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Time	By : cr8zymommy Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 4585 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story

Chapter List
- 15
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The dining room was filled with the sound of soft humming. Garcia stood behind Spencer’s chair, a hairbrush in her hand, gently running it through his still damp hair. The gentle strokes of the brush seemed to be soothing him a little. His head was starting to bob slightly and his eyes looked like they were getting heavy. That was the first thing Morgan noticed when he came back in the room.
He and Garcia exchanged a smile over Spencer’s head. “I think someone’s ready to lie down for a little while.” Garcia whispered.
Morgan nodded before moving to squat down by Spencer’s chair. “Hey, kid? Come on. Let’s get you up so we can take you to lie down.”
The younger man grew tense for just a split second. Then, with one single tremble, he whispered “Couch?” It was more a plea than a question. Remembering his friend’s reaction to the bed in the bedroom, Morgan swallowed down the lump in his throat and nodded. That was something they could discuss at a later time. “Yeah, kid, the couch. Come on. Will you let Garcia and I help you out there?”
Between the two of them, they got Spencer out to the couch. He didn’t seem to want to let go of them, so the two sat down with him. Morgan lifted an arm, tucking Spencer right up against his side, his back against Morgan’s side, his cheek resting against Morgan’s arm which was lying comfortably against his chest. How it was comfortable for him to sit there with his back as injured as it was, Morgan had no idea. But he said nothing while the young man settled in. Garcia sat herself by his feet, rubbing a hand up and down his leg. He was surrounded by warmth and safety and love.
It didn’t take him long to fall asleep there. Unsurprisingly, the other two soon drifted as well. It had been a long night and an exhausting morning.
Garcia was the first one to wake a few hours later. She extracted herself from the couch, stretching out muscles that ached from not sleeping in a real bed. When she turned to look at her friends once more, she was surprised to see Spencer’s eyes on her. They were only half open, but there was no real sign of sleep in them. “Hey, sweetie pie.” She said gently, trying to give him a smile.
“Hey.” He croaked out. It made Garcia ache to hear him talk the way he did. Slightly afraid, with that rasp that hadn’t been there before. As if he wasn’t used to speaking. It was even harder to hear when he said more than a word or two because his words just didn’t sound like him. The Spencer she’d known had used big words that sometimes confused people and had tended to ramble when you got him going. This Spencer seemed to use as few words as possible and the words he did use were almost…juvenile in comparison to how he’d once spoken.
Nervous, Garcia shifted on her feet a little. “Is there something you need, baby? Anything I can get for you?”
His answer surprised her. “Yes.” His gaze moved up, locking onto her face. “You can go lie down in a real bed for a while and get some sleep. Go home for a bit, sleep in your bed, shower, change, eat. All those normal things. You don’t need to sit and babysit me.”
That was so like her friend that it almost had Garcia crying. “Oh, sweetie. I don’t mind being here with you. I want to be here.”
“I…I like having you here too. But the world can’t stop for me. You need to take care of yourself or you’ll end up sick. I don’t want that to happen.”
Just when Garcia would have protested, Morgan’s deep voice joined their conversation, though he didn’t even open his eyes. “He’s right, baby girl. You need to get some real sleep. Step away for a little while and decompress. I’m sure Kevin is dying to see you.”
“But, I want, I mean, I should be here.” She cleared her throat, eyes shifting back to Spencer. “I thought I’d lost you. I guess, well, I’m just scared to leave. I’m scared you won’t be here when I come back.” It was hard to admit that, but it was the truth. She didn’t want to leave him. Not after just getting him back.
Spencer nodded as if this was the most logical thing in the world. “But getting yourself sick from exhaustion and stress isn’t going to help anyone. Go, Garcia. I’ll be here when you get back. Morgan will watch over me.”
“Damn right.”
A reluctant smile curved Garcia’s lips at Morgan’s sleepy insert. She knew they were right. She really should go home and get some rest, maybe something to eat. Clean clothes. A shower. It was just so hard to make herself step away from her baby boy here. But the look Spencer was wearing told her that he understood all of that and that it was ok. That he loved her. She smiled at the man that had always been like her honorary nephew.
Sighing, she walked over and bent down, lightly kissing his forehead. She pretended to ignore his automatic flinch. “Fine. But I will be back…”
“…in the morning.” Morgan cut in. His eyes opened for a second, locking on hers. “Sleep in your bed tonight, beautiful. I’ll hold down the home front here.”
There was no point in arguing with him. She could see that. “Fine, in the morning. But you two call me the instant you need anything. Do you hear me? Anything at all.”
Only after promises from both of them that they would call for the slightest thing did Garcia finally gather her stuff and leave the apartment. Once she was gone, the two men sighed a little. It really was the best thing. The woman needed some time to step away and to gather herself once again. All of this had come as one giant shock to everyone and they were all still reeling in their own way.
Morgan knew that nothing was going to make him leave, though. There was no way he could ever bring himself to separate from Spencer again. It would physically hurt him for them to be apart now. But he didn’t say that. Instead, he tried to make the mood a little lighter in the room with teasing. “You aren’t thinking of trying to send me away next, are you, pretty boy?”
He hadn’t been prepared for the reaction he got. Spencer’s entire body went stiff and he heard the younger man’s breathing speed up. Afraid, Morgan sat up a little, twisting Spencer just enough that the younger man was facing him. There was panic written plainly in Spencer’s eyes and his mouth was clenched tight. “Hey, Spencer, kid, come on now.” Morgan said, trying to draw him back out. “Come on, come back to me. I was just kidding around, kid. I was just trying to joke. I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you.”
A single tear slid down Spencer’s cheek. “Promise?” He whispered.
Morgan brought a hand up, using one finger to wipe away the lone tear. “I promise. Unless you physically boot me out of this house, I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, you hear me?”
Another tear fell, but the panic in Spencer’s eyes receded. He leaned in, doing something the old Spencer would never have felt comfortable doing. He buried his face against Morgan’s shoulder and let his tears fall. It surprised Morgan, not only because this was so out of character for Spencer, but because someone who had lived through what Spencer had lived through usually had strong boundaries around people. It would have made more sense for Spencer to be scared of him and to shy away from his touch than to initiate contact and act like he felt totally safe here. Not that Morgan was complaining. If anything, he was grateful. He wanted Spencer to lean on him. He wanted to help him. Maybe it’s because he remembers out friendship and knows he can trust me. Or maybe my size is actually a good thing. He might think that I can protect him because I’m bigger than him and strong. Either way, Morgan wasn’t going to question it.
“Thank you.” Spencer whispered into his shirt. His body trembled a little with emotion while his tears continued to fall. “I don’t want to be alone. Please. I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
Morgan gently put his arms around his friend, trying to be mindful of his injuries. “You aren’t, pretty boy. I’m right here with you. You’re not alone anymore.”
“I hate this.” There was a small tremor to Spencer’s words. His voice was thick with tears. “One minute I feel grateful that I’m safe. That I’m not there anymore. The next I’m terrified he’s going to come for me.”
“I won’t let him have you. Not ever again.”
Spencer kept talking as if Morgan hadn’t said anything. “He did that to me before. He…let me go. Let me run.” A small sob slipped past his lips. “We were at the cabin for privacy. He let me run, let me think I was free. Let me get all the way to the road. Then he caught me and dragged me back by my hair. He…he said he wanted to, to show me that I couldn’t, that I’d never get free. That he’d always find me.”
It took everything Morgan had not to start swearing. That sick son of a bitch. How could anyone do something like that? How could anyone do it to Spencer? In his mind he could picture Spencer running, injured, thinking that he was free. Hoping that he was free, only to find out that he wasn’t. That it was all part of the game.
The two sat quietly for a while, Spencer’s sobs tapering off, his body slowly stilling. Morgan knew he hadn’t gone back to sleep. They just sat there as they each calmed down. But after ten minutes, they were interrupted by a soft knock on the door. The sound startled Spencer, who whimpered and curled into Morgan, his body once again tense.
“Shh, Spencer. It’s ok.” Morgan said soothingly, rubbing his arm. “It’s just the door. I bet it’s JJ and Hotch. They wanted to come see you. I forgot about the time. You feel up to seeing them?”
Spencer took a shaky breath and nodded. He allowed Morgan to move away from him, scooting into the vacated seat so that he was in the corner of the couch. Morgan gave him a sad look before he went to answer the door. Sure enough it was Aaron and JJ standing there. “Come on in, guys.” He said, opening the door wider. In a low voice he warned them “He’s a little jumpy right now. Take it easy.”
Aaron nodded, moving in first. He’d dealt with trauma victims plenty of times and so he was prepared for what he found in the living room. It hurt, seeing a man who was like a son to him in this condition, but he kept the mask on his features so that Spencer wouldn’t see it. JJ gasped softly when she stepped into the living room right behind them.
In the corner of the couch sat Spencer, knees up, arms wrapped around them. Long hair hung down over his face, making a soft shield. Through it they barely glimpsed his eyes, which were locked onto them.
Taking a seat in one of the chairs nearby, Aaron tried to stay as casual as possible, making a point to not make any sudden movements. Morgan saw that and was grateful. His boss knew what to do. It was JJ who he worried about. She looked like she would break with just a touch. Trying to smile reassuringly at her, Morgan moved to the couch, sitting down near Spencer’s feet. He gently rested a hand against his friend’s ankle, wanting to let him know that he was there for him. Touch, though it often startled him, seemed to be reassuring to Spencer. He soaked it up like he was starving.
“Hey, Reid.” Aaron said softly. He smiled kindly, letting his expression soften to one that he would use with his son. “It’s good to see you.”
“Y-You too.”
The soft stammer brought tears to JJ’s eyes. She was still standing, her arms wrapped around her waist. Most likely to resist running over and hugging Spencer was Morgan’s guess. Her voice was shaky when she said “Hi, Spence.”
Spencer’s head lifted just a little, letting some of the hair fall out of his face. “JJ.” He breathed out. A hint of a smile was on his lips. That was all he said; just her name. But it had a single tear sliding down JJ’s cheek. She moved slowly, hesitantly, but was unable to stop herself from skirting the coffee table to step up beside Spencer.
She laid a hand on his arm, almost jumping back when he flinched. Her hand hovered nervously over him, her face unsure.
“It’s ok, JJ.” Morgan said softly. He hated seeing her so nervous. Turning to look at Spencer, he asked “Is it ok for JJ to touch you? I think she might just want a hug. We’ve all missed you, kid. But if you don’t want to be touched, don’t worry about it. You just speak up and let us know, ok?”
Spencer nodded. His eyes tipped up to JJ. “I…I want to.” He whispered. “But you shouldn’t.”
“Why?” JJ couldn’t stop the question from coming out.
Pain leaked into Spencer’s eyes, visible to them all. “I’m not clean.”
Morgan and Aaron exchanged a glance, each one knowing what the younger one meant. It made Morgan ache. But JJ didn’t seem to quite understand it. “I don’t mind if you’re a little dirty, Spence. I just, I wanted to hug you, that’s all. But it’s ok. You don’t have to let me, I understand.”
“I want to hug you too.” Spencer told her honestly. His lower lip trembled slightly. “I’m just, I’m dirty. I’m dirty.”
With a single look, Morgan let JJ know to step back. She did so, her hands trembling, legs shaking. Carefully she lowered herself into a chair and fought to keep her tears from falling. Oh, how she hated seeing him like this! She hated that someone had done this to her sweet Spence. He’d been so kind and innocent an now that…that was gone.
Morgan rubbed Spencer’s ankle in a soothing fashion. He wouldn’t push this topic now. Later, maybe, but not right now. “It’s ok, kid. We don’t have to do hugs right now.” He said, trying to break the tension in the room. “Like I told you, everyone just wants to see you. Just seeing that you’re ok is enough for us for now.”
“That’s right.” Aaron affirmed. “What’s important is that you’re alive and you’re safe. With time, all of us will be here to help you heal. We’re going to be here for you, Reid.”
A buzzing sound suddenly filled the room. Before anyone could even realize what it was that was buzzing, the room exploded with sound.
Spencer gave a guttural cry. Eyes wide, he wrenched himself off the couch, moving faster than anyone had thought he could. In a flash he was in the corner of the room, behind the end table, his body curled tight in the fetal position. For one single instant they watched him in shock.
It was Morgan who gained movement first. He shot up from the couch, darting around the end table. He moved it quickly, trying to get to his friend. “Spencer, kid!” He called out, dropping down to his knees. Spencer cried out, curling tighter into himself. The poor kid was trembling so hard he almost looked like he was going into a seizure.
The buzzing stopped, though Morgan was paying no attention to it. He barely heard the sound of JJ’s voice behind him. All his attention was focused on Spencer. “Kid, it’s me. Morgan. Come on, Spencer, look up at me. Look here. It’s me.”
“Please, don’t!” Spencer croaked out. “Not again. No!”
“No one’s going to do anything to you, Spencer. No one is going to hurt you. You’re safe here, pretty boy. You’re safe.”
Spencer didn’t even seem to hear him. “Don’t hurt me!” he shrieked. “I won’t do it again, I promise. Please, don’t touch me with that! Please! I can’t take it anymore. It hurts, it hurts.” The last words turned into moans as Spencer started to rock in place. “Please, it hurts.”
Though he hated to do it, Morgan made himself speak softly and ask “What hurts, Spencer?” He knew that, right at the moment, Spencer was trapped in a flashback. He needed to talk him out of it and to do that he needed to know what it was the kid was seeing.
“Everything.” Spencer sobbed, rocking faster and faster. “Please, don’t do it again. Please!”
“Do what, Spencer? What is he doing to you?”
A sob ripped past Spencer’s lips. “Hurting me.” He whimpered. A soft sob sounded behind Morgan; he knew it was JJ. But his eyes were on Spencer as the man spoke again. “He’s hurting me. Make it stop, please.”
“Spencer, I’m right here. It’s Morgan with you, pretty boy. You’re in your living room with Morgan.” He tried to be as reassuring as possible, wanting to draw him out of this. “Talk to me, Spencer. Tell me what’s going on. It’s just a memory. Talk to me and let me chase it away.”
“Morgan?”
“That’s right. I’m right here. Talk to me, kid. I’m right here.”
Another sob pulled up from Spencer. “He’s…he’s shocking me. Make it stop, Morgan. Make it stop, please. I can’t take it anymore. It hurts, it hurts. I don’t want it. I hate it. I hate it so much. It hurts and it burns and it hurts so much.”
“He’s not here, Spencer. He’s not hurting you. You’re in your apartment, remember? You’re here with me and Hotch and JJ. No one’s hurting you. That was just someone’s cell phone vibrating. No one here is going to hurt you. You’re not stuck with him anymore, pretty boy.” Morgan wanted nothing more than to gather Spencer close and chase away the demons but he knew that it didn’t work like that. He remembered his own panic attacks after Carl. The only way he’d been able to get beyond them was when his sisters would sit there and talk him through what was happening in the flashback and show him all the ways it wasn’t real. It had been the only way he could ground himself in reality. He tried to do that for Spencer now. He prayed he was doing the right thing. “Keep talking, kid. Tell me more. Tell me what’s happening.”
“Morgan!” JJ gasped out. “Stop it! Don’t make him think about it anymore than he has to!”
Morgan shot her a look over his shoulder. “You think he’s ever not thinking about it? He has to see for himself it’s not real. He has to face it down to be able to pull back out of it. The more he tells me about it, the more it’s going to make his brain realize he’s not there. It makes him pull back which breaks the hold it has over him.” He snapped out. Then he turned around, not bothering with here anymore. Aaron would take care of her. “Come on, Spencer. What do you see? What’s happening to you?”
“He’s so mad.” Spencer whispered out. His body jerked, then started rocking again. “He’s got the cattle prod. No, Morgan, please! Make him stop. Make it go away! It hurts!”
“I’m right here, Spencer. This is just a memory, remember? This isn’t happening. You’re out of there. Come on now, tell me. Talk to me. What’s he doing now? Calm your breathing and look at it. Don’t let yourself feel it. Just look at it and tell me what’s going on.”
“Master is furious. He says I was bad. He has to t-teach me. I-I screamed when I was supposed to be quiet. I almost got him caught. He, oh please no, he says he’ll show me what it means to scream.” Spencer gave another jerk, a hoarse cry coming past his lips. “I don’t want to be here. It hurts, it hurts. No!”
“Spencer, Spencer! Listen to my voice. Listen to me!” Morgan snapped out. He saw Spencer jerk again at the sound of his voice but that was a good thing. It meant his voice was getting through. “Look at something else, Spencer. Use that memory of yours. Tell me, what was Master wearing?”
“What?”
“What was he wearing, Spencer? His clothes, what did they look like? Was he in day clothes? Work clothes? Pajamas?”
“D-Day clothes.” Spencer stammered out. His voice sounded different, almost unsure. “Blue jeans. A shirt.”
“Good, kid. That’s good. What kind of shirt? What color was it?”
“Red. It…it has a pocket on the front.”
Morgan nodded, watching the tension drain slowly from Spencer’s frame. “Ok, that’s good. What about his jeans? Were they in good condition? Torn?”
The rocking slowed a little more. “Uh…torn. The bottom left leg was fraying a little. They’re old jeans. He’s had them long enough to create faded patches on the stress points.” A little more strength came into Spencer’s voice and his body stopped rocking completely. “He’s barefoot, though. No socks or shoes. He has a bandana tied around his head but there’s dirt on it. Like he was working in the yard.”
“Good, Spencer. That’s real good. Now, one more question, ok?”
“Ok.”
“Open your eyes and look at me for a minute.”
To the surprise of the two behind him, Spencer did just that. His eyes opened, moving to Morgan’s face. All at once it seemed that Spencer pulled out of the terror he’d been in. He gave a soft gasp, releasing the tight hold on himself. Then, without warning, he launched at Morgan. The older man was ready for him, easily catching him and wrapping him in a tight hug. “That’s it, pretty boy. I’ve got you now. You did so good. I’m so proud of you, Spencer .You did such a good job.”
Aaron shook his head with surprise while watching him. “That was…a different way of doing things, Morgan.” He said with a hint of a smile.
Looking up, Morgan gave a halfhearted shrug. “My sisters used to do it for me.” He said. “I wouldn’t be able to break out of a panic attack by being touched or by someone calling to me. If anything, it made it worse. But if they forced me to think on other things, to look at details and talk about what was going on, it was like my mind kind of pulled back from the scene. It distanced me from it.” Stumbling for words, Morgan looked down at the top of Spencer’s head, which was still buried against his chest. “It, like, well…”
“…it makes you look at the small details and reroutes your focus from the panic and the pain you feel.” Spencer spoke softly. He didn’t move his head from Morgan’s chest or loosen his grip on the older man at all. “Then, when you pay attention to those details, your brain is able to process the fact that this is not, in fact, real. With that understanding comes the ability to distance oneself from the memory and regain enough self-control to extract oneself.”
That speech was such a classic Spencer speech that it had the other three profilers smiling at one another. “Yeah.” Morgan said with a grin. “What he said.”
“Are…are you ok now, Spence?” JJ asked hesitantly.
The young man nodded, still not looking up. His grip in Morgan’s shirt had loosened slightly and he was nowhere near as tense as before. It didn’t take much for Morgan to recognize what was going on. One look at Aaron showed that his boss recognized it too.
Aaron gave them a sad smile. “Why don’t you two lie down for a while before Rossi and Prentiss get here?” he suggested. At JJ’s look, Aaron gestured for her to stay silent. “I understand that moments like these are exhausting.”
To everyone’s surprise, Spencer was the one to speak up. “You, uh, you guys can come back with them.” He whispered in a shaky voice. “Have dinner. Maybe we can order pizza.”
Morgan looked down at Spencer, instinctively stroking a hand over his hair. “You sure, pretty boy?”
Another nod. “I can’t hide from my friends, Morgan. I can’t let him take them too.” Spencer’s voice was so quiet the other two couldn’t quite understand him. But Morgan heard and he understood. Sighing, he kept his free hand stroking Spencer’s hair. “Ok, pretty boy, ok. We’ll have a pizza night then.”
“We’ll be back in a few hours.” Aaron told them, taking hold of JJ’s arm. He could see that the blond didn’t want to leave. “You take care, Reid.”
“JJ.”
Spencer’s soft voice stopped them. The younger man pushed away from Morgan, sitting himself up. He kept one hand on Morgan’s shoulder while looking at the blond woman in his living room. There was hell in his eyes at the moment, but there was something else there as well. “Can I…” Pausing, Spencer cleared his throat, his eyes flickering to Morgan for a second as if to reassure himself the other man was staying there. Then he looked at JJ again. “Can I have a hug before you go?”
Tears immediately fell down JJ’s cheeks. “Oh, Spence.” She whispered. Slowly, carefully, she moved over by him and knelt down. With a gentle touch she pulled her friend, her son’s Godfather, into a gentle hug. He trembled, but he did wrap one arm loosely around her, hugging her back gently at first, then slightly tighter.
After only a few seconds, though, he pulled back. JJ let him go, knowing they’d tested his comfort levels enough. Her smile was huge despite the tears that still flowed. “I love you, Spence.” She whispered, touching a finger to his nose as she’d done a million times before. The gesture made him smile. “I’m so happy you’re home.”
While they left, Spencer let himself curl back into Morgan. For the first time he thought to himself that he might actually be happy he was home too. Maybe, just maybe, he would find a way to heal from this. One little piece at a time.
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