor gave him a small smile. “You can see him now, but we are going to be moving him to the psych ward for a seventy two hour hold.”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Dean said as he went to Liam’s room. Liam was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. “You know, I’m beginning to doubt that you love me.”
“Why?” Liam looked upset at that.
“Because of what you just did! You keep telling me you won’t talk about what is bothering you because I’ve got enough on my plate. What the fuck do you think losing you would do to me? Didn’t think about that, did you?”
A few tears slid down Liam’s cheeks. “I’m just a giant distraction. Before you knew I could just cry it all out while you were sleeping. Now you stay awake until I’m asleep, or at least until you think I’m asleep. You’re doing more for yourselves, proving further that you don’t need me. I just...”
Dean sat on the edge of the bed. “Liam, I told you no good would come of bottling it up and keeping it all to yourself. You do realize you’re going back to the psych ward for three days, right?”
“Figured as much when I woke up.”
“Make good use of it again. You don’t want to talk to me, talk to the doctor.”
“You know I can’t. If I’m honest they’ll never let me out.”
“You can talk about your dad. I know that’s got you pretty screwed up.”
A nurse came in with a wheelchair. “Time to take you up, Liam.”
Liam sighed and got out of the bed into the chair. “Can I walk up with him?”
“I guess,” the nurse answered as she wheeled Liam away.
Dean walked beside Liam all the way up to the top floor. Then when Liam was being taken to his room Dean pulled the doctor aside. “Hey, is there any way you can keep him longer than seventy two hours?”
“If next of kin or someone with power of attorney over him requests it then we can, yes.”
“He has a living will that grants me power of attorney if he can’t make his own decisions. Will that work?”
“Yes, that will work. Just have a copy of the document faxed to us. Janice can give you the fax number.”
Dean got the number and called Natalie. “Hey, you still have a copy of Liam’s living will?”
“Yes, but why? What happened that you’d need it?”
“The idiot tried to off himself again. I want him kept longer than three days this time, but I need that document faxed to them to do it.”
“Oh. Alright, just give me the fax number and I’ll have it sent. Why would he do that again?”
“Something has really been bothering him lately and he won’t talk about it. I guess it just finally got that bad again. God, I really didn’t need this. I am so pissed at him right now.”
“Well, being angry isn’t going to help him. I’ll fax the papers and you keep me updated.”
Liam sat on his bed with the doctor in a chair a few feet away. “Giving me the silent treatment today, huh?” the doctor scribbled in his notes. “Look, I can’t help you unless you open up. Your partner told me this isn’t your first attempt on your own life. We got the records from the hospital in Memphis. I see you were put on Celexa for depression, and it seemed to really help you. Why did you stop taking it?”
Liam shrugged. “My legs healed, I could walk again, I didn’t need it anymore.”
“Considering where you are and why, that’s debatable. The doctor from Memphis has in his notes that being useful, being needed, that’s a very important thing to you. I’m betting it still is. Is that why you did this to yourself?”
Liam sighed. “Does it matter? Look, I get I have to be in here for three days. Can’t you just leave me alone until then?”
“Actually, I’m afraid you’re going to be with us until your partner and I agree that you’ve made some progress and are no longer a danger to yourself.”
“What? How is that even…?”
“Your living will. He had a copy faxed to us. It gives Dean the right to make decisions for you when you can’t. Given your last decision you are clearly in no shape to be making decisions for yourself. So, you might as well talk to me.”
“If I tell you the truth you won’t believe me. You’ll just medicate me.”
“Try me.”
Liam laughed. “Yeah, I’ll trust you and you’ll placate me, but in your head you’ll be thinking I’m a complete whack job.”
“Liam, there is no judgment here. I just want to help you.”
“Fine. Dean and Sam and I, we’ve been traveling around a lot the past several months. I won’t tell you why, so don’t bother asking. Actually, we’ve been traveling around since I’ve known them, and not having a permanent home kinda sucks, but I could deal with motels. Now we’ve been trying to stay off the grid, which means squatting in abandoned houses. That means no heat in the winter, if there is a working shower, cold showers, cold food sometimes.”
“That doesn’t sound pleasant at all.”
“It’s not. It reminds of hiding in an abandoned cabin in the woods by our house when I was kid. Of course then I was just a little kid and didn’t have any food while I’d hole up in there for days. That sucked too, but at least I wasn’t getting hit.”
“Ah, yes, your father. The notes from Memphis say that you suffered horrific abuse as a child.”
“And that there is just the half of it. He used to make me take cold baths.”
“So the cold showers at these abandoned houses, they remind you of that?”
“Yeah, they do. I feel like I’m right back there, only this time no one is beating the crap out of me for something I had no control over. You’re supposed to be able to depend on your parents when you’re little. Me, my mother was dead and my father hated my guts for it. My only support was my brother, and sometimes I wondered if he really cared or was just taking pity on me.”
“Where is your brother now?”
“Dead. He had a stroke when I was eighteen. My father had an accident when I was sixteen. So yeah, my entire family is dead.”
“What about extended family?”
“Don’t know. My parents immigrated from Ireland. My dad was a Catholic priest when he met my mother. He decided to leave the priesthood for her and become Protestant. Neither family liked that much so they cut all ties. Dean, Sam, Natalie, and John. That’s my family now, so I thought.”
“So you thought? What does that mean?”
“Well, they locked me up in here, didn’t they.”
“To get you help because they love you. They are still your adopted family. Sometimes the people we choose to have in our lives are closer to us than blood. From what I’ve read of your file your father was a very sick man. You really should have been taken from him and he should have been given help. The system failed you miserably, and for that I’m sorry.”
Liam shrugged. “Can’t change the past. I really wanted what Sam and Dean had with Bobby, but that’s never gonna happen.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because Bobby is dead. He was killed a little while ago in a car jacking attempt. I was right in the back with him. I was shot in the chest, him in the head.”
“That must have been a traumatic thing.”
“You’d think so. The car jacking itself didn’t bother me that much. What I don’t get is why is Bobby dead while I sit here like three months later talking to you.”
The doctor nodded and took some more notes. “So, you’ve got some survivor’s guilt dumped at the top of the pile. What you were already carrying with you is a lot for anyone without something like that being added.”
“Tell me about it. Bobby was their adopted father. Like I said, I badly wanted what they had with him. He meant more to them, so why the hell am I the one still alive?”
“How do you know he meant more to them?”
“Adopted father, they’ve known him since they were little kids. I’ve only been in their lives four years, and really haven’t made that much of an impact. True, it’s because of me that Sam met his fiance and his son was born, but...”
“Liam, the great thing about love is that there is no limit. We can love just one person, or a dozen, and we don’t love one person more than another. The love is just different. Dean loved Bobby as a father figure, and you as a romantic partner. I’m sure Dean was very glad you at least survived that awful event.”
“He said he was, yeah, but he only sat in my room with me until I was awake after surgery. Then he went to Bobby’s bedside until Bobby was pronounced dead. Only then did either of them give me the time of day.”
“I’m sure that wasn’t because he didn’t care. If you were out of surgery and awake then you were going to be fine. You said Bobby was shot in the head, so he was probably in critical condition. In that moment he chose to focus on the one he felt needed him more I would guess. I would bet that if the roles had been reversed he would’ve been focused on you.” The doctor noticed movement in the door window and turned to look. He saw Dean peaking in. “Looks like he’s here to see you now. Do you mind if we include him in the conversation and ask him?”
“Why the hell not.”
The doctor got up and opened the door. Dean and Sam stepped in. “Perfect timing,” the doctor greeted them with a smile. “We were just having a little chat about the recent car jacking incident in which your family friend Bobby was killed. Liam seems to be under the impression that because you left him alone and stayed at Bobby’s bedside that Bobby meant more to you. Would you care to respond to that?”
“Hell yes,” Dean nodded. “Liam, I’m sorry if you felt that way. You were going to be fine. The doctor told me you were out of surgery and doing good. Now, I sat with you until you woke up, but Bobby was hanging on by a thread. If I could’ve cloned myself so I could be with both of you I would have, but it was a choice between the stable person and the not so stable person. Bobby didn’t make it. I got to be there when he woke up just before he died. He asked about you, you know.”
“He did?” Liam looked surprised.
“Yeah. I told him you were fine because you were. That’s the thing, Liam, you were going to be okay. I made sure of that before I left you.”
The doctor glanced at the clock. “Well, I think that’s enough for now. I’ll leave you guys to visit, but keep it short because it’s nearly dinner time.”
The doctor left and Liam crossed his arms and pulled his legs toward him. “Go away, you dick,” he growled.
Dean sighed. “I take it you found out you’re staying here longer than three days.”
“Yeah, because you’re abusing power I gave you a long time ago in a weak moment. I fucking hate you!”
Dean sat on the foot of the bed. “That’s too bad because I love you. I’m not doing this to hurt you, I want you to get help. I know that mess up there in your skull can’t be easily fixed, but I want you to at least be in a better place. I want to know that I can go to bed at night and I won’t get woken up by a gunshot with your brains all over the wall. That thought scares the fuck out of me, you know that?”
Sam sat beside his brother a little closer to Liam. “You’re my hobbit. You said before that we don’t say it enough, so I’ll say it now. I love you too. You’re my adopted brother. Natalie sends her love too. So, you’ve got three people that really care about you now. Why would you want to throw that away?”
“Crying every night, and sometimes not sleeping, it gets a little tiresome and I didn’t know how else to stop it.”
Dean put a hand on Liam’s foot. “You come to one of us and start talking. You could even give Natalie a call.”
“You two have enough on your plates, and Natalie is busy with John.”
“Not too busy for you,” Sam said. “I call her when things get a little overwhelming. Last night we talked for two hours because your stunt has us all upset.”
“So, go ahead and hate me,” Dean rubbed his foot. “That won’t get you out of here any faster. But if we walk out of here and something happens, do you really want that to be the last thing you said to us?”
Liam sighed and put his arms down. “No. I’m just really pissed at you right now.”
Dean nodded. “You can be pissed. I’d rather have you pissed but in here and alive than out there somewhere dead. You’re worried about what I’ve got on my plate, but you just went and added something else. I can’t even… I can’t take losing someone else I really care about. Think about that while you’re in here. Now, we’ll go, but can we have a hug?”
Liam lowered his legs and held out his arms. Sam got up and leaned down to hug him. “Get well soon, hobbit.”
Sam moved and Dean hugged him tight. “You really do mean a lot to me. I love you.” Dean kissed him softly and they left.
Soon after an orderly brought him his dinner. He ate and then asked to see the doctor. “I was just about to go home, what do you need?”
“Can I unload? I mean, just completely get it all out?”
The doctor sat down. “Of course. That is what I’m here for, to help you.”
“And you swear you won’t judge me for any of the really screwed up shit?”
“I swear. I have heard a lot of crazy things, believe me. I don’t judge, and you can’t shock me.”
“Don’t hold your breath on that one. Just listen until I’m done, okay?” An hour and a half later Liam sat back and sighed. “I think that’s everything.”
The doctor blinked. “That was uh, very enlightening, Liam. I’m very glad you felt safe enough to open up like that. I will see you for our session tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay,” Liam nodded.
The doctor left the room and shook his head. “Something wrong doctor?” a nurse asked.
“No, just Liam in there, he decided he needed to unload. The only way I can even begin to describe the things he told me is holy fricken crap. Where to even start with that kid?”
Liam was reading his book Dean had brought him when a young woman with a bandage on her neck came by. “Here,” she tossed him a chocolate bar. “Thought you might enjoy that.”
Liam picked it up. “Hold up. Why don’t we enjoy it together?”
She came into his room with a smile. “Thanks. I don't know why I'm thanking you for a candy bar I stole.”
Liam opened it and broke off a piece to give to her. “So, how long you been here?”
“Five weeks and counting. Going for the record.”
“How come?”
“It doesn't matter.”
“That's a lot of bandages for it doesn't matter.”
“You want the doctor answer? I'm psychotically depressed to a suicidal ideation.”
“And the not doctor answer?”
“I feel like crap. I just want it to be over.”
He showed her the bandages on his wrists. “I hear you there.”
“Yeah, I heard you were here for the same thing. I saw those two men visit you. Who were they?”
“My boyfriend and his brother.”
“Oh, you’re gay? I’ve never met a gay person before. That came out wrong.”
“It’s okay. In case you were wondering, I’ve known since I was five. And no, it had nothing to do with what got me thrown in here. That’s a lot more complicated. I’ll share a little if you will.”
“Well, I hear a voice.”
“I see. Well, my dad took his frustrations out on me while I was growing up. When he found out I was gay he tried to kill me, literally.”
“Jeez, that’s a bit of an overreaction.”
“That’s what I thought. My dad was a Catholic priest turned Protestant preacher. He took the bible pretty literally. He even so much as told me he only kept me alive because it was a sin to murder. I guess when he found out I was homosexual something changed. Hey, what’s your name anyway?”
“I’m Marin, and it sounds like your dad had some serious issues of his own.”
“Yeah, he did, and I’m kind of paying for them. So, who’s voice do you hear?”
Marin looked at the floor for a moment. “I don’t really want to talk about that.”
“Come on, I shared. It can’t be any crazier than what’s brewing in my skull.”
“My dead brother, all right?” Marin looked upset.
“Your dead brother?”
“Yes. It sucks when it's your dead brother saying kill yourself to be with him, or he'll do it for you.” She turned and walked away.
Dean came back the next day and pulled the doctor aside. “So, um, I know it’s only been two days, but how are things going?”
“He’s off to a decent start. Last night after dinner he decided to do what he called unloading.”
“Good. And?”
“I’m not sure how much I should be telling you. Has he ever told you anything about his father?”
“Yeah, some pretty awful stuff. I know the man was a bastard.”
“Bastard isn’t quite the word for it. An individual would have to be very sick and depraved to do those things to a young helpless child. The psychological damage he inflicted… Dean, I’m afraid this case is way more than I can handle. I’m going to have him transferred to a long term state facility. We’re talking years here.”
“No,” Dean shook his head. “I don’t wanna do that to him. I don’t need him completely fixed, just the suicidal part.”
“Dean, that’s the thing. If we don’t fix the root of the problem the suicidal part is just going to keep coming back. The first time it was being broken and useless just like his father always told him he was. This time, if he can be believed, it was the living conditions in abandoned houses and the cold showers that reminded him of his childhood. I know your hearts were in the right place, but trying to show him you didn’t need him to take care of you, that was the icing on the suicidal cake. However, the fact remains that the cake is his nightmare of a childhood.”
“I know, but can’t we just bring him back every so often for a tune up?”
“He’s not a car, Dean. The human mind is a lot more complicated.”
“I’m aware of that, but I know him. You put him in a long term facility and he will flip out. I don’t think you have enough sedatives in the building for that kind of tantrum.”
They heard a loud crash come from Liam’s room and they rushed in to see what was happening. Another patient was unconscious and bloody on the floor and two orderlies were trying to wrestle Liam onto the bed and restrain him. “I didn’t do anything wrong!” Liam shouted.
“Hold on,” the doctor raised a hand to the orderlies who stopped what they were doing and let Liam up. “Liam, can you tell me what happened between you and Tom here?”
“I don’t know. He came in and called me a fag and hit me.”
“So, you were just defending yourself.”
“Yes! What was I supposed to do, just stand there and get beat up?”
The doctor sat beside him. “No, Liam. You did a very good job defending yourself. What you should have done was called for an orderly, but I can’t exactly blame you for your reaction to being hit. Since you didn’t start this one I’m just going to leave you with Dean to visit. Then you’re going on a little trip in the morning.”
“I’m going home?” Liam looked hopeful.
“Not exactly. Dean will explain.”
The doctor left and the orderlies carried out Tom. Liam looked to Dean. “What’s going on?”
Dean sighed. “Because of the conversation you had with him last night, the doctor thinks you need to be transferred to a long term state facility.”
“What?” Liam shouted. “See, this is what happens when you trust people!”
“Calm down,” Dean motioned for Liam to sit. “I don’t like it either, but you have to admit that thanks to your sperm donor you are very messed up. I tried to talk the doctor out of it, but in his professional opinion unless we get to the root of your issues the suicidal thing is just going to keep popping up. I’m really not sure what to do here because I just want you fixed.”
“Get me out of here, that’s what.”
“I’m sorry, but if you hadn’t slit your wrists none of this would’ve been an issue. Now do you see why you should’ve just come to one of us?”
“Yeah, hindsight and all of that. I don’t care how you get me home, just do it. I don’t want to be in a mental hospital.”
“I know. I love you. I will do what I can if you promise me you won’t hurt yourself again.”
“I promise to talk to someone if shit starts getting to me again.”
Dean kissed him and left. “How did he take the news?” the doctor asked.
“Not well. Listen, he’s been cooperative so far, but believe me, he makes Einstein look stupid and Houdini look like a con man. Watch him close.”
Liam was standing by the door to his room when Marin walked past. “Marin, hey. Hold on. Um...I'm sorry I upset you.”
“It's okay,” she gave him a little smile.
“Can I ask you something? What exactly happened?”
“Look. You mean well, but you have no idea...”
“You’d be surprised. I might even be able to help you.”
She followed him into his room. “Okay, look, my dead brother started a fire that nearly killed me. He wants me to be with him. Of course, nobody believes me, and I don’t expect you to either.”
“But I do. So, um, your brother, when did he pass?”
“Uh, last year.”
“Do you see him?” She shook her head. “So, he just talks to you. I bet at first it wasn't so bad. You must have missed him. I know I miss my dead brother. Did you just hear him at the house?”
“Here too. Whenever I'm alone. I can always tell he's coming because I get these chills.”
“You feel cold.”
“Yeah. I mean, you're right. At first it's like... I knew I was crazy, but I didn't really care. I did miss him. But then he started saying he was lonely. And he started to get mad. And one day he started yelling, and I tried to run but the door was locked. And when I turned around, the whole room was on fire. I barely got out. How can you help me?”
“Now it’s your turn to put a little faith in me. I can put your brother to rest. He's, um... He's stuck here.”
“For real? Like…?”
“Like he's a ghost.”
“Why should I trust you?”
“Because it's your only shot.”
“Okay. What the hell.”
“Okay. So, your brother, was he cremated? Buried?”
“We cremated him.”
“And do you have anything of his?”
She showed him a bracelet she was wearing. “This. He made it for me. With a busted hand, too. Sliced it open doing stupid archery.”
“He bled on it?”
“Probably.”
“That's good.”
“Why is that good?”
“One more question. Is there any chance in hell you got a lighter?”
“No, but I could probably get one.”
“Yeah, please do that.”
She left for a little while and came back with a cigarette lighter in hand. “Here you go.”
“Nice. Where'd you score that?”
“Grabbed it out of Marcus' pocket. Being locked up is really turning me into a decent criminal.”
“Whatever gets you through the day,” Liam closed the door and barricaded it with a chair. “We're laying down a salt circle, okay?” He opened the little salt container he was given with his dinner and made a circle, motioning for Marin to step in it with him. “Great. Now, um... stay with me in the circle. No matter what. No matter what happens, okay?”
“What's gonna happen?”
“Ghosts don’t tend to like being put to rest. Give me the bracelet.”
The light’s flickered and their breath became visible. Marin’s brother appeared by the bed. “Marin, don't do this. Please.”
Liam held his hand out. “Marin, give me the bracelet.”
Marin looked to her brother. “I'm so sorry. I have to.” She ripped the bracelet off and handed it over. Liam lit it with the lighter and the ghost cried out as he burned up.
“You probably want to get out of here now.”
“Thank you,” Marin smiled as she left quickly.
Just as she left two orderlies came in followed by the doctor. “Dean said you were going to cause trouble now.”
“I trusted you so you can fucking bite me!”
The orderlies managed to wrestle him down onto the bed and they restrained and sedated him. “We’ll see you in the morning.”
In the morning Dean’s phone rang. “Hello?” he picked it up.
“Liam, he’s gone,” the doctor sounded a little panicked.
Dean groaned. “I was afraid of this. I warned you.”
“But we had him securely retrained and sedated.”
“Einstein and Houdini’s love child. Need I say more. I’ll look for him, but chances are slim he’ll come to me. I put him in there and he’s pissed. If he doesn’t want to be found, he won’t be.”
“Who was that?” Sam asked when Dean hung up.
“The hospital. Liam escaped.”
Sam shook his head. “We kinda saw that one coming.”
“Now we have to find him, which isn’t gonna be easy.”
There was a knock at the door and Dean went to open it. His jaw hit the floor when he saw Castiel standing with Liam. “How are you even…? What the hell are you…?”
“I know you’re angry,” Castiel frowned. “I don’t know how I’m alive. I just appeared somewhere and didn’t know who I was until now. I don’t even begin to know how to make things up to you, but I thought I would start with this,” he motioned to Liam who had kind of a dazed look in his eyes.
Dean glared at Castiel. “You killed him!”
“I know. And someone better than me righted that wrong.”
“Did you bust him out?”
“No, but I did bring him back and soothed the savage beast.”
“What does that mean?”
“I healed him emotionally a little bit. Took away some of his pain.”
Dean pulled Liam inside. “Why does he look all spaced out?”
“He’s sedated so he would come with me. That will wear off in a few hours. Again, I am very sorry.”
Dean moved Liam over to the table and sat him down in a chair. “Cas, we trusted you! I considered you a very close friend and you just stomped all over that.”
“I know. I made a huge mistake. I just brought Liam back and I won’t bother you again unless you want me to.”
Dean blinked and Castiel was gone. He went over to stroke Liam’s hair. “You hungry?” There was no answer, Liam just stared straight ahead. “Okay, we have a very compliant live ken doll for a few hours.”
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