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Home Unknown	By : katecooley Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 15190 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
See part one for all the semi-legal song and dance. I may have said it before, but I'll say it now - I have the world's best reviewers! And if you recognize anything, I thank you for it! Never let it be said that I don't read my reviews! ;)

I must say this, though. If you're going to review, try reading the whole story first. You miss a lot not doing that. I've gotten a review or two where people are confused with the plot proceedings and I think it's been pretty straightforward so far. And the reason my story doesn't follow some of the rules of other stories� is because it's MY story. Ahh, the joy of fiction� to be able to do things the way you want.

And don't vex yourselves thinking of where this story is going to go. I'm taking it a chapter at a time. And so should you. ;)

***

Part 17 - A Short Lesson and An End to Guessin'

"What did you do." It wasn't really a question. Not one that needed a response, anyway. That was fine. Strife wasn't really up to answering it as he watched his uncle on the prowl around the room. "Look, Unc, I know it's easy to blame me�"

"Fun, too." Ares slowly stepped around his nephew, who was busy trying to look totally relaxed and casual while hanging upside-down, manacled at the ankles and dangling from the ceiling. "But this just smacks of your involvement."

"I resent that! Just 'cause Jox is suddenly divine don't mean I had a hand in it!" Strife protested, folding his arms over his chest to properly express his outrage. "Ya think I stick my nose in ALL the mischief goin' on? I wouldn't have time ta scratch my ass properly if I did!"

"And yet, here we are." Ares stopped right in front of the Mischief Maker close enough to feel his breath, their noses just shy of touching. "Care to explain?"

"This one's all on you, Big Guy." Strife snorted in his uncle's face. "Grind me inta dust, turn me inta a fig tree, whatever, but I had nothin' ta do with this." A thoughtful look flashed over his face. "Well, maybe not nothin', I mean in a cosmic sorta sense I guess it is my fault. If I hadn'ta brought Joxie here in the first place, then he never woulda been in yer bathroom �"

"My bathroom made Joxer a god." For Ares to sound any more incredulous, he'd have to have been two people. "Right. He must've scrubbed the Tartarus out of it to get that as a reward."

"Not yer bathroom, exactly." Strife rolled his eyes. A sentient bathroom was one thing. An omnipotent one was something else altogether. Joxer, still sitting back on the bed (though now of his own power and someone else's balance) in Aesclepius' temple, slapped his hand over his mouth to keep a particularly loud bray of laughter at bay. Omnipotent bathroom! Strife almost had a giggle at that, too, but the imminent pounding he was facing kept it quiet. "Ya know how you like to relax after a hard day-a rampagin' an' destruction?"

Ares only quirked one eyebrow up to him.

"Well, so do all us kids� and now, so does Jox." Since his uncle made no move to indicate he got it, Strife sighed and held his hand out. Ares' carved silver chalice appeared in his grasp and Ares eyes widened a hair, his scowl relaxing into a studious mien. Eureka, Strife snarked to himself. "You gotta be more careful where you leave this, Unc. This time, it was Jox, but it coulda been�"

"Shut up." Ares took hold of his cup and eyed inside of it, as if there would be something out of the ordinary in there. "He was in my bath, was he�?" A sharp spike of arousal shivered through him. Joxer. Naked. Wet. My Temple. He was going to have to do something about this and soon, or else completely split apart with desire. It had never been this bad. Never. Not even with Aphrodite and that had been pretty bad. But even then, it hadn't left him in a state of perpetual arousal. He was starting to believe his pants would never fit right again.

"Unc, ya think maybe I can get down now? All the blood's rushin' to my head an' as great a buzz as that is�" Anything else was cut off by a hard glare.

"Be happy this is all I'm doing to you," Ares grumbled, turning his goblet over and over in his hand. "Zeus isn't going to be happy."

"There's news." Strife snorted again and this time Ares smiled a little. "How ya gonna break it to 'im ?"

"As rudely as possible." Ares chuckled darkly, imagining the look on his father's face when presented with another new god who was, yet again, not Hercules. He gave a jovial slap to Strife's exposed belly, which sent him swinging a little, and dimmed the torchlight of the dark and dank oubliette that he'd flashed them into. "I've got to get back to Joxer. He's probably still in shock. It isn't every day he gets made into a god."

"Uhh� Unc? Little help here? Favorite nephew, still hanging by his heels?"

That smile never made Strife feel good. It was a little too evil, even for his liking. "I'll be back for you. Eventually. I think you need a little time to yourself. To think. Enjoy."

"No� Unc. You can't! I'm a full god! You can't just�" Ares flashed back to his healer-nephew's temple, with Strife's last words echoing in his head.

***

It took a minute or two to find Joxer again - he wasn't in the same antiseptic recovery room at Ace's place. But he hadn't gotten very far, either. Ares found him in the vast Gardens of the Mind. He had to roll his eyes at that one. Gardens of My Ass. And could there be any more statues of Apollo standing around?

He didn't appear immediately, feeling the need to eavesdrop on his most faithful follower. It wasn't as if he'd never done it before. There had been nights when Ares stood so close to the mortal man (former mortal, a voice reminded him) that the wind couldn't pass between them. Ares shook it off to pay attention.

"�I'm really not the one to show you anything, Joxer. I'm still learning."

"I know. I just think I should know how to do something before someone gets smart and boots me back to Greece." Joxer looked over both his shoulders and peered around behind Harmonia as well, as if there were someone lurking just behind her, waiting to pop out with an 'AH-HA' for the ages.

Ares' youngest child and only godly daughter made a noise that sounded an awful lot like Argo blowing raspberries. "I don't think you have to worry about that one."

"I know, everyone's been real nice and everything, but�" Joxer rolled his eyes at his own luck, or lack thereof. "I'm pretty sure going off and getting turned into a god without asking first isn't allowed."

"Please. Who are you talking about? Anyone tries to chuck you out, they'll have me to deal with." Harmonia puffed herself up, trying to look bigger. All it did was thrust her nearing-ample bosom out. Joxer looked elsewhere. "Plus, Mommy loves you all to pieces and between the two of us we can make just about anyone miserable for a real long time. Throw in Strife and Aunt Rissy and Cupie and Frick and Frack and I don't think there's much chance of you getting the bum's rush anytime soon."

"Yeah?" A weird, warm feeling flushed through Joxer, a cousin to the burn of embarrassment he'd felt far too many times in this life. All those people� er, gods� standing up for me? Nahhh. Couldn't be. And yet, something told him it was.

"Totally." That smile would vex and bewitch mortals for many years to come, so sunny and pure and chock full of inborn wickedness. "But that's kinda moot anyway. They'd have to get through Daddy first and that's sooooooooooooo not gonna happen."

"Oh, come on now," a warmth of a different kind enveloped the former mortal anyway, the thought of his god championing him in front of the pantheon... chills ran all over him. "I'm not that important that Ares would� would he?" He tried not to sound like a hopeful fool, but he couldn't tell how successful it was.

"All I can say is�" frustration painted itself on her face, the wish that she could just blab it all out remaining unspoken. "Oh, I can't even say that. Just�try to act surprised, OK?"

"Since I don't know what in Tartarus you're talking about, I guess it'll be easy enough." The smile that broke through was empty of the tension he could feel under his skin. It was like someone was inside, pushing at him. And the hair on the back of his neck was tingling. That was new. A lot of things were new, it seemed. Including a very noticeable lack of fear building inside him. He knew he should be freaked out in a major way about all of this, especially about being a god� Joxer smiled, his head still a little fuzzy around one clear and definite word. GOD. It was like the word was hovering over his head, blinking and bright, announcing to everyone his new status. Add to that the fact that his balance issues seemed to have been corrected and he hadn't spontaneously combusted and he was finding little to be upset about. "So, you'll show me then?"

"Weeelllllll� OK, but when they ask, you didn't learn this from me." Harmonia took a few looks around and a few more behind her and then she was ready. "OK, so when you wanna go somewhere�"

"The flashy-disappeary-poofy thing."

"Right. This is how I was taught. You picture where you wanna go in your head. And be specific. Think of the exact spot you want and include everything about it you can. So, pick a place. Nearby, so I don't lose you."

"You could lose me?" That didn't sound good. Lost on Olympus didn't make for a happy afternoon.

"If you go somewhere I can't find you, sure." Harmonia smiled as if that were the most normal thing in the world. "Not that you'd stay lost, but we'd have to get another god to find you and�"

"Gotcha. Lost is bad." He assumed that this was something akin to treason, asking for unsupervised help. "OK, I'm picturing where I want to go."

"Good. Now, this is how I have to do it 'cuz I'm still learning and I don't have full control of my stuff yet, so� You have to concentrate real hard and not get distracted. Scrunch your eyes shut." And she showed him how. Joxer copied quickly, feeling a mite silly, but if that was the worst he suffered� "And it helps if you say it out loud a couple times, cuz it's easy to get confused if it's just in your head."

"Ain't that the truth," he muttered to himself, thinking of that grove of trees they'd just passed. "OK, I say it and then?"

"You know how it feels when you get a stray shiver and everything clenches? It's kinda like that. You have to flex your power and almost push yourself there. Go on and give it a try." Harmonia stood back to let him take a stab at it.

Joxer took a deep breath and reviewed. Picture where you want to go. Got it. Block out distractions. He squinched his eyes shut and thought hard. Concentrate. OK. And clench. His muscles flexed hard, as if he was having a spasm, and right before he knew he was going to give himself a serious charley horse, a warm tingle washed over him, a wonderful feeling. Outside of himself, he could hear Harmonia shouting something and he knew he was supposed to ignore anything that would break his concentration, but she sounded damn near frantic and� "SAY IT! NOW!" Oh, right.

"Appletreeappletreeappletree�" And there was a great whoosh that surrounded him like a rushing wind that stole the breath from him. Almost as quickly as it came, though, it left and when he was sure it was gone, he opened his eyes.

Sure enough, he was perched in the limbs of an apple tree.

He inched closer to the trunk - naturally, he'd managed to get himself stuck high enough that jumping down would� a nervous smile snuck out. Would what, exactly? Not kill him. Not anymore. Joxer quickly gauged the distance down and, in a feat of dexterity that surprised even the tree, slipped off the branch he was sitting on and dropped neatly to the ground. He even managed to land on his feet.

It didn't take long for Harmonia to catch up with him, the tree and its brethren only a little bit from where they'd been standing. Joxer looked everywhere else - particularly up at the tree he'd just jumped from - as she jiggled to a stop in front of him.

"Oh, WOW! Jox! You did it! That was great!" She grabbed his arm and jostled him lightly. "Do it again!"

"Question, first. How do I do this and not wind up�"

"Up a tree?" she chuckled. "That's what practice is for. I can't tell you how many times I've wound up in fountains or flowerbeds. And be careful doing it around my idiot brothers. They like to screw with you and send you places by accident. Especially the

Twin Terrors. I can't tell you how many times they hollered 'Broom Closet' at the last second and -bam- there I was."

"And the twins are�?" He was pretty sure there weren't any gods named Frick and Frack, at least not formally.

"Deimos and Phobos. Pain and Fear." She said those names with a calmness they were never graced with in Greece. Usually it was a mix of horror and derision that accompanied them. "You'll meet them soon enough, I'm betting. They hate being left out. Just do yourself a favor and don't get caught between them."

"Why's that?"

"You'll see." She giggled and Joxer almost wanted to worm the secret out of her.

"OK. I think. Just so long as I'm not waking up in a crate full of spiders after getting clomped on the head�" he focused his best stern look at her, which made her giggles get even worse. Gotta work on the glare. Can't be a good god without a good� Ohhhh, gods. I'm a god. Even small thoughts about it made his head spin. A small reassuring hand squeezed his - apparently he wasn't getting turned loose anytime soon.

"You'll do fine, Joxer. You can't do any worse than some of us." Harmonia's voice was almost a coo, soothing and compassionate. "And it's not like they're just going to set you loose and expect you to cope. They'll train you properly on how to do all the god stuff and someone will work with you on your godhood, whatever it winds up being."

"Good." Relief seeped in, the vision of being kicked out to fend for himself fading enough that he could continue without so much panic riding around inside his chest. "OK, where to next?" His eyes scanned the area, settling on the bench near the closest fountain.

Once his clothes dried out enough, he tried it again, this time leaving out the word 'fountain' and actually turned up on the burnished gold seat.

Ares watched with a mix of amusement and interest. And pride. Joxer seemed to pick up the skill quickly. No shock there. He's always been a fast learner. A few images of Xena's instruction with weapons bothered their way into his brain. Perhaps with the right teachers, he wouldn't end up eating that much dirt. Yes, he decided. That would work nicely. Another image drove his wayward daughter from his mind. Joxer, sweaty and out of breath, clad in only a breechclout, wooden staff in hand, pacing the sparring ring in a determined circle, lean muscle flexing and bunching with every movement he made. Ares' immortal mind supplied a great many details for the offering, the timbre of Joxer's breathing, the crunch of the dirt under his feet, the long line of his back, the wiry grace of his thighs� Ohhhh, Joxer. The things I'm going to show you� As a lark, he sent that thought to the newest god on Olympus, wanting to see what kind of power was really lurking there.

He wouldn't be doing it again so soon.

Joxer materialized near a statue of someone who had to be Apollo. It just had that look to it and the gold inlay used for the hair was almost a dead giveaway. This was cool! It made his head spin a little, but he was sure that would go away eventually. He was about to ask Harmonia about it when something short-circuited his head. And it wasn't something� but, boy, was it something. A thundercloud rumbled in his ears, dark and deep and it made him shiver all over. He didn't have to puzzle out the owner of that heady growl and the words� Ohhhh, Joxer. The things I'm going to show you� But it was different from hearing Ares speak, it was as if it was filling him, body and soul. He didn't just hear it, he felt it and everything that went with it. He didn't know anything about shielding himself, so he got it all, including the lingering image that had inspired Ares in the first place. Ares is thinking that� about ME? OHHHHH MY GOD�

And since he couldn't properly shield himself, only one lesson under his belt and all, his reaction blasted out all over Olympus. Hard.

The first of it caught Bliss, the youngest immortal. And while he'd gotten energy charges before, this one was a doozy, pure Joy in all its glory. He screamed and squealed at the same time, and by the time Cupid got to him, the little winged boy was bouncing off the walls like he'd gotten into the sugar bowl again. "YAY! YAY! YAY!" he giggled as he swooped out of his father's reach. "YAY JOSSER! YAY G'AMPA!"

Confused and worried about his son, who was glowing with the power that had snared him and fluttering around just high enough that Cupid was going to have to flap up there and get him, the Love God was just about to do that when Lust showed up and knocked him on his butt. He blinked hard, his head spinning with the full blast he just took� from Joxer? DUDE! He was tempted to flash over and see what the hell brought that on, but he had a pretty good idea what it was and he also suspected that it was going to take all of his concentrated efforts to peel his son off the ceiling. So, out of instinct, and more than a few of the Lust Tingles he was infested with, he called for the most logical help. STRIFE!

I'm a little tied up at the mo', cousin mine.

The voice had an odd, dark, weary echo to it and Cupid knew where he was. Leave it to Pops to hand out the Time Outs when I need help� He flexed his power in that direction and opened the manacles that bound Strife's ankles. You have to go and shield Jox before he burns up.

Sitting on the floor of his uncle's favorite hidey-hole punishment, Strife rubbed his head where it had thumped on the floor and reached out for the former mortal. He could feel the energy spouting out of him, though it didn't reach for him instinctively. Got 'im. What's the deal? He's�

And then some. Both Bliss and I just got buzzed. I can only wonder who else is catching the wave. Cupid sprung up in the air, narrowly missing his fluttering son. Harm's over there, too, I'm sure.

That put some grease on the axle. Strife was off before the echo of his cousin's voice was gone, an unexpected and straining boner plaguing him.

***

Meanwhile, Aphrodite was nose deep in bubbles and thoroughly enjoying the high she was getting from her favorite little mortal-cum-god. Of all the gods and goddesses, she knew best to keep a basic shield up most of the time, especially considering how volatile Love could be. She'd spend all day dealing with the vibes if she didn't block them out. And she was a busy kind of gal. She was sure she should have been concerned at the level of Love coming at her from Joxer, but that was him all over. Everything he felt, he felt out loud and at top volume. Gods bless him.

She shifted her position, finding more bubbling water to play with and wondering when Heph would be coming home.

***

"Shit!" Phobos had to sit down, the terrorizing of that particular village having to wait until he could catch his breath. He'd just sent yet another platoon of snakes into the watering hole when this icy blade of Fear zipped up his back and gave him the biggest rush and the worst headache at the same time. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger and waited for it to pass. A quick trace and assessment of the situation back home put him a little at ease. What in Tartarus is he afraid of? Daddy-o isn't that bad�

It was a good few seconds before Deimos popped in, masking concern for his twin with 'checking up to make sure you're not screwing the pooch'.

***

"Dammit!"

"Language, sister."

Clothos eyed her siblings through narrowed lids. Lachesis and Atropos didn't lift their eyes from their work on the tapestry, so they didn't see her jam her needle straight into the meaty part of her thumb. And they obviously hadn't felt the mental goose that she had, a reminder of duties often left undone, a calling mostly forgotten. It had been a long time since anyone had thrust such a thing on her, pouring so much emotion into one entreaty.

As she wove, she watched one strand as it became threaded with the most brilliant of blue-greens and gold. It was this thread that had called her so fervently, so wonderfully. She could see a change in its weave and pattern and it grew stronger as it went on. Lovely. She put no extra care in handling it, all cords earning the same treatment, though she wished its fellow well. Hope that strong didn't come along very often.

***

Ares almost fell on his leather-clad behind, feeling all of those things come swooping back in and dive-bombing him like harpies, led into battle by something white-hot and swirling that tucked itself right into his skin.

It would be some time before his eyebrows lowered from their surprised height. The reappearance of Hermes and Eris helped to lessen the fire, but didn't quench it. Looking at Joxer, he made only one mental note. Later. And not too much later.

-tbc-
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