• 1-Makin Tha Mess
• 2-Gettin Called on Tha Carpet
• 3-I Think He's Interested
• 4-Eye Openah
• 5-Practicin Matchmakin
• 6-Babysittin
• 7-Congress
• 8-Hidin Monstahs
• 9-Declaration
• 10-Recognizin Love
• 11-Silent Declaration
• 12-Plots, Plots, Plots
• 13-Tha Dawn of Strategy
• 14-Preparin
• 15-Comin Home
• 16-Cleanin Up

During the gender switch, the name before the / is the original character, the one after it is the gender assumed.

This time tha floor of tha tavern was barbarian an’
bard free. Tha place was empty except for one wench who was busy tryin ta
scrub up tha previous night’s upchuck. I was so
focussed on gettin ta Anieli’s room that I almost
missed a perfect opportunity. I had ta turn back so I
could kick ovah tha scrub bucket. giggle I tell
ya, when it comes ta swearin, these tavern wenches can
give sailors a run for their money.

I just walked right in again, though I didn’t kick tha
door open this time. Anieli was sittin on tha edge of
tha bed. I grinned at him, and he quickly covahed his
crotch. Anothah little curlycue in tha rep. “Hiya,
Hotstuff. Ya been good while I was gone?”

“Uh... yes.”

“Crap. Ya gotta do better’n that.” I sat by him.
When he started ta slide away, I grabbed him casually
by tha back of tha neck. “Chill. Ya’d think I made
ya uncomfortable.”

“Oh, no. Nothing like that!” He was sweatin.

“That’s good, ‘cause I’m tha one who has yer future
happiness in his hot lil’ hands. I got good news for
ya, Anieli--I got a plan.”

He wilted. “Well, thank Zeus for that! It... uh...
it doesn’t involve... like, blood sacrifices, or
anything, does it?”

“Nah. Why, d'ya have an idea that would? Cause
I’m always interested in new techniques.” He shook
his head vigorously. “Too bad. I like ta bring Mom a
tidbit now an’ then. No, this won’t involve blood.
Unless...” I thought, “Damara wasn’t on her monthlies
on yer formah weddin day, was she?”

“Shit, I hope not. That would have kicked holy hell
out of the wedding night, wouldn’t it?”

“I dunno. It can add an interestin facet to tha
procedings.” He gaped at me. “Some of my worshippers
are a wee bit kinky, ‘kay? This should just involve
some time, maybe a little bit of embarrassment, an’
ahem, a little alteration of appearance. Think ya
can handle that?”

“For Damara? Sure.”

I slapped his back. “My man!”

FLASH

“Excuse me??”

“Uh... good guy?” Cupid scowled. I smacked Anieli on
tha head. “Idiot!”

Cupid looked mollified. “Are you ready to get on with
this, Strife?” He cast another hard look at poor
Anieli. “I’d just as soon you got your involvement
with this mortal over and done with.”

I stood up. “Yah. We need ta take Dummy here ta
Hera’s temple.”

They both winced. Cupe said, “Strife, are you sure
about that? You aren’t exactly Hera’s favorite person
right now.”

“Aw, hell, Cupe, let’s be honest. I’ve nevah been,
an’ am nevah likely ta be her favorite person. But I
wanna get her permission on my little project. I
think it’ll be much, much safer.”

“Oh, all right.”

Anielie jumped up an’ started ta edge toward the door.
“Hera? Uh... look, maybe this isn’t such a good idea
after all. Being a bachelor isn’t all that bad. I
can...”

Cupid took hold of my arm, then grabbed Anieli’s
collar with tha othah, an'...

FLASH

Anieli staggahed a coupla feet away an’ lost his
last meal on tha white-an'-gold marble floor. It was
kinda comfortin ta know that I wasn’t onlyonly one
who had problems with tha transportin bit.

“Oh, Tartarus! Now you’re importing mortals to befoul my
home.” There was a crackle of energy buildin up, an’
I started lookin for somewhere ta hide.

“Grandma, stop it!” Tha crackle died, an’ Cupid
cleaned up Anieli’s mess with ve. ve. “Honestly.
You’d think you had to do the cleaning by hand, the
way you fuss.”

Hera frowned, but she didn’t work up anothah
powahbolt. She pointed at Anieli. “What is that?”

I dared ta pipe up. “Dontcha recogize him? That’s
wunna tha mortals who got me in so much trouble.”

Hera squinted at him. “Oh, yes--Anieli, the cheat.”
Damn, do ya know Anieli managed ta turn paler than
me? "Why is he here? Come to that, why are you
here?"

"Well, tha plan I've figured out ta clear this mess up
involves Damara, too, an' I thought ya might be miffed
if I just sorta snatched her away."

Hera's eyes narrowed into slits. "How very astute of
you. I assume this means that you wish me to bring
her here?"

I nodded. "This won't take too very long, but I gotta
have botha them in tha same room at tha same time, an'
compared ta that feat, Jerkulese cleanin out tha
Aegean stables was a walk inna grove."

"Hm. Well, I really want to get this straightened
out, so I suppose..."

Damara appeared before us. She squealed and dropped
tha handful of candied figs she was nibblin. I shook
my head. "Sweetie, ya really need ta hold up on tha
sweets an' starches, or that wedding toga really will
be too tight."

She glared at Anieli, and her nose went up in tha air.
"That's of no concern to me, since I don't ever
intend to use it!"

Anieli frowned. Uh-oh. I could see that Damara's
attitude was gettin his attitude up. "That's fine,
because I wouldn't marry you if..."

I stomped on his foot. I got a dirty look from
Anieli, but he shut up. Hera an' Damara looked
pleased.

I cleared my throat. "I suppose yer wonderin why I
called ya all here t'day. I have discovahed tha
identity of tha murderah, an'... No, wait. Wrong
plotline. Um, as ya are all aware, things went
pretty screwy at Damara an' Anieli's weddin. Yeah,
my fault. All my fault." Damara started ta open her
mouth, an' I said, "Yah, I know, I know. That doesn't
mattah ta ya." Anieli started ta say somethin an' I
said, "An' ya just keep yer yap shut. Sure, yer
not entirely responsible for what happened, but ya
ain't pure as tha driven snow, eithah."

I paced. "I spoke ta both of ya, an' ya both made
comments about how tha othah one just didn't
understand how ya felt about tha mattah. How they
couldn't undahstand. Well, maybe ya had a point.
It's damn hard for a woman ta undahstand things from a
male perspective, an' vice-versa. So, I decided that
tha only possible chance of you two evah havin a
chance of reconcilin was for ya ta walk a mile in
each othah's sandals."

Anieli's forehead puckered. "But I'll never be able
to get into her sandals, and mine will just fall off
her."

I looked at Hera. "Are ya sure ya want her ta marry
him?" She shrugged. "We're talkin figurative here,
ya literal bozo. You two have ta look at things from
tha other one's point of view."

Damara was shaking her head. "Actually, I've tried
t and and I still don't have any sympathy whatsoever
for..."

I was shakin my head, smilin. "Uh, uh, uh. In this
case, ya ain't thinkin literally enough. There ain't
gonna be any pretendin." I materialized two cups of
wine on wunna Hera's tables, then pulled out tha
bottle of potion Aphrodite had given me an poured half
of it in each one. I waved at them, "Drink up, you
two."

Damara looked at Hera, who nodded. Reluctantly, she
drank tha wine. Anieli was shakin his head. "There's
no way I'm drinking that. There's no telling what..."

I materialized a funnel and looked at Cupid. "Grab
him." Anieli drank tha wine.

I pulled out tha Chaos Stone an' whispered ta it.
"Look, I know I've been a stupid shit with ya in tha
past, but this is important, an' it's for a good cause.
I need tha gender switch ta be specific, if ya can do
it. Damara for Anieli, Anieli for Damara. 'Kay?"

I heard a falsatto shriek mingle with a bass yell.
Damara was lookin in horror as her bazooms shrank.
Anieli was lookin in considerably greater horror as
said boobs grew on his formerly flat chest. Body hair
sprouted an' receeded, tha same with hair. Bones got
more delicate, and heavier. In about a minute we had
what looked like Anieli in a fetchingly feminine toga,
an' what looked like Damara in leathah breeches an'
shirt.

Niethah of 'em fainted--I give 'em credit for that.
Damara/Anieli looked at Hera beseechingly. "What have
I done to deserve this?" Anieli/Damara was starin
down at his new breasts in astonishment. He started
ta touch them, but I slapped his hands down before tha
real Damara could see that an' get even more pissed.

"Don't spaz out, you two. This is temporary--it'll
only last an hour or so. I'm gonna send you two
through what happened on that day, an' ya ain't gonna
be able ta change anythin. This is just so ya can see
what it was tha othah one was feelin on that day.
Hopefully you two will be able ta forgive each othah,
and make up."

"Fat chance," Damara/Anieli said.

"Let's get this over with," said Anieli/Damara.

"All right." I held up tha Chaos Stone. "C'mon,
baby. Help me pull my butt outta this crack."

I was stratled when Cupe laid his hand on tha stone
and added, "Yes, please. I've gotten awful fond of
that butt."

FLASH

It was tha Day of Tha Big Foul-up. I was standin
beside Damara's bed. Layin in that bed, wrapped in a
fairly presentable female package, was a guy named
Anieli. I made sure I did tha trip invisible,
cause... Well, I really didn't want ta try ta explain
ta myself what was goin on. I might try ta altah what
I had already done, an' things were fucked up enough
as it was.

I peeked inta my victim's mind. Anieli was kinda
standin back, watchin, big-eyed, as Damara and he...
uh, her image of him, did somethin really interestin
involvin honey. Mm... I shoulda gone ahead an' peeked
at her thoughts that day. I mentally poked him.
"So?"

"I had no idea she thought about doing stuff like that
with me."

"Flatterin, huh?"

"I guess so."

"Ya guess? Crap, Anieli, this is her fantasy! She
coulda fantasized about anyone--Iphicles, Adonis,
Narcissus, Hercules... bleh! Forget that. Bad mental
image. The thing is, she fantasized about you."

"You're right." Anieli started ta scratch. "Does she
have a heat rash, or something?"

"Gotta go."

I zipped ovah ta tha groom's house an' poked inta hi/r
mind. Damara was sittin back, watchin Anieli's image
of her, an' lookin pretty smug. "I think he's being a
little flattering about me. I'm sure that I'm not
quite that thin."

I almost said, 'Not aftah those binges ya went on at
tha temple', but hey, sometimes I can control my
mouth. Tha changes started, an pretty soon she looked
like a cross between an ogre an' a hippo.

She turned green. "This is what he thought of me?"

"Nah. This is what I showed him, an' he didn't run.
Think about it, he saw ya lookin worse than ya evah
possibly will, an' he still wanted ta marry ya. I'd
say ya don't have anythin ta worry about when ya get
that first grey hair, or if ya keep those saddlebags
aftah ya have yer first kid."

I saw tha look she gave me, an' stepped back quickly
ta watch myself do my thing. When s/he woke up with a
cat ass in hi/r face, then stepped in tha kitty poop
I'd put in hi/r sandals, Damara seemed a little more
understandin of why Anieli wanted ta strangle Fluffy.
Now, gettin a woman ta forgive ya for somethin
involvin her cat is a major victory.

Damara shuddahed in sympathy when Anieli got a
mouthful of spiked snicker (I still like that one)
wine, and Anieli almost puked when he sampled a teeny
corner of tha salt laced cake. Both came ta see that
there were a lot of outside stresses at work that day.

When Damara confronted Anieli about Fluffy, she
listend ta her own shrillness, an' winced. Anieli
listened ta his own excuses an' butt kissin an' got a
little disgusted with himself.

Anieli was puzzled by her panicked reaction ta tha
tight dress. "She could have just worn one of her
regular dresses, and I would have been happy. Why is
she so upset?" Then he listened ta her thoughts, an'
looked at me in astonishment. "She's worried that I
won't want to marry her because she gained some
weight? I don't care about that. Tartarus, I'd even
like it if she had a little more flesh on her to
cuddle. My gosh, would she really have postponed the
wedding just for that?"

"She really cares about what ya think of her, Anieli.
Hopefully she'll realize that she doesn't hafta be
perfect ta have ya love her."

Tha crisis point was comin up. I went ta stand near
Anieli as his old flame sidled up. Damara, in his
mind, bristled. It's a good thing she wasn't in
control of Anieli's body, or she'd have torn tha
wench's eyes out on tha spot. "He isn't happy to see
her," she said doubtfully. "Not at all. He's really
uncomfortable. He's... he's worried that I'll be hurt
if I see him with her."

"He don't love her, kiddo. He nevah did. She was
funsies. Yer keepsies."

"Oh, he dumped her! I always thought it was the other
way around."

"Nope. An' you'll notice that she's using guilt ta
get him ta have a private talk with her. Remember
that--guilt is a terrific lever."

Once in tha back room she started ta hang all ovah
him. Damara was fumin, but she was mutterin about
'that hussy', an not Anieli. Good sign. Then my otha
self gave him that little crotch massage.

Damara gasped. "Oh--my--gods!"

"Feels pretty good, don't it?"

"Good? GOOD?"

"Heard ya tha first time. Ya see now, don't ya? It
kinda shuts down tha brain when tha blood starts
running south."

"I... yes... Wow."

"Dammy?"

"Huh?"

"Have ya noticed that ya have yer hands on her
boobs?"

"I do?"

"Yah. Ya know, ya bettah get here pretty quick, or
ya may develope lesbian tendencies. Uh... or
somethin like that. An' have ya noticed that ya have better boobs than she does? Hold that thought."

I zipped off ta Anieli... Damara... Crap, ya know what
I mean. My otha self was whisperin ta hi/r about tha
present location of tha groom. Anieli told me, "I...
she feels just awful, and she thinks that if she can
just find me and have a hug, I'll make it all better."
His eyes were tearing up. "She's going to find
me groping another woman."

They converged. Anieli felt Damara's shock an' hurt.
Damara felt Anieli's horror an' embarassment, an'
grief at causing her pain. Anieli felt Damara's grief
flame inta rage. Damara's ears burned, and she felt
cut ta tha quick by tha hurtful names Anieli was bein
called. S/he felt tha need ta explain, an tha
frustration an' anger when s/he wasn't allowed ta.

Anieli felt a funny sorta pride as Damara kicked tha
othah woman's butt. "Man, she's tough, and she's
fighting for me!"

Damara thought, "How dare she touch my Anieli?"

When it was ovah, they both started in on each othah.
Neithah one really wanted ta fight, but both were
afflicted with hurt pride, an' things just got hotter
'n hotter till...

FLASH

We were back in Hera's temple. Anieli an' Damara were
starin at each othah. Anieli (in Damara's body) burst
inta tears. "Baby, I'm
sorry! Take me back and I'll never think with my cock
again!"

Damara (yeah, in Anieli's body) said, "Oh darling, I'm so sorry!"

They rushed inta each othah's arms. It was real
interestin there for a minute when they started ta
change back. They kissed, an hugged, an kissed, an...

I poked Anieli. "Hey! Get a room!"

They pulled apart, but not very far apart. Hera, for
once not lookin grim, smiled and said, "I take it you
two are ready to finalize this?" They nodded. "Well,
I think that we have enough witnesses for this to be
official." She raised her hand and intoned, "Be it
known that Anieli and Damara are joined as man and
wife, for so long as they both shall live." She
lowered her hand and said in her normal voice. "And
if you two decide you want to do a re-committment
ceremony so that your family and friends can be
present, I think I can guarantee you that it will go
off without a hitch." She stared at me. I whistled
an' looked at tha ceiling.

She waved her hand, an' they were gone. "I just sent
them to a nice little honeymoon cottage. They won't
want to deal with the outside world for awhile. Now,"
she held out her hand, "please give me the Chaos Stone
before you blow up Olympus." I handed it ovah. "I'll
get this back to Gaia."

"So." I rubbed my toe on tha floor. "Is that it? I
mean, I fixed it, right?"

She was silent. Cupid said, "Grandma."

Hera sighed. "Yes, Strife, you fixed it. You're off
the hook." I almost fainted when she gave me a tiny,
grim smile. "Actually, that was very resourceful.
Well done."

I ducked, coverin my head with my arms. Cupid grabbed
my shoulder, sayin, "Strife! What's wrong?"

"I'm waitin for tha world ta come to an end."

Hera snorted. "If that's all, I have things to do.
There's a woman in Thrace who's expecting triplets,
and I'm hoping to avoid a Joxer, Jett, Jace type
situation this time." She flashed out.

I wilted down onta a bench. Cupid sat beside me,
puttin his arms around me. I rested my head on his
shouldah, an he covahed me protectively with his wing.
"I nevah wanta go through somethin like that again in
my long, long life."

Cupe was runnin a fingah up an' down my arm. "It had
its moments."

I tipped my head up at him. "Yah, it did."

He squeezed me. "I'm glad it happened. If it hadn't,
I don't know how long it would have been before I got
up the nerve to tell you how I feel."

"I nevah would have."

"I wish I could make you see how special you are. I
wish you could feel how much I love you."

I wiped my nose an sat up straightah. "Yah, well, as
much as I love ya, I'm not doin a body switch. I
wouldn't look good as a blonde, no mattah what Deimos
thinks." I reached up an ran a hand through his hair.
"But I think there is somethin in this 'see what it's
like for tha otha person thingy.'"

"Yeah?"

I touched my forehead ta his an' took a breath. "Ya
told me it could be beautiful. Would ya show me,
Cupe? Would ya make love to me?"

He went very, very quiet. Finally he said, "Strife,
are you sure? Please, baby, don't do this because you
think you have to, for me."

"Cupe," I whispered, "I hate ta break it ta ya, but
I'm a selfish bastard. I want this for me, too. Take
me back ta yer temple."

He held me even closah, kissed me softly, an'...

FLASH