Adult-FanFiction.org : Television / Streaming

Be A Man	By : cowgirl65 Category: 1 through F > The Big Valley Views: 3052 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I in no way own The Big Valley. I make no money from writing this, just the personal satisfaction of (hopefully!) entertaining those who love the show as much as I do.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
Heath tried not to worry as the train sped through the night. His poised and articulate older brother was a broken man since they’d brought him back from Rimfire. He knew what had happened to the new bride Jarrod brought home with him from Washington and the madness her death had driven him to was filling his brother with grief and guilt. He’d offered to help Jarrod work through it and give him the punishment and comforting he knew helped when the pressures of being the eldest Barkley son became too much. But Jarrod declined his offer with a polite shake of his head. He went to his office early and returned home late. He didn’t really react when he found out Cass Hyatt had been sentenced to life in prison rather than death, he only stated at breakfast the next morning that he had business in San Francisco that would keep him in the city for several days.
But a feeling of dread started to build in Heath’s stomach the moment he saw his brother board the train and when he told Nick at lunch two days later that he was going to San Francisco to check on Jarrod, he knew Nick had the same feelings when the dark rancher didn’t object. Nick had wanted to join him, but with a new stock buyer coming to the ranch, one of them had to stay home.
Heath hired a hack when he got to the city and gave the driver Jarrod’s address. The windows were dark as he walked to the door of the townhouse and he hoped it was because his brother was sleeping, even though something told him that wasn’t so.
The door was unlocked and Heath set his bag in the foyer before closing the door securely behind him. He found a lamp on the hall table, lit it with a match from his pocket and started to check the house. He went through the study, the parlour and the kitchen on the main floor before he went upstairs. As he approached Jarrod’s room, he heard a low moan come from behind the half-open door.
Heath carefully placed the lamp on a small table to the side of the door and knelt down beside the form crumpled on the floor.
“Hey, big brother,” he said softly as he brushed the damp hair off Jarrod’s forehead, “it’s Heath. Let me help you.”
Jarrod opened eyes glazed with pain. “I killed her, Heath,” he mumbled. “I killed her and I almost killed you and Nick. Oh, god, Heath, I’m the one who should be dead.”
Heath put an arm under Jarrod to sit him up. “Let’s get you to the bed, Jarrod.” He had to mostly carry the other man across the room. When he removed Jarrod’s coat, he tried not to cringe at the blood streaking the white shirt. “C’mon, Jarrod, let’s get these clothes off you.” He felt Jarrod flinch as he carefully peeled the shirt from the dried blood of the whip marks and then he did cringe at Jarrod’s bruised scrotum and penis and the blood on Jarrod’s pants when he took those off as well.
“Dammit, Jarrod, why didn’t you let me be the one to take care of you?”
Jarrod started to shiver. Heath grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around his brother’s shoulders.
“I don’t deserve your caring,” Jarrod said in a hopeless whisper and Heath saw tears well up in his eyes.
“Yes, you do, Jarrod,” Heath told him firmly as he enfolded his brother in a strong embrace. “Now, I’m gonna run you a hot bath and help you get cleaned up.” Heath quickly went to the bathroom and started to run the water. He went back and hauled Jarrod to his feet. Jarrod didn’t protest; he followed submissively and let Heath help him relieve himself and then into the tub to clean the gashes on his back. Heath hoped Jarrod wasn’t hurt too badly inside; there wasn’t any blood in his urine and there didn’t seem to be any fresh blood on his ass, which was a good sign. He left Jarrod to soak while he went back to his brother’s room and rummaged through his things to find some warm flannel underwear. He just took the pants, knowing Jarrod’s back needed more tending.
After helping him dry off and dress, Heath made Jarrod go back to his room and ordered him to bed. He carefully applied some salve he’d found in the medicine cupboard to his brother’s wounds and bandaged them lightly. Stripping down to his own underwear, he crawled under the covers beside his brother and held him close. “Talk to me, Jarrod,” he said.
Jarrod was quiet for a few minutes and then started to speak. “There’s things you don’t know, Heath. Things that might change your mind about me if you knew them.”
Heath chuckled wryly. “Reckon I know a lot of things about you already, Jarrod. They don’t change any of the respect I have for my big brother.”
“I didn’t love Beth,” Jarrod went on as if he hadn’t even heard Heath, “I didn’t even desire her. I… I like men, Heath, not women. But I was so pleased with myself, winning the fight against the railroad in Washington, and when I met Beth on the train back, she was just so easy to talk to. I thought, maybe if I married her…” He choked back a sob. “…I might be able to have a normal life.”
Heath held Jarrod silently as he took in the revelation. It wasn’t something he had expected. Sure, he’d had his share of men himself, but it was just to slake his lusts and needs. He loved women, the curvier and prettier the better, and never considered his brother was any different. But he had known a few men over the years who shared Jarrod’s preferences and some of them were as tough as hombres as they came.
“I was selfish,” Jarrod went on, his anguish evident in his tone, “and because of that, Beth got in the way of Hyatt’s bullet. If I’d just left her alone, it would be me lying dead instead of that innocent woman.”
“You couldn’t have known, Jarrod,” Heath said finally. “You may not have married Beth for the right reasons, but she obviously wanted you. From what I saw, she was happy, Jarrod, and I know you would’ve done your best to make sure she stayed that way. You ain’t responsible for someone else’s bullet, not when our father was killed and not when Beth was, either.”
He felt Jarrod relax slightly. “Now get some sleep, big brother. We’ll talk more in the morning.” Jarrod didn’t say anything else, but he relaxed further and slowly his breathing evened out to tell the cowboy he was finally getting some much-needed rest. Heath closed his own eyes to get some sleep himself.

*

Jarrod woke as a shaft of sunlight moved across his face. He started to stretch, then stopped as agony lanced through his back. It continued to ache and Jarrod felt an even deeper ache between his legs. He tried to remember exactly what happened before he realized he probably didn’t want to know the details. He’d gone to that house, full of torment and guilt. He remembered the brutal treatment, the pain of the whip and the searing agony of more than one man up his ass. Everything else was foggy and he wasn’t sure how he’d gotten home. He wasn’t even sure what day it was. Jarrod realized he was in his own bed but didn’t know how he’d gotten there until he felt the warm pressure at his back and noticed the clean bandage around his chest.
The conversation with Heath the night before came back to him slowly. He recalled the way his brother cared for him and didn’t let him go even after he’d admitted his deepest secret. Heath had obviously stayed with him through the night and Jarrod was grateful beyond words for the other man’s acceptance of what he was.
Leaving Heath to his slumber, Jarrod slipped out of the bed. Every step sent pain shooting through him, but Jarrod determinedly made it down the stairs to the kitchen. He stoked the fire and put water on to heat for coffee. He sagged against the wall as he waited, not sure if he really wanted to sit.
“Jarrod, you could’ve let me do that.”
Jarrod looked up to see Heath standing in the doorway and gave him a wan smile. “I didn’t want to wake you.”
Heath set the cushion he was carrying down on a chair. “Sit. I’ll make some breakfast.” Jarrod obeyed and sank gratefully onto the soft cushion. He wasn’t sure how to start any conversation and was silent as Heath rummaged through the cupboards.
“Boy howdy, Jarrod, you ain’t got much to eat around here, do you?”
Jarrod smiled wryly as Heath set an opened jar of peaches on the table. “Sorry. I haven’t had much time to go shopping.” A box of saltines followed the peaches and Heath sat down after placing plates and cutlery on the table.
“Eat up, big brother. If you feel up to it, I’ll take you out for a real breakfast in a bit.”
Jarrod nibbled on a cracker. “I don’t know what to say, Heath,” he admitted after a long moment of silence.
Heath gave him a warm grin. “You don’t got to say anything. You’re a strong man, Jarrod, and a good one. You’ve worked hard to see your friends and neighbours get a fair shake and from what Nick and Audra have told me, you’ve always taken care of your family.” He reached out and gripped Jarrod’s arm. “I ain’t ever seen anything stronger than the love our family has for one another. Let them take care of you for a change.”
“Do you really think they’d still feel the same way if they found out about me?”
Heath looked at Jarrod closely after the barely audible question and suddenly had a greater understanding into his brother. Nick had told him about Jarrod having to leave home against their father’s wishes to pursue his goal of becoming a lawyer and how much grief that had caused the family. From what Nick said, Jarrod had lost the love and respect of his father by following his own star and Heath realized that Jarrod was afraid of losing the same thing from the rest of his family if they found out his secret. “It might take a while for them to come to terms with it, but yes, Jarrod, I reckon they’d still love you. And I’ll always be proud to call you my brother.”
Heath could see Jarrod was struggling with his emotions and decided to give him some space. “I’m gonna go clean up and then we can go rustle up some decent grub.” He squeezed Jarrod’s shoulder in reassurance and left him alone to think.
Jarrod felt a weight ease inside him. He hadn’t realized how heavy his feelings of shame and guilt had sat on him. He didn’t think he could ever admit his secret to his mother, or to Nick or Audra, but deep in his heart, he knew Heath was right. He didn’t really believe they would turn their backs on him; it was just his own fears that were consuming him. In spite of his father’s attitude, they had always supported him unconditionally and even though they might not understand, Jarrod hoped the bond he had with his family was something that could never be broken.
- 15
- 16
- 17
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Be A Man